The Vampire Diaries Season 6, Episode 3: "Welcome to Paradise" Recap/Review

Ugh, real life sucks, doesn't it? My professors at school seem to think that their students only have their class and no others to worry about, so they assign hours upon hours of work, I've been spending 95% of my limited free time studying like a madwoman for the NCLEX (which I'm taking I took on the 20th! AND I PASSED! WOOT!) and as a result, I am RIDICULOUSLY behind on recaps, and for that I am so, so sorry! Never fear, I will be continuing to recap as much as I can, but chances are I won't have an opportunity to fully dedicate myself to catching up at least until after the NCLEX, if not when winter break rolls around. So, please keep checking in when you can, because I will be trying to get up new content as quickly as possible given the too-full plate I have going right now. Thank you guys so much for your patience. :) It drives me crazy when I can't meet my own deadlines, but sometimes you just have to be an adult and do what you need to do, you know? (Edited to add: Welp, my laptop managed to somehow fry itself today, because apparently I really needed a pickle on the shit sandwich that has been the last month or so. So basically, the majority of this recap is most likely going to be written on my Kindle, which I'm still kind of getting used to using as a blogging tool. Hopefully I don't get arthritis from writing this. Or carpal tunnel.)

SO, anyway, this season of TVD continues to be amazing, as surprising as it is for me to admit it-- Elena's newly-compelled brain has totally thrown a wrench in everything, Damon and Bonnie continue to be the most hilarious and adorable twosome ever, and Stefan and Caroline continue to squabble like an old married couple. I especially love how much Elena is trying to bring the group back together after how much they've drifted apart recently, and how much it seems that everyone around her is struggling to keep the truth about what Elena had Alaric do to her memories of Damon, which I'm hoping will result in her loved ones starting to appreciate and respect Elena's relationship with Damon for once as they try to get her to reconsider her stance on this. And, that's not even getting into the big reveal about the anti-magic spell we got in this episode! But, I'm going to stop summarizing and just jump right on in, 'kay? 'Kay.

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: The gang's attempt to bring back all their friends from the Other Side went awry, leaving Damon and Bonnie as the dimension's only inhabitants when it exploded. Elena was so distraught by his loss that she convinced Alaric to compel away all of her memories of loving Damon. Unfortunately, an unintended side-effect was that was since Elena's memories of loving him were altered, she could only remember the bad things about him, like him snapping Jeremy's neck back in Season 2. Caroline and Liz figured out that though vampires can't get into Mystic Falls, thanks to the anti-magic force field, they CAN, in fact, lurk around the borders for locals. Elena accidentally snatched and fed on Sarah, but didn't get a chance to compel her to forget, which forced Caroline and Matt to take care of it. Afterward, Jeremy had the bright idea to have Sarah come stay with him at the boarding house, because deep inside, Jeremy really does miss Damon, despite everything. Finally, Tripp Cooke is actually Thomas Vincent Fell III, a member of THE Founding Family of Mystic Falls, who not only knows about vampires and has a general idea of the anti-magic spell around the town, but is USING it to kill the lurky vampires. UH OH. Also, in Otherworldly Mystic Falls, Bonnie determined that if magic got them there, magic can get them out, and found a scary clue in a finished crossword puzzle that leads them to realize they're not alone over there. Caroline and Enzo had a disastrous dinner date with Stefan and Ivy, which ultimately ended in a huuuuuge fight between Stefan and Enzo, a huge argument between Stefan and Caroline, and Enzo killing Ivy out of anger that Stefan gave up on Damon. Which is where we pick up today!


Down in Savannah, Stefan has driven his little red Porsche into Dean's Garage, where he parks and gets out of the car to approach his boss Dean, who is busy working on another car nearby. Dean gruffly reminds him that it's not a parking lot, but Stefan assures him that he's not there to work, he's there because he needs a few days off. "It looks like a need a new mechanic," Dean snits, because apparently treating your employees well is bad business or something. Stefan, out of patience, pulls Dean out from under the car on which he's working, so Dean makes it simple for him-- he can stay, work, and keep his job, or he can leave and lose it. Stefan's not in the mood for assholes, though, so he yanks him up into the air by his neck, which freaks Dean the fuck out. When he asks how Stefan is so strong, Stefan's, like, "You hired a vampire. Next time, do a background check." He then turns on the compulsion eyes so he can make him way more sociable. "Now, shut up, and don't move." He sets his boss down onto his feet again, and then starts his rant about how much his friends ruined his life. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. See, I was trying to... get a fresh start. Live a normal life, normal job, normal dick of a boss-- that's you, by the way-- and, this place was supposed to be my sanctuary. And it was, until yesterday."

Stefan then roughly drags Dean over to his little car and pops the trunk (which, since he drives an old Porsche, the trunk is actually under the hood and the engine and guts are where the trunk usually is), where he's hastily shoved Ivy's body. He turns to his boss and introduces him to his "girlfriend" before explaining that his dead brother's impulsive and easily angered BFF killed her right in front of him, which is why he needs a couple days off-- so he can track him down in his hometown (which he's been actively avoiding for months) and kill his ass in retribution. Dean, still dazed from all of the mind-whammying, slowly replies that Stefan should take a few days off, which Stefan totally accepts. Of course, Stefan isn't done taking out his long-repressed anger on his boss, though, and starts to compel him again as he hands him his keys. "Now, I need you to drive my car into the woods, and you're going to bury my girlfriend and forget this ever happened. Oh, and when I get back? You're giving me a raise." Oh, Stefan. What are we gonna do with you? Also, how is Stefan getting to Mystic Falls/Whitmore if he had Dean take his car? Do I really care?

Over at Whitmore, Caroline is in Elena's dorm room, staring at a photo of Bonnie, Elena and herself at graduation in the Season 4 finale. Elena breaks her out of her reverie when she breezes into the room, wearing her maroon Whitmore Med Center volunteer polo and carrying coffees for the two of them. She explains that she will be volunteering until two, but she figured afterward that they could carpool to the swimming hole, where she has decided to throw a party with the intention of getting the OG Mystic Falls Gang (Caroline, Elena, Bonnie, Matt and Tyler) together. Then, she notices that Caroline is in the middle of packing up her stuff, so Elena brings up the fact that typically, when people move, they UNPACK their stuff. Caroline tenses up and quietly replies, "I'm not staying. Last night was a momentary moment of weakness." Elena can't help but laugh, because that's actually pretty funny, but Caroline gives her this look that says, "Girl, just don't." She remains silent when Elena asks her if she's sure she doesn't want to come back to school, so Elena gives her an important reminder. "Caroline, needing your friends isn't a weakness, momentary or otherwise."

Caroline isn't convinced, though, and bitterly brings up Stefan, who she claims doesn't need anyone, but Elena insists that since Stefan lost his brother, he should definitely be cut some slack. "Granted, said brother was a homicidal maniac, but still," Elena adds, which gives Caroline pause, since she's not at all used to Elena being so harsh about the love of her life. Elena totally senses Caroline's weirdness and asks her what's up, but since Caroline knows Elena wouldn't want her to say anything about the compulsion, she just shrugs it off. She grabs her bag and heads for the door as she tells Elena that she's got to go meet Enzo for breakfast, which makes Elena's eyebrows shoot up into her hair. She points out that she didn't realize that two road trips to Georgia was enough to make them breakfast buddies, and Caroline giggles, before admitting, "Ironically, he's recently become one of the more stable people in my life right now."

