The Vampire Diaries Season 6, Episode 9: "I Alone" Recap/Review
Alright kids, we're on the clock until Teen Wolf starts, which means that we're going to do this quick and dirty, 'kay? Don't be surprised if this is more review than recap, because between school and nursing-test taking, I've pretty much put myself in a bind this TV season, so I'm going to try my best to keep this relatively short, comparatively speaking. (I mean, we all know that this blog in general is a testament to the fact that I am incapable of writing less than a thousand words on any topic, but fingers crossed I can restrain myself a little ;])
So, let's talk "I Alone!"
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Elena and Damon were totally in love, but then Damon sort-of died, and Elena was so devastated that she had Alaric the formerly-Enhanced-Original-vampire compel away all of her memories of loving him. Of course, then Damon came back, thanks to Bonnie's sacrifice, and now Elena only has bad memories of Damon to go on and cannot for the life of her remember why she loved him. Damon thought Bonnie was killed by Kai just as he escaped the 1994 prison world, but in reality, she survived. As it turns out, Kai, the original prisoner of the prison world, is the twin brother of Josette "Jo" (Parker) Loughlin, who is not only Elena's boss at Whitmore Medical Center, but also Alaric's new girlfriend. They're also the siblings of Lucas "Luke" and Olivia "Liv" Parker, the Gemini Coven twins who have been sort-of inducted into the Mystic Falls Gang. Luke and Liv were specifically born to take Jo and Kai's place as leaders of the coven because they knew Kai was unstable.
Also, to become leader, the pair of twins must perform a ceremony called "the Merge" which causes the magically-stronger twin to absorb the magic of the weaker one, killing them in the process, which explains why Liv is so grouchy all the time. After learning this, Tyler promised Liv that he wasn't going to let her die or kill her brother and swore that he'd protect her from the coven, since no one can do magic in Mystic Falls thanks to the Travelers. In Portland, Damon, Stefan, and Alaric met the Parker kids' dad Joshua, who insists that if Kai escapes, he'll go right for Jo and will use his ability to siphon magic to overpower her and become the new leader of the Gemini Coven. Oh, and Kai found Jo's magic-filled knife in the prison world, so he absorbed the magic, stabbed Bonnie with the knife to get some Bennett blood, and got himself the hell out of there, leaving Bonnie behind with no magic and no way to get out herself. The whole point of the Salvatore brothers and Alaric going to Portland was to get the Ascendant to free Bonnie, but as it turns out, Jo has had it this whole time to ensure that Kai never got out, so Damon compelled poor, newly-human Alaric to steal it from her, despite his protests that using the Ascendant to get Bonnie back should be off the table. Finally, Elena asked Damon to help her get Bonnie back and hinted that she would be willing to try to figure out her feelings for him in the meantime, and since Damon desperately wants his BFF Bonnie back, he wholeheartedly agreed to this plan. Which is kind-of where we pick up today!
So, Alaric sets up a nice little date night for himself and Jo at his apartment, so he lights some candles just as Jo arrives, having just come off of a long shift at the hospital, and she's kind of in a grumpy mood, as evidenced by the "Oh, it's one of THOSE nights" comment she makes at the sight of the romantic atmosphere created by the multitude of lit candles everywhere. When Alaric calls her out on her overwhelming enthusiasm, she just states that she had a day from hell and she's gonna take take-backs on her mean comments. She perks up quite a bit when she sees Alaric got Thai food, though, and when she sees a bottle of wine, she picks it up and quips, "Aw, where's yours?" because Mama is gonna drink that whole bottle herself.
While they get smoochy, the scene cuts to the next morning. Damon and Stefan, who are chilling in Alaric's office at Whitmore, discuss Alaric's compulsion orders. Stefan points out that Damon didn't compel Alaric to get Jo drunk, but Damon clarifies that he compelled Alaric to do whatever it takes to get the Ascendant, and considering it's the key to Kai's prison world, it's likely gonna take her a bottle or two to start talking about it.
Back to Alaric's the night before, Alaric and Jo are having a drunkenly cute and also informative conversation.
Cut back to Alaric's office at Whitmore the next day, where Stefan reminds Damon that Alaric is literally going to kill him when he figures out what Damon's made him do as Damon hilariously pours one of Alaric's flasks of bourbon into his coffee mug. Damon then insists that it's his relationship to ruin, not Stefan's, before turning the conversation once again back on him-- "I didn't complain when you ruined yours with Caroline!" Stefan insists that he didn't ruin it, but Damon just snarks, "Yeah, I'm sure she's fine. She's on vacation with her mom, eating ice cream out of the carton and convincing herself she never liked you in the first place." Stefan asks him if he's done, but he's got one last and quite appropriate zinger left before they get back to the task at hand. "Careful, Stefan-- I know it may seem easy to be the big, bad Salvatore, but soon, you'll find yourself lying in the middle of the road, pouring your heart out to a stranger, having an existential crisis." Remember when Damon did that? I'm pretty sure it was Season 2's "The Descent," where he waited in the road for a girl to pull over after he had to mercy-kill Rose following Jule's werewolf-biting her, and then he told the girl that he missed being human more than anything and that there was only so much hurt a man can take before he fed on her and killed her. Nice call-back, show! I think that's why I'm really enjoying Season 6 more than Season 5, because it's getting back to its roots, in a way.
ANYWAY, when Stefan asks when the "grand theft" is gonna go down, Damon checks his watch and states that as long as everything went well, it already happened. "Which means..." Damon says, before pausing and waiting expectantly for a moment. Sure enough, a beat later, Alaric walks into the office with the Ascendant and hands it over to him. Damon thanks him earnestly and hands him a tray full of coffees and a bag full of breakfast pastries before compelling him once again. "There you go. Go home to Jo, be a good boyfriend, forget this ever happened." Alaric does as he's told, and Stefan rolls his eyes, clearly not fond of this arrangement. Welp, that's surely not gonna come back and bite Damon in the ass, right? TITLE CARD!
On Whitmore's campus, Elena and a much happier and healthier looking Jeremy are going on a run together. Jeremy teases his sister by pointing out that he shouldn't be beating her, but Elena points out that she can still vamp circles around him, which he claims is cheating. After Elena adorably threatens to pants him in front of the entire women's volleyball team (to which Jeremy quite accurately replies, "Doubt they'd mind," because SERIOUSLY, Steven R. McQueen is a babe who is built like a brick house), she realizes that her brother truly is at peace finally and is weirded out by it. "Okay, I give up-- what did you do with my miserable, half-drunk brother?" Jeremy's reply? "He cancelled Bonnie's cell phone, cried until there was nothing left, and got all the grief out of his system. He's ready to move on." UH-OH. "Ready to move on" are words that always end up meaning that someone is going to have a major backslide in this show.
So, naturally, this is when Elena is like, "Yeah, so about Bonnie not actually being dead..." The scene cuts to after Elena explains all the details about Bonnie being alive, and Damon's plans to get her back, but Jeremy just brings up the fact that it only took one hollow promise to get even the now-compelled Elena to go back to defending Damon just like she did before. Elena insists that it's legit, because Liv has offered to send them to the prison world to get Bonnie back, but when Jeremy asks her what happens if it goes wrong, Elena gives him a confused look, since this is supposed to be good news. While I'm with Elena here, Jeremy does have a very good point-- "You're right, Elena. This IS good news. Tonight, I'm gonna see Bonnie again, and everything is gonna go back to the way it was. Because I've never heard THAT before." Elena doesn't even get a chance to reply before Jeremy hops to his feet and starts running again, leaving Elena to sigh and look concerned.
At the Lockwood Mansion, Matt and Shady Sarah are kneeling in front of the lit fireplace, where they're feeding files into the flames while Liv packs up her things into a bag. Tyler reminds Liv that the whole point of her sticking around inside the anti-magic force-field was to protect herself from her coven, and he doesn't want her leaving just to do some spell for Damon. "So, what? I'm a prisoner here? Do I look like Rapunzel?" Even Tyler is hilariously like, "Well, actually..." before asking her why Luke can't do the spell for Damon instead. "Because he is busy enjoying his last few weeks as a singular twin with his sugar daddy radiologist, and I'd like to enjoy mine." NICE, LUKE! Get that rich booty. Tyler turns to Matt for some back-up, but Matt speaks for the entire Bonnie Bennett fandom when he says, "I can't. It's for Bonnie." YEAH, TYLER, IT'S FOR BONNIE. And just like I didn't understand why Alaric wasn't trying harder to get Bonnie back in this last episode, I don't understand why Tyler isn't trying harder, considering Bonnie has been his friend THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. And sure, Liv played a huge role in both resurrecting Tyler, not to mention she killed a dying guy so Tyler wouldn't trigger his curse, but if it weren't for Bonnie's sacrifice, neither Tyler nor Alaric would be here today to talk about it. Then this super cute and hilarious exchange happens:
Over at the Mystic Falls Cemetery, Elena and Damon are walking through the various gravestones and talking about Stefan, and why Matt could possibly want to hang out with him. "I don't know. It's Matt," Damon replies with a huge eye-roll. "Food, money, new social class? Whatever it is, it better distract Stefan from his sizable screw-up with Caroline." He asks Elena if she knew about Caroline's feelings for him, and Elena admits that she did tell her about it a little while ago, but assures Damon that she only wants them to be happy, which is totally a blessing. The fandom seemed to think that Elena would be like, jealous of Caroline being with Stefan or something, but I knew she'd be totally gracious about it, because Stefan and Caroline are her BFFs, so why wouldn't she want them to be happy together? Besides, Stefan and Elena broke up over two years ago, so I think it's safe to say that they're both over it.
The two finally meet up with Liv, but when Elena thanks her for helping them out, Liv just shrugs and replies, "Don't worry about it. I needed an excuse to get out of that frat house. Way too much boy-- gross." She asks them if they brought everything they needed, so Damon reaches into his jacket pockets and pulls out a vial of Lucy Bennett's blood (LUCY! Where the fuck has she been? I'm actually really sad she hasn't been back) and the Ascendant that Alaric snatched for him. Liv, who has never seen the Ascendant before, remarks that she's surprised that Jo handed it over, since it's the only thing keeping Kai from escaping and coming after her, and Damon, not wanting Elena to know that Jo didn't actually know she was giving it to them, just chuckles nervously, all, "Well, good old Jo, helping us out," before asking them if they can get started. Liv informs them that she'll be using the moon to activate the Ascendant, and that the spell will be viable for eight hours max, which means that as soon as she sends them over, the clock starts ticking, and they need to find Bonnie quickly.
When Elena asks her how they're supposed to get back, Liv hands them three vials of her own blood for them to drink in order to link themselves to her so she can easily find them and bring them back-- once they find Bonnie, she's going to need to drink the third one. Damon and Elena clink their little vials together before drinking it down, and afterwards, Damon grimaces and snarks, "Mmm. Bitter. Wonder why?" Since Damon is an old hat when it comes to Ascendant-portal-hopping, he takes Elena's hand and watches as Liv spills Lucy's blood on the Ascendant and uses it to send them into the prison world in a flash of bright white light. They look around the empty cemetery, and Elena remarks that she used to come there every day for months after the accident that killed her parents, which Damon already knows, since he was there that one time in the pilot. Damon states the obvious by pointing out that her parents are buried there, but she reminds Damon that they were still alive in 1994. "Yeah, so is Bonnie," Damon replies. "So, let's go get her. Just keep your eyes peeled-- there's a pork-rind-munching freak somewhere around here, okay?" Elena agrees, and the two set off to figure out where Bonnie is.
Speaking of Kai, he's totally OUT of the prison world, as we suspected, and is in the back of a taxi while he chatters at the driver. "You ever worn skinny jeans?" he asks pleasantly. "Ugh. It seems so wrong. I'm all bunched up. Also, why are jeans so tight when phones are so big?" I ask that same question every day, dude, especially since I'm a girl, and girl jean pockets are so much smaller than boy jean pockets, and are certainly too tiny for my huge-ass Motorola that barely even fits in my hand. Anyway, the driver is clearly annoyed with him, so Kai does that whole, "Oh, God, I'm that guy, right? That guy that won't shut up," act, but then continues to not shut up by bringing up how you can't bring liquids on airplanes, and having to strip for security and whatever. The guy says its because the TSA is worried about terrorists, but since Kai missed the whole 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center, he doesn't really get it.
