The Vampire Diaries Season 6, Episode 11: "Woke Up With A Monster" Recap/Review
Things are getting super-sad in this TVD recap catch-up extravaganza, since Liz Forbes' days are officially numbered, so the next couple recaps are gonna be a doozy to write. When you add this in with the reveal that vampire blood really doesn't cure cancer and the fact that Kai is still causing all kinds of shenanigans, "Woke Up With a Monster" was a pretty intense episode, which, by the way, was directed by Paul Wesley, aka Stefan Salvatore, and he did a really good job, in my humble opinion! So, I'm just going to get on with it, yeah?
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Shady Sarah revealed herself to actually be Shady Monique, a childhood best friend to the real Sarah Salvatore. When Enzo realized that Stefan had a secret regarding Sarah that he didn't want anyone to know, he killed Monique and decided to force Matt into joining his "Let's ruin Stefan's life"-cause after Matt tried and failed to kill him. Liz was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and Caroline did not take the news well, and is still hoping beyond hope that vampire blood will cure her despite there being very little knowledge when it comes to vamp blood and cancer. The Gemini Coven was revealed to choose their leaders via a twin-merge, where the oldest set of twins in the coven merge their strength on their twenty-second birthday, causing the stronger twin to absorb the magical abilities and the life force of the weaker twin and killing them. That was supposed to be Jo and Kai's duty, but when the Parker family figured out Kai would make an absolutely horrifying leader (and the fact that he is a Siphoner witch, which is very despised by the coven because Siphoners don't have their own magic, they can only steal it from people and objects to use it), the honor fell to Liv and Luke instead. However, Liv isn't exactly keen on dying or killing her twin brother, so Jo agreed to take back her magic and be retrained so she can do the twin-merge with Kai and beat him. Oh, speaking of Kai, he sucked up all of the Traveler's anti-magic spell, so good news? The vampires can return to their homes in Mystic Falls. Bad news? Kai has a SHITLOAD of magic, and decided to use it to cloak and capture Elena when she was trying to have a date with Damon. Which is where we pick up today!
We begin the episode at the Mystic Grill, which has apparently renovated since Elena and Damon blew it up in last season's finale. Elena awakens in a chair at one of the tables, and when she looks around, she realizes she's been bound to the chair with vervain ropes, and Kai is seated across from her, eating a plate of homemade breakfast and chattering away as usual. He's explaining how since their family never went out to dinner when he was growing up, he became obsessed with chefs, so his dad taught him how to cook. Apparently, in his short time in the 21st century, Kai has grown distasteful of how food at restaurants requires no guesswork, so when Elena demands to know why she's there, he explains that he's brought Elena to the Grill to demonstrate what happens when you spend eighteen years cooking for yourself in abandoned restaurants full of 1994-style food. Elena is not at all amused, and asks him again why she's there, so Kai just laughs and replies, "Oh, you mean like, here-here, in Mystic Falls. Sorry, I'm nervous-- you're like, really pretty." What a sociopathic charmer. My skin is CRAWLING. Anyway, he goes into this really creepy, yet kind of hilarious speech that I feel compelled to transcribe so you get the full experience, because it is seriously nuts. I have never felt so conflicted about a fictional television villain before in my life, and, as you might have noticed, I watch way more television than any one person should ever watch.
Over at the Salvatore house, we get the hilarious scene of a group full of people who are still not yet accustomed to the fact that the vampires have returned to their homes. Stefan comes downstairs to the kitchen, only to find Jeremy standing completely naked, save for a towel around his waist, and pouring himself a cup of coffee. When Stefan is like, "Uh, not something I wanna see in the morning" --despite the fact that I'm pretty sure NO ONE is opposed to the sight of Steven R. McQueen's abs, pecs, and arms on display, EVER-- Jeremy just shrugs casually as he walks toward the door and replies, "Sorry, I forgot you lived here." HAHAHAHAHA. Stefan sighs when he realizes Jeremy didn't leave him any coffee, which is just rude if you ask me, before he hears a clattering sound in the next room and reluctantly goes to check on it.
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Liv and Jo are practicing magic in the living room, which apparently involved a fire spell that caused Liv's shirt to be set on fire, which then led to Liv knocking over a super old and expensive vase. When Liv asks where she can get another t-shirt, Stefan sends her to Damon's room, which cracks me up so bad, just as Alaric comes inside and joins them with a huge paper bag full of brunch food. "Oh, thank God!" Jo exclaims loudly. "Please tell me you brought mimosas!" Alaric insists he would never allow himself to watch magic school go down without booze, which leads Stefan to ask what the fuck they're doing and why the fuck it has to be in his house. Apparently, the answers to those questions are "Because Liv has Jo on a thirty day regimen to whip her rusty magic skills into Gemini Coven leader-level power to guarantee Kai dies in the merge" and "Because Damon feels guilty," which is also hilarious. "Well, that's new," Stefan remarks, before asking him where Damon is.
Damon, as it turns out, is at the hospital, where he is snoozing in an armchair next to Liz's bed. That is seriously the cutest thing ever, I love their friendship so damn much! Liz, who is already awake, sees him start to stir and points out that she dropped extra dinero to ensure she'd have a single room, but Damon just retorts, "Well, you clearly underestimate the number of women who'd die to spend a night with me!" Liz's response? "Well, I'm not dead, yet." God, between losing out on Liz/Caroline moments and Liz/Damon moments and just Liz being awesome moments, I am just so depressed about her death. How did we grow to love a recurring character this much? In supernatural shows like TVD, you learn pretty quickly not to get attached to anyone who isn't a main character, and even then, they're not immune to death (see: Vicki Donovan, Jenna Sommers, Alaric Saltzman, Katerina Petrova). Liz must truly be in need of a distraction, because she voluntarily asks him about the status of his relationships with Elena and Alaric, which is something that very few of his friends actually have the patience to get into in depth.
He first states that all he got in response to Elena's "blowoff" (which was actually a "capture-by-psychopath," but Damon doesn't know that yet) was a text message that said "Something came up at the dorm, had to bail. Can we raincheck?" with a cold-shower Emoji, before he turns the subject to Alaric and outlines his plan to win back his friendship. "Well, baby steps. Step one: allow him to turn my house into Hogwarts. Step two: call in a favor from the Sheriff, ask her to put out an APB on a super-charged serial killer named Kai Parker." While I respect Damon's plan, I don't see how they think that the police will be able to do anything to take down Kai, when he managed to take out a trained hunter of the supernatural, three witches, and two vampires at my last count. I mean, none of them have died (yet), but their response was basically to flee and regroup, so I stand by my original statement. Regardless, Liz apparently isn't worried, because she assures him that they're already on it, though no one matching Kai's description has popped up since last night.
Just then, Caroline comes in with a kale smoothie-- she literally compelled the hospital staff to buy a juicer AND start using it-- because it is believed to improve DNA cell repair and slow cancer. She then offers to get Liz another blanket, which leads Damon to make some unhelpful snarky comments about smothering her, but this is just her way of dealing with the fact that Liz has apparently opted to go with medical science and not vampire blood as a cancer treatment. She points out that since surgery is impossible due to the location of the tumors and neither chemo nor radiation will work either because the tumors are growing too quickly for it to be helpful, and then demands that Damon jump in to support her, which again, does not end the way she wants it to end.
"Well, I think that would require you having my support," Damon replies bluntly, which DUDE, COME ON-- I know you're all grumpy about Elena and Alaric, but the girl's mother is dying-- I think that warrants a little sympathy. Caroline is super offended that he doesn't think vampire blood will work, but Damon does kind of have a point. "For 170-odd years, I've never known an instance where our blood cured cancer," Damon replies. "But hey, Sheriff, if you want to be a guinea pig in an experimental study involving weird, unpredictable magic... Far be it from me to stop you." I know that Damon is right, but it is also nice to know that Damon was also under the impression that werewolves didn't exist solely because he had never come upon one, and that obviously ended up being false, so maybe he shouldn't be making assumptions. Anyway, Liz knows Caroline better than anyone and cares about her feelings way more than Damon apparently does, so she puts it in a nicer way-- for now, she's going with science, which means going home, having a quiet day, and waiting for more MRI results.
Damon stands to his feet and insists that "Mommy knows best" before excusing himself, as he has to go check to make sure that the new Hogwarts School for Middle-Aged Witches hasn't been burned to the ground. I don't know, guys, I'm still conflicted about this whole vampire blood/cancer thing. Like, the scientific explanation we end up getting for it does actually make sense, based on what I learned about cancer in my nursing classes, so I'll explain it briefly as best as I can, but it's kind of a SPOILER ALERT for the next episode, so you've been warned.
Basically, the reason why cancer is so aggressive and hard to treat is because cancer cells don't have the "suicide buttons" that allow regular cells to basically kill themselves when they get old and worn-out and can't do their jobs anymore. So, cancer cells are technically immortal, much like our vampire friends here, which is why they can only be removed by surgery, chemo, or radiation, all of which aren't even total guarantees, because all it takes is one or two cancer cells to remain to repopulate and reform into a new tumor. Cancer cells are so strategic about multiplying themselves and taking over various organs and tissues that they can actually produce enzymes that cause the human body to create new blood vessels and capillaries that allow the tumors to eventually get a direct line to the bloodstream, sucking up all the oxygen and nutrients and getting bigger and stronger. So, vampire blood and its regenerative qualities ends up making the cancer cells even more aggressive, so what was once state 4 cancer ends up turning into a stage so severe they don't even have a real number for it.