Elena is surprised at this revelation, but tries her best to not seem judgmental about it by suggesting that Caroline invite Enzo to the swimming hole party, likely in hopes that it will give her more reason to come. Caroline immediately sighs in frustration, clearly not at all into it, but when Elena argues that the five of them having hung out all together in forever and informs her that she managed to convince Matt, Tyler and Jeremy to quit their plans for the day (Community Protection Squad training, football practice, and day-drinking, respectively), Caroline reluctantly agrees. However, she makes it clear that she is definitely not moving back in, but Elena just grins and calls out to her as she leaves the room. "That is a conversation to be had over jello shots!" God, I love all the girlfriend time we're getting this season. Now, we just need Bonnie back to complete the trifecta, ahem ahem.

We then cut to Caroline, who is at that diner that is just outside Mystic Falls, and who is chatting with Matt on the phone. She immediately demands to know what the fuck Alaric did to Elena, but Matt just shrugs and replies, "All I know is she doesn't remember what she saw in Damon, and we're supposed to keep it that way." Caroline points out that she spent the night with her last night, and that she's super weird now because she doesn't seem like her usual self. Matt hilariously retorts, "Yeah, it's because she's HAPPY. Isn't that the whole point?"

LOL, of course a happy Elena would be unrecognizable, because she's had a steady stream of tragedy happening to her for the last three years (In universe, anyway-- obviously in the real world its more like six.) Anyway, Matt tells her he's gotta jet, and walks over to where Tripp and some other protection-squad member named Jay are washing a suspicious-looking rusty-red substance out of the back of Tripp's van. Matt, clearly wigged out, mentions that it's a little early for a car wash, but Tripp just lies and claims that he moved a bunch of "red mulch" to help clean up a nearby park, which stained the van. And, of course, by "red mulch," he means, "vampires that I killed in horrifying, bloody ways." Matt's just like, "Whatever, dude," and brings up the fact that his friends are throwing a party that he was hoping to attend after lunch. Tripp jokingly asks him if he needs a permission slip, and reminds him that he's not his mother, so he can do whatever he wants. As an afterthought, he suggests that Matt take Jay with him, since he convinced him to help him clean out the van and thinks he's earned some fun in return. Jay smirks happily and walks over to Matt to inform him that Matt will be driving them home so he can get wasted. Tripp suddenly gets concerned and adds that they both need to keep their eyes open since they've been having so many "animal attacks" lately. Jay turns to Matt and gives him this weird look and states, "He means dog-bite girl." Matt, who senses that something hinky is afoot, just mutters that he knows what he meant before the two boys walk away. Once they've left, Tripp sprays the hose at the open back door of the van, which causes a river of blood-red water to flow out of the back. SHADY DUDE IS SHADY.

Over at the boarding house, Jeremy is standing at Damon's usual spot in the library's bar, pouring himself a drink, when Sarah joins him, wringing out her wet hair with a towel. She seems in awe of how awesome the house is, and chirps, "That shower has four heads! Who's so dirty they need four heads?" Jeremy chuckles to himself and just replies, "You'd be surprised," before starting to list off the morning beverages she has to choose from. "You want bourbon? ...Or, bourbon?" LOLOL. Sarah snits that she hates bourbon, but that she loves this house, and she adds that she'd like to just pretend that her dad is whoever lives there. Jeremy tenses up a little bit and insists that her father couldn't possibly live there. I don't care what anyone says, Jeremy TOTALLY misses Damon. Maybe not as much as he misses Bonnie, but he totally does miss him, all death threats aside. Anyway, Sarah points out that her mother lived in Mystic Falls for years before she had her, and insists that SOMEONE had to have gotten her pregnant. When Jeremy asks her if she ever thought about asking her mother who her father is, Sarah's face goes cold, and she retorts, "Oh, good idea! Hurry, let's go to the cemetery." Jeremy immediately feels terrible, as you can probably imagine, considering he's been orphaned more times than anyone, so he apologizes to her for making assumptions. Sarah just brushes it off and asks who DOES live in the house, which hits Jeremy like a punch to the gut. "Two brothers. One moved, the other... is dead," Jeremy states, before taking a deep swig from the bottle of bourbon.

Over at Whitmore, Liv and Luke have just gotten out of class and are walking down the halls of one of the buildings when Tyler runs up to them. He states that he has a quick question, but Liv, still salty about how Tyler treated her brother in "I'll Remember," immediately tells him no. He proclaims that to be hilarious before he brings up the fact that they're having a party today and hoped that Liv could spare a keg or two from Scull Bar, where she works. Liv is NOT pleased about this request, and retorts, "You, and alcohol, and my brother. Why does that combination sound so familiar and terrible?" She turns to Luke and asks him how his trachea is doing, but Luke just throws up his hands and reminds her that, in all fairness, Tyler DID apologize to him. "I'm working on this, okay?" Tyler insists. "I watch my drinking, I avoid things that make me angry."

Liv seems to relent a little and rolls her eyes before telling him to stop by the bar after one and she'll see what he can do, which makes him smile before he walks away. Once he's out of earshot, Luke just grins at his sister and points out that she's doing "that thing" again. When she asks what he's talking about, he replies, "Oh, the thing where you're a bitch because you like somebody. It's pretty transparent." After a moment, he adds that he doesn't blame her, because Tyler is totally hot, and then takes off for his next class. Liv takes off soon after, smiling at what Luke said beside herself. I'm really getting into Parkwood, tbh. They're cute! Tyler needs a girl who can sass him, I think that's why he and Caroline worked so well. I'm actually surprised at how quickly Luke and Liv are growing on me, since I wasn't their biggest fan last season. They seem really torn between what's expected of them and what they truly want to do, and I'm hoping this means that they'll start being on the gang's side instead of fighting against them. Fingers crossed!

Further down the hall, Elena catches up with Liam and adorably refers to him as "Cute-Brag." Liam doesn't seem to be that fond of this new nickname, but Elena just quips that he can't blame her for it, because one of the other volunteers was the one who made it up. Liam is like, "Oh, small favors," before reminding her that he has a name, and she has a name, and that it's easy to just call people by their actual names, but Elena just smirks and replies, "Brag." He steps in front of her to block her way and asks her if she had anything else she wanted from him, other than to destroy his self-esteem, so Elena smiles and asks him what he's doing that afternoon before informing him that she and her friends are throwing a party in their hometown and she was hoping he could come.

She adds that she has a friend (Caroline, obvs) with whom she would like to hook him up in hopes of sweetening the deal. Liam looks skeptical, but when Elena orders him to come, he reluctantly agrees to it. He takes off, and Elena smiles for a moment before she notices that Stefan is standing at the end of the hallway, smiling at her. She's completely caught off guard for a moment, but is ultimately really happy to see him, so she run straight for him and hugs him tight. When she pulls away, she reminds him that four months is WAY too long to go without seeing each other, to which Stefan totally agrees. "I know. That's why I'm here, I wanted to stop by and say hi." Elena starts to giggle, and they smile at each other.

Then, we cut to Otherworldly-1994-Mystic Falls, where Damon and Bonnie are "shopping" at Bell's grocery store. And, by shopping, I mean basically taking stuff off the shelves, since it's not like there are cashiers there, so money unnecessary. Damon and Bonnie are hilariously and stubbornly fighting over who gets to push the cart, and Damon eventually wins by shoving her off and insisting that he's got it covered. Bonnie just sighs and pulls out her grocery list to tell him what they need; specifically, strawberries, eggs, milk, and candles, which was a last minute addition so Bonnie can continue to try to get her powers back. "I know it's been a while," Damon begins negatively. "But, you couldn't do magic as an anchor, so I'm curious what momentary-lapse-reason makes you think I can do it now." Bonnie reminds him that when they first got there, Damon sucked at making pancakes, but now they're edible, as an argument in favor of her eventually relearning magic. She then points out that they're passing the milk, so Damon stops and puts a gallon in the cart.