Once they finally get to where they're headed, the driver pulls over and waits expectantly for Kai to pay up. Of course, Kai doesn't have any cash in his pockets (and really, I'm not even sure how he got the money for a plane ticket back to Virginia, but I'm guessing it involved killing people), so he instead pulls out a pair of earbuds and uses them to strangle the driver! Imagine that-- Kai killing a dude for almost no reason whatsoever. What a surprise! Once the man is finally dead, he puts the earbuds in the driver's ears to make him look like he's just sleeping and listening to music while he's parked, and then gets out of the taxi and thanks him for the service. Oh, Kai, you adorable sociopath, you. When he starts walking, we see he's at Whitmore College's campus, which totally bodes well for all our faves who go to school there.
Back in the 1994 prison world, Elena and Damon have just finished searching the Salvatore boarding house for Bonnie, but after sweeping every room, including the ones in the basement, they have determined that she's not there. Elena sits down on the couch in the parlor and worriedly asks, "Damon, you--you don't think that Kai..." Damon immediately calms her down and says they shouldn't jump to depressing conclusions, but of course, that's when Elena realizes that the couch on which she's sitting is covered in blood from when Kai brought her back after he shot her with an arrow. Damon mutters, "And, we're jumping," before getting up and reaching for the old-school landline telephone.
When Elena asks what he's doing, he explains that if Kai has Bonnie, then they need to talk to him, leading Elena to assume that they're going to call him. "I'm gonna page him, actually," and when Elena gives him a hilarious blank expression, Damon is like, "Sorry, I forgot you were two in 1994. Pagers are an ancient form of telecommunication." Elena, mildly offended, insists she knows what a pager is, but then she pauses for a moment before adding, "...How does it work?" HAHAHAHA. "We dial Jackass' number, 555-HIYA-KAI..." Damon says as he punches in the numbers, "We leave our number... And then we hang up." Elena asks what they're supposed to do now, which gets yet another hilarious response. "And now, we sit by the phone like a thirteen-year-old girl and wait."
In the real world, Matt and Shady Sarah are at that diner just outside Mystic Falls, so vampires can actually go there. Sarah looks nervous, but when Matt tells her to relax, she reminds him that she's about to meet one of her only living relatives. Since things were just going a little too easily for everyone, it naturally has to go to shit, which is why Enzo arrives to throw a wrench into everything. "Um, technically he's not living," Enzo says with a smirk before admitting that he's intrigued by the news that Stefan has some extended family. Matt asks him what the hell he's doing there, and Enzo get snarky. "Apparently rescuing this one from the world's most dreadful lunch!" he quips. "Matt and Stefan? Sweetheart, you can do so much better. Me, for example-- I'm Enzo."
Sarah warily reaches out her hand to accept Stiles' handshake, but when Matt informs her that he's the one who killed Tripp, she instantly recoils in horror. Enzo argues that in all fairness, Tripp was trying to kill him first before turning to Matt and scoffing, "You are the most TERRIBLE wingman!" Matt musters up all the courage he can get and tells Enzo that he needs to leave, but when Enzo becomes amused and asks him what will happen if he doesn't, Matt states that he'll pick up where Tripp left off. Fortunately for Matt, when Enzo invites him to do his best, Stefan walks into the restaurant and joins them. "Hey, I really wouldn't do that, if I were you," Stefan says, as he looks at Matt and Sarah in confusion. "You hurt him, and, uh, I hurt you, and I really don't feel like cleaning up two corpses today." Wow, I think that might just be the nicest thing Stefan has ever said to/about Matt? Enzo calls him "brutish" for making threats in front of his impressionable family members, and Stefan frowns in confusion before asking him what the fuck he's talking about. "Me," Sarah says nervously, as she stands to her feet. "He's, uh, talking about me. I'm Zach and Gail's daughter, Sarah Salvatore." Whomp whomp!
In the prison world, Elena and Damon are clearly bored as they wander around the boarding house looking for something to do. Elena finds a cabinet and opens it to find an old, clunky camcorder. She looks at it warily for a moment, unsure of how to even use it, but when she pushes one of the buttons, a video starts to play. It's of Damon from when he was there, and he looks pretty miserable as he looks into the camera and mutters, "Well, I am officially in hell. This place is my own personal hell." Damon, hearing his voice from the nearby room, vamp-speeds in and snatches the camera, turning it off before Elena can see any more. She looks at him in concern and asks him what the fuck that video was, but since it's Damon, and he's embarrassed, he claims it's his audition tape for Real World: London. "Fingers crossed-- I think I'm finally gonna make it." Elena isn't playing games, though, and points out that it was clearly a video journal, and despite Damon's insistence that journaling, and especially video journaling, is lame, Elena can tell something is up and asks him why he thinks it's his hell. "Well, I mean, I was stuck here with Bonnie. What could be worse than that?" Aw, Damon, quit hating on your bestest friend ever!
Before Elena can demand that he actually answer her seriously, the phone rings, and Damon looks relieved as hell to not only not have to finish this conversation, but to also finally get a move-on when it comes to the Bonnie rescue.
(via jodice)
Aw, those kids! You know if Damon is calling you names, it's because he loves you very much. Anyway, when Elena overhears Bonnie's voice, she immediately leaps up and grabs the phone from Damon's hand so she can talk to her herself. The two gush over the fact that they get to hear each other's voices for the first time in months, but when Bonnie asks her how the fuck she's even here, Elena tells her that it's a long story, but that what is important is that they're here to bring Bonnie home. We cut back to after Bonnie's explanation of everything that has happened since she sent Damon back, and Elena is appalled that Kai just left her in Portland. "After cooking me Thanksgiving dinner and stealing my blood," Bonnie adds. "It's been a strange few days."
When Elena asks her where Kai is now, Bonnie replies that she has no idea, and that she just hotwired a car and started driving back to Mystic Falls. Elena is super impressed by Bonnie's street skills, as am I, and even Bonnie calls herself a badass before informing them that she's in Muncie, which is in Indiana, for those of you who know enough about USA geography to know where that is in relation to Virginia. Damon points out that she's about 6.5 hours away, and Elena reminds them both that Liv is coming to get them in seven, which means they need to hustle, but Bonnie assures them that she'll be back in time and insists that she'll be going home. After they hang up, Damon has a worried look on his face, and Elena correctly assumes he's concerned about Kai. Damon brings up the fact that Bonnie said he took her blood and the magic from Jo's knife, which means if he has the Ascendant, then he has everything he needs to get out of there. He wonders aloud if Kai could already be out as they speak...
...Which, of course, is a very good assumption, because Kai has just walked into Scull Bar at Whitmore, where he sidles on up to the bar, where Liv is working as a bartender. Weirdly enough, she doesn't recognize him a bit, which is weird, because didn't Alaric find photos of Kai and Jo together at their house in Portland? Whatever. Anyway, when she asks him what he wants, he asks for a Zima, which is hilarious, but Liv doesn't find that very funny. "Are you going to order something, or just gonna stare?" Kai takes a look at her name tag and smirks in satisfaction when he realizes that he just found his sister before addressing her by name and asking for a soda. When she turns her back to him to make his drink, he chuckles and mutters, "Heh. Liv. Ironic." Ha! That's punny. Get it? Because he's gonna kill Liv? Oh, Kai.
Cut to Alaric's office, where a very, very pissed Jo has just showed up to find Alaric scouring through all his occult books to find a way to free Bonnie from the prison world. She immediately demands to know where it is, and since Alaric has no idea what she's talking about, he assumes that he's in major trouble due to the cryptic question and accusatory tone. She figures he's just joking and deflecting, but again, Alaric has no idea what the fuck she's on about, so she informs him that the Ascendant is missing. He insists that he has no idea where it is, and that he certainly doesn't have it, so she figures if that's true, then he must have told Damon where it is, but Alaric is adamant that he didn't. "No, no-- look, we all agreed to find another way to get Bonnie back," he argues, before holding up the big book he's reading and asking her if she thinks this is just your average, every-day reading.
Jo reminds him that they are the only two people who know where it is, and now it's gone, so SOMEONE has it, but Alaric swears up and down that he would never put her in danger by telling anyone, nor would he take it. That's when Jo realizes the only way that Alaric could be telling the truth, which is that Damon compelled him to snatch it and then made him forget it afterward. Alaric is appalled by the insinuation and assures him that Damon would never, because he's his friend, so Jo suggests they take a little drive to Mystic Falls and find out. Oh GODS, this is going to be so bad. As much as I dislike that Damon compelled Alaric to do his dirty work, I can't hate him for it, because I feel like Alaric should have been more willing to help out Bonnie, his long-time friend and someone who has helped him out of multiple bad situations AND allowed him to be resurrected after almost two years of being dead. And that's just from a loved one perspective! From a practical perspective, it's gonna help everyone to have another witch around, especially a Bennett witch like Bonnie who has tons of experience and knowledge of multiple forms of witchcraft.
Meanwhile, in the prison world, Damon has popped open a bottle of champagne and is flipping pancakes into the air for he and Elena to eat while they wait. When Damon slides her a plate full of pancakes with blueberry smiley faces, Elena grabs a can of whipped cream and adds two little vampire fangs, just like Damon did for Bonnie at the end of "I'll Remember," which makes Damon smile. Elena laughs at the mangled crossword, which Damon informs her was all Bonnie's doing, before she reads the front page of the newspaper on the table and realizes the article is about Kai and Jo. When Damon confirms it, Elena realizes that if Kai is out, he's going to go after Jo again, and starts to freak out when she realizes the implications of this outcome-- namely, that he's going to try to kill her. Damon tries to deflect with humor, as usual-- "Well, if I have my Gemini rules down, actually, he's going to merge with her, which will most likely result in her death, which I guess is six of one..."--but Elena cuts him off and asks him why Jo would give him the Ascendant, then, if it would put her in so much danger.
Damon once again tries to distract her by asking what CD she wants to listen to (and hilariously points out that the Boyz II Men album is Stefan's), but Elena is too smart for that, and eventually, he caves and confesses that Alaric stole it from her, AFTER he compelled him to do it. Of course, as you can probably guess, Elena doesn't take this news very well, and though Elena is my main girl, I'm actually on Team Damon in this case, because though Elena assumes that Damon is just trying to get Bonnie back to ultimately get Elena back, which isn't true at ALL-- Damon and Bonnie are genuinely good friends now, and have quite literally been through hell together, so this is actually Damon doing whatever it takes to get his best friend back, and not some underhanded scheme to make Elena fall in love with him again. WHY AREN'T PEOPLE TRYING VERY HARD TO GET BONNIE BACK? And since when is it only Damon who is doing whatever it takes to get her back? Remember how Elena was quite literally ready to die to prevent Bonnie from dying from channeling the one hundred witch spirits to kill Klaus? Remember how Caroline killed twelve witches to prevent them from killing Bonnie? Why is it such a big deal that Damon compelled Alaric to steal an old piece of clockwork? Like, I seriously just don't understand.
Back in reality, Stefan and Shady Sarah are sitting at a table at the diner while Enzo and Matt sit at the bar. Enzo eavesdrops on them and "translates" for Matt-- and by "translates." I mean that he's making a shitload of sassy comments about Matt being stupid and a joke, which is uncalled for, in my opinion! Why is everyone hating on poor old Matty Blue all the time? He's harmless! Anyway, over at the table, Sarah is explaining her history to Stefan, and mentions that she finally got emancipated after her third group home, something she admits was way more difficult than you'd expect. Stefan agrees that she seems like the type who does better on her own before asking her if she wants a chocolate milkshake, since they're a "Salvatore family tradition." She tells him she's all about family traditions, so Stefan orders the milkshakes from a waitress who walks over and starts blending one up.
"Alright, listen," Stefan whispers when the blender starts whirring. "In ten seconds, you're gonna get up and walk out of here with me-- smiling, acting like nothing's wrong. The acting part shouldn't be too hard for you." Enzo tries to listen in on their conversation, but the blender is so loud that it's covering the sound of his voice, which is exactly what Stefan intended. "I know you're lying," Stefan adds, before the blender stops and Stefan goes back to the nice act and asks her if she's ready to go. They both fake-smile at each other and stand up to leave, and when Matt rushes over to ask where they're going, Stefan says they're just going to take a family drive, and Sarah wisely assures him she'll be fine, and that she'll call him later. Since when does Matt give a fuck about Sarah, anyway? He was the one who was hating on her at the beginning of the season, when he thought she was some shady car thief who was trying to steal poor Jeremy's virtue and take advantage of his Bonnie-grieving heart. Sighhhhhhh.