So, the science is there, which is suprising, but I don't know, guys. I just wish there had been indications that there were other things that vampire blood can't cure earlier, considering we've seen it cure literally EVERYTHING from necrotizing fasciitis to chronic shoulder joint inflammation to rare heart defects and near-fatal bullet/stab wounds. It's like the opposite of a convenient out-- it just feels like some arbitrary rule to excuse killing off a character, when they could have utilized something else.
Anyway, but I digress! Back at the boarding house, Liv is on the phone with Tyler while she rummages through Damon's drawers. "Damon may be a vile creature, but he has the best clothes," Liv quips as she pulls out one of his many black v-necks. When you think about it, Liv and Damon do have a similar fashion aesthetic, so that makes sense. Tyler is walking through Whitmore's campus and asks if he should be wondering why she's shirtless in Damon's bedroom, which gets him a little teasing from Liv. "You must be feeling such mixed emotions right now," Liv remarks, which probably spawned a shitload of Tyler/Liv/Damon OT3 fanfic online somewhere. When Tyler turns the topic to Jo and her magical retraining, Liv admits that it's going terribly, and that not only is Jo having a terrible time getting the hang of it again, but if she had to merge with Kai that day, she'd lose in seconds. Tyler insists that she still has time to get Jo back into fighting form before asking her if Luke has been involved at all, but as it turns out, Liv has been screening his texts and calls. Tyler worries what will happen if Luke finds out what they're planning, since I think he conveniently missed all of the drama that occurred after he left in the last episode, but Liv promises that he won't before hanging up, closing Damon's dresser drawers. and putting on one of his v-necks. Which, of course, means that Luke will be finding out shortly, because that's just the kind of luck these people have.
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At the Forbes house, Caroline and Liz have just arrived, and Caroline is super pumped to be able to finally return to her house. She is amazed and touched by the fact that Liz kept Caroline's orchid alive while she was gone, but Liz remarks that she wanted to make sure everything was exactly the way she left it when she was finally able to come home. Just then, Stefan arrives, and when Liz senses a scheme afoot, Caroline informs her that Stefan volunteered to move her entertainment center downstairs in the living room so that she can watch TV from her favorite chair, which is both super nice and also kind of silly, because as Liz points out, they could have just moved her chair, but whatevs. When Liz catches Stefan staring at her with worry, she's all, "What's the matter? You've never seen anyone with Stage 4 cancer before?" Stefan sheepishly admits that he hasn't, because since vampires who integrate into human life have to start over every couple of decades, real life has a way of never catching up with them. Caroline isn't fond of this buzzkill conversation, so she hands her mother the complete Friends boxset and informs her that if she starts right now, Caroline will be back in time for Monica and Chandler's wedding, which is seriously hilarious to me. "Stefan, you know how to laugh, right?" she asks sarcastically, but Stefan just shrugs and hilariously replies, "Opinions vary. Wait, why? Are you leaving?"
Caroline reminds them that every minute counts, so she's getting a second opinion from one of the world's leading experts in Stage 4 glioblastoma, and when Caroline gets a stern look from Liz, she insists that since she couldn't sleep, she did some Googling. Her mother asks her where it is she's actually going, so Caroline informs her that the expert is at Duke University. This piques Stefan's interest, since that's where the real Sarah Salvatore goes to school, and so he offers to drive Caroline there, since he wanted to go there sometime soon and "check in on a friend." Caroline just gives him a blank look before retorting, "Stefan, I know all of your friends. Elena. Me." She pretends to think for a moment to search through all the names in her head before adding, "And that's it." Hey! He also has Damon. That makes three! Regardless, Liz love her daughter, but she is also ready to get away from the smothering for a bit and relax, so she insists that she would feel much better if Caroline had some company for the road before thanking Stefan for offering to go with her. Stefan nods in acknowledgement as Caroline squeezes Liz in the tightest hug and assures her that she'll be calling her every hour on the hour, and she laughs before replying that she will literally set her watch by it. God, these Stefan/Liz/Caroline interactions are already killing me-- I'm probably going to be crying my way through these next few recaps. The two women tell each other that they love them before Caroline and Stefan leave, allowing Liz to collapse exhaustedly into her chair.
Meanwhile, at the high school, things are not going so well for Elena. She awakens once again to find her wrists bound and suspended from the ceiling while Kai looks around the hallway curiously. When Elena asks him why he brought her there, Kai replies, "They have plenty of restrooms, no flammable surfaces, and everyone's on winter break," before insisting that the reason all the kids in America "got dumb" while he was in the prison world is because they're never in school. Um, I'm pretty sure they still had winter break in the late 1980s-early 1990s, ya dick. Elena tries her best to break free while Kai is distracted by the photos and trophies in the trophy case. He notices the cheerleading photo with Elena and Bonnie. "Is that you?" he asks curiously. "Oh, and there's Bonnie. You guys look so innocent. Smiling, like nothing bad could ever happen to you." He then straightens up and walks back to her before asking her if she minds if he turns her blood into acid again, and when Elena is understandably like, "Uh, again?" he admits that he started it at the Grill, but when he accidentally burst a few important blood vessels in her brain, she blacked out and he brought her here. Wonderful!
Elena unwisely tries to plead with him that he doesn't have to do any of this, but COME ON, ELENA-- this is not the first psychopath you have met before. Use your brain! So, as predicted, this does nothing to stop him, and he starts chanting all kinds of Latin at Elena. Fortunately for her, it doesn't turn her blood into acid; unfortunately for her, it totally melts her daylight ring clean off her hand, despite Elena's protests to the contrary. This is finally what Elena needs to summon up some vampire adrenaline and break free and run into the closest room, which is the chemistry lab. She rushes to the sink to run water over her hand in hopes of solidifying her ring enough to keep her protected, but no dice-- the ring and its stone are completely destroyed.
"Take it that ring meant something to you?" Kai asks, clearly not understanding the concept of daylight rings, probably because his interaction with vampires is limited to Damon and Elena. "I never understood sentimental attachments to things," Kai continues, while Elena searches around for something she can use as a weapon. "Because then it's SO upsetting when you lose them." Finally, Elena sees the gas valve next to the sink, and gets the bright idea to turn it on before holding her hand out into the sunlight, which catches her hand on fire and causes suuuuuch a huge fireball that it hits Kai and causes him to be thrown back out into the hallway, allowing Elena to scamper away through a door that connects to the next classroom.
Back at New Hogwarts, Jo is practicing levitating a book with Liv in the boarding house's parlor, but when Damon returns home, he breaks her concentration and the book falls. Jo insists that this mistake doesn't count because Damon distracted her, but Damon is too distracted by Liv, whom he takes one look at and exasperatedly yelps, "Are you wearing my shirt?" Liv just smiles sweetly at him, and before Damon can give her any shit about it, Damon's phone rings, and luckily for Elena, he doesn't screen unfamiliar numbers like I do. When he answers it, a frantic Elena, who is on one of the school's emergency phones, anxiously exclaims, "Damon, Kai has me at the high school! I need your help!"
(via pintasfun)
Damon is about to ask her for more information, but when Elena hears a crashing noise outside, Elena quickly hangs up the phone and runs to the door, and when she opens it, Kai is standing there, all scorched from the fireball. She falls backward and scrambles to get away from him, never once using her vampire speed to help her out, much to the chagrin of the entire TVD fandom, while Kai holds out his hand and starts doing various spells. He keeps trying to snap her neck, but instead, he ends up just accidentally flinging objects around. When Elena finally gets onto her feet to run, he successfully uses telekinesis to snap his neck, and fist-pumps victoriously as he stands over Elena's yet-again unconscious body. Damn, girl! I know she can't really run outside because of her ring being melted, but still! Use the tunnels! That's why they're fucking there! Or use your vampire abilities to put him in a sleeper hold! Or SOMETHING, at least.
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Meanwhile, Caroline and Stefan have just made it to Duke University, even though my Google-fu tells me that it is a 3 hour and 54 minute drive without traffic from Fall's Church, Virginia (which is where the fictional town of Mystic Falls is supposed to be) and Durham, North Carolina, where Duke is, so once again the TVD/TO universe's wacky time-space continuum is at play, here.
Anyway, Caroline is still skeptical about this so-called "friend" of Stefan's, but becomes too absorbed in making arrangements to consult with the glioblastoma-expert, Dr. Moore, to give him too much shit about it. Once the arrangements have been made, Caroline informs him that they're ready to see them, but Stefan, who wants to check in on his great-great-great grand-niece or whatever, assures her that he'll catch up with her in a bit, so Caroline lets him know where to meet her and leaves him to it. Stefan then approaches one of the instructors and asks where Sarah Nelson's exhibit is, so she points him in the right direction and adds, "Good choice! She's one of our best new students."
He finally manages to find her in the far corner, where she's explaining one of her photographs to a small crowd surrounding her. "According to the saying, when a child dies, an angel will take the child in her arms and fly her over all the places she loved best so she can see them one last time before she goes to Heaven," Sarah explains. "That's what I had in mind with this aerial point of view. And then, I wanted to catch the sunlight flaring off the windows because it obscures the reflection of the viewer who's looking down at them." Stefan seems both impressed by and proud of Sarah's talent, and since he can't enjoy anything ever, a familiar British accent pipes up from behind him. "Good stuff," Enzo snarks, as he moves forward to stand at Stefan's side. When Stefan demands to know what the fuck he's doing there, Enzo assures him that they're there for the same reason-- "Looking for a little... art to decorate my wall," Enzo remarks, as he casually sips his wine and looks like the cat who ate the canary. And this has totally become a fiasco! Wonderful.