"There's no reason to be Peter Pessimist," Bonnie continues, as she wanders over to a sunglasses rack and puts on a pair of blue-tinted aviators. "We have proof that we're not alone!" Damon immediately takes offense at the fact that she stole his nicknaming schtick, and grabs a matching pair of sunglasses and puts them on, which, lets be real, is one of the cutest things ever. I LOVE DAMON AND BONNIE'S FRIENDSHIP SO DAMN MUCH. Anyway, then Damon brings up the fact that her proof is her "mysteriously-filled-in crossword," which he believes could have very well been filled in by Bonnie herself. Bonnie is so frustrated at Damon constantly being a downer, so she reminds him once again through her clenched teeth that she didn't finish the crossword. "No, you don't KNOW you filled it in," Damon replies. "You ALSO don't know that you talk in your sleep." He then orders her to get the eggs, which she does while she asks him if he's seriously suggesting that Bonnie sleep-crosswords. I'm really not doing this bickering justice, because it is just seriously entertaining.

When Damon argues that he's simply suggesting that sleep-crosswording makes more sense than some person they've yet to meet who filled out her crossword puzzle for her. Bonnie is no fool, though, and instantly calls him out on what he's really doing-- "You refuse to have hope that you'll see Elena again, so you don't have to be disappointed." Damon, just as frustrated as Bonnie at this point, loudly states, "I refuse to have hope because there's nothing to hope for!" as they turn the corner toward the front of the store. Bonnie suddenly stops in her tracks and mutters, "Pork rinds" as she looks at one of the shelves. Damon hilariously proclaims pork rinds to be "ewww" and snarks that it's not on the list, but that's not what she meant. "No, Dayyyymonnnuh," Bonnie valley-girls adorably. "There were pork rinds on this shelf. There have been pork rinds here on every shopping trip we've had for the past FOUR MONTHS." Then, out of nowhere, they start to hear this tinny, chime-y song coming from outside, so they run out to find that the small horse carousel thing in front of the store is playing, as though someone put a dime or a quarter or whatever in it to ride it. "Hmm, you hear that, Damon?" Bonnie asks smugly, clearly thrilled at this new development, while Damon just looks bewildered as fuck. "That's what hope sounds like." AWWW YEAH!

Back in the real world, Stefan and Elena have gone to talk in one of the empty lecture halls at Whitmore, where Stefan is pointing out that her hospital-garb is new look for her. Elena cutely points out that the maroon color of the polo hides all bodily fluids that she gets coated in every day while she's changing bedpans and cleaning up puke and stuff, and explains how much she really loves helping sick people get better. Stefan, like Caroline before him, can tell that something is off with Elena, so he brings up the fact that she seems happier and different, but Elena immediately turns the conversation to whether STEFAN is happy, especially after the little bit of the "dinner-from-hell" she heard about from Caroline. Stefan looks uncomfortable, but Elena figures he just feels weird about awkwardness because of Ivy (who neither Caroline nor Elena seem to know is dead) and assures him that she's just happy to see him again.

"It's been really rough, losing Bonnie the last couple months." She stops suddenly and realizes that that's a kind of glib thing to say to someone who lost their brother. She profusely apologizes, but Stefan just claims that he's been working on the "healing thing," too. He then, in a not-at-all-subtle move, changes the subject to Caroline and asks where he is, citing the fact that he wants to apologize for being a dick as his reasoning. Elena informs him that she'll be at the swimming hole today and insists that he should come, but Stefan is wary to jump into the Mystic Falls scene so soon after everything. "Stefan, they're your friends, too," Elena reminds him. "C'mon, I know that we can't hang out at the Grill anymore, but that doesn't mean we can't all spend time together. C'mon, please? If not for that, then at least to convince Caroline that Enzo is NOT new best friend material." Hearing Enzo's name piques Stefan's interest, and when he asks if Enzo will be there, he tells her he'll try  to stop by later. Ohhhhh Stefan, you gotta stop being a dick to your friends by lying to them and only pretending to hang out with them to get information on a dude you want to kill.

Meanwhile, at the Mystic Falls-adjacent diner, Caroline and Enzo are still having breakfast and going over their rules for the day. Before I get into this scene, I just want to say how much I LOVE that Caroline insists on eating human food constantly even though she doesn't need it at all anymore. It must be a residual habit from her "craving-sublimating" studies back when she was a newbie vampire. ANYWAY:

CAROLINE: "Do you understand the rules?"

ENZO: "Yeah. Rule one, don't mention Elena was madly in love with Damon, or you'll kill me."

CAROLINE: [nods] "Mmhmm."

ENZO: "Rule two, don't really reference Damon at all, or you'll kill me."

CAROLINE: "Yup."

ENZO: "Rule three, wear sunscreen, and--"

CAROLINE: [interrupts] "--Don't make fun of me!" [Enzo smiles] "It's important that we let Elena live her new, happy, problem-ignoring, zombie life the way she wants."

ENZO: "A sentence that sounded oddly supportive AND judgmental!"

LOLLLLLLL. Oh, Caroline. She insists that she totally does support Elena, and she understands that Elena did what she had to do to stop getting high on psychotropic herbs and chomping on the carotid arteries of any human she stumbles upon around the borders of her hometown. "That doesn't mean that I'm enjoying marinating all alone in my misery," Caroline admits. Enzo smiles and promises that he'll marinate with her, since he's clearly still having trouble with losing Damon. Caroline thanks him and tells him she appreciates it, but Enzo just reminds her that he isn't Stefan. "Rule number four, Don't EVER mention that jerk's name again, or--" Caroline snits in reply, but Enzo just cuts in and finishes for her. "Or, you'll kill me. Got it." He's getting up to leave when Caroline notices that he's got a suspicious red spot on his shirt near his collar. When she shrieks, "Whoa, is that blood, or pie? Please say 'pie.'" Enzo hums to himself and dabs at the stain with his finger before tasting it and snarking, "That would be... Shirley! A special off-the-menu item. This little diner is surprisingly well-stocked."

Caroline is NOT happy about this admission, and stands so she can talk to him face-to-face. She's like, "Tell me that you snatched, ate, erased," but Enzo just smirks and reminds her that if you do the first two properly, the third isn't necessary. Caroline is furious at this point that he actually straight-up killed someone while they were eating breakfast, but Enzo points out that she really shouldn't be shocked about it, since he is Damon's borderline-psychotic BFF. Caroline, ever the Sheriff's daughter, apologizes for the fact that death still shocks her, and brings up the fact death also leads to missing persons reports, which leads to police investigations. Enzo doesn't seem to be that bothered by it, though. "I'm terrified! I already have three warnings. One more is a fine," he replies before taking off for the swimming hole. God, my feelings for Enzo are a rollercoaster. Last season he sucked, but this season he's been great. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HEAD, LORENZO?

Back in Otherworldly 1994 Mystic Falls, Damon is anxiously looking through the switch box of the carousel, insisting to Bonnie that it's clearly only on because of some faulty wiring, or something. Bonnie bubbling over with hope, though, and is sure that someone dropped a dime in it and turned it on, proving that they're not alone. Damon doesn't understand why she thinks that the presence of someone else in this weirdo dimension means that they're going to get out, but Bonnie's got an answer for that, too. "Well, you say that this is your hell, right? If there's someone else here, that means it's not your hell. And, if it's not your hell, that means Grams put us here, and if Grams put us here, there's a way out." Damon hilariously refers to this as "a hell of a logic knot," but Bonnie just grins and says that now that Damon has been converted to the side of hope an optimism, she wants to know what the first thing Damon plans to say to Elena when they get home. Ohhhhh Bonnie. Ohhhh Damon. You two have no idea what is waiting for you when you get out.