At Scull Bar, Kai is once again chattering away to the totally-disinterested Liv about Twitter while he texts on his phone (His Twitter handle is Cobrakai1972, just like Karate Kid, by the by), until Liv finally mumbles that the bar is dead, so she's going to close up early. He tries to stall her by ordering a real drink (He's too secure in his masculinity for bourbon, which I think is a dig against Stefan, Damon, Alaric et al, vodka's boring, rum's too tropical, and she doesn't want to see him on tequila, so he picks gin like an old man), but Liv, trying to get rid of him, says she needs to see his ID, since he looks like he's nineteen, tops. He hands her his ID, and she stupidly ignores the name and goes right for the birthdate, and when she sees it says he was born in 1972, she assumes it's just a fake. (Wait a minute, has Kai been holding onto that same wallet for like, eighteen years? I seriously would have lost it after the first year, considering it's not like he needed to use money or anything while he was in the prison world).
Finally, Kai tells her to look at the name and address, and when she realizes it's her long-lost brother, she backs away, only for Kai to use the last bit of magic to hold her in place so he can siphon even more from her. She screams in pain as he sucks up some of her power, and he points out that the last time he saw her, he was trying to kill her, and says they should pick up where they left off. When she stabs him with something and tries to run away, he locks every single door she comes upon with magic, which even he admits feels like cheating, before he mentions that he's a little hurt that she didn't recognize him, and answers my earlier question that Joshua must have hidden any and all traces of his existence at the family homestead. Finally, she runs up onto the balcony and telekinetically throws some tables at him as she orders him to stay the hell away from her, and Kai's just about to attack her, Tyler arrives out of nowhere and throws him off the balcony before turning back to Liv and telling her they need to get the fuck out of there.
Over at the diner, Matt and Enzo are still inexplicably sitting together at a table, where Enzo is quite suspicious as to why Stefan and Sarah just suddenly up and left without much explanation. Matt points out that Stefan is her family, so if they want to talk, why should they care? Then, they have a conversation that I swear is meant to be an avatar for the Stefan-critical and Stefan-hating parts of the Vampire Diaries fandom, though I personally have no issues with Stefan now that Damon's back and he's not being a huge asshole to everyone and anyone who crosses his path.
On the road outside Mystic Falls, Shady McShadypants is sticking to her story that Zach Salvatore and Gail are her parents, and shows him pictures as proof, but Stefan is no idiot and instantly calls her out on the fact that she's showing him pictures she stole from his own damn house. When she asks him why he doesn't believe her, Stefan pulls over on the side of the road and gets real with her. "Because right now, Sarah Salvatore is in her dorm room at Duke University, where she studies as an art major. And, she didn't bounce from group home to group home-- she was adopted right out of the hospital by a great family. I made sure of it." Fake-Sarah is surprised by this news, because I'm guessing she expected Real-Sarah's family to not have a clue about her, and asks him if he knows her, to which Stefan is like, "Uh, duh, she's my family?" As it turns out, Stefan has looked out for Real-Sarah for her entire life, even though she has no idea he exists, so he gets his scary-face on and demands to know who the fuck Fake-Sarah actually is. Fake-Sarah stupidly rushes out of the car and tries to run away, but it takes about a half-second for Stefan to vamp-speed over to her and block her way, so she finally sighs and admits that her name is actually Monique. I knew she was shady!
We cut back to the 1994 prison world, where Elena is sitting on the porch swing at her house. After a moment, Damon finds her there and walks up the steps to make some confessions and/or clear up some misconceptions about his behavior. "May 10, 1994," he begins quietly. "I had a day. I was mad at Stefan for something-- I don't even remember what it was-- and in typical Damon fashion, I acted out. People died. A lot of them. And, believe it or not, ever since that day, I've felt horribly guilty. So, I thought that this was my hell, Elena." He pauses for a long moment before he continues, and Elena almost looks as though she's feeling guilty for her response earlier. "But, you know who didn't? Bonnie. She had hope for both of us. She's the reason I survived, the reason I made it out. Who knew? Turns out, you spend time with someone and don't kill them, you actually become friends." LOL, DAMON, that happens even if you DO kill them-- Alaric Saltzman is a perfect example, although I have a feeling he's not going to be super pleased when Damon gets back, though that's probably because I've already watched this episode. Still, Damon insists that he's doing this for Bonnie, not for her, which seems to be the magic words, because Elena smiles and scoots over so Damon can sit next to her on the swing. It's actually kind of sad that Elena doesn't have her memories for this, because they've had SO MANY moments together on this porch, and I think it'd help her process everything a lot better if she knew about it. Sigh.
Anyway, Elena cracks some jokes about how she would have never thought Damon and Bonnie would have been friends before remarking that she's probably passing Whitmore right about now. As Elena starts to swing them back and forth, she touches the chain holding up the bench and says she thought it squeaked, but Damon confirms that it did. "I fixed it. Bonnie and I came here every day. It was the closest thing I had to a picture of you, and I needed every reminder I could get." Elena laments the fact that she used to have so many good memories of the house, and ended up burning it down after just one bad one-- although, to be fair, I think she's had more than one bad one, considering how many family members she lost. When Damon asks her if she wants to go inside, Elena states that she does, and the two of them stand and head for the front door. Before they go in, Elena stops and turns back to look at Damon. "I'm sorry I compelled away the memories," she says earnestly. "They were only half mine." Damon just smiles and promises that they'll make new ones as he touches her cheek, and though Elena seems a little weirded out by the affection, she isn't unhappy about it. Unfortunately for them AND for Bonnie, their environment starts to change before they can get into the house. White light starts to surround them, and Damon mutters, "Oh, no!" just before they're sucked back into the real world.
When they open their eyes, they see a very unhappy Liv and Tyler standing in front of them, and Elena immediately becomes furious and asks them what the fuck they're doing. Tyler informs them that Kai is back, and that the two of them need to get back to Mystic Falls before he can take any more of her magic. Elena insists that they send her back, first, since Bonnie was literally just an hour from getting back, but Liv states that she can't, though to her credit, she does look really guilty about it. Elena lunges for Liv to try to physically force her to do it, but since they're standing right inside the border, Elena gets burned and is forced to stand and watch in anger as they start to walk away. Tyler just gives Elena a sheepish look and apologizes, which again, makes me so mad because, HELLO, WHAT ABOUT FUCKING BONNIE? If Kai is there, then Bonnie is in a prison world that isn't meant for her, all alone, and if anything, they could use another witch to take him down, right? GOD, I HATE THIS ALL SO MUCH.
On the roads outside Mystic Falls, Monique is in the middle of telling Stefan the truth about her and Real-Sarah. Apparently, they met at sleep-away camp, also known as "Get-the-hell-out-of-my-house"-camp by Sarah's foster-family, and she knew that Sarah had both a great life and no desire whatsoever to know her real family. Stefan takes this to mean that she figured she'd find them for her, which gets a shrug from Monique in response. "Couldn't be any worse than what I had," she adds, but Stefan points out that since his own brother killed Sarah's mother while she was still pregnant with her, she probably shouldn't make such an assumption. "I let him believe that the baby died," Stefan explains. "I wanted to protect her. Even though my brother's not the same person he was before, it's safer if he doesn't know. I know that may be a little extreme, but I want her to have a normal life, no matter what. See, the problem is, with you around, there's a threat now-- someone who knows her other than me." Stefan takes a step toward her, and Monique instinctively takes a step back, but Stefan assures her that he has no intention of hurting her-- all he wants to do is take off her vervain. Monique, knowing what is coming and fearful of what will happen if she doesn't comply, takes off her vervain necklace and hands it to him so he can compel her. "You've never met or heard of Sarah Salvatore. Forget everything that happened here, leave Virginia, and never come back."
Monique, in a daze, starts to walk away, but of course NOTHING can be that easy on this show. Matt's truck pulls up out of nowhere and pulls over so he can lean out the window and asks her if she's okay, but when she asks him who the fuck she is, Matt gets frustrated and yells at Stefan for compelling her. Stefan quickly explains that she's not his actual family, and that in reality, she's a con artist who lied about who she was, and he's trying to get rid of her. He once again tells Monique to leave, just as Enzo vamps in out of nowhere and compels her not to scream or move before demanding to know the truth about what the hell is going on here. Stefan reminds him that he literally just said that she was a con artist and claims that Sarah Salvatore doesn't exist because the baby she's claiming to be died when Damon killed her mother. Enzo knows better than to buy that, though, because otherwise why would Stefan actually play along at first and then whisk her away to speak privately unless she knew something?
Stefan tells him to stop being an asshole and let her go, and Enzo turns to Matt and points out that Stefan is acting all secretive, just as he said earlier, and then gives Stefan to the count of five to tell him what's up. Matt is not game for this plans and threatens to kill him himself if Enzo hurts her, but Enzo just keeps counting, and once he hits zero, he snaps Monique's neck, much to Matt's fury. He lunges toward Enzo to fight him, but Stefan holds him back and orders him not to be an idiot. "Just think," Enzo sneers at Stefan. "All of this could have been avoided if you'd have just told the truth. No matter-- I'll find out sooner or later." He then vamp-speeds away before Stefan can kill Enzo a second time, leaving an annoyed Stefan and a furious Matt in his wake. Aw, bugger. Monique was shady as hell, but otherwise harmless, and though this fate is not surprising, it's still pretty shitty. At least he didn't secretly turn her like he did Tripp and Ivy? It's the little things, I guess.
Elena and Damon are sitting in the cemetery, leaning against Elena's parents gravestone, while they talk about how badly it's going to suck when Bonnie finally gets to the 1994-prison-world-version of the Gilbert house to find that they're not there. "Until the next comet, or full moon, or eclipse," Damon replies before gesturing to the Ascendant in Elena's hands. "As long as we have that, we can go back as many times as we need until we get her back." Of course, whenever anyone gets any hope about saving our favorite Bennett witch, someone has got to come and fuck it up, and this time, that person is Kai. "Wait, are you guys talking about Bonnie Bennett?" Kai asks incredulously. "Because honestly, I didn't think she was all that great." He uses telekinesis to throw the Ascendant from Elena's hands and into one of the nearby trees, which causes all of its clockwork innards to shatter into a million tiny pieces. Elena screams "NO!" and scrambles to pick them all up while Damon lunges for Kai and sneers that he's going to enjoy killing him. NOOOOO! Why is Kai so horrible? I know that Bonnie is eventually going to be back, but the fact that he destroyed the Ascendant to keep them from rescuing her still just makes me SO ANGRY.
Naturally, Kai's response is to give Damon a mystic migraine before admitting that he ganked some of Liv's magic and he thinks he still has some of it left, which he uses to telekinetically slide Damon away from Elena, who is still struggling to pick up the Ascendant's pieces so they can eventually put it back together. He tells her that she missed one before muttering, "Phesmatos incendia," which causes her arm to catch fire. She yelps and tries her best to put it out while Damon, who has recovered from his aneurysm, rushes toward Kai, who pulls his dad's cloaking act and disappears. Damon is resourceful, though, and picks up a tree branch and swings it through the air until it makes contact with Kai and tosses him over the anti-magic border, which causes the fire on Elena's sleeve to go out. He runs over to check on Elena, who is fine, fortunately, but Kai is just smirking in satisfaction at the two of them. "Huh. I guess this is that, uh, anti-magic border, which means, now there's a psycho loose in Mystic Falls, and no vampires around to stop him!" Kai declares gleefully. "Whoops!" Welp, that's kind of a problem.