Over at the oncology center of Duke's medical center, Caroline is walking down the hallway with Dr. Moore as they talk about Liz's situation. As expected, the doctor does not have the answers that Caroline is looking for whatsoever.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elena wakes up for the third time, if I'm counting correctly, to find that this time, she's bound to a table with vervain ropes. and Kai, wearing a Mystic Falls High School tshirt, is standing over her while he loudly slurps a soda. When Elena sarcastically compliments him on his shirt, he thanks her before adding, "Yeah, somebody burned my other one. Which was awesome, by the way-- I am starting to see why Damon digs you. You are crazy-pants!" Elena can't help but smirks smugly at this, which is hilarious to me, but when Kai laments the loss of his previous shirt, Elena reminds him of the whole "sentimental attachments" thing he mentioned earlier and asks him if he can really give a shit about an inanimate object, and not the actual people he kills. "Oh, is this going to be like an episode of Ricki Lake, where I come face-to-face with my demons and change for the better?" God, he is so stuck in the 1980s-1990s, and it is both hilarious and kind of annoying.
(via toriginalsdiaries)
Elena finds it hard to believe that he has never cared for anyone, so Kai admits that he was close with his brother Joey (which, REALLY? The Parkers had a daughter name Josette/Jo AND a son named Joseph/Joey? That is kind of ridiculous), with whom he played Dr. Mario. "Actually, one of my favorite memories is when I finally beat him," Kai remarks, which Elena quite unwisely assumes to mean that Kai actually has a human soul, but nope, she honestly could not be more wrong about that. "Of course, my favorite memory is when I finally beat him to death." Elena looks absolutely disgusted by this, especially when Kai insists that she should probably not waste her energy trying to change him. "If Ricki taught me anything, it's that liking yourself is the most important thing," Kai adds. "And I like me." Oh, good gods, he is so OTT it hurts.
Meanwhile, outside, Liv and Damon have just pulled into the parking lot, and when they exit Damon's Camaro, Liv sighs and remarks, "To think, a day almost went by where I wasn't roped into saving one of your friends." Damon pretty much tells her to quit with the whining and do a damn cloaking spell for him so he can grab Elena and Liv can go back to helping Jo destroy his house. She shrugs and starts setting up the candles on the hood of Damon's car, and when Damon is like, "Uh, the door to the school is right there," Liv reminds him that if Kai even glimpses her, she's a dead woman, so since she's strong enough to do the spell from outside, that's what she's going to do. Damon doesn't much care, as long as it works, but he does snark that he hopes she's better at cloaking than teaching, because judging by the damage to the boarding house, Jo's still the newbiest of newbie-witches. "Relax," Liv retorts. "With a bit of practice, she'll be merge-ready in no time." Still, judging by the look on Liv's face, she's not nearly as confident as she sounds. She's just started doing the spell when suddenly, Liv completely disappears, and Damon immediately begins to freak out. Out of nowhere, Luke appears, and he snits, "She doesn't have time for this," before muttering, "Invisique" and cloaking himself so he can presumably run off with Liv without interference, much to Damon's anger. WONDERFUL.
So, he calls up Alaric, who is on speakerphone at the boarding house, and reads him in on the situation before insisting that he needs a plan B. "Her wonder twin took her, and I can't just go blazing in there-- Kai will kill Elena to spite me. I need a witch." Jo immediately states that she can do it, but Alaric isn't so sure, and points out that she can barely light a candle. I think Alaric's been a little spoiled by Bonnie's prodigious witchcraft skills, don't you agree? Still, Jo argues that cloaking spells are easy, which is why they're the first spell a Gemini witch learns. The only problem is that since she's still out of practice, she's going to have to stay beside Damon while she does the spell, which means she's going to have to go in with him. Alaric is not a fan of this idea for obvious reasons, even though I highly doubt Kai will do much to hurt Jo, considering he needs her alive to do the merge. When he says that there has to be another option, Jeremy comes in with Alaric's crossbow and points out that he can help. "Let me guess, Jeremy's holding a crossbow," Damon snarks impatiently, and when Jo reminds them that they can't kill Kai yet, Jeremy points out that he's hardly going to let Kai kill Elena, either. "Nobody's letting anyone die!" Alaric insists, but when Damon asks if anyone has any better ideas, they all sigh in collective frustration.
At the Whitmore dorms, Luke is in his room, where he's lecturing Liv while he packs up his stuff. Apparently, Joshua is pretty pissed and wants them to come back to Portland ASAP. When Liv reminds her twin that she was just helping their friends, Luke snits that they can help themselves, and that they don't exist to be their dancing witch-monkeys before holding up a stack of books and asking her if she wants to bring them back with her.
Back in Mystic Falls, Matt is at the Grill with Liz, who he called after finding the horrifying remains of the Grill's manager when he came in to do inventory. He apologizes for bringing her in on her day off, which seems to indicate that he still doesn't know about her recent health woes, but Liz is thrilled to get out of the house and assures him that she's glad he called her. She then remarks that it's unlikely that the manager died of natural causes, which leads Matt to laugh bitterly before checking the clock on his cell phone. "Twenty-two hours and eighteen minutes," he states bluntly. "That's how long supernatural beings have been allowed back in Mystic Falls, and I already know someone who's dead because of it." Like, I get where Matt's coming from, because this is super gruesome, but this has nothing to do with vampires, for once-- it's just a psychopathic witch who's causing all this mayhem, and it's not even someone native to Mystic Falls. Still, Liz apologizes for his loss and assures him that they'll find and deal with whomever was responsible, but Matt is still on his anti-supernaturals kick and laments the fact that the attacks and cover-ups are never going to end. She tries to remind him that Mystic Falls is his home, which he loves, but before she can continue, her eyes flutter as she almost faints, and if it weren't for Matt's speedy reflexes, she likely would have smashed her head on the ground. Matt looks at her with concern and asks her if she's okay, but Liz stands to her feet with Matt's help and promises that she's fine, though Matt's definitely not convinced.
Over at Duke University Medical Center's oncology center, Caroline has just managed to compel herself into the room of Colin Phelps, the Grade IV glioblastoma patient Dr. Moore mentioned earlier. When Caroline sees that he's asleep, or at least resting with his eyes closed, she quickly goes to close the blinds in the room before setting down her purse and picking up his file as she talks to him. "Colin Phelps. Inoperable tumor," she reads aloud. "They zapped your brain with radiation for months. They still couldn't save you." She sits down next to him on his bed, and he groans a little as he stirs. "Yeah, I'd be groggy too, if I were on this many painkillers," she continues softly. "And the doctor said all they can do is make you comfortable while you wait for the end. I'm really sorry to hear that." She looks back at the file and sees that he has no next of kin, for which she also apologizes, before she scoots closer to him and explains that on her mother's chart, which also states that she has glioblastoma, the spot that reads "Next of Kin" has her name, Caroline Forbes, written in, because she's all her mother has. She then bites her wrists and puts it to Colin's mouth, which causes his heart rate to increase as he drinks the blood, his eyes opening in confusion as he does so. She leans over so she can turn the compulsion eyes on him, and adds, "Hey, I know we just met, but you're not going to remember any of this." His heart monitor's beeping starts to slow as he begins to relax, and he goes back to sleep as Caroline pulls her wrist away and continues to watch him hopefully.
At the high school, Elena is no longer tied to the table, but is instead hog-tied with vervain ropes and is leaning against a row of lockers while Kai sits cross-legged across from her and stares at her. "If the spell that you're going for is to creep me out, it's working," Elena snaps, but Kai just reaches his finger out and writes a "K" in the air, which ends up carving the letter on Elena's cheek. She yelps in pain and asks him what the hell he's doing, but he insists he's just working on his self-control before licking his thumb and wiping the blood from her cheek as it heals.
In the adjacent hallway, Jo and Damon, who are cloaked, are walking down the hall, mostly just bickering at each other. Jo remarks that she gets why Damon doesn't like her, because she's the girl who got between him and his best bro, but Damon insists it's not that, it's the fact that Alaric keeps choosing her over his oldest, dearest friends at the expense of logic and reason, which is pretty much what Bonnie fans have been complaining about all season, so I get it. However, Jo does bring up a valid point, which is that Damon probably has done the same thing for Elena, but instead of replying, he shushes her when he hears footsteps approaching. Kai apparently has heard their whispering and went to investigate, but when he turns around the corner and heads down the hall they're in, he doesn't see them, and simply mutters, "Oh-kayyyyy" before depositing his soda can in the recycling bin and returning to Elena. Jo is super impressed that her cloaking spell actually work, but I'm more surprised by the fact that Kai, who has killed men, women, and probably puppies, actually recycles! Who knew?
Enzo and Stefan are still at the Duke University photography exhibition, where Stefan asks him if he's here to make some demand or what. "I only came to see what you were up to today," Enzo answers with a shrug. "I had unanswered questions, and you've left me with a few." One of those questions is, what secret does Stefan have that's so bad that he'd be willing to let him kill that shady con-artist Monique? To answer those questions, Enzo staked out the boarding house and then followed Stefan and Caroline in Stefan's completely conspicuous red Porsche all the way to North Caroline, which seems a little excessive and creepy, even for Enzo. Stefan is weirded out and asks him what he even cares so much, but as usual, it all comes back to Enzo's intense love affair with Damon. "Well, it seems that Damon is unaware that the branches of his family tree might extend beyond just you," Enzo explains. "Call me old-fashioned, but I disapprove of secrets between brothers." Wait, if Enzo gives a shit about Damon so much, then how come they've had all of five seconds of screen time together since Damon has been back? Sigh. Also, they already know that their family tree extends farther than Stefan, because remember Tom Avery? Yeah, totally in the Salvatore bloodline, because all of Silas' doppelgängers are, so...