Damon thinks about this for a moment, and replies, "'Sorry I killed Bonnie. But, she was the MOST annoying person  in the world." He starts to walk toward the parking lot and continues on. "She wouldn't shut up! She just kept talking. I mean, it's a wonder I made it as long as I did, but here's the thing-- I think it's better this way, because she didn't have magic, and she was pretty much useless.'" Damon is so absorbed in this spiel of his that he doesn't notice when Bonnie stops dead in her tracks at the sight of something in the parking lot. When she finally catches his attention, she points toward all of the parked cars, where Damon's precious blue Camaro is sitting in the parking lot. "I don't know, you still think I'm useless?" Bonnie asks with a smile, but Damon is so excited that he doesn't even have a witty comeback. "That's my car. That's my car!" YAYYYY! Damon + Camaro = <3 5EVA.

(via jacksparrowz)
Meanwhile, in the real world, Elena and Stefan are driving to the swimming hole, with poor Liam in the backseat as some kind of Tagalong-Cassidy. While they drive to the swimming hole, Elena outlines all of the amazing qualities of our favorite Caroline Forbes, with Stefan interjecting every once and a while to confirm Elena's assessment. "She's determined, but sweet," Elena begins. "Eternal optimist. Never forgets a birthday." She asks Stefan what else she's missing, and he adds that she never gives up on her friends. "Yes, true," Elena agrees. "She's completely loyal." Liam points out that the two of them talking Caro up so much is probably going to make it impossible to live up to these expectations, but we all know that's a damn lie. "That's another one!" Elena retorts. "Great at surpassing expectations." Liam doesn't seem to be buying it through, and incredulously asks, "So, she's perfect?" but Stefan and Elena both wholeheartedly insist that she is.

Liam turns the question to Stefan and Elena and asks them how long they've been together, which leads Elena to do the awkward-laughing denial thing. "Us? No, I'm... we're... Heh, we're not... but, I mean, we did at one point..." Stefan confirms that they're no longer together, so Liam asks if it was a recent breakup. "Because you two seem weirdly functional." They do, don't they? I've been waiting for the day when I would start to like Stelena again, because season 3 kind of ruined them for me, but now that they're no longer in love with each other and holding each other up on these pedestals, they can be the amazing soul-friends that they were always meant to be. Hooray! Anyway, Elena is in shock that it's been two years since she and Stefan broke up, which HOLY SHIT, that is actually crazy! So that means that Elena has been a vampire for over two years, too? Stefan agrees that time has flown, because holy shiiiiit. I didn't start watching the Vampire Diaries live until season 4, so this whole timeline thing is blowing my mind, I guess.

Back in Otherworldly Mystic Falls, Damon is sitting in the driver's seat of his car in the parking lot of Bell's Store, where he is quite adorably making "vroom vroom" noises while he pretends to drive his car. Bonnie stands near him and watches impatiently before asking him how much longer they're going to listen to the car's engine. "Shh, shh, shh, shh," Damon replies. "This sound is the opposite sound of your voice, and I SO enjoy it." Bonnie's more concerned with how his car got here in the first place, and asks him if he left it there in 1994, but Damon claims to have no idea, as it was eighteen years ago, and he supposedly had a lot going on that day. Yeah, I don't buy it. He and Stefan have pretty much eidetic memories and can remember the specific date of pretty much everything that has occurred in the last 165-173 years they've been alive, so I'm sure that he has a pretty good idea of what he was doing that day, and he just doesn't want to talk about it. (And, of course, I have NO idea of any of the episodes that follow this one or anything, I'm clearly just psychic and predicting the future ;))

Anyway, this just gives Bonnie more ammo for her argument. "Okay. So, you admit that it's pretty unlikely that you did," she insists, so Damon finally just sighs and admits that yes, it is very unlikely that he just happened to leave his car there in 1994. "Which would stand to reason that..." Bonnie says as she continues to prod Damon into admitting that she's totally right, so Damon finally agrees that it seems someone actually left his car there for him to find. Suddenly, Damon gets a flashback to "Home," when he and Elena were about to drive into the Grill to trigger the explosion to kill the Travelers. Elena looked over at him and fearfully whispered, "Damon...", wanting to tell him how much she loved him, but Damon just cut her off and replied, "I know." She put her hand over Damon's, and the two drove into the restaurant hand-in-hand. In the present, Damon looks up at Bonnie and confesses, "I'm gonna tell Elena how much I love her." When Bonnie smiles, he adds, "And then, I'm gonna apologize for killing you." Before Bonnie can make a snarky comment in response, se sees something behind Damon and asks him if he saw it. When he turns around, they both clearly see someone rushing behind a nearby parked car, so Damon, actually full of hope for once, admits that he did, and adds, "Let's go meet our little friend."

In the real world, Elena, Stefan, and Liam have just arrived to the swimming hole, where Liam is hilariously asking her if a lake is different from a "swimmin' hole," to which Elena replies, "SwimminG hole. Thanks for making me sound like a redneck!" When she asks him where he used to party in high school, he just shrugs and answers that they'd go to someone's house or second house, whichever one had the biggest pool. "Huh," he adds, suddenly becoming self-aware. "I guess I do brag." Elena agrees with him, and tells him that it's her turn to brag before she strips down to her bikini (which, fun fact, is actually one of Nina Dobrev's own swim suits-- thank you, TVD Wiki!) and jumps up to grab a rope hanging from the nearby tree so she can swing into the water while the party cheers her on.

Once she's on her way back out to rejoin Liam, she walks right into Jeremy, who is making out with Sarah, also known as the girl she chomped on back in "I'll Remember." She clears her throat until Jeremy finally removes himself from Sarah's face, and snarks, "Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure was a heartfelt display of true love, but I'm Jeremy's sister, and we need to have a nice little family chat." Sarah looks unimpressed and just replies, "That's why I'm a happy orphan" before she takes off. As soon as she's gone, Elena immediately goes in on him for bringing the girl she attacked to this party, but Jeremy just corrects her. "No, I brought the girl Caroline compelled to forget you attack. She doesn't know anything." Famous last words, Jeremy. Famous last words. Elena doesn't get why he would even risk it, but Jeremy is still in his petulant teenager mode, and just snaps, "Because she looks good in a bikini. Can I go now?" Way to be charming, dude.

Nearby, Jay the Dickwad is getting his drink on and leering at Sarah while she passes him. Matt notices his interest in her and tries to change the topic to his drunkenness, and informs him that if he pukes in his truck, he's going to kill him. "You know, Dog-Bite-Girl's kind of hot. In, like, a trashy way, though." Welp, that's all I needed to hear for me to start rooting for this guy to get offed, like PRONTO. Misogyny like that is seriously something for which I have absolutely no tolerance whatsoever. Anyway, Matt asks him why he keeps calling her that, so Jay starts in on a topic he's clearly been itching to talk about for a while. "Because it's ridiculous. What kind of dog bites you in the neck?" Tyler approaches them from behind Jay and points out that he's seen some pretty vicious dogs in his day, which LOL, that is seriously hilarious to me. Matt, desperate to change the subject once again, asks Tyler what's up, so Tyler informs him that he just heard from Elena, who wants to see them. Jay's not really ready to give up the supernatural talk, though, and interrupts them.