Over on the back roads, Stefan has just finished putting Monique's corpse into the back of Matt's truck, and as you can probably imagine, Matt is NOT happy. I mean, how many dead bodies have been thrown in the back of poor Matt's truck? Way more than anyone would ever want, I'm sure. Anyway, Stefan turns to Matt and says, "Look, I'm sorry that Enzo killed her. He's--" Matt cuts him off, all, "A monster? Yeah, I got that, thanks," before bringing up the fact that Stefan could have saved her, and he didn't. Stefan incredulously asks him if he really thinks it was easy for him to watch an innocent girl die, but Matt points out that since Stefan isn't exactly a "share your feelings" kind of friend to him, so he doesn't know. Honestly, I do think that Stefan is sad that Monique died, but Matt does have a point-- I mean, Stefan said it himself that Monique was a threat to keeping Damon in the dark about Sarah, so him letting Monique die does help him with that goal. "Matt, I promise you that everything I do, I have thought out over and over, making sure it's the right thing to do,"
Stefan insists, but when Matt asks him if this means they're all just supposed to trust that he knows best, which is a valid question, but Stefan claims that he's just supposed to trust that he's nothing like Enzo. That's when Matt loses his patience. "The problem is, you ARE. Because no matter how close vampires get to humans, our lives will always mean less. So, when push comes to shove, we'll be on opposite sides, which is what Tripp knew, and I didn't." YIKES, MATT! I hate to say it, but he does have a point-- obviously, the vampires we know and love on this show, like Stefan, Damon, Elena, Caroline, even Tyler back in the day when he was still a hybrid, have humans who they love dearly, but they're pretty indifferent to everyone else. Monique will probably never be mentioned again, much like Tripp, or Ivy, or any of the other civilian casualties this season and the ones before it. That said, I can't imagine the cognitive dissonance Matt is experiencing while trying to reconcile the fact that he is actually believing/agreeing with something that Enzo, of all people, told him.
At the boarding house, Jeremy has poured himself a glass of bourbon in the kitchen when he gets a phone call from Elena. He can tell just by the sound of her voice as she says, "Jeremy?" that Bonnie didn't manage to make it back. Elena insists that she was on her way, and is about to explain how they didn't have a choice because Liv pulled them out early when Jeremy cuts her off and responds, "But, at the last minute, something went wrong, and it didn't work. I bet Damon's fine, isn't he?" He hangs up his phone before Elena can say another word and gets back to his booze. DAMN! I understand Jeremy being upset and frustrated, because he literally just got himself back on track after Bonnie's death, only to be briefly given hope and then having that hope snatched away within the span of twelve hours. But seriously, why the Damon hate? I keep noticing this recurring theme through the episodes this season-- especially following "Yellow Ledbetter," when Elena had Alaric compel away her memories of loving Damon, only to be left with the ones where he did terrible things-- where the characters keep making snitty comments about Damon being selfish and always looking out for himself and not caring about who he hurts in the process, blah blah blah, while Damon continues to do selfless things without getting any credit whatsoever and proves them wrong without even really trying.
I mean, I'm a Damon stan, I always have been, and the only characters in this show that I stan more are Elena and Bonnie, but I don't even think this can be considered stan-goggle bias. Tyler made some remark about how Liv shouldn't leave the house and put herself in danger just for one of Damon's little whims, even though he's trying to get their close friend Bonnie back; Jeremy made a comment about how basically none of Damon's plans work out for anyone other than Damon; Stefan said himself that Damon is a changed man, but is still so afraid that learning of Sarah Salvatore's existence will send Damon off the rails-- despite all recent evidence to the contrary-- that is doing whatever he can to make sure that Damon stays in the dark about it; even ELENA was convinced that Damon was just going along with this "Save Bonnie" plan to get back in her good graces and hopefully cause Elena to fall in love with him again, and refused to consider that Damon was actually doing all of this for Bonnie as a result of their close friendship until he literally spelled it out for her; and now, Jeremy's acting as though their plan to save Bonnie went badly because of Damon, when Damon is literally the only person on this damn show who is willing to do whatever it takes to get their witchy lord and savior Bonnie Bennett back from the literal prison in which she's been trapped for over half a year now? Like, I just don't get it.
ANYWAY, just then, Matt arrives to the boarding house and joins Jeremy in the kitchen. "Don't do that," Matt says firmly when he sees Jeremy drinking, and when Jeremy asks him why he shouldn't, Matt slams down a bag full of vampire hunter weapons that he presumably pilfered from Tripp's stash onto the table. "Because I think channeling your rage might be a better option," Matt replies. "How do you feel about being a hunth him--er again?" Jeremy is seriously confused, though not uninterested, and asks Matt what he's planning, so Matt gets real wit "Because I want you to help me kill Enzo." YIKES! First of all, he's a main character now and a fan favorite, so even though I think the showrunners have done Enzo/Michael Malarkey dirty for not giving him better material to work with, he's totally not going to be dying any time soon-- I can say this with certainty, considering the season is over now and all. However, I'm very much interested in briefly seeing hunter!Matt, who we barely glimpsed in Season 4 when Damon, Klaus, and Matt helped Jeremy train to be a hunter to complete his hunter's mark and help them find the cure. At the very least, being able to fight a vampire would be good for Matt, who is a magnet for trouble.
Because the show wants me to keep complaining about how terribly Bonnie is treated, apparently, we cut over to the Mystic Falls cemetery, where Alaric has just found Damon and is looking at him angrily. "So, Jo drove me over the border," Alaric growls. "I told her she was crazy, that you'd never compel me." Damon starts to explain, but Alaric doesn't even give him a chance to speak before punching him hard in the face. Damon argues that they HAVE to get Bonnie back, but Alaric argues that getting Bonnie back was never off the table, they just agreed that they needed to find a way that didn't involve him stealing from his new girlfriend when the Ascendant was the one thing keeping Kai from killing her.
Okay, now, I've said this before, but I 100% that compulsion is wrong, because no one deserves to have their memories altered or their behavior controlled, but how the fuck else are they supposed to get Bonnie back without the Ascendant? It's pretty much the key to the portal to get there in the first place, right? So, how the fuck were they going to even do THAT if Alaric wasn't willing to use the only thing that could get her out? And AGAIN, why the fuck can't they just kill Kai and call it a day so they can safely get Bonnie back? If it was all of the MFG against Kai, it'd be pretty hard for him to win. UGH, THIS STORYLINE MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME WHATSOEVER AND I STILL HATE IT. I like Jo a lot, and even the Wonder Twins are starting to grow on me, but I'd sacrifice the entire Parker family for Bonnie and not even blink, to be honest-- she deserves it after everything she's been through.When Alaric asks where Kai is, Damon says he's out, but that it's not his and Elena's fault, because he was already out before they stole the damn thing, but Alaric doesn't care, he just rears back and punches Damon in the face one last time before stomping away.
After a moment, Elena comes up behind Damon and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Damon literally looks WRECKED. It's been a while since he's been this devastated, and his heartbreak is nothing compared to that of Bonnie. "I left Bonnie a note at the house. I told her we would be on your front porch," Damon says sadly. In the prison world, Bonnie has just arrived to Mystic Falls and is running as fast as she can to the Gilbert house's front porch. "Shed probably be there now, with about a half an hour to spare." Bonnie looks around desperately and realizes that they're not there anymore. "She sacrificed everything for us, over and over again, and then we were supposed to be there for HER." FUCKING RIGHT? Finally, someone in this show is speaking up about it. In the prison world, Bonnie realizes that she missed them, and falls to her knees on the porch in despair. "She's all alone," Damon says in voiceover, as Bonnie tries her best not to cry. After a moment, she just can't hold it back any longer, and she starts to bawl uncontrollably.
(via supagirl)
OUCH, MY HEART. Kat Graham seriously killed this scene, because I couldn't help but cry myself when I continued to think about all the bullshit she's had to handle. She basically killed herself to bring Jeremy back, comes back as the Anchor to the Other Side and has to endure the pain of every supernatural's death as they passed through her, sacrifices herself to resurrect a half-dozen of her dead loved ones, allies, and random-ass Enzo, gets sent to a prison world with Damon that they shared with a sociopathic Siphoner who tried to kill Damon to get her to activate her witch powers, shot her with an arrow, drugged and kidnapped her against her will, stabbed her in the gut with a hunting knife, and then left her in fucking Portland while he escaped the prison world. And now, she was finally given that last glimmer of hope that Elena and Damon will take her back home, and when she finally arrives, she finds them gone. MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR BONNIE SHEILA BENNETT, YOU GUYS.
Finally, we head to the Lockwood Mansion, where Tyler has just returned home after being Gods-know-where for the evening. "I think gin gets a bad rap," a male voice calls out from the darkened living room, and Tyler immediately realizes that it's Kai. Tyler drops his bag on the floor and heads straight for him, but Kai breaks the empty gin bottle next to him and grips the neck of it tightly as he holds the jagged end toward Tyler's throat. "I'd rather not kill you, but I will," Kai says seriously, and Tyler, unnerved and slightly panicking, since killing Kai would trigger his werewolf curse, sighs and asks him what the hell he wants. "This is gonna sound crazy, but I want to save Liv's life," Kai says calmly as his lips curl into a smirk. "Feel like making a deal with the devil?" OH SHIT. Yeah, that will TOTALLY end well.
Next episode: It's Christmas time in Mystic Falls, and Bonnie reminisces about holidays past with her besties Elena and Caroline in the prison world, while the Mystic Falls Gang, along with Liv, Luke, and Jo Parker, deal with even more Kai problems, as well as the issue of how the twin-merge thing is going to go down.
NOTES/COMMENTS:
-Here's the music from this episode!
"Mother & Father" by Broods
--- Jo and Alaric have date night at his apartment and discuss the Gemini Coven and the Ascendant while Stefan and Damon discuss Alaric being compelled to steal the relic.
"Trick of the Light" by Lonely the Brave
--- Kai rides to Whitmore College in a taxi and chatters away with the cab driver.
"Platoon" by Jungle
--- Enzo eavesdrops on Stefan and Monique's conversation at the diner.
"The Woods" by Israel Cannan
--- Enzo talks to an uninterested Matt about how strange it is that Stefan and Monique just got up and left.
"Dirty White Boots" by Lenny Kravitz
--- Kai walks into the Scull Bar and orders a soda from Liv.
"Stepping Stone" by Fly Golden Eagle
--- Kai orders gin from Liv, and when Liv looks at his driver's license, she realizes that she's talking to her long-lost older brother.
"Compass" by Zella Day
--- In the prison world, Elena apologizes to Damon for erasing her memories of loving him on the Gilbert house's porch.
"Lost" by Kris Allen
--- Alaric confronts Damon about compelling him and punches him in the face twice. Bonnie realizes that she got to 1994 prison world Mystic Falls too late to go back with Damon and Elena and begins to sob.
So, let's talk "I Alone!"
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Elena and Damon were totally in love, but then Damon sort-of died, and Elena was so devastated that she had Alaric the formerly-Enhanced-Original-vampire compel away all of her memories of loving him. Of course, then Damon came back, thanks to Bonnie's sacrifice, and now Elena only has bad memories of Damon to go on and cannot for the life of her remember why she loved him. Damon thought Bonnie was killed by Kai just as he escaped the 1994 prison world, but in reality, she survived. As it turns out, Kai, the original prisoner of the prison world, is the twin brother of Josette "Jo" (Parker) Loughlin, who is not only Elena's boss at Whitmore Medical Center, but also Alaric's new girlfriend. They're also the siblings of Lucas "Luke" and Olivia "Liv" Parker, the Gemini Coven twins who have been sort-of inducted into the Mystic Falls Gang. Luke and Liv were specifically born to take Jo and Kai's place as leaders of the coven because they knew Kai was unstable.
Also, to become leader, the pair of twins must perform a ceremony called "the Merge" which causes the magically-stronger twin to absorb the magic of the weaker one, killing them in the process, which explains why Liv is so grouchy all the time. After learning this, Tyler promised Liv that he wasn't going to let her die or kill her brother and swore that he'd protect her from the coven, since no one can do magic in Mystic Falls thanks to the Travelers. In Portland, Damon, Stefan, and Alaric met the Parker kids' dad Joshua, who insists that if Kai escapes, he'll go right for Jo and will use his ability to siphon magic to overpower her and become the new leader of the Gemini Coven. Oh, and Kai found Jo's magic-filled knife in the prison world, so he absorbed the magic, stabbed Bonnie with the knife to get some Bennett blood, and got himself the hell out of there, leaving Bonnie behind with no magic and no way to get out herself. The whole point of the Salvatore brothers and Alaric going to Portland was to get the Ascendant to free Bonnie, but as it turns out, Jo has had it this whole time to ensure that Kai never got out, so Damon compelled poor, newly-human Alaric to steal it from her, despite his protests that using the Ascendant to get Bonnie back should be off the table. Finally, Elena asked Damon to help her get Bonnie back and hinted that she would be willing to try to figure out her feelings for him in the meantime, and since Damon desperately wants his BFF Bonnie back, he wholeheartedly agreed to this plan. Which is kind-of where we pick up today!