Anyway, Enzo offers to go tell Sarah what Stefan's name is, and Stefan groans in annoyance before stopping him, which doesn't surprise Enzo, but it does confuse him. When Enzo wonders why Stefan would come all this way if he has no interest in actually meeting her, Stefan becomes so frustrated that he actually tells the truth. "What do you want me to tell you, Enzo?" Stefan asks in exasperation. "That the girl's my relative? Fine. She is Zach Salvatore's daughter, which makes her my great-niece, four generations removed. I took her mother's body to the ER after Damon killed her. They did a c-section to save Sarah's life, but I kept that little detail from Damon so that she could live a good life in a nice home where she felt safe and loved." Again, Enzo doesn't understand why he's so determined to keep it a secret, so Stefan just points out that he's totally welcome to spill his guts to Damon, as it'll only end in one of two ways-- either Damon will be pissed that Stefan lied to him, or he'll just shrug it off as being the best outcome for all of them. Either way, Enzo will have nothing to obsess about afterward, which essentially means Stefan wins. As you can guess, that isn't what Enzo expected, nor what he wanted to hear, since that pretty much kills the game, so he says he "withdraws his bid" on that piece of art and skedaddles. That's when Caroline calls Stefan up to remind him that he totally said he would come meet up with her before informing him that she's conducting an experiment and instructing him to get his ass over there.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elena's wrists are still bound up with vervain ropes as she continues sitting where Kai left her. She shifts uncomfortably as the vervain sizzles her skin, but after a moment, the ropes vanish, and she looks around in confusion. Suddenly, a hand touches hers, which causes her to be able to see Damon and Jo in front of her. She looks at him in relief and asks him how he's there, so Damon lets her in on the secret that Jo is cloaking them, and that now that she can see them, she's now being cloaked as well. Jo is starting to look woozy, though, which isn't a good sign, and insists that they need to get a move on, so Elena frustratedly informs them that Kai melted her ring into nothing, which means she can't leave til sundown unless they come up with some sort of better plan. Jo points out again that the meter's running on their spell, so Elena suggests they take the tunnels under the school, which Damon proclaims to be an excellent idea as he helps her up so they can leave. Damon turns back to Jo, but since her back is turned to him, he can't see that she's starting to get the tell-tale witch nosebleed that indicates that the witch is using too much of their own energy to cast a spell, meaning either the spell is not as easy as she claims, or she is wayyy worse at magic than anyone ever realized. "You good?" Damon asks, but Jo just wipes her nose quickly and insists that she is before they take off.
Over at Whitmore, Tyler and Liv are in the middle of an argument that started when Liv informed him about the fact that she has to go back to Portland and is probably going to die in the merge. Tyler is mad because she made it sound like it was literally a 50/50 chance either way, but Liv is just like, "Uh, yeah, because I lied. Duh." As you might recall, Tyler vowed that he wasn't going to let Liv die and suggests that they run, but that's not going to work, and they both know it-- their only chance was hiding in Mystic Falls, back when no one could do magic or be supernatural within its borders and the coven couldn't rely on magic to give them the edge. Now that the Traveler's spell is gone, there is literally nowhere they can't find them. I was going to say Liv could do a cloaking spell, like Rebekah had cast on herself and Hope to make sure Esther et al. couldn't find her, but Liv just said that she couldn't fight Luke's cloaking spell, so maybe she's just assuming that hers wouldn't be powerful enough for him or her father to be unable to break?
Tyler goes into dick mode and tells her to just go, then, because that's clearly what she wants him to say, so she basically tells him to go fuck himself before insisting that she knew their relationship was a mistake. OUCH. MY HEART HURTS. When she turns to walk away, Tyler, feeling guilty, reaches out and grabs her arm, pulling it toward him as he states that they weren't a mistake as he leans toward her so they're forehead-to-forehead. Their tender moment is interrupted by Luke, who looks exhausted as he approaches them and tells them that he called their dad and told them that they're not doing the merge. Tyler looks at him in confusion and points out that Luke seemed pretty into ~following his destiny~ before, but Luke states for the record that he wants nothing to do with his destiny if it means he has to kill his sister. As heartwarming as that is, though, Joshua is sooooo not going to let that happen. All it really does is buy them some time to live their life before he inevitably shows up and starts some shit.
Meanwhile, Elena, Jo, and Damon are trying to make their escape from the school as they slowly walk through the halls and try not to make any noise that can out them. If you're wondering why Damon or Elena couldn't just pick up Jo so the vampires could run down into the tunnels before Kai even realized they were there, the answer is most likely "Because the script doesn't say so." Elena turns back to check on Jo, and when she sees her nose bleeding, she asks her if she's okay, but Jo insists that it's just harder to cloak three people than it is two. Damon turns and is alarmed to see her nosebleed, but when he asks her why it's happening, Kai appears behind them. "I have a guess," he replies smugly. "Magic's hard. Isn't it, Jo?" Jo immediately starts apologizing for unintentionally exposing them, but for once, Damon is actually REALLY nice about it. "Don't sweat it!" he exclaims. "I want him to see me while I kick his ass. Now, get out of here, okay?" Jo nods and staggers into the next hallways as Damon flexes his shoulders and neck in preparation for a fight. Of course, Kai wastes no time by throwing him off-guard and cloaking Elena, and when Damon asks her where she is, Kai smirks and retorts, "Oh, are we not cloaking people anymore? I thought that's what this was." God, why is he such a smartass? He is making me so exhausted from going back and forth between loving and loathing him.
Damon, now furious, lunges for Kai, who just vanishes and reappears behind him and whistles to get his attention. When he sees Kai waving at him from down the hall, Damon vamp-speeds over to a nearby janitor's closet, grabs a mop and breaks the handle of it before lobbing it at Kai and impaling him in the stomach. He gasps and sputters for breath, and this part is super awesome, just because of Chris Wood's acting-- the way he gasps and gapes at Damon was seriously EERILY SIMILAR to the way Elena does the same thing when she gets stabbed or shot up with vervain, and it's because KAI GLAMOURED ELENA TO LOOK LIKE HIM AND DAMON ACTUALLY STABBED HER INSTEAD. He appears next to his illusion-self before removing the glamour and revealing that it's Elena, which causes Damon to rush over to check on her, leaving him wide open for a major mystic migraine from Kai that disables him for a few moments. While he's groaning in pain, Kai explains that cloaking spells and illusion spells are in the same wheelhouse, which makes sense-- it's literally like the glamours used by Shadowhunters, faeries, and demons in the Shadowhunter Chronicles novel series that essentially put a new skin or something by changing the perceptions of everyone who looks at it.
He then turns back to Jo, who has lost all energy and is literally crawling on the floor, before hoisting her up to her feet. "Now that I've actually got the kinks worked out, we can actually do this!" Kai crows happily. "Is there an upcoming celestial event that interests you? I'm partial to--" Before Kai can finish his statement, he's cut off when an arrow impales itself through his shoulder, causing him to let go of Jo and fall to his knees, revealing Jeremy to be standing behind him with his crossbow. Alaric quickly gets behind Kai and injects him with some heavy sedatives that instantly knock him out, and then heads straight for Jo to check on her, though she insists that she's okay as he lifts her to her feet and hugs her tightly. So, Jo called Alaric and Jeremy for backup after Damon sent her away? Smart cookie! Now, if she can only get the hang of magic.
Over at the oncology center at Duke University, Stefan has finally met up with Caroline, where the two of them are now standing in the hallway and watching as a totally awake and oriented Colin Phelps is gleefully buying ALL THE SNACK FOOD from the vending machine and exclaiming how excited he is to have an appetite for the first time in forever. The nurses seem to be both confused and happy for him as they watch him eat his food, and Caroline happily informs Stefan that an hour ago, Colin was dying of brain cancer, and now he's totally fine, which is good news, because that means her blood can heal her mom, too. Stefan points out that it seems too easy, which is also true, but Caroline's return argument is also valid, as well-- "As opposed to what? Vampire blood heals a stab wound like it was never there? It's always easy, Stefan. It's literally MAGIC."
Stefan insists that he wants it to have worked, but reminds her that none of the vampires they know, who have almost two centuries of age between them, have ever heard of vampire blood curing cancer, but Caroline just argues that vampires also aren't exactly known for spending their time doing charity work in the sick wards, unless their names are Elena Gilbert, anyway. "Stefan, I just... I need you to believe it will work. Or, at the very least, just believe that I believe it will work," Caroline pleads, and Stefan concedes that it's clear she believes it'll work, which satisfies Caroline enough. "Then take me home to my mom," Caroline replies with a smile. Stefan sighs and takes a look back at Colin, who is happily munching on Reese's cups or whatever, before leading her back to the car so they can go home. Ouch, ouch, ouch, this is all going to be so painful when it inevitably goes so, so wrong.
Back at MFHS, Damon is trying to pick out all the splinters from the broom handle he accidentally stabbed Elena with inside her chest cavity. Damon figures he got the last one, but when he sees Elena start gasping and groaning in pain. Damon, horrified, asks her want is wrong, and Elena manages to rasp out that she thinks there's still one left scraping her heart. He desperately starts trying to find it, but Elena's breathing is becoming even more labored, and she weakly tells him in between pants that if there's anything he wants to tell her, he should probably do it now. Damon pleads with her not to die, and looks like he's about to literally have a heart attack himself when suddenly, Elena's panting turns into laughter, and she giggles, "Oldest trick in the book!"