"Hold on-- are you tell me that you think a girl with two puncture wounds in her neck got bit by a dog?" Tyler, wanting to protect his friends as much as Matt does (and, having formerly been a vampire, understands accidentally getting overwhelmed by bloodlust much better than Matt can) insists that if Sarah said that's what happened, then that's what happened, which doesn't satisfy Jay whatsoever. He calls Tyler an idiot, and though Tyler tries to resist a confrontation due to his lycanthropy-induced rage issues, he still replies, "And YOU'RE a wasted douchebag. We all have faults." Zing! Tyler 1, Dickwad 0. Jay gets in his face and asks him if he's interested in saying that a little louder, but Matt immediately orders him to back off, not wanting a fight to break out that could cause Tyler to snap.

"No, no, no. I think you just called me a douchebag. I just want to make sure." He shoves Tyler in the chest, so Matt jumps in between them and states, "Whoa, Jay! Jay, what you're doing right now? Definition of a douchebag." Jay calms down quickly and just smiles, and tells Matt to chill out, because he was just kidding. He asks them if they want any beers, and Matt, desperate to get rid of him for a while, informs him that they do, despite the fact that Matt's the designated driver and Tyler has sworn off booze for the time being. Matt then turns to Tyler and apologizes for Jay's behavior, but I think he gets it.

In the woods, Elena is trying to call Stefan, who seems to have disappeared once he arrived with her and Liam to the swimming hole. When it goes straight to voicemail, Caroline appears behind Elena and snits, "Yeah, not answering is one of his new things." Elena points out that Stefan said he came to apologize to her for his behavior during the disaster dinner in the last episode, but Caroline is still not surprised. "Lying. Also one of his new things. Stefan has a lot of new things." When Matt and Tyler finally show up, she asks them if they've seen Stefan, but Matt just replies that he had no idea Stefan was even back. "So, you want to fill us in on what we're doing here?" Tyler asks, and Elena is almost offended that they haven't figured it out.

"You don't remember this place? We used to sneak off here and get wasted while our parents were grilling. Granted, we all have a few less parents, but we can still have fun!" Oh god, I just remembered that all of them have at least one parent who has died in the last three years (Elena actually has FOUR parents, both biological and adopted, Tyler lost both of his, and Caroline lost her dad. Technically, Matt's parents are both alive as far as we know, but they might as well be dead since Matt pretty much raised himself. It's the Mystic Falls Curse, I guess.) Anyway, Elena has a bunch of jello shots in her hands and offers them to her pals, but the boys reject them, given that Matt's the DD and Tyler is trying his best not to hulk out on anyone after nearly choking Luke Parker to death in the premiere.

"Okay, well, I don't want to sound like an alcoholic, but I DO want a shot, so will someone do one with me?" Elena asks hopefully. Caroline raises her hand and assures her that she will, so they both take their shot and clink them together in cheers before gulping them down. "Mmm! Well... here we are, having fun. I'm having fun. Aren't we having fun? This is really fun." Elena quickly realizes Caroline's sarcasm about all of this, so she admits that she clearly made a mistake in throwing this party-- she just really wanted to be able to have a fun time with her best friends, where they could reconnect and catch up and pretend like they're not all drifting apart after the deaths of Bonnie and Damon, and the anti-magic spell keeping the undead members of the MFG from returning to their homes. Caroline, obviously still in a mood now that Elena has had all her grief about Damon's death compelled, replies, "Well, that's the problem, Elena. Not all of us are okay with pretending. Some of us prefer to face our problems head-on."

Elena is confused, naturally, and Tyler and Matt just look awkward and uncomfortable, not wanting to get in the middle of a girl fight, so they both are like, "Yeah, so we've gotta go do a thing, so..." and take off before they can get roped into it. Once they're gone, Elena asks Caroline what's going on with her, which makes Caroline star to feel bad about what she just said, so she just shrugs and confesses that she's just lonely, since Bonnie's dead, Stefan might as well be, since he's not interested in staying in touch, and Enzo has turned out to be the same murderous borderline sociopath that he's always been. Elena insists that she's still here, but since Caroline can't tell her that she's not exactly the same Elena post-compulsion, she's just like, "Yeah, you're still here." Elena turns to grab another shot and doesn't notice that Caroline got up and left while her back was turned, and she looks really bummed when she finds herself alone in the forest with a fistful of jello shots. Aw, Elena. :( Aw, Caroline. :( Aw, everyone. :( :( :(

Meanwhile, in Otherworldly 1994 Mystic Falls, Bonnie and Damon are still searching for their mysterious fellow prisoner of this weirdo dimension. Bonnie insists that the person went behind the pick-up truck, but Damon argues that it was in the front. Suddenly, they notice a tarp in the back of the truck that is fluttering in the wind, which basically deflates all of their hopes and dreams about having someone else in their new world. Damon sighs, and only becomes more discouraged when the carousel in front of the store turns itself on and starts to play, leading them to realize that it's on a timer. Bonnie reminds him that his car was just sitting in the parking lot, waiting for them, but Damon is sure that he must have just left it back there in 1994, which I think is bullshit, because wouldn't they have noticed it during their other numerous shopping trips over the last four months? STOP BEING PETER PESSIMIST, DAMON. When Bonnie brings up the filled-in crossword, Damon goes into full-on negative mode. "You filled it out, Bonnie. Which means we're alone in my own hell with no Grams escape-hatch. We're never getting out." Bonnie, frustrated beyond belief, loses her temper and goes IN on Damon by first demanding that he give her his daylight ring. When Damon is like, "Uh, what?" Bonnie once again repeats her demand and tries to rip it off his hand when he doesn't do it. "All I've heard you say is that you have no hope, and that this is your hell. So, if it's so bad, why don't you just end it?" Damon, appalled and a little embarrassed, pushes her off of him, but Bonnie's not finished yet. "Hope is the only thing keeping me going, Damon. So, if you're really done, if you have none, then be done, because this isn't helping."

(via odairannies)
Too angry to deal with him, she storms off, leaving Damon feeling like a supreme asshole. He wanders back inside the store and goes to the liquor aisle, where he picks up a bottle of bourbon of the shelf. Suddenly, he hears a noise behind him, and puts the bourbon back before turning to find an incredibly cute guy, sitting in the lounge chair that is on display with some other patio furniture, eating a bag of pork rings. "Rough day, huh, Damon?" Damon just glares at him silently, so the guy backtracks a little. "Sorry, manners. I'm Kai. Nice to meet you. Pork rind?" Damon is both shocked and confused that Bonnie was actually right about not being alone, so he's completely speechless and unable to do anything but continue to stare at Kai as he munches on his disgusting chips.

At the swimming hole, it's dark now, and Elena is walking Liam back to his car. She asks him if he knows how to get back to Whitmore, and then apologizes for the lameness of the day. "Sorry. My friend Caroline's having a bit of a crisis. It's been a rough couple of months for her. She's normally really sweet." Liam admits that he's actually happy to not have met her today, because if he had, it'd be awkward for him to kiss Elena, which he totally does. Elena is clearly taken aback by this forward advance of his, but totally goes with it and kisses him back. When they pull away, Elena jokes that kissing a girl who is attempting to set him up with her best friend is a bit of a red flag, but Liam turns the smugness back on and replies, "Maybe. I have a sneaking suspicion that's your type." Ummm, what? Since when has Elena ever been the homewrecker type? Sure, Caroline had a little crush on Stefan when he first came to town, but Stefan made it clear right away that he wasn't interested in her, so it's not like she ~stole~ him from her or whatever. And yeah, Elena getting into a relationship with Damon so soon after she and Stefan broke up wasn't maybe the BEST move, but you can't really help how you feel, and let's be honest here, Stefan and Elena had been drifting apart since even before she turned into a vampire. Other than that, Elena really hasn't had any kind of relationship on the show whatsoever, so that just seems like a weird thing to say.