So, Alaric sets up a nice little date night for himself and Jo at his apartment, so he lights some candles just as Jo arrives, having just come off of a long shift at the hospital, and she's kind of in a grumpy mood, as evidenced by the "Oh, it's one of THOSE nights" comment she makes at the sight of the romantic atmosphere created by the multitude of lit candles everywhere. When Alaric calls her out on her overwhelming enthusiasm, she just states that she had a day from hell and she's gonna take take-backs on her mean comments. She perks up quite a bit when she sees Alaric got Thai food, though, and when she sees a bottle of wine, she picks it up and quips, "Aw, where's yours?" because Mama is gonna drink that whole bottle herself.
While they get smoochy, the scene cuts to the next morning. Damon and Stefan, who are chilling in Alaric's office at Whitmore, discuss Alaric's compulsion orders. Stefan points out that Damon didn't compel Alaric to get Jo drunk, but Damon clarifies that he compelled Alaric to do whatever it takes to get the Ascendant, and considering it's the key to Kai's prison world, it's likely gonna take her a bottle or two to start talking about it.
Back to Alaric's the night before, Alaric and Jo are having a drunkenly cute and also informative conversation.
ALARIC: "I swear, your dad loves me! Hahaha! I have never been given so clear a blessing."
JO: [side-eyes him] "You went to see him, and he tried to kill me. How's that a blessing?"
ALARIC: [laughs] "Because he didn't try to kill me. He just banished me from your creepy childhood home."
JO: [shrugs] "It wasn't creepy back then. Once your brother brutally murders your siblings, creep sets in."
ALARIC: [awkwardly] "Oh. So, you just-- you just ran?"
JO: "I didn't run. They let me go. We made a deal: betray your brother, and get your freedom."When Alaric asks how the Ascendant fits into everything, Jo reveals that they didn't know she had taken it, and by the time they did, she was already gone. Wouldn't they have wanted to track her down and get it back or something? I mean, Joshua did say that he's been following Jo's life since she left, so it stands to reason that he knew where she was. Maybe they figured it was safest with her, since Jo has more to lose than anyone if Kai gets out? Anyway, Alaric says he doesn't know why Jo would want it, but she states that it's because it makes her feel safe and in control, since as long as she has it, Kai can never get free. "Embarrassing, but I used to sleep with it under my pillow," Jo adds, and when Alaric mentions that she said "used to," Jo replies, "Yes, USED TO. I am a grown-up now, obviously, and I keep it in my underwear drawer next to my pot." YES! Jo is a stoner! I knew there was a reason why I liked her. When Alaric jokes that now he knows why she's always hungry, she claims she's always hungry because she's a vegetarian. He then pours the last of the wine in Jo's glass and states that it's all gone, but Jo thinks this is a good thing because now there are no more distractions from sexy time.
Cut back to Alaric's office at Whitmore the next day, where Stefan reminds Damon that Alaric is literally going to kill him when he figures out what Damon's made him do as Damon hilariously pours one of Alaric's flasks of bourbon into his coffee mug. Damon then insists that it's his relationship to ruin, not Stefan's, before turning the conversation once again back on him-- "I didn't complain when you ruined yours with Caroline!" Stefan insists that he didn't ruin it, but Damon just snarks, "Yeah, I'm sure she's fine. She's on vacation with her mom, eating ice cream out of the carton and convincing herself she never liked you in the first place." Stefan asks him if he's done, but he's got one last and quite appropriate zinger left before they get back to the task at hand. "Careful, Stefan-- I know it may seem easy to be the big, bad Salvatore, but soon, you'll find yourself lying in the middle of the road, pouring your heart out to a stranger, having an existential crisis." Remember when Damon did that? I'm pretty sure it was Season 2's "The Descent," where he waited in the road for a girl to pull over after he had to mercy-kill Rose following Jule's werewolf-biting her, and then he told the girl that he missed being human more than anything and that there was only so much hurt a man can take before he fed on her and killed her. Nice call-back, show! I think that's why I'm really enjoying Season 6 more than Season 5, because it's getting back to its roots, in a way.
ANYWAY, when Stefan asks when the "grand theft" is gonna go down, Damon checks his watch and states that as long as everything went well, it already happened. "Which means..." Damon says, before pausing and waiting expectantly for a moment. Sure enough, a beat later, Alaric walks into the office with the Ascendant and hands it over to him. Damon thanks him earnestly and hands him a tray full of coffees and a bag full of breakfast pastries before compelling him once again. "There you go. Go home to Jo, be a good boyfriend, forget this ever happened." Alaric does as he's told, and Stefan rolls his eyes, clearly not fond of this arrangement. Welp, that's surely not gonna come back and bite Damon in the ass, right? TITLE CARD!
On Whitmore's campus, Elena and a much happier and healthier looking Jeremy are going on a run together. Jeremy teases his sister by pointing out that he shouldn't be beating her, but Elena points out that she can still vamp circles around him, which he claims is cheating. After Elena adorably threatens to pants him in front of the entire women's volleyball team (to which Jeremy quite accurately replies, "Doubt they'd mind," because SERIOUSLY, Steven R. McQueen is a babe who is built like a brick house), she realizes that her brother truly is at peace finally and is weirded out by it. "Okay, I give up-- what did you do with my miserable, half-drunk brother?" Jeremy's reply? "He cancelled Bonnie's cell phone, cried until there was nothing left, and got all the grief out of his system. He's ready to move on." UH-OH. "Ready to move on" are words that always end up meaning that someone is going to have a major backslide in this show.
So, naturally, this is when Elena is like, "Yeah, so about Bonnie not actually being dead..." The scene cuts to after Elena explains all the details about Bonnie being alive, and Damon's plans to get her back, but Jeremy just brings up the fact that it only took one hollow promise to get even the now-compelled Elena to go back to defending Damon just like she did before. Elena insists that it's legit, because Liv has offered to send them to the prison world to get Bonnie back, but when Jeremy asks her what happens if it goes wrong, Elena gives him a confused look, since this is supposed to be good news. While I'm with Elena here, Jeremy does have a very good point-- "You're right, Elena. This IS good news. Tonight, I'm gonna see Bonnie again, and everything is gonna go back to the way it was. Because I've never heard THAT before." Elena doesn't even get a chance to reply before Jeremy hops to his feet and starts running again, leaving Elena to sigh and look concerned.
At the Lockwood Mansion, Matt and Shady Sarah are kneeling in front of the lit fireplace, where they're feeding files into the flames while Liv packs up her things into a bag. Tyler reminds Liv that the whole point of her sticking around inside the anti-magic force-field was to protect herself from her coven, and he doesn't want her leaving just to do some spell for Damon. "So, what? I'm a prisoner here? Do I look like Rapunzel?" Even Tyler is hilariously like, "Well, actually..." before asking her why Luke can't do the spell for Damon instead. "Because he is busy enjoying his last few weeks as a singular twin with his sugar daddy radiologist, and I'd like to enjoy mine." NICE, LUKE! Get that rich booty. Tyler turns to Matt for some back-up, but Matt speaks for the entire Bonnie Bennett fandom when he says, "I can't. It's for Bonnie." YEAH, TYLER, IT'S FOR BONNIE. And just like I didn't understand why Alaric wasn't trying harder to get Bonnie back in this last episode, I don't understand why Tyler isn't trying harder, considering Bonnie has been his friend THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. And sure, Liv played a huge role in both resurrecting Tyler, not to mention she killed a dying guy so Tyler wouldn't trigger his curse, but if it weren't for Bonnie's sacrifice, neither Tyler nor Alaric would be here today to talk about it. Then this super cute and hilarious exchange happens:
LIV: "Tyler, I can't stay locked up in here any longer! I'm out of clothes, and I've had pizza for breakfast every day this week. We've got to get back to our normal lives."
TYLER: "If you leave, and your coven finds you--"
LIV: "They'll make me merge with my brother? Hey. It's not all bad! If I survive, you'll be dating the all-powerful leader of the Gemini Coven, and if I don't, you can date Luke!"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Tyler insists this isn't a joke to him, but Liv insists that she has to laugh, because if she stops to think about being stuck in Mystic Falls of all places while on the run from her family, she'll literally shatter to pieces. Still, Tyler assures her that he'll find a way and kisses her before she leaves. Sarah and Matt, who are still in front of the fireplace, just give each other a look before Sarah rolls her eyes and quips, "And that was an actual fight two people just had over a twin-merge? This town is SO weird." Matt assures her that she'll get used to it, but Sarah points out that the alternative is that she won't, and she'll end up getting killed by a vampire like so many Mystic Falls residents have before her, but Matt promises that it won't happen, because he's not going to let it. Yeah, that's not foreshadowing at ALL, right? Anyway, Matt throws the last file into the fire and declares that the Mystic Falls Community Protection program is now officially disbanded. "You know what that means," Sarah replies. "I helped you, now you help me. Time for a family reunion."
Over at the Mystic Falls Cemetery, Elena and Damon are walking through the various gravestones and talking about Stefan, and why Matt could possibly want to hang out with him. "I don't know. It's Matt," Damon replies with a huge eye-roll. "Food, money, new social class? Whatever it is, it better distract Stefan from his sizable screw-up with Caroline." He asks Elena if she knew about Caroline's feelings for him, and Elena admits that she did tell her about it a little while ago, but assures Damon that she only wants them to be happy, which is totally a blessing. The fandom seemed to think that Elena would be like, jealous of Caroline being with Stefan or something, but I knew she'd be totally gracious about it, because Stefan and Caroline are her BFFs, so why wouldn't she want them to be happy together? Besides, Stefan and Elena broke up over two years ago, so I think it's safe to say that they're both over it.
The two finally meet up with Liv, but when Elena thanks her for helping them out, Liv just shrugs and replies, "Don't worry about it. I needed an excuse to get out of that frat house. Way too much boy-- gross." She asks them if they brought everything they needed, so Damon reaches into his jacket pockets and pulls out a vial of Lucy Bennett's blood (LUCY! Where the fuck has she been? I'm actually really sad she hasn't been back) and the Ascendant that Alaric snatched for him. Liv, who has never seen the Ascendant before, remarks that she's surprised that Jo handed it over, since it's the only thing keeping Kai from escaping and coming after her, and Damon, not wanting Elena to know that Jo didn't actually know she was giving it to them, just chuckles nervously, all, "Well, good old Jo, helping us out," before asking them if they can get started. Liv informs them that she'll be using the moon to activate the Ascendant, and that the spell will be viable for eight hours max, which means that as soon as she sends them over, the clock starts ticking, and they need to find Bonnie quickly.
When Elena asks her how they're supposed to get back, Liv hands them three vials of her own blood for them to drink in order to link themselves to her so she can easily find them and bring them back-- once they find Bonnie, she's going to need to drink the third one. Damon and Elena clink their little vials together before drinking it down, and afterwards, Damon grimaces and snarks, "Mmm. Bitter. Wonder why?" Since Damon is an old hat when it comes to Ascendant-portal-hopping, he takes Elena's hand and watches as Liv spills Lucy's blood on the Ascendant and uses it to send them into the prison world in a flash of bright white light. They look around the empty cemetery, and Elena remarks that she used to come there every day for months after the accident that killed her parents, which Damon already knows, since he was there that one time in the pilot. Damon states the obvious by pointing out that her parents are buried there, but she reminds Damon that they were still alive in 1994. "Yeah, so is Bonnie," Damon replies. "So, let's go get her. Just keep your eyes peeled-- there's a pork-rind-munching freak somewhere around here, okay?" Elena agrees, and the two set off to figure out where Bonnie is.
Speaking of Kai, he's totally OUT of the prison world, as we suspected, and is in the back of a taxi while he chatters at the driver. "You ever worn skinny jeans?" he asks pleasantly. "Ugh. It seems so wrong. I'm all bunched up. Also, why are jeans so tight when phones are so big?" I ask that same question every day, dude, especially since I'm a girl, and girl jean pockets are so much smaller than boy jean pockets, and are certainly too tiny for my huge-ass Motorola that barely even fits in my hand. Anyway, the driver is clearly annoyed with him, so Kai does that whole, "Oh, God, I'm that guy, right? That guy that won't shut up," act, but then continues to not shut up by bringing up how you can't bring liquids on airplanes, and having to strip for security and whatever. The guy says its because the TSA is worried about terrorists, but since Kai missed the whole 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center, he doesn't really get it.