(via maisodonovan)
Okay guys, seriously now-- Elena Gilbert has the biggest and most serious case of survivor's guilt known to man, has lost nearly all of her loved ones at least once, has died several times herself, and was so wrecked by the death of her brother that she turned off her humanity and BURNED DOWN HER OWN HOUSE WITH HIS BODY INSIDE. Like, she is the absolute last person to joke around about death like that, so I don't know if the compulsion has just fucked with her head, or if this is just bad writing, or what, but it just took me right out of the story because it made no sense whatsoever and was just so out of character. UGH. Anyway, Alaric and Jo walk down the hall and approach them, and when Alaric asks her if she's okay, Elena squeezes Damon's hand affectionately and states that she's never felt more alive, which hits Damon right in the feels.
Enzo proves he's definitely got some long-term mental stability issues from being tortured in Augustine, because he's yammering on and on to this poor photography instructor at the Duke University art exhibition, talking about how he likes that her work has morbid undertones, which he thinks must be genetic, given how extreme her family is. "Her uncle-- great-uncle, actually, fourth-removed-- is a bloody sociopath," Enzo adds, which is hilarious, because while Stefan might be an angel, he's hardly any more of a sociopath than Enzo is. The instructor is understandably wigged out when she hears "fourth-removed," so Enzo just describes him as being very old before listing all of Stefan's sins against him to this poor stranger-- successfully killing him once; attempting to kill him several more times after that, including one time where he set him up to die by handing him over to a hunter who tortured him for days. Apparently, it was during his time in Tripp's captivity that he began plotting his revenge against Stefan, much like his plotted revenge against Augustine before it. The instructor figures he's just drank way too much wine and tries to get away from him, but Enzo blocks her path before solidifying his obsession with getting vengeance against his bro's bro. "The best revenge is patient. Cultivated," he continues, as he takes another look at Sarah's artwork around him. "Only no one sees it coming until it's too late." He then turns to the instructor and compels her to box up all of Sarah's photography, because apparently he's buying the lot of it. Why? Who knows.
We then return to Whitmore, where Jo, Alaric, Elena and Damon have brought a phenobarbital-roofied Kai, who is both hogtied and gagged, to Alaric's apartment, where he will apparently be staying in a medically-induced coma until Jo's ready to do the merge. Jo asks him if he's sure he's okay with having Kai as a houseguest, but Alaric insists that it's fine if it means they have the time to get Jo back in fighting shape. Meanwhile, Elena and Damon are in the next room, where Elena is trying to wash blood out of her shirt. "So, um, assuming that I don't get kidnapped before tomorrow, maybe we can, um, try for that dinner again?" Elena asks shyly, but Damon just adorably and dramatically sighs, and gets all sarcastic on her. "Oooh. You know, I don't know... I mean, every time we try and go on a date, we get kidnapped, I get sent to a prison world, or your feelings get compelled away. I just-I just don't know if it's gonna--" Elena giggles and cuts him off to ask him if he's going to keep pouting, or if he's gonna let her take him to dinner, but Damon plays hard to get and states that they'll have to find out tomorrow. Jo swoops in and informs Elena that she has a patented blood-remover that is made out of one part ammonia and two parts meat tenderizer, so Elena scampers with her into the kitchen to fix her shirt, leaving the boys to talk amongst themselves.
Alaric brings up the fact that he was right when he said Jo was a keeper, and adds that he does think Jo will eventually get a handle on her magic as he sets a bottle of bourbon and two glasses onto the table for them. Damon is back in Debbie Downer-mode, though, and states the obvious by pointing out that she's clearly not strong enough, though Alaric argues to the contrary, since Jo wouldn't lie about it. Damon insists he doesn't mean that she's lying about her skill, he just thinks she's grossly underestimating Kai's power, especially since he just absorbed a spell that is literally the size of Mystic Falls, which completely changed the game. Alaric reminds him that they've basically got Kai on ice at the moment, so they can just wait until all his magic burns up, but Damon still doesn't think that's a guarantee that she'll win. Still, Alaric's got his boo's back, and insists that she'll have to win, because there's no other option. "Well, all right, then," Damon concedes, as he holds his glass up to Alaric. "Here's to women who make crazy, screwed-up decisions and loving them more for it." The two clink their drinks together and drink deep as they both worry about what's to come.
This next scene cuts back and forth between Caroline's house and Duke Medical Center, so keep that in mind. Stefan has just walked Caroline up to the door, where they have a discussion about Sarah Salvatore, indicating that Stefan spilled the beans on the way home. Caroline insists that it's really noble that he's been looking out for his niece all these years, and reminds him that she's lucky to have him, even if she doesn't know it, before assuring him that she'll keep his secret for him. When he thanks her, Caroline turns it back on him. "No, thank you," Caroline maintains. "Thank you for coming with me today, and for rewiring my mom's speaker system, and for not treating me like a crazy person, because that's how I've felt these last few days." Stefan takes her hand and squeezes it affectionately, which surprises both of them more than either of them expected. They stare into each other's eyes for a long moment before Caroline thanks him again and tells him to wish her luck. When she walks inside, Stefan watches her for a moment through the window before he leaves.
(via ssteroline)
When she gets inside, she finds Matt sitting on the couch, while Liz reclines in the chair. Liz asks her how Duke went, and Caroline smiles widely as she replies that it went really well. She thanks Matt for staying with her, and Matt, knowing when he's been dismissed, stands to his feet and wishes Sheriff well before he takes off, leaving Caroline to sit down on the coffee table so she can take Liz's hand in her own and talk to her face-to-face. She explains that she met with the glioblastoma expert today, and they told her pretty much what the doctors here did-- that they're doing all that they can do, and that there's nothing they can do to cure her or put her in remission. Even though Liz expected this reaction, she's still visibly disappointed, but assures Caroline that it's just one doctor's opinion. "Waiting for more medical opinions isn't going to change this," Caroline argues gently. "You're dying, Mom. And we're out of options. Which is why I gave my blood to a cancer patient today... and I healed him." Liz looks absolutely shocked to hear this, almost as though she's almost considering using it as a treatment option.
At Duke, Colin Phelps lays asleep in his bed, looking peaceful and content.
(via maliahales)
And now I'm crying, and so is Liz. Liz assures her that she wants that, too, just as Colin's eyes snap open at DUMC as he is overcome by an intense coughing fit. Caroline bites her hand and bleeds her blood into Liz's tea, just as Colin starts to cough even harder and stands to his feet, staggering over to the window as he suddenly begins to cough up blood. Liz takes the cup of vampire-blood tea and looks at it hesitantly before she reluctantly takes a sip, grimacing at the taste. At Duke, Colin coughs up more blood with so much force that he falls to the ground and shouts, "Somebody, please! Help me!" Caroline smiles happily at her mother and assures her that everything is going to be okay, just as Colin dies on the floor. NOOOOOO! I knew this was coming, but NOOOO!
Next episode: The MFG learns what happens when a cancer patient ends up getting turned into a vampire, Joshua Parker comes to town to celebrate Liv and Luke's twenty-second birthday, and Damon comes up with a seriously nutso Damon-plan to try to buy Liz some more time that doesn't exactly end well for everyone.
NOTES/COMMENTS:
-Here's the music from this episode!
"I'm Shakin'" by Jack White
--- Stefan wakes up to find Jeremy making coffee in a towel and Liv and Jo destroying the house while the former gives the latter magic lessons.
"Waves That Rolled You Under" by Young Summer
--- Stefan and Caroline arrive at the Duke photography exhibit before Caroline goes to meet with the oncologist.
"Lost Track Of Time" by MTNS
--- Stefan and Enzo talk about Sarah (Salvatore) Nelson at the exhibit and Caroline calls Stefan to tell him to come find her after she feeds Colin vampire blood.
"The Other Side" by French for Rabbits
--- Caroline and Stefan watch as Colin happily eats snacks from the vending machine, and Damon pulls wooden splinters out of Elena's chest.
"Don't Go Now" by Philip Selway
--- Caroline thanks Stefan for supporting her. Colin wakes up in the hospital, starts coughing up blood, and dies. Caroline feeds Liz her blood.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Shady Sarah revealed herself to actually be Shady Monique, a childhood best friend to the real Sarah Salvatore. When Enzo realized that Stefan had a secret regarding Sarah that he didn't want anyone to know, he killed Monique and decided to force Matt into joining his "Let's ruin Stefan's life"-cause after Matt tried and failed to kill him. Liz was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and Caroline did not take the news well, and is still hoping beyond hope that vampire blood will cure her despite there being very little knowledge when it comes to vamp blood and cancer. The Gemini Coven was revealed to choose their leaders via a twin-merge, where the oldest set of twins in the coven merge their strength on their twenty-second birthday, causing the stronger twin to absorb the magical abilities and the life force of the weaker twin and killing them. That was supposed to be Jo and Kai's duty, but when the Parker family figured out Kai would make an absolutely horrifying leader (and the fact that he is a Siphoner witch, which is very despised by the coven because Siphoners don't have their own magic, they can only steal it from people and objects to use it), the honor fell to Liv and Luke instead. However, Liv isn't exactly keen on dying or killing her twin brother, so Jo agreed to take back her magic and be retrained so she can do the twin-merge with Kai and beat him. Oh, speaking of Kai, he sucked up all of the Traveler's anti-magic spell, so good news? The vampires can return to their homes in Mystic Falls. Bad news? Kai has a SHITLOAD of magic, and decided to use it to cloak and capture Elena when she was trying to have a date with Damon. Which is where we pick up today!