Nearby in the woods, Enzo has a bag of ice in each hand and is carrying them toward the party when he notices that he's being followed, and OF COURSE it's Stefan. Stefan has just thrown a stake at Enzo, which pierces one of the bags and causes ice to fall into the grass. Enzo points out that that was CAROLINE'S ice, but Stefan just shrugs and retorts, "Yeah, well, you'll be dead, so I think she'll let you off the hook." Annoyed, Enzo takes the remaining bag of ice and swings it into Stefan's face, knocking him off-balance, but he quickly gets back to his feet. "I don't want to kill you, Stefan," Enzo states with a sigh, and when he hears a noise behind Stefan, he picks up the stake Stefan shot at him and throws it in Stefan's direction, which flies past Stefan's head and embeds itself into Jay's neck. Jay falls dead to the ground, his stake-shooting crossbow tumbling out of his hands in the process, as Enzo quips, "But, it looks like HE did."

Back at the party, Caroline is checking up on the drinks table, where she opens a cooler and finds that it's totally empty. "I thought I told Enzo to go get more ice," she mutters to herself, which is overheard by a nearby girl. "Did you do it in that tone?" the girl asks. "Because I think I know why he didn't." Caroline, unamused after all of the day's events, turns on the compulsion eyes and mind-whammies the girl into getting her ice instead. Jeremy approaches Caroline just as the girl is leaving to do what she was ordered to do and points out that he thought this party was supposed to be about having fun, but Caroline is SO not in the mood. "Is that why you brought your latest fling in a series of sad attempts to pretend like you don't care about Bonnie? To have fun?" WHOA. I mean, yeah, that's totally harsh of Caroline, and it's obvious that she's overwhelmed by how alone she feels, since Elena has had the majority of her grief compelled away, and Stefan isn't around to wallow with her, but I don't know, you guys, I still feel like it's something that he needed to hear. Jeremy doesn't look so much offended as he does surprised that she'd even say that, but before they can discuss the matter further, Caroline gets a text from Enzo that reads, "We have a problem."

Enzo is trying to clean up after killing Jay, and hilarious chirps, "Right. Cavalry's on their way, so why don't we put a pin in our little spat 'til this all gets sorted, eh?" The last thing Stefan wants is to drop this, though, because much like his vendetta against Klaus after he lost Elena and his humanity and became a Ripper again in Season 3, going after Enzo for what he did to Ivy and for what he said about his relationship with Damon is his new distraction to keep him from thinking about just how lost he is without his big brother. Stefan picks up Jay's crossbow and aims in at Enzo, insisting that he's not really interested in an armistice, which completely exasperates him. "You've got to be bloody kidding me!" Enzo groans. "I just saved your life!" Stefan reminds him that he did that so he can give him a lifetime of misery on Damon's behalf, and adds, "Well, that's fine. I'm just gonna shorten the lifetime." 

Caroline must have somehow heard the commotion nearby, because she zoops on over to where the boys are fighting and stands in between them, shielding Enzo with her body. "Good news, Caroline!" Enzo explains cheerfully. "I thwarted a vampire hunter! Bad news? Stefan has become a vampire hunter." Caroline turns to Stefan and asks him what the fuck he thinks he's doing, but Stefan, who apparently can't help but be the biggest dick of all time whenever he's around her, just snaps at her to ask him and leaves. Caroline, frustrated as hell, turns back to Enzo and asks him what the hell he did. Oh, Jesus, Stefan, can you just get over yourself and let Caroline help you already? This is getting fucking ridiculous.

Back in Otherworldly 1994 Mystic Falls, Kai is still continuing to eat his way through a bag of pork rinds while Damon, clearly agitated, stands nearby. He tells Kai to quit it with the pork rinds, because he's been eating them in the most loud and obnoxious way ever, but Kai just scoffs. "Oh, you think this is annoying? Hmmm. Try listening to you and Bonnie bicker every five minutes!" Damon assumes this means that Kai really has been following them, to which Kai is like, "Duh!", since there's nothing else to do in this dimension except watch them like a creeper as they fight and plan what the fuck they're going to do to get out. "This has been a monumentally bad day in a SEA of bad days, so I'm gonna need to know who you are, what you're doing here, and how it relates to me, or I'm gonna rip your throat out." Kai just calmly points out that Damon's temper is going to get him in trouble, especially since it's driven Bonnie away from him at least thirteen times since they got to this weirdo place, because he's totally been counting.

"You think my temper's bad with her?" Damon asks in annoyance. "I LIKE her. You? Not so much." He vamp-speeds toward Kai and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, so Kai starts to put up his hands in surrender and apologizes for his rustiness when it comes to talking to actual people. Damon drops him back onto his feet and demands answers, so Kai suggests that maybe Damon should have some bourbon. "That usually calms you down. Then, it makes you angry, then sad, then calm again. It's a weird cycle. And, look, if you really want to know the reason I'm following you, it's... because I want to kill you." Damon has already taken a swig of the bourbon by this point, and immediately starts sputtering as he desperately tries to cough it out, his lips and the skin around his mouth sizzling and burning from the booze. "Vervain in your bourbon," Kai reveals. "Who didn't see that one coming?"

After the break, we return to Bell's Store, where Kai has just grabbed the wooden umbrella from a nearby patio table and broken it in half to make a stake. "Now, I'm a little unfamiliar with vampires, but, from what I've gathered, a stake in the heart should do it, right?" Damon thrusts his hand forward to attack him, but Kai just stabs it, causing Damon to scream out in pain. "You can always fight dirty, Damon. Like that time you and Bonnie played Monopoly, and you stole from the bank? Not cool." Damon insists that he's going to rip his head off as he manages to free his hand, but Kai is sure that he won't. He uses the makeshift stake to smash all of the bottles of bourbon off the shelf as he admits that since he had no idea which bottle Damon would grab, he decided to vervain them all. The herb-laced booze splashes against Damon's skin and burns it, causing him to groan in pain. Kai lifts the stake into the air and is fully ready to stab Damon with it when our queen Bonnie finally arrives and growls, "Stay away from him."

Kai isn't so impressed, though. "The useless one is here!" he crows. "Thank God! I've watched you try to do magic for months now. What are you going to do, fail at me? It's embarrassing. I'm EMBARRASSED for you." Bonnie glances over at Damon, who is staring at her hopefully, before she turns toward the shelf, where a candle is sitting. Suddenly, the candle bursts into flames, causing Damon to practically pee his pants in relief and pride for his BFF's return to witchcraft. Kai's face falls, all, "I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE," and Bonnie tells Damon to run, which he wastes no time doing. Bonnie, still smirking at Kai, emphatically states, "Phesmatos. Incendia," which causes all of the spilled booze to catch on fire, surrounding Kai with two huge walls of flames. Kai immediately surrenders, which just makes Bonnie even more pleased. "Giving up so soon? I'm embarrassed for you," she chirps, just before Damon knocks him out by whacking him over the head with another patio umbrella. "Sorry I called you the most annoying person in the world," Damon says apologetically. "I hadn't met him yet." Bonnie just smiled at him, because HOPE HAS BEEN RETURNED TO THE GOOD BROSHIP BAMON.