Once they finally get to where they're headed, the driver pulls over and waits expectantly for Kai to pay up. Of course, Kai doesn't have any cash in his pockets (and really, I'm not even sure how he got the money for a plane ticket back to Virginia, but I'm guessing it involved killing people), so he instead pulls out a pair of earbuds and uses them to strangle the driver! Imagine that-- Kai killing a dude for almost no reason whatsoever. What a surprise! Once the man is finally dead, he puts the earbuds in the driver's ears to make him look like he's just sleeping and listening to music while he's parked, and then gets out of the taxi and thanks him for the service. Oh, Kai, you adorable sociopath, you. When he starts walking, we see he's at Whitmore College's campus, which totally bodes well for all our faves who go to school there.
Back in the 1994 prison world, Elena and Damon have just finished searching the Salvatore boarding house for Bonnie, but after sweeping every room, including the ones in the basement, they have determined that she's not there. Elena sits down on the couch in the parlor and worriedly asks, "Damon, you--you don't think that Kai..." Damon immediately calms her down and says they shouldn't jump to depressing conclusions, but of course, that's when Elena realizes that the couch on which she's sitting is covered in blood from when Kai brought her back after he shot her with an arrow. Damon mutters, "And, we're jumping," before getting up and reaching for the old-school landline telephone.
When Elena asks what he's doing, he explains that if Kai has Bonnie, then they need to talk to him, leading Elena to assume that they're going to call him. "I'm gonna page him, actually," and when Elena gives him a hilarious blank expression, Damon is like, "Sorry, I forgot you were two in 1994. Pagers are an ancient form of telecommunication." Elena, mildly offended, insists she knows what a pager is, but then she pauses for a moment before adding, "...How does it work?" HAHAHAHA. "We dial Jackass' number, 555-HIYA-KAI..." Damon says as he punches in the numbers, "We leave our number... And then we hang up." Elena asks what they're supposed to do now, which gets yet another hilarious response. "And now, we sit by the phone like a thirteen-year-old girl and wait."
In the real world, Matt and Shady Sarah are at that diner just outside Mystic Falls, so vampires can actually go there. Sarah looks nervous, but when Matt tells her to relax, she reminds him that she's about to meet one of her only living relatives. Since things were just going a little too easily for everyone, it naturally has to go to shit, which is why Enzo arrives to throw a wrench into everything. "Um, technically he's not living," Enzo says with a smirk before admitting that he's intrigued by the news that Stefan has some extended family. Matt asks him what the hell he's doing there, and Enzo get snarky. "Apparently rescuing this one from the world's most dreadful lunch!" he quips. "Matt and Stefan? Sweetheart, you can do so much better. Me, for example-- I'm Enzo."
Sarah warily reaches out her hand to accept Stiles' handshake, but when Matt informs her that he's the one who killed Tripp, she instantly recoils in horror. Enzo argues that in all fairness, Tripp was trying to kill him first before turning to Matt and scoffing, "You are the most TERRIBLE wingman!" Matt musters up all the courage he can get and tells Enzo that he needs to leave, but when Enzo becomes amused and asks him what will happen if he doesn't, Matt states that he'll pick up where Tripp left off. Fortunately for Matt, when Enzo invites him to do his best, Stefan walks into the restaurant and joins them. "Hey, I really wouldn't do that, if I were you," Stefan says, as he looks at Matt and Sarah in confusion. "You hurt him, and, uh, I hurt you, and I really don't feel like cleaning up two corpses today." Wow, I think that might just be the nicest thing Stefan has ever said to/about Matt? Enzo calls him "brutish" for making threats in front of his impressionable family members, and Stefan frowns in confusion before asking him what the fuck he's talking about. "Me," Sarah says nervously, as she stands to her feet. "He's, uh, talking about me. I'm Zach and Gail's daughter, Sarah Salvatore." Whomp whomp!
In the prison world, Elena and Damon are clearly bored as they wander around the boarding house looking for something to do. Elena finds a cabinet and opens it to find an old, clunky camcorder. She looks at it warily for a moment, unsure of how to even use it, but when she pushes one of the buttons, a video starts to play. It's of Damon from when he was there, and he looks pretty miserable as he looks into the camera and mutters, "Well, I am officially in hell. This place is my own personal hell." Damon, hearing his voice from the nearby room, vamp-speeds in and snatches the camera, turning it off before Elena can see any more. She looks at him in concern and asks him what the fuck that video was, but since it's Damon, and he's embarrassed, he claims it's his audition tape for Real World: London. "Fingers crossed-- I think I'm finally gonna make it." Elena isn't playing games, though, and points out that it was clearly a video journal, and despite Damon's insistence that journaling, and especially video journaling, is lame, Elena can tell something is up and asks him why he thinks it's his hell. "Well, I mean, I was stuck here with Bonnie. What could be worse than that?" Aw, Damon, quit hating on your bestest friend ever!
Before Elena can demand that he actually answer her seriously, the phone rings, and Damon looks relieved as hell to not only not have to finish this conversation, but to also finally get a move-on when it comes to the Bonnie rescue.
DAMON: "Kai, if you so much as hurt one hair on her annoying little witch-head, I will kill you, and--"
BONNIE: [from a payphone] "The threat was so sweet! Why'd you ruin it by calling me annoying?"
(via jodice)
Aw, those kids! You know if Damon is calling you names, it's because he loves you very much. Anyway, when Elena overhears Bonnie's voice, she immediately leaps up and grabs the phone from Damon's hand so she can talk to her herself. The two gush over the fact that they get to hear each other's voices for the first time in months, but when Bonnie asks her how the fuck she's even here, Elena tells her that it's a long story, but that what is important is that they're here to bring Bonnie home. We cut back to after Bonnie's explanation of everything that has happened since she sent Damon back, and Elena is appalled that Kai just left her in Portland. "After cooking me Thanksgiving dinner and stealing my blood," Bonnie adds. "It's been a strange few days."
When Elena asks her where Kai is now, Bonnie replies that she has no idea, and that she just hotwired a car and started driving back to Mystic Falls. Elena is super impressed by Bonnie's street skills, as am I, and even Bonnie calls herself a badass before informing them that she's in Muncie, which is in Indiana, for those of you who know enough about USA geography to know where that is in relation to Virginia. Damon points out that she's about 6.5 hours away, and Elena reminds them both that Liv is coming to get them in seven, which means they need to hustle, but Bonnie assures them that she'll be back in time and insists that she'll be going home. After they hang up, Damon has a worried look on his face, and Elena correctly assumes he's concerned about Kai. Damon brings up the fact that Bonnie said he took her blood and the magic from Jo's knife, which means if he has the Ascendant, then he has everything he needs to get out of there. He wonders aloud if Kai could already be out as they speak...
...Which, of course, is a very good assumption, because Kai has just walked into Scull Bar at Whitmore, where he sidles on up to the bar, where Liv is working as a bartender. Weirdly enough, she doesn't recognize him a bit, which is weird, because didn't Alaric find photos of Kai and Jo together at their house in Portland? Whatever. Anyway, when she asks him what he wants, he asks for a Zima, which is hilarious, but Liv doesn't find that very funny. "Are you going to order something, or just gonna stare?" Kai takes a look at her name tag and smirks in satisfaction when he realizes that he just found his sister before addressing her by name and asking for a soda. When she turns her back to him to make his drink, he chuckles and mutters, "Heh. Liv. Ironic." Ha! That's punny. Get it? Because he's gonna kill Liv? Oh, Kai.
Cut to Alaric's office, where a very, very pissed Jo has just showed up to find Alaric scouring through all his occult books to find a way to free Bonnie from the prison world. She immediately demands to know where it is, and since Alaric has no idea what she's talking about, he assumes that he's in major trouble due to the cryptic question and accusatory tone. She figures he's just joking and deflecting, but again, Alaric has no idea what the fuck she's on about, so she informs him that the Ascendant is missing. He insists that he has no idea where it is, and that he certainly doesn't have it, so she figures if that's true, then he must have told Damon where it is, but Alaric is adamant that he didn't. "No, no-- look, we all agreed to find another way to get Bonnie back," he argues, before holding up the big book he's reading and asking her if she thinks this is just your average, every-day reading.
Jo reminds him that they are the only two people who know where it is, and now it's gone, so SOMEONE has it, but Alaric swears up and down that he would never put her in danger by telling anyone, nor would he take it. That's when Jo realizes the only way that Alaric could be telling the truth, which is that Damon compelled him to snatch it and then made him forget it afterward. Alaric is appalled by the insinuation and assures him that Damon would never, because he's his friend, so Jo suggests they take a little drive to Mystic Falls and find out. Oh GODS, this is going to be so bad. As much as I dislike that Damon compelled Alaric to do his dirty work, I can't hate him for it, because I feel like Alaric should have been more willing to help out Bonnie, his long-time friend and someone who has helped him out of multiple bad situations AND allowed him to be resurrected after almost two years of being dead. And that's just from a loved one perspective! From a practical perspective, it's gonna help everyone to have another witch around, especially a Bennett witch like Bonnie who has tons of experience and knowledge of multiple forms of witchcraft.
Meanwhile, in the prison world, Damon has popped open a bottle of champagne and is flipping pancakes into the air for he and Elena to eat while they wait. When Damon slides her a plate full of pancakes with blueberry smiley faces, Elena grabs a can of whipped cream and adds two little vampire fangs, just like Damon did for Bonnie at the end of "I'll Remember," which makes Damon smile. Elena laughs at the mangled crossword, which Damon informs her was all Bonnie's doing, before she reads the front page of the newspaper on the table and realizes the article is about Kai and Jo. When Damon confirms it, Elena realizes that if Kai is out, he's going to go after Jo again, and starts to freak out when she realizes the implications of this outcome-- namely, that he's going to try to kill her. Damon tries to deflect with humor, as usual-- "Well, if I have my Gemini rules down, actually, he's going to merge with her, which will most likely result in her death, which I guess is six of one..."--but Elena cuts him off and asks him why Jo would give him the Ascendant, then, if it would put her in so much danger.
Damon once again tries to distract her by asking what CD she wants to listen to (and hilariously points out that the Boyz II Men album is Stefan's), but Elena is too smart for that, and eventually, he caves and confesses that Alaric stole it from her, AFTER he compelled him to do it. Of course, as you can probably guess, Elena doesn't take this news very well, and though Elena is my main girl, I'm actually on Team Damon in this case, because though Elena assumes that Damon is just trying to get Bonnie back to ultimately get Elena back, which isn't true at ALL-- Damon and Bonnie are genuinely good friends now, and have quite literally been through hell together, so this is actually Damon doing whatever it takes to get his best friend back, and not some underhanded scheme to make Elena fall in love with him again. WHY AREN'T PEOPLE TRYING VERY HARD TO GET BONNIE BACK? And since when is it only Damon who is doing whatever it takes to get her back? Remember how Elena was quite literally ready to die to prevent Bonnie from dying from channeling the one hundred witch spirits to kill Klaus? Remember how Caroline killed twelve witches to prevent them from killing Bonnie? Why is it such a big deal that Damon compelled Alaric to steal an old piece of clockwork? Like, I seriously just don't understand.
Back in reality, Stefan and Shady Sarah are sitting at a table at the diner while Enzo and Matt sit at the bar. Enzo eavesdrops on them and "translates" for Matt-- and by "translates." I mean that he's making a shitload of sassy comments about Matt being stupid and a joke, which is uncalled for, in my opinion! Why is everyone hating on poor old Matty Blue all the time? He's harmless! Anyway, over at the table, Sarah is explaining her history to Stefan, and mentions that she finally got emancipated after her third group home, something she admits was way more difficult than you'd expect. Stefan agrees that she seems like the type who does better on her own before asking her if she wants a chocolate milkshake, since they're a "Salvatore family tradition." She tells him she's all about family traditions, so Stefan orders the milkshakes from a waitress who walks over and starts blending one up.