We begin the episode at the Mystic Grill, which has apparently renovated since Elena and Damon blew it up in last season's finale. Elena awakens in a chair at one of the tables, and when she looks around, she realizes she's been bound to the chair with vervain ropes, and Kai is seated across from her, eating a plate of homemade breakfast and chattering away as usual. He's explaining how since their family never went out to dinner when he was growing up, he became obsessed with chefs, so his dad taught him how to cook. Apparently, in his short time in the 21st century, Kai has grown distasteful of how food at restaurants requires no guesswork, so when Elena demands to know why she's there, he explains that he's brought Elena to the Grill to demonstrate what happens when you spend eighteen years cooking for yourself in abandoned restaurants full of 1994-style food. Elena is not at all amused, and asks him again why she's there, so Kai just laughs and replies, "Oh, you mean like, here-here, in Mystic Falls. Sorry, I'm nervous-- you're like, really pretty." What a sociopathic charmer. My skin is CRAWLING. Anyway, he goes into this really creepy, yet kind of hilarious speech that I feel compelled to transcribe so you get the full experience, because it is seriously nuts. I have never felt so conflicted about a fictional television villain before in my life, and, as you might have noticed, I watch way more television than any one person should ever watch.
KAI: "Well, I took the spell that was keeping supernaturals out of Mystic Falls, and I-- I, like, absorbed it. Like, ate it, I guess. It's cool, huh? First, I eat magic, and then eventually, I lose it. But, a huge spell like that? I mean, come on. Magic's oozing out of me. It's all over the place. You know, I didn't quite realize it was out of control until I met the manager of the Grill a few hours ago. And he was like--" [He adopts a mocking tone] "-- 'Hey, you can't come in here, we're closed. And you have an unconscious girl over your shoulder.'" [Elena laughs sarcastically, clearly unamused] "And then, I was, like, 'Don't judge me,' And then, I gave him a heart attack... Tried to. But all I did was make him vomit uncontrollably, which was like...'Ugh, let's stop that.'" [Elena stares at him in disgust] "So, then I tried again, and I think I broke his spine? I mean, I'm not-I'm not really sure, because the third time I tried the spell, he kinda exploded in blood."
ELENA: [horrified] "What the hell is wrong with you?"
KAI: "I told you, I have too much magic. You know, it wasn't until after my test run with the manager that I realized-- if I start to merge with Jo, and my gushing fountains of magic turn her into that guy, then I'm not gonna have a twin for the merge. So, Elena, that is why you are here. Because I need to get my magic under control. By practicing with you. Or, rather, practicing on you. Oh, P.S.-- silver lining? After the manager finally stopped thrashing around, I finally managed a cloaking spell, thank you. It's easy to do and... undo."He then mutters "Phematos oculix" under his breath, which causes the blood-exploded Grill manager to appear on the table between them-- apparently, he just decided to cloak it from view for maximum drama? Like I said, guys, this guys is literally a psychopath and a horrible person and I hate him, but his dialogue and delivery is so funny? What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, Elena has seen some gruesome deaths in her day, and even set her own brother's dead body on fire to cover up the manner of his death, so the fact that the sight of the manager's mutilated body horrifies Elena to the point that she looks like she's going to vomit says a lot about how horrifying the scene is.
Over at the Salvatore house, we get the hilarious scene of a group full of people who are still not yet accustomed to the fact that the vampires have returned to their homes. Stefan comes downstairs to the kitchen, only to find Jeremy standing completely naked, save for a towel around his waist, and pouring himself a cup of coffee. When Stefan is like, "Uh, not something I wanna see in the morning" --despite the fact that I'm pretty sure NO ONE is opposed to the sight of Steven R. McQueen's abs, pecs, and arms on display, EVER-- Jeremy just shrugs casually as he walks toward the door and replies, "Sorry, I forgot you lived here." HAHAHAHAHA. Stefan sighs when he realizes Jeremy didn't leave him any coffee, which is just rude if you ask me, before he hears a clattering sound in the next room and reluctantly goes to check on it.
(via what-would-paul-mf-wesley-do)
Liv and Jo are practicing magic in the living room, which apparently involved a fire spell that caused Liv's shirt to be set on fire, which then led to Liv knocking over a super old and expensive vase. When Liv asks where she can get another t-shirt, Stefan sends her to Damon's room, which cracks me up so bad, just as Alaric comes inside and joins them with a huge paper bag full of brunch food. "Oh, thank God!" Jo exclaims loudly. "Please tell me you brought mimosas!" Alaric insists he would never allow himself to watch magic school go down without booze, which leads Stefan to ask what the fuck they're doing and why the fuck it has to be in his house. Apparently, the answers to those questions are "Because Liv has Jo on a thirty day regimen to whip her rusty magic skills into Gemini Coven leader-level power to guarantee Kai dies in the merge" and "Because Damon feels guilty," which is also hilarious. "Well, that's new," Stefan remarks, before asking him where Damon is.
Damon, as it turns out, is at the hospital, where he is snoozing in an armchair next to Liz's bed. That is seriously the cutest thing ever, I love their friendship so damn much! Liz, who is already awake, sees him start to stir and points out that she dropped extra dinero to ensure she'd have a single room, but Damon just retorts, "Well, you clearly underestimate the number of women who'd die to spend a night with me!" Liz's response? "Well, I'm not dead, yet." God, between losing out on Liz/Caroline moments and Liz/Damon moments and just Liz being awesome moments, I am just so depressed about her death. How did we grow to love a recurring character this much? In supernatural shows like TVD, you learn pretty quickly not to get attached to anyone who isn't a main character, and even then, they're not immune to death (see: Vicki Donovan, Jenna Sommers, Alaric Saltzman, Katerina Petrova). Liz must truly be in need of a distraction, because she voluntarily asks him about the status of his relationships with Elena and Alaric, which is something that very few of his friends actually have the patience to get into in depth.
He first states that all he got in response to Elena's "blowoff" (which was actually a "capture-by-psychopath," but Damon doesn't know that yet) was a text message that said "Something came up at the dorm, had to bail. Can we raincheck?" with a cold-shower Emoji, before he turns the subject to Alaric and outlines his plan to win back his friendship. "Well, baby steps. Step one: allow him to turn my house into Hogwarts. Step two: call in a favor from the Sheriff, ask her to put out an APB on a super-charged serial killer named Kai Parker." While I respect Damon's plan, I don't see how they think that the police will be able to do anything to take down Kai, when he managed to take out a trained hunter of the supernatural, three witches, and two vampires at my last count. I mean, none of them have died (yet), but their response was basically to flee and regroup, so I stand by my original statement. Regardless, Liz apparently isn't worried, because she assures him that they're already on it, though no one matching Kai's description has popped up since last night.
Just then, Caroline comes in with a kale smoothie-- she literally compelled the hospital staff to buy a juicer AND start using it-- because it is believed to improve DNA cell repair and slow cancer. She then offers to get Liz another blanket, which leads Damon to make some unhelpful snarky comments about smothering her, but this is just her way of dealing with the fact that Liz has apparently opted to go with medical science and not vampire blood as a cancer treatment. She points out that since surgery is impossible due to the location of the tumors and neither chemo nor radiation will work either because the tumors are growing too quickly for it to be helpful, and then demands that Damon jump in to support her, which again, does not end the way she wants it to end.
"Well, I think that would require you having my support," Damon replies bluntly, which DUDE, COME ON-- I know you're all grumpy about Elena and Alaric, but the girl's mother is dying-- I think that warrants a little sympathy. Caroline is super offended that he doesn't think vampire blood will work, but Damon does kind of have a point. "For 170-odd years, I've never known an instance where our blood cured cancer," Damon replies. "But hey, Sheriff, if you want to be a guinea pig in an experimental study involving weird, unpredictable magic... Far be it from me to stop you." I know that Damon is right, but it is also nice to know that Damon was also under the impression that werewolves didn't exist solely because he had never come upon one, and that obviously ended up being false, so maybe he shouldn't be making assumptions. Anyway, Liz knows Caroline better than anyone and cares about her feelings way more than Damon apparently does, so she puts it in a nicer way-- for now, she's going with science, which means going home, having a quiet day, and waiting for more MRI results.
Damon stands to his feet and insists that "Mommy knows best" before excusing himself, as he has to go check to make sure that the new Hogwarts School for Middle-Aged Witches hasn't been burned to the ground. I don't know, guys, I'm still conflicted about this whole vampire blood/cancer thing. Like, the scientific explanation we end up getting for it does actually make sense, based on what I learned about cancer in my nursing classes, so I'll explain it briefly as best as I can, but it's kind of a SPOILER ALERT for the next episode, so you've been warned.
Basically, the reason why cancer is so aggressive and hard to treat is because cancer cells don't have the "suicide buttons" that allow regular cells to basically kill themselves when they get old and worn-out and can't do their jobs anymore. So, cancer cells are technically immortal, much like our vampire friends here, which is why they can only be removed by surgery, chemo, or radiation, all of which aren't even total guarantees, because all it takes is one or two cancer cells to remain to repopulate and reform into a new tumor. Cancer cells are so strategic about multiplying themselves and taking over various organs and tissues that they can actually produce enzymes that cause the human body to create new blood vessels and capillaries that allow the tumors to eventually get a direct line to the bloodstream, sucking up all the oxygen and nutrients and getting bigger and stronger. So, vampire blood and its regenerative qualities ends up making the cancer cells even more aggressive, so what was once state 4 cancer ends up turning into a stage so severe they don't even have a real number for it.