(via maliahales)
Back in the real world, Matt and Tyler are in the middle of loading the empty kegs into the back of Matt's truck. Tyler notices one of them has a dent in it and asks Matt if it was always like that, but when Matt was just like, "I don't know, who cares?" Tyler points out that he was lent them by Liv and obviously doesn't want to piss her off even more by fucking up her work stuff. "Oh, is that when you lent Matt your manhood?" Matt asks, in an uncharacteristic display of misogyny, though I imagine it's just payback for Tyler giving Matt so much shit when he was dating Caroline alllll the way back in Season 2. They're about to finish loading up when Enzo shows up with Jay's corpse thrown over his shoulder and unceremoniously dumps it in the back of the truck.

"Actually, don't. I'm in need of an empty trunk bed," Enzo says without even asking permission. Tyler immediately identifies the dead body as being Jay's, which instantly makes Matt furious. When he asks what the fuck Enzo did to his friend, Enzo insists that he was just trying to avoid the stake that Jay was trying to shoot at Stefan and himself. Matt is completely thrown by this revelation, and Enzo takes pleasure in replying, "Ah, you didn't realize your friend was a vampire hunter? Well, you do now." Matt is overwhelmed with all his feelings of anger, confusion, betrayal, etc, and argues that it's not possible, but Enzo isn't really full of empathy at the moment. "Yes, it is, and as much as I'd like to watch you process what I'm sure is a dreadful revelation, I need to bury the body." Tyler, who as likely been in this position at least once before, wastes no time throwing the keys to Enzo and ordering him to get the fuck out of there and do what he needs to do.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the woods, Caroline sees Stefan in the woods and calls out to him, but he tries to avoid her, leaving her no choice but to vamp-speed in front of him to block his path so they can have yet another heart-wrenching conversation.

CAROLINE: "Stop, okay? I'm sorry. I did NOT know about Ivy, but..." 

STEFAN: "But, what? What? I was fooling myself? I was using her as an escape? Yeah, I know what you think, Caroline."

CAROLINE: [hurt] "Well, actually, I was gonna say, 'But killing Enzo won't bring her back...'"

STEFAN: "No, but it WILL stop him from reminding me of my brother. I kill him, I can leave this place, and I can start over again."

CAROLINE: [angry] "So THAT'S why you left all those messages on my phone, promising apologies? THAT'S why you visited Elena? That's why you came to this party? Just to kill Enzo and start over?"

STEFAN: "Yup."

CAROLINE: "I don't believe you. I know that a part of you misses this place, and these people, your FRIENDS. I know that being back here reminds you how much we need you, how much... I need you. But, if I'm wrong, then go. Start over. But, God, if I'm right, if just a little part of you came back to check on Elena, who's had an unbearable four months, or Alaric, who just came back from the dead, or me... If even just a small, little part of you came back to check on me.... then stay."

OMG CAROLINE STOP MAKING ME CRY. Stefan, who at this point has no idea how to not be a dick to Caroline and who is so fucking oblivious to the fact that she clearly has a huge crush on him and values his friendship more than pretty much anyone else, just stares at Caroline for a moment before silently turning around and walking away. Caroline immediately starts crying, and Elena, who, unbeknownst to Caroline and Stefan was listening to their conversation, sees her bestie crying and walks over to her to give her a hug and comfort her. GOD STEFAN GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, this is TWICE now that you've made my girl burst into tears in a bad way, and I am not here for it.

Jeremy is over at the drinks table, making himself yet another cocktail, when he sees the girl that Caroline compelled earlier. He's like, "Hey, weren't you getting ice?" but the girl just replies, "I was, 'til I realized how mean that girl was to me." Jeremy is visibly concerned and asks her how she came to this conclusion, so the girl explains, "Um, I have self-respect? It may have taken me 'til I was halfway to the Sip & Serve to realize it, but I have it." Now totally alarmed, Jeremy asks her where halfway to the gas station was, but the girl isn't sure, though she thinks it's near Route 13 when you get into town. She apologizes for his warm booze and then takes off, leaving Jeremy to come to a very scary realization. He rushes over to Caroline and Elena and asks them if they've seen Sarah, but when they reply that they haven't, Jeremy points out that there's no ice. "I think you'll live, Jer," Elena says as she laughs, but Jeremy gets to the actual point of that statement-- Caroline compelled the unknown girl to go get ice, and she didn't.

Caroline immediately assumes she must have been on vervain, but Jeremy points out that she was totally going to do it until she hit Mystic Falls. Caroline suddenly realizes where Jeremy is going with this, and gasps. "Compulsion is magic..." OH SHIT! OHHHH SHIIIIIIIT! Jeremy reminds them of an even more shocking implication of this revelation: this means that anyone who has ever been compelled to do or forget something and has come through the anti-magic force-field around the town has had all of their compulsion stripped away. "So, Sarah, the girl you attacked," Jeremy adds as he looks at Elena, and then turns to Caroline. "And YOU compelled..." "...Knows what I am," Elena finishes for him. THIS IS A DISASTER. And, let's be real, we know pretty much EVERYONE who has lived in Mystic Falls for a significant amount of time has been compelled at least once, so this could have all sorts of consequences. Eeeeeep!

Over in Otherworldly 1994 Mystic Falls, Bonnie and Damon have brought Kai back to the boarding house, where they have tied him to a chair. He finally starts to wake up after having been KO'd by Damon at the grocery store and finds that Damon is holding a bag of pork rinds in his hands. Damon informs him that now that he's finally conscious, they're going to move on to the Q&A portion of their conversation. Kai assumes that he'll get a pork rind if he answers correctly and gets stabbed with a poker if he gets it wrong, but Damon just laughs. "What? No, no, no. These are for ME. You just get the poker." I thought Damon hated pork rinds? Ugh, those things are so fucking gross. I get, like, war flashbacks every time I see them, because every time my mom has gone on the low-carb diet, she always buys pork rinds to eat as snacks and the sight/smell of them always makes me want to barf. ANYWAY, Kai insists that Damon doesn't need to poker him to death, because they're all on the same team. "Really?" Bonnie asks incredulously. "Do you always try and kill your teammates?" That's when Kai gets to the good stuff.

KAI: "The important thing is that you have your magic back. It worked! [Bonnie and Damon look at each other in confusion] What? You--you didn't REALLY think I'd kill Damon, did you? [He laughs] In what universe does that make sense? Who would kill one third of our population? I'm not a monster. I knew Bonnie would show up. She always comes back, all thirteen times, and I knew with the right motivation, she'd be able to access her magic. Although, I--I did get a LITTLE worried with all your bickering that Damon's life wouldn't be enough motivation. [Bonnie and Damon glare at him, not at all amused] But, turns out it was! I guess that's just how you two show your love!"

BONNIE: [skeptical] "So, you did ALL that, just to make sure I would have my magic?"

KAI: "Of course I did! Because your magic is the key to getting the hell out of here."

YESSSS YESSSSS YESSSSSSS I LOVE THE SOUND OF THAT. Obviously, Kai is a huge weirdo at best and a psychopath at worst, but I just really want Damon and Bonnie both to get back to the real world so badly that I don't really care about the consequences. MAKE IT HAPPEN, CAROLINE DRIES.

Back in reality, Tyler is trying to comfort Matt about Jay's death in the woods while they wait with the empty kegs. Tyler suggests that it could be an isolated incident and that Jay could have been working alone, but Matt doesn't seem convinced. "Yeah. Maybe Jay, who I've known since I was ten, somehow became a vampire-hunter on his own," he replies quietly. "I'm such an idiot. I spent all summer training with a Founding Family member, thinking that he was only worried about protecting old ladies from being mugged." Their conversation is cut off when Liv pulls up to them in her truck and immediately snits that she definitely didn't want to spend her Saturday night doing this before ordering them to load up the kegs. When she asks them what happened to Matt's truck, he just mutters that it's complicated, and Tyler, both wanting alone time with Liv and knowing that Matt's got too much on his mind, assures him that he's got this all covered and suggests that he go home.