"Alright, listen," Stefan whispers when the blender starts whirring. "In ten seconds, you're gonna get up and walk out of here with me-- smiling, acting like nothing's wrong. The acting part shouldn't be too hard for you." Enzo tries to listen in on their conversation, but the blender is so loud that it's covering the sound of his voice, which is exactly what Stefan intended. "I know you're lying," Stefan adds, before the blender stops and Stefan goes back to the nice act and asks her if she's ready to go. They both fake-smile at each other and stand up to leave, and when Matt rushes over to ask where they're going, Stefan says they're just going to take a family drive, and Sarah wisely assures him she'll be fine, and that she'll call him later. Since when does Matt give a fuck about Sarah, anyway? He was the one who was hating on her at the beginning of the season, when he thought she was some shady car thief who was trying to steal poor Jeremy's virtue and take advantage of his Bonnie-grieving heart. Sighhhhhhh.
At Scull Bar, Kai is once again chattering away to the totally-disinterested Liv about Twitter while he texts on his phone (His Twitter handle is Cobrakai1972, just like Karate Kid, by the by), until Liv finally mumbles that the bar is dead, so she's going to close up early. He tries to stall her by ordering a real drink (He's too secure in his masculinity for bourbon, which I think is a dig against Stefan, Damon, Alaric et al, vodka's boring, rum's too tropical, and she doesn't want to see him on tequila, so he picks gin like an old man), but Liv, trying to get rid of him, says she needs to see his ID, since he looks like he's nineteen, tops. He hands her his ID, and she stupidly ignores the name and goes right for the birthdate, and when she sees it says he was born in 1972, she assumes it's just a fake. (Wait a minute, has Kai been holding onto that same wallet for like, eighteen years? I seriously would have lost it after the first year, considering it's not like he needed to use money or anything while he was in the prison world).
Finally, Kai tells her to look at the name and address, and when she realizes it's her long-lost brother, she backs away, only for Kai to use the last bit of magic to hold her in place so he can siphon even more from her. She screams in pain as he sucks up some of her power, and he points out that the last time he saw her, he was trying to kill her, and says they should pick up where they left off. When she stabs him with something and tries to run away, he locks every single door she comes upon with magic, which even he admits feels like cheating, before he mentions that he's a little hurt that she didn't recognize him, and answers my earlier question that Joshua must have hidden any and all traces of his existence at the family homestead. Finally, she runs up onto the balcony and telekinetically throws some tables at him as she orders him to stay the hell away from her, and Kai's just about to attack her, Tyler arrives out of nowhere and throws him off the balcony before turning back to Liv and telling her they need to get the fuck out of there.
Over at the diner, Matt and Enzo are still inexplicably sitting together at a table, where Enzo is quite suspicious as to why Stefan and Sarah just suddenly up and left without much explanation. Matt points out that Stefan is her family, so if they want to talk, why should they care? Then, they have a conversation that I swear is meant to be an avatar for the Stefan-critical and Stefan-hating parts of the Vampire Diaries fandom, though I personally have no issues with Stefan now that Damon's back and he's not being a huge asshole to everyone and anyone who crosses his path.
ENZO: "Because I care about the truth! I care about authenticity."
MATT: "Or, you just hate Stefan."
ENZO: [shrugs] "I do, actually, yeah. He abandoned his brother, turned me over to a vampire hunter, and he hurt the one girl who can honestly do no wrong. That's not why I care. No, I care because he does all that and is still considered a hero when I get stuck as a villain."
MATT: "Yeah, because you kill people."
ENZO: "What, and Stefan doesn't? Come on. You and I both know that's not true. I'm just upfront about it. But Stefan? No, who knows what he's done? He's just a liar with a box of secrets. Come on, Mush, let's open the box."I can't necessarily say that I disagree with Enzo, because we've already discussed on more than one occasion in these recaps how being a "hero" or a "villain" in this show is kind of relative, you know? Every character in this show is guilty of killing at least one person, and while 80% of the time, they've done it to protect themselves or their loved ones, there's still been a lot of needless murder out there. I know I don't always have the nicest things to say about Stefan, but it's no much the things he does that makes me annoyed, because everyone has been shitty at one point or another on this show-- it's the fact that he gets away with doing things that other people constantly get shit on for doing, which is what Enzo is trying to say, I think. At the same time, I don't think Enzo really needs to preach to Matt about this, because he's hardly president of the Stefan Salvatore fan club, either. On a different note, I love how Enzo is so in love with Caroline, hahaha, and is so jealous of Stefan for getting her affection without doing anything to really deserve it lately. That will never not be hilarious to me.
On the road outside Mystic Falls, Shady McShadypants is sticking to her story that Zach Salvatore and Gail are her parents, and shows him pictures as proof, but Stefan is no idiot and instantly calls her out on the fact that she's showing him pictures she stole from his own damn house. When she asks him why he doesn't believe her, Stefan pulls over on the side of the road and gets real with her. "Because right now, Sarah Salvatore is in her dorm room at Duke University, where she studies as an art major. And, she didn't bounce from group home to group home-- she was adopted right out of the hospital by a great family. I made sure of it." Fake-Sarah is surprised by this news, because I'm guessing she expected Real-Sarah's family to not have a clue about her, and asks him if he knows her, to which Stefan is like, "Uh, duh, she's my family?" As it turns out, Stefan has looked out for Real-Sarah for her entire life, even though she has no idea he exists, so he gets his scary-face on and demands to know who the fuck Fake-Sarah actually is. Fake-Sarah stupidly rushes out of the car and tries to run away, but it takes about a half-second for Stefan to vamp-speed over to her and block her way, so she finally sighs and admits that her name is actually Monique. I knew she was shady!
We cut back to the 1994 prison world, where Elena is sitting on the porch swing at her house. After a moment, Damon finds her there and walks up the steps to make some confessions and/or clear up some misconceptions about his behavior. "May 10, 1994," he begins quietly. "I had a day. I was mad at Stefan for something-- I don't even remember what it was-- and in typical Damon fashion, I acted out. People died. A lot of them. And, believe it or not, ever since that day, I've felt horribly guilty. So, I thought that this was my hell, Elena." He pauses for a long moment before he continues, and Elena almost looks as though she's feeling guilty for her response earlier. "But, you know who didn't? Bonnie. She had hope for both of us. She's the reason I survived, the reason I made it out. Who knew? Turns out, you spend time with someone and don't kill them, you actually become friends." LOL, DAMON, that happens even if you DO kill them-- Alaric Saltzman is a perfect example, although I have a feeling he's not going to be super pleased when Damon gets back, though that's probably because I've already watched this episode. Still, Damon insists that he's doing this for Bonnie, not for her, which seems to be the magic words, because Elena smiles and scoots over so Damon can sit next to her on the swing. It's actually kind of sad that Elena doesn't have her memories for this, because they've had SO MANY moments together on this porch, and I think it'd help her process everything a lot better if she knew about it. Sigh.
Anyway, Elena cracks some jokes about how she would have never thought Damon and Bonnie would have been friends before remarking that she's probably passing Whitmore right about now. As Elena starts to swing them back and forth, she touches the chain holding up the bench and says she thought it squeaked, but Damon confirms that it did. "I fixed it. Bonnie and I came here every day. It was the closest thing I had to a picture of you, and I needed every reminder I could get." Elena laments the fact that she used to have so many good memories of the house, and ended up burning it down after just one bad one-- although, to be fair, I think she's had more than one bad one, considering how many family members she lost. When Damon asks her if she wants to go inside, Elena states that she does, and the two of them stand and head for the front door. Before they go in, Elena stops and turns back to look at Damon. "I'm sorry I compelled away the memories," she says earnestly. "They were only half mine." Damon just smiles and promises that they'll make new ones as he touches her cheek, and though Elena seems a little weirded out by the affection, she isn't unhappy about it. Unfortunately for them AND for Bonnie, their environment starts to change before they can get into the house. White light starts to surround them, and Damon mutters, "Oh, no!" just before they're sucked back into the real world.
When they open their eyes, they see a very unhappy Liv and Tyler standing in front of them, and Elena immediately becomes furious and asks them what the fuck they're doing. Tyler informs them that Kai is back, and that the two of them need to get back to Mystic Falls before he can take any more of her magic. Elena insists that they send her back, first, since Bonnie was literally just an hour from getting back, but Liv states that she can't, though to her credit, she does look really guilty about it. Elena lunges for Liv to try to physically force her to do it, but since they're standing right inside the border, Elena gets burned and is forced to stand and watch in anger as they start to walk away. Tyler just gives Elena a sheepish look and apologizes, which again, makes me so mad because, HELLO, WHAT ABOUT FUCKING BONNIE? If Kai is there, then Bonnie is in a prison world that isn't meant for her, all alone, and if anything, they could use another witch to take him down, right? GOD, I HATE THIS ALL SO MUCH.
On the roads outside Mystic Falls, Monique is in the middle of telling Stefan the truth about her and Real-Sarah. Apparently, they met at sleep-away camp, also known as "Get-the-hell-out-of-my-house"-camp by Sarah's foster-family, and she knew that Sarah had both a great life and no desire whatsoever to know her real family. Stefan takes this to mean that she figured she'd find them for her, which gets a shrug from Monique in response. "Couldn't be any worse than what I had," she adds, but Stefan points out that since his own brother killed Sarah's mother while she was still pregnant with her, she probably shouldn't make such an assumption. "I let him believe that the baby died," Stefan explains. "I wanted to protect her. Even though my brother's not the same person he was before, it's safer if he doesn't know. I know that may be a little extreme, but I want her to have a normal life, no matter what. See, the problem is, with you around, there's a threat now-- someone who knows her other than me." Stefan takes a step toward her, and Monique instinctively takes a step back, but Stefan assures her that he has no intention of hurting her-- all he wants to do is take off her vervain. Monique, knowing what is coming and fearful of what will happen if she doesn't comply, takes off her vervain necklace and hands it to him so he can compel her. "You've never met or heard of Sarah Salvatore. Forget everything that happened here, leave Virginia, and never come back."
Monique, in a daze, starts to walk away, but of course NOTHING can be that easy on this show. Matt's truck pulls up out of nowhere and pulls over so he can lean out the window and asks her if she's okay, but when she asks him who the fuck she is, Matt gets frustrated and yells at Stefan for compelling her. Stefan quickly explains that she's not his actual family, and that in reality, she's a con artist who lied about who she was, and he's trying to get rid of her. He once again tells Monique to leave, just as Enzo vamps in out of nowhere and compels her not to scream or move before demanding to know the truth about what the hell is going on here. Stefan reminds him that he literally just said that she was a con artist and claims that Sarah Salvatore doesn't exist because the baby she's claiming to be died when Damon killed her mother. Enzo knows better than to buy that, though, because otherwise why would Stefan actually play along at first and then whisk her away to speak privately unless she knew something?
Stefan tells him to stop being an asshole and let her go, and Enzo turns to Matt and points out that Stefan is acting all secretive, just as he said earlier, and then gives Stefan to the count of five to tell him what's up. Matt is not game for this plans and threatens to kill him himself if Enzo hurts her, but Enzo just keeps counting, and once he hits zero, he snaps Monique's neck, much to Matt's fury. He lunges toward Enzo to fight him, but Stefan holds him back and orders him not to be an idiot. "Just think," Enzo sneers at Stefan. "All of this could have been avoided if you'd have just told the truth. No matter-- I'll find out sooner or later." He then vamp-speeds away before Stefan can kill Enzo a second time, leaving an annoyed Stefan and a furious Matt in his wake. Aw, bugger. Monique was shady as hell, but otherwise harmless, and though this fate is not surprising, it's still pretty shitty. At least he didn't secretly turn her like he did Tripp and Ivy? It's the little things, I guess.
Elena and Damon are sitting in the cemetery, leaning against Elena's parents gravestone, while they talk about how badly it's going to suck when Bonnie finally gets to the 1994-prison-world-version of the Gilbert house to find that they're not there. "Until the next comet, or full moon, or eclipse," Damon replies before gesturing to the Ascendant in Elena's hands. "As long as we have that, we can go back as many times as we need until we get her back." Of course, whenever anyone gets any hope about saving our favorite Bennett witch, someone has got to come and fuck it up, and this time, that person is Kai. "Wait, are you guys talking about Bonnie Bennett?" Kai asks incredulously. "Because honestly, I didn't think she was all that great." He uses telekinesis to throw the Ascendant from Elena's hands and into one of the nearby trees, which causes all of its clockwork innards to shatter into a million tiny pieces. Elena screams "NO!" and scrambles to pick them all up while Damon lunges for Kai and sneers that he's going to enjoy killing him. NOOOOO! Why is Kai so horrible? I know that Bonnie is eventually going to be back, but the fact that he destroyed the Ascendant to keep them from rescuing her still just makes me SO ANGRY.