So, the science is there, which is suprising, but I don't know, guys. I just wish there had been indications that there were other things that vampire blood can't cure earlier, considering we've seen it cure literally EVERYTHING from necrotizing fasciitis to chronic shoulder joint inflammation to rare heart defects and near-fatal bullet/stab wounds. It's like the opposite of a convenient out-- it just feels like some arbitrary rule to excuse killing off a character, when they could have utilized something else.
Anyway, but I digress! Back at the boarding house, Liv is on the phone with Tyler while she rummages through Damon's drawers. "Damon may be a vile creature, but he has the best clothes," Liv quips as she pulls out one of his many black v-necks. When you think about it, Liv and Damon do have a similar fashion aesthetic, so that makes sense. Tyler is walking through Whitmore's campus and asks if he should be wondering why she's shirtless in Damon's bedroom, which gets him a little teasing from Liv. "You must be feeling such mixed emotions right now," Liv remarks, which probably spawned a shitload of Tyler/Liv/Damon OT3 fanfic online somewhere. When Tyler turns the topic to Jo and her magical retraining, Liv admits that it's going terribly, and that not only is Jo having a terrible time getting the hang of it again, but if she had to merge with Kai that day, she'd lose in seconds. Tyler insists that she still has time to get Jo back into fighting form before asking her if Luke has been involved at all, but as it turns out, Liv has been screening his texts and calls. Tyler worries what will happen if Luke finds out what they're planning, since I think he conveniently missed all of the drama that occurred after he left in the last episode, but Liv promises that he won't before hanging up, closing Damon's dresser drawers. and putting on one of his v-necks. Which, of course, means that Luke will be finding out shortly, because that's just the kind of luck these people have.
(via pintasfun)
At the Forbes house, Caroline and Liz have just arrived, and Caroline is super pumped to be able to finally return to her house. She is amazed and touched by the fact that Liz kept Caroline's orchid alive while she was gone, but Liz remarks that she wanted to make sure everything was exactly the way she left it when she was finally able to come home. Just then, Stefan arrives, and when Liz senses a scheme afoot, Caroline informs her that Stefan volunteered to move her entertainment center downstairs in the living room so that she can watch TV from her favorite chair, which is both super nice and also kind of silly, because as Liz points out, they could have just moved her chair, but whatevs. When Liz catches Stefan staring at her with worry, she's all, "What's the matter? You've never seen anyone with Stage 4 cancer before?" Stefan sheepishly admits that he hasn't, because since vampires who integrate into human life have to start over every couple of decades, real life has a way of never catching up with them. Caroline isn't fond of this buzzkill conversation, so she hands her mother the complete Friends boxset and informs her that if she starts right now, Caroline will be back in time for Monica and Chandler's wedding, which is seriously hilarious to me. "Stefan, you know how to laugh, right?" she asks sarcastically, but Stefan just shrugs and hilariously replies, "Opinions vary. Wait, why? Are you leaving?"
Caroline reminds them that every minute counts, so she's getting a second opinion from one of the world's leading experts in Stage 4 glioblastoma, and when Caroline gets a stern look from Liz, she insists that since she couldn't sleep, she did some Googling. Her mother asks her where it is she's actually going, so Caroline informs her that the expert is at Duke University. This piques Stefan's interest, since that's where the real Sarah Salvatore goes to school, and so he offers to drive Caroline there, since he wanted to go there sometime soon and "check in on a friend." Caroline just gives him a blank look before retorting, "Stefan, I know all of your friends. Elena. Me." She pretends to think for a moment to search through all the names in her head before adding, "And that's it." Hey! He also has Damon. That makes three! Regardless, Liz love her daughter, but she is also ready to get away from the smothering for a bit and relax, so she insists that she would feel much better if Caroline had some company for the road before thanking Stefan for offering to go with her. Stefan nods in acknowledgement as Caroline squeezes Liz in the tightest hug and assures her that she'll be calling her every hour on the hour, and she laughs before replying that she will literally set her watch by it. God, these Stefan/Liz/Caroline interactions are already killing me-- I'm probably going to be crying my way through these next few recaps. The two women tell each other that they love them before Caroline and Stefan leave, allowing Liz to collapse exhaustedly into her chair.
Meanwhile, at the high school, things are not going so well for Elena. She awakens once again to find her wrists bound and suspended from the ceiling while Kai looks around the hallway curiously. When Elena asks him why he brought her there, Kai replies, "They have plenty of restrooms, no flammable surfaces, and everyone's on winter break," before insisting that the reason all the kids in America "got dumb" while he was in the prison world is because they're never in school. Um, I'm pretty sure they still had winter break in the late 1980s-early 1990s, ya dick. Elena tries her best to break free while Kai is distracted by the photos and trophies in the trophy case. He notices the cheerleading photo with Elena and Bonnie. "Is that you?" he asks curiously. "Oh, and there's Bonnie. You guys look so innocent. Smiling, like nothing bad could ever happen to you." He then straightens up and walks back to her before asking her if she minds if he turns her blood into acid again, and when Elena is understandably like, "Uh, again?" he admits that he started it at the Grill, but when he accidentally burst a few important blood vessels in her brain, she blacked out and he brought her here. Wonderful!
Elena unwisely tries to plead with him that he doesn't have to do any of this, but COME ON, ELENA-- this is not the first psychopath you have met before. Use your brain! So, as predicted, this does nothing to stop him, and he starts chanting all kinds of Latin at Elena. Fortunately for her, it doesn't turn her blood into acid; unfortunately for her, it totally melts her daylight ring clean off her hand, despite Elena's protests to the contrary. This is finally what Elena needs to summon up some vampire adrenaline and break free and run into the closest room, which is the chemistry lab. She rushes to the sink to run water over her hand in hopes of solidifying her ring enough to keep her protected, but no dice-- the ring and its stone are completely destroyed.
"Take it that ring meant something to you?" Kai asks, clearly not understanding the concept of daylight rings, probably because his interaction with vampires is limited to Damon and Elena. "I never understood sentimental attachments to things," Kai continues, while Elena searches around for something she can use as a weapon. "Because then it's SO upsetting when you lose them." Finally, Elena sees the gas valve next to the sink, and gets the bright idea to turn it on before holding her hand out into the sunlight, which catches her hand on fire and causes suuuuuch a huge fireball that it hits Kai and causes him to be thrown back out into the hallway, allowing Elena to scamper away through a door that connects to the next classroom.
Back at New Hogwarts, Jo is practicing levitating a book with Liv in the boarding house's parlor, but when Damon returns home, he breaks her concentration and the book falls. Jo insists that this mistake doesn't count because Damon distracted her, but Damon is too distracted by Liv, whom he takes one look at and exasperatedly yelps, "Are you wearing my shirt?" Liv just smiles sweetly at him, and before Damon can give her any shit about it, Damon's phone rings, and luckily for Elena, he doesn't screen unfamiliar numbers like I do. When he answers it, a frantic Elena, who is on one of the school's emergency phones, anxiously exclaims, "Damon, Kai has me at the high school! I need your help!"
(via pintasfun)
Damon is about to ask her for more information, but when Elena hears a crashing noise outside, Elena quickly hangs up the phone and runs to the door, and when she opens it, Kai is standing there, all scorched from the fireball. She falls backward and scrambles to get away from him, never once using her vampire speed to help her out, much to the chagrin of the entire TVD fandom, while Kai holds out his hand and starts doing various spells. He keeps trying to snap her neck, but instead, he ends up just accidentally flinging objects around. When Elena finally gets onto her feet to run, he successfully uses telekinesis to snap his neck, and fist-pumps victoriously as he stands over Elena's yet-again unconscious body. Damn, girl! I know she can't really run outside because of her ring being melted, but still! Use the tunnels! That's why they're fucking there! Or use your vampire abilities to put him in a sleeper hold! Or SOMETHING, at least.
(via maisodonovan)
Meanwhile, Caroline and Stefan have just made it to Duke University, even though my Google-fu tells me that it is a 3 hour and 54 minute drive without traffic from Fall's Church, Virginia (which is where the fictional town of Mystic Falls is supposed to be) and Durham, North Carolina, where Duke is, so once again the TVD/TO universe's wacky time-space continuum is at play, here.
Anyway, Caroline is still skeptical about this so-called "friend" of Stefan's, but becomes too absorbed in making arrangements to consult with the glioblastoma-expert, Dr. Moore, to give him too much shit about it. Once the arrangements have been made, Caroline informs him that they're ready to see them, but Stefan, who wants to check in on his great-great-great grand-niece or whatever, assures her that he'll catch up with her in a bit, so Caroline lets him know where to meet her and leaves him to it. Stefan then approaches one of the instructors and asks where Sarah Nelson's exhibit is, so she points him in the right direction and adds, "Good choice! She's one of our best new students."
He finally manages to find her in the far corner, where she's explaining one of her photographs to a small crowd surrounding her. "According to the saying, when a child dies, an angel will take the child in her arms and fly her over all the places she loved best so she can see them one last time before she goes to Heaven," Sarah explains. "That's what I had in mind with this aerial point of view. And then, I wanted to catch the sunlight flaring off the windows because it obscures the reflection of the viewer who's looking down at them." Stefan seems both impressed by and proud of Sarah's talent, and since he can't enjoy anything ever, a familiar British accent pipes up from behind him. "Good stuff," Enzo snarks, as he moves forward to stand at Stefan's side. When Stefan demands to know what the fuck he's doing there, Enzo assures him that they're there for the same reason-- "Looking for a little... art to decorate my wall," Enzo remarks, as he casually sips his wine and looks like the cat who ate the canary. And this has totally become a fiasco! Wonderful.