"Sad jocks are kind of like sad clowns," Liv remarks, after Matt is out of earshot. "You know, they're pathetic, but kind of hilarious." Tyler is not at all in the mood and tells her as much, but Liv just keeps pushing his buttons. "Uh-oh. That sounded like a threat." Tyler insists that it's not, it's just a polite request, but Liv decides to respond by telekinetically knocking over the keg that Tyler was about to pick up. "Oops!" she chirps, but Tyler, clearly irritated, just sighs and goes to pick it up again. Liv, who clearly has never heard the expression "don't poke the bear," once again uses her magic to roll the keg away from Tyler, which ultimately sets him off so badly that he corners Liv against the side of her truck and grabs her a little roughly by the arms. "Is this this what you want? You want to see me break? Why?" She finally realizes that she's being a huge jerk, and makes a pretty surprising admission. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just easier for me if you're an aggressive, unlikable dick." When Tyler asks her why, she confesses that it's so she doesn't have to worry about falling for him. Tyler is shocked, and the two stare at each othr for a long moment until Liv shoves Tyler away from her and goes to get into her truck, leaving Tyler to load up the back.

(via teamlockwood)
Elena and Caroline have made it back to the dorm room, where Elena is on the phone with Jeremy, who informs her that he looked through every room of the boarding house and couldn't find Sarah anywhere, and adds that it looks like she trashed the place before she took off. Elena sighs and replies that she and Caroline will go patrol the borders to see if she's there, so Jeremy assures her that he'll keep looking in town and will call her if he finds out anything. After they hang up, Caroline returns to the room and asks Elena if she can leave her clothes in her room while they're out doing their search party. Naturally, Elena assures her that it's totally fine, so Caroline hesitantly takes it a step further. "I also was thinking that, you know, if there ARE vampire hunters on the loose, then living alone right by their home base is probably not a good idea." Elena just smiles and replies, "Is this an official unpack? Because your moving method is so confusing..." Caroline giggles and confirms that she is officially moving back in, before she apologizes for being mean to her earlier. "Sometimes, it just seems like you have your secret way to move on..." she adds vaguely, not wanting to spill the beans about the compulsion.

When she starts putting her clothes away, she finds a shirt in one of the drawers and pulls it out before she realizes that it's Bonnie's. When Caroline points this out, Elena just gives her a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, there we go. You just discovered my secret of moving on-- Sometimes, I don't." Caroline confesses that she misses Bonnie, and Mystic Falls, and her old life, and adds, "And, I miss..." She trails off, but Elena knows Caroline better than anyone, so she finishes her sentence for her. "...Stefan?" Caroline confirms that, yes, she does miss Stefan, which leads Elena to ask her if she had feelings for Stefan or something, though there is not a hint of jealousy, judgement, or any other negative emotion in her voice. Caroline hesitates for a moment and admits, "Yeah, I think maybe I did." She then changes the subject to Sarah and reminds her that they should probably find that girl before she outs them all to the whole town. Aw, girls! I like how chill Elena was about the whole Stefan/Caroline thing. I have a feeling that it's Stefan and Elena's history that is really keeping Caroline from pursuing anything, so if Elena is giving her vote of approval, that should definitely help. Now, all Stefan needs to do is realize that Caroline is basically the best potential girlfriend he could ever have and actually start treating her right!

Finally, we return to the diner where Caroline and Enzo had breakfast earlier, where Enzo is sitting at the bar by the kitchen. Tripp comes in and sits down next to him, asking if he's had a rough night, and Enzo unwisely admits that no, he hasn't, actually. He snaps his fingers and points out that having some service would be awesome, which is when Tripp's true intentions come out. "My fault, sorry. I sent her home for the night. Can't have you killing any more of the wait staff." Before Enzo can process this, he stabs Enzo with a syringe full of vervain, but is alarmed when Enzo doesn't immediately crumple to the floor. "This normally works, doesn't it?" Enzo asks smugly. "Knocks vampires right out. See, I'm a bit different than a normal vampire. I can fight the vervain. Not for long, but..." He lunges toward Tripp and grabs Tripp by the shirt and informs him that he's going to have to take care of him.

Unfortunately for Enzo, he suddenly gets shot twice in the back with two wooden stakes by Stefan, who has finally caught up to him. Enzo lets go of Tripp and falls to the floor, his injuries overwhelming what little control Enzo had over the effects of the vervain and knocking him out. Stefan holds up the crossbow and informs Tripp that he found this on one of his guys, though he's pretty sure Enzo killed him. When Tripp asks him who he is, Stefan STUPIDLY replies that he's Stefan Salvatore, a fellow Founding Family member, which seems to impress Tripp, who thanks him for the save. Just as Stefan is about to finish Enzo off, Tripp asks if he minds if he does the killing, since he has his own way he likes to kill vampires. Stefan just hands over the crossbow and states that he doesn't give a fuck, as long as it's a painful death. JFC STEFAN, YOU ARE SUCH A DAMN IDIOT, I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS.

Next episode: Stefan teaches Elena how to start over with a new identity, while Damon informs Bonnie and Kai about what he did on May 10, 1994 that makes him think that he's living in his own hell. Yay, 90's flashbacks!

[screencaps via Screencapped]

NOTES/SPECULATION/QUESTIONS:
-BONNIE HAS HER MAGIC BACK! BONNIE HAS HER MAGIC BACK! BONNIE HAS HER MAGIC BACK! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR WHAT FEELS LIKE EIGHTY FOUR YEARS NOW! YASSSSS QUEEN OF WITCHCRAFT BONNIE HAS RETURNED!

-So, let's talk about Kai. First things first-- how the hell did he know he was no longer alone in the dimension? It looks like this dimension isn't just a snapshot of Mystic Falls on May 10, 1994, but it's a snapshot of the entire WORLD, so what are the odds he would just happen to be in Mystic Falls to figure out their arrival? I just don't get it. Secondly, how was he able to spy on them without Bonnie OR Damon (who has enhanced hearing thanks to being a vampire) noticing for four months? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, the number of which will only continue to multiply as the episodes go on.

-WHY IS STEFAN BEING SUCH AN IDIOT. Like, honestly, I don't blame him for wanting to kill Enzo-- Enzo killing Ivy was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to awful shit Enzo has done, and even though I'm really starting to like him, it doesn't make up for all of the stuff he did last season. But whyyyyy in the fuck would he get Tripp involved? Like, okay, I'm sure Stefan probably figured that Tripp would just kill him and be done with it, which would work well for him because then if anyone got pissed that Enzo died, he could just throw up his hands and be like, "I didn't kill him, TRIPP did!", but didn't he at least consider the fact that Enzo could awaken and sell ALL of them out in anger before Tripp could kill him? That just seems so damn risky. Not to mention the fact that he gave him his own damn name! Anyone could have figured out that Stefan Salvatore was born in, like, 1841-- Elena managed to figure it out just by searching for murders at the Salvatore boarding house and seeing a news clip from 1953, so I'm sure a motivated vampire hunter could easily figure it out. I don't know, guys.

-Liv and Tyler are cute. I'm shipping it. Liam, on the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about him. Jury's still out, I guess. And it's obvious that Sarah, too, is super shady, though I don't really have solid proof, aside for the stealing her boss' car thing, and the fact that she stuck around Jeremy even though she knew his vampire sister chomped on her.