Naturally, Kai's response is to give Damon a mystic migraine before admitting that he ganked some of Liv's magic and he thinks he still has some of it left, which he uses to telekinetically slide Damon away from Elena, who is still struggling to pick up the Ascendant's pieces so they can eventually put it back together. He tells her that she missed one before muttering, "Phesmatos incendia," which causes her arm to catch fire. She yelps and tries her best to put it out while Damon, who has recovered from his aneurysm, rushes toward Kai, who pulls his dad's cloaking act and disappears. Damon is resourceful, though, and picks up a tree branch and swings it through the air until it makes contact with Kai and tosses him over the anti-magic border, which causes the fire on Elena's sleeve to go out. He runs over to check on Elena, who is fine, fortunately, but Kai is just smirking in satisfaction at the two of them. "Huh. I guess this is that, uh, anti-magic border, which means, now there's a psycho loose in Mystic Falls, and no vampires around to stop him!" Kai declares gleefully. "Whoops!" Welp, that's kind of a problem.
Over on the back roads, Stefan has just finished putting Monique's corpse into the back of Matt's truck, and as you can probably imagine, Matt is NOT happy. I mean, how many dead bodies have been thrown in the back of poor Matt's truck? Way more than anyone would ever want, I'm sure. Anyway, Stefan turns to Matt and says, "Look, I'm sorry that Enzo killed her. He's--" Matt cuts him off, all, "A monster? Yeah, I got that, thanks," before bringing up the fact that Stefan could have saved her, and he didn't. Stefan incredulously asks him if he really thinks it was easy for him to watch an innocent girl die, but Matt points out that since Stefan isn't exactly a "share your feelings" kind of friend to him, so he doesn't know. Honestly, I do think that Stefan is sad that Monique died, but Matt does have a point-- I mean, Stefan said it himself that Monique was a threat to keeping Damon in the dark about Sarah, so him letting Monique die does help him with that goal. "Matt, I promise you that everything I do, I have thought out over and over, making sure it's the right thing to do,"
Stefan insists, but when Matt asks him if this means they're all just supposed to trust that he knows best, which is a valid question, but Stefan claims that he's just supposed to trust that he's nothing like Enzo. That's when Matt loses his patience. "The problem is, you ARE. Because no matter how close vampires get to humans, our lives will always mean less. So, when push comes to shove, we'll be on opposite sides, which is what Tripp knew, and I didn't." YIKES, MATT! I hate to say it, but he does have a point-- obviously, the vampires we know and love on this show, like Stefan, Damon, Elena, Caroline, even Tyler back in the day when he was still a hybrid, have humans who they love dearly, but they're pretty indifferent to everyone else. Monique will probably never be mentioned again, much like Tripp, or Ivy, or any of the other civilian casualties this season and the ones before it. That said, I can't imagine the cognitive dissonance Matt is experiencing while trying to reconcile the fact that he is actually believing/agreeing with something that Enzo, of all people, told him.
At the boarding house, Jeremy has poured himself a glass of bourbon in the kitchen when he gets a phone call from Elena. He can tell just by the sound of her voice as she says, "Jeremy?" that Bonnie didn't manage to make it back. Elena insists that she was on her way, and is about to explain how they didn't have a choice because Liv pulled them out early when Jeremy cuts her off and responds, "But, at the last minute, something went wrong, and it didn't work. I bet Damon's fine, isn't he?" He hangs up his phone before Elena can say another word and gets back to his booze. DAMN! I understand Jeremy being upset and frustrated, because he literally just got himself back on track after Bonnie's death, only to be briefly given hope and then having that hope snatched away within the span of twelve hours. But seriously, why the Damon hate? I keep noticing this recurring theme through the episodes this season-- especially following "Yellow Ledbetter," when Elena had Alaric compel away her memories of loving Damon, only to be left with the ones where he did terrible things-- where the characters keep making snitty comments about Damon being selfish and always looking out for himself and not caring about who he hurts in the process, blah blah blah, while Damon continues to do selfless things without getting any credit whatsoever and proves them wrong without even really trying.
I mean, I'm a Damon stan, I always have been, and the only characters in this show that I stan more are Elena and Bonnie, but I don't even think this can be considered stan-goggle bias. Tyler made some remark about how Liv shouldn't leave the house and put herself in danger just for one of Damon's little whims, even though he's trying to get their close friend Bonnie back; Jeremy made a comment about how basically none of Damon's plans work out for anyone other than Damon; Stefan said himself that Damon is a changed man, but is still so afraid that learning of Sarah Salvatore's existence will send Damon off the rails-- despite all recent evidence to the contrary-- that is doing whatever he can to make sure that Damon stays in the dark about it; even ELENA was convinced that Damon was just going along with this "Save Bonnie" plan to get back in her good graces and hopefully cause Elena to fall in love with him again, and refused to consider that Damon was actually doing all of this for Bonnie as a result of their close friendship until he literally spelled it out for her; and now, Jeremy's acting as though their plan to save Bonnie went badly because of Damon, when Damon is literally the only person on this damn show who is willing to do whatever it takes to get their witchy lord and savior Bonnie Bennett back from the literal prison in which she's been trapped for over half a year now? Like, I just don't get it.
ANYWAY, just then, Matt arrives to the boarding house and joins Jeremy in the kitchen. "Don't do that," Matt says firmly when he sees Jeremy drinking, and when Jeremy asks him why he shouldn't, Matt slams down a bag full of vampire hunter weapons that he presumably pilfered from Tripp's stash onto the table. "Because I think channeling your rage might be a better option," Matt replies. "How do you feel about being a hunth him--er again?" Jeremy is seriously confused, though not uninterested, and asks Matt what he's planning, so Matt gets real wit "Because I want you to help me kill Enzo." YIKES! First of all, he's a main character now and a fan favorite, so even though I think the showrunners have done Enzo/Michael Malarkey dirty for not giving him better material to work with, he's totally not going to be dying any time soon-- I can say this with certainty, considering the season is over now and all. However, I'm very much interested in briefly seeing hunter!Matt, who we barely glimpsed in Season 4 when Damon, Klaus, and Matt helped Jeremy train to be a hunter to complete his hunter's mark and help them find the cure. At the very least, being able to fight a vampire would be good for Matt, who is a magnet for trouble.
Because the show wants me to keep complaining about how terribly Bonnie is treated, apparently, we cut over to the Mystic Falls cemetery, where Alaric has just found Damon and is looking at him angrily. "So, Jo drove me over the border," Alaric growls. "I told her she was crazy, that you'd never compel me." Damon starts to explain, but Alaric doesn't even give him a chance to speak before punching him hard in the face. Damon argues that they HAVE to get Bonnie back, but Alaric argues that getting Bonnie back was never off the table, they just agreed that they needed to find a way that didn't involve him stealing from his new girlfriend when the Ascendant was the one thing keeping Kai from killing her.
Okay, now, I've said this before, but I 100% that compulsion is wrong, because no one deserves to have their memories altered or their behavior controlled, but how the fuck else are they supposed to get Bonnie back without the Ascendant? It's pretty much the key to the portal to get there in the first place, right? So, how the fuck were they going to even do THAT if Alaric wasn't willing to use the only thing that could get her out? And AGAIN, why the fuck can't they just kill Kai and call it a day so they can safely get Bonnie back? If it was all of the MFG against Kai, it'd be pretty hard for him to win. UGH, THIS STORYLINE MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME WHATSOEVER AND I STILL HATE IT. I like Jo a lot, and even the Wonder Twins are starting to grow on me, but I'd sacrifice the entire Parker family for Bonnie and not even blink, to be honest-- she deserves it after everything she's been through.When Alaric asks where Kai is, Damon says he's out, but that it's not his and Elena's fault, because he was already out before they stole the damn thing, but Alaric doesn't care, he just rears back and punches Damon in the face one last time before stomping away.
After a moment, Elena comes up behind Damon and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Damon literally looks WRECKED. It's been a while since he's been this devastated, and his heartbreak is nothing compared to that of Bonnie. "I left Bonnie a note at the house. I told her we would be on your front porch," Damon says sadly. In the prison world, Bonnie has just arrived to Mystic Falls and is running as fast as she can to the Gilbert house's front porch. "Shed probably be there now, with about a half an hour to spare." Bonnie looks around desperately and realizes that they're not there anymore. "She sacrificed everything for us, over and over again, and then we were supposed to be there for HER." FUCKING RIGHT? Finally, someone in this show is speaking up about it. In the prison world, Bonnie realizes that she missed them, and falls to her knees on the porch in despair. "She's all alone," Damon says in voiceover, as Bonnie tries her best not to cry. After a moment, she just can't hold it back any longer, and she starts to bawl uncontrollably.
(via supagirl)
OUCH, MY HEART. Kat Graham seriously killed this scene, because I couldn't help but cry myself when I continued to think about all the bullshit she's had to handle. She basically killed herself to bring Jeremy back, comes back as the Anchor to the Other Side and has to endure the pain of every supernatural's death as they passed through her, sacrifices herself to resurrect a half-dozen of her dead loved ones, allies, and random-ass Enzo, gets sent to a prison world with Damon that they shared with a sociopathic Siphoner who tried to kill Damon to get her to activate her witch powers, shot her with an arrow, drugged and kidnapped her against her will, stabbed her in the gut with a hunting knife, and then left her in fucking Portland while he escaped the prison world. And now, she was finally given that last glimmer of hope that Elena and Damon will take her back home, and when she finally arrives, she finds them gone. MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR BONNIE SHEILA BENNETT, YOU GUYS.
Finally, we head to the Lockwood Mansion, where Tyler has just returned home after being Gods-know-where for the evening. "I think gin gets a bad rap," a male voice calls out from the darkened living room, and Tyler immediately realizes that it's Kai. Tyler drops his bag on the floor and heads straight for him, but Kai breaks the empty gin bottle next to him and grips the neck of it tightly as he holds the jagged end toward Tyler's throat. "I'd rather not kill you, but I will," Kai says seriously, and Tyler, unnerved and slightly panicking, since killing Kai would trigger his werewolf curse, sighs and asks him what the hell he wants. "This is gonna sound crazy, but I want to save Liv's life," Kai says calmly as his lips curl into a smirk. "Feel like making a deal with the devil?" OH SHIT. Yeah, that will TOTALLY end well.
Next episode: It's Christmas time in Mystic Falls, and Bonnie reminisces about holidays past with her besties Elena and Caroline in the prison world, while the Mystic Falls Gang, along with Liv, Luke, and Jo Parker, deal with even more Kai problems, as well as the issue of how the twin-merge thing is going to go down.
NOTES/COMMENTS:
-Here's the music from this episode!
"Mother & Father" by Broods
--- Jo and Alaric have date night at his apartment and discuss the Gemini Coven and the Ascendant while Stefan and Damon discuss Alaric being compelled to steal the relic.
"Trick of the Light" by Lonely the Brave
--- Kai rides to Whitmore College in a taxi and chatters away with the cab driver.
"Platoon" by Jungle
--- Enzo eavesdrops on Stefan and Monique's conversation at the diner.
"The Woods" by Israel Cannan
--- Enzo talks to an uninterested Matt about how strange it is that Stefan and Monique just got up and left.
"Dirty White Boots" by Lenny Kravitz
--- Kai walks into the Scull Bar and orders a soda from Liv.
"Stepping Stone" by Fly Golden Eagle
--- Kai orders gin from Liv, and when Liv looks at his driver's license, she realizes that she's talking to her long-lost older brother.
"Compass" by Zella Day
--- In the prison world, Elena apologizes to Damon for erasing her memories of loving him on the Gilbert house's porch.
"Lost" by Kris Allen
--- Alaric confronts Damon about compelling him and punches him in the face twice. Bonnie realizes that she got to 1994 prison world Mystic Falls too late to go back with Damon and Elena and begins to sob.
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