Over at the oncology center of Duke's medical center, Caroline is walking down the hallway with Dr. Moore as they talk about Liz's situation. As expected, the doctor does not have the answers that Caroline is looking for whatsoever.
CAROLINE: "And that's when I read your article in the New England Journal of Medicine. You know, the one about tumor reduction using hypothermia treatments?"
DR. MOORE: [surprised] "That isn't exactly light reading."
CAROLINE: [laughs nervously] "Well, I didn't say I understood it." [She hands the doctor a file] "These are my mom's charts. Look, you bio says that you are an amazing expert on glioblastoma, and I really, really need an expert, because my mom's doctors are telling her that she's not a candidate for clinical trials." [She stares into Dr. Moore's eyes and compels her] "And you're not gonna give me any grief on insurance or confidentiality or anything except your honest opinion."
DR. MOORE: [looks at the charts] "Her doctors are doing everything right. It's a Grade IV tumor. The could try full-brain radiation, but that would seriously impact any remaining quality of life. She'll face cognitive and verbal decline, motor loss, personality change, and meanwhile, she could still develop morphine-resistant pain."YIKES! That all sounds totally awful, to be honest. But, like I said it the last recap, we all know Liz by now-- she's not the type of person who would be willing to go through a grueling treatment like that if it's only going to buy her a little more time that is spent in even worse health than before. She'd much rather just live out her days being as independent as possible while she still can. This news still devastates Caroline, though, whose eyes start to fill with tears as she asks, "So, you're saying there's no feasible medical solution?" Dr. Moore apologizes and insists that she really wishes that there were, because she has a patient in nearly identical condition, except he was actually given multiple treatments, none of which worked, and so he's now just running down the clock. This, of course, gives Caroline an idea, because while she and Liz might not be willing to be a guinea pig for a vampire-blood clinical trial, but someone who is at death's door and hasn't had any luck with treatments doesn't have much to lose. So, she demands that the doctor take her to see the patient, which will surely not end badly at all.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elena wakes up for the third time, if I'm counting correctly, to find that this time, she's bound to a table with vervain ropes. and Kai, wearing a Mystic Falls High School tshirt, is standing over her while he loudly slurps a soda. When Elena sarcastically compliments him on his shirt, he thanks her before adding, "Yeah, somebody burned my other one. Which was awesome, by the way-- I am starting to see why Damon digs you. You are crazy-pants!" Elena can't help but smirks smugly at this, which is hilarious to me, but when Kai laments the loss of his previous shirt, Elena reminds him of the whole "sentimental attachments" thing he mentioned earlier and asks him if he can really give a shit about an inanimate object, and not the actual people he kills. "Oh, is this going to be like an episode of Ricki Lake, where I come face-to-face with my demons and change for the better?" God, he is so stuck in the 1980s-1990s, and it is both hilarious and kind of annoying.
(via toriginalsdiaries)
Elena finds it hard to believe that he has never cared for anyone, so Kai admits that he was close with his brother Joey (which, REALLY? The Parkers had a daughter name Josette/Jo AND a son named Joseph/Joey? That is kind of ridiculous), with whom he played Dr. Mario. "Actually, one of my favorite memories is when I finally beat him," Kai remarks, which Elena quite unwisely assumes to mean that Kai actually has a human soul, but nope, she honestly could not be more wrong about that. "Of course, my favorite memory is when I finally beat him to death." Elena looks absolutely disgusted by this, especially when Kai insists that she should probably not waste her energy trying to change him. "If Ricki taught me anything, it's that liking yourself is the most important thing," Kai adds. "And I like me." Oh, good gods, he is so OTT it hurts.
Meanwhile, outside, Liv and Damon have just pulled into the parking lot, and when they exit Damon's Camaro, Liv sighs and remarks, "To think, a day almost went by where I wasn't roped into saving one of your friends." Damon pretty much tells her to quit with the whining and do a damn cloaking spell for him so he can grab Elena and Liv can go back to helping Jo destroy his house. She shrugs and starts setting up the candles on the hood of Damon's car, and when Damon is like, "Uh, the door to the school is right there," Liv reminds him that if Kai even glimpses her, she's a dead woman, so since she's strong enough to do the spell from outside, that's what she's going to do. Damon doesn't much care, as long as it works, but he does snark that he hopes she's better at cloaking than teaching, because judging by the damage to the boarding house, Jo's still the newbiest of newbie-witches. "Relax," Liv retorts. "With a bit of practice, she'll be merge-ready in no time." Still, judging by the look on Liv's face, she's not nearly as confident as she sounds. She's just started doing the spell when suddenly, Liv completely disappears, and Damon immediately begins to freak out. Out of nowhere, Luke appears, and he snits, "She doesn't have time for this," before muttering, "Invisique" and cloaking himself so he can presumably run off with Liv without interference, much to Damon's anger. WONDERFUL.
So, he calls up Alaric, who is on speakerphone at the boarding house, and reads him in on the situation before insisting that he needs a plan B. "Her wonder twin took her, and I can't just go blazing in there-- Kai will kill Elena to spite me. I need a witch." Jo immediately states that she can do it, but Alaric isn't so sure, and points out that she can barely light a candle. I think Alaric's been a little spoiled by Bonnie's prodigious witchcraft skills, don't you agree? Still, Jo argues that cloaking spells are easy, which is why they're the first spell a Gemini witch learns. The only problem is that since she's still out of practice, she's going to have to stay beside Damon while she does the spell, which means she's going to have to go in with him. Alaric is not a fan of this idea for obvious reasons, even though I highly doubt Kai will do much to hurt Jo, considering he needs her alive to do the merge. When he says that there has to be another option, Jeremy comes in with Alaric's crossbow and points out that he can help. "Let me guess, Jeremy's holding a crossbow," Damon snarks impatiently, and when Jo reminds them that they can't kill Kai yet, Jeremy points out that he's hardly going to let Kai kill Elena, either. "Nobody's letting anyone die!" Alaric insists, but when Damon asks if anyone has any better ideas, they all sigh in collective frustration.
At the Whitmore dorms, Luke is in his room, where he's lecturing Liv while he packs up his stuff. Apparently, Joshua is pretty pissed and wants them to come back to Portland ASAP. When Liv reminds her twin that she was just helping their friends, Luke snits that they can help themselves, and that they don't exist to be their dancing witch-monkeys before holding up a stack of books and asking her if she wants to bring them back with her.
LIV: "Take the books, leave the books, who cares? Did you tell Dad I was helping Jo get stronger? Is that why he's pissed?" [Luke sighs and remains silent] "Of course you did. You're just like him."
LUKE: [annoyed] "Actually, I can think for myself. I've always said that Kai was too dangerous to become leader of the coven. You've been wasting your time with Jo. We both know she's never gonna beat him."
LIV: [frustrated] "You don't get it, do you?"
LUKE: "Get what?"
LIV: "You just cloaked me, and I couldn't fight it. You're stronger than me."
LUKE: "No. You don't know that."
LIV: "Yes, I do! I've known it for months-- since that night, when I was trying to bring people back from the Other Side and you interrupted my spell."
LUKE: [exasperated] "You were about to collapse! You were already weak."
LIV: "We're supposed to be equal! We're not. I know you, Luke. I know you love me. And, I know a huge part of you hopes that it's me that makes it through this. But, it's not a coin toss anymore. If we merge, you win, and I die. That scares the crap out of me. So, if you wanna pack the books, pack the damn books. I'm not gonna be the one reading them."YIKES, YIKES, YIKES. Ever since the twin merge reveal, I wondered which of them would end up surviving and which would die, and I was kind of torn. Of the two, I like Liv better, though I appreciate Luke's presence as one of only a handful queer characters in this universe. We've seen Liv do way more magic than Luke, so it honestly wasn't until this episode that I considered the possibility that Luke could win, but when Liv puts it that way, it makes way more sense. Honestly, this whole twin-merge thing is just stupid, and I still don't understand why the weaker twin can't just forfeit their magic like Jo and Bonnie did and continue living while the other twin leads the coven. Regardless, Luke loves Liv so much that I think this is the kick in the ass he needed to finally get on board with Kai and Jo doing the merge after all.
Back in Mystic Falls, Matt is at the Grill with Liz, who he called after finding the horrifying remains of the Grill's manager when he came in to do inventory. He apologizes for bringing her in on her day off, which seems to indicate that he still doesn't know about her recent health woes, but Liz is thrilled to get out of the house and assures him that she's glad he called her. She then remarks that it's unlikely that the manager died of natural causes, which leads Matt to laugh bitterly before checking the clock on his cell phone. "Twenty-two hours and eighteen minutes," he states bluntly. "That's how long supernatural beings have been allowed back in Mystic Falls, and I already know someone who's dead because of it." Like, I get where Matt's coming from, because this is super gruesome, but this has nothing to do with vampires, for once-- it's just a psychopathic witch who's causing all this mayhem, and it's not even someone native to Mystic Falls. Still, Liz apologizes for his loss and assures him that they'll find and deal with whomever was responsible, but Matt is still on his anti-supernaturals kick and laments the fact that the attacks and cover-ups are never going to end. She tries to remind him that Mystic Falls is his home, which he loves, but before she can continue, her eyes flutter as she almost faints, and if it weren't for Matt's speedy reflexes, she likely would have smashed her head on the ground. Matt looks at her with concern and asks her if she's okay, but Liz stands to her feet with Matt's help and promises that she's fine, though Matt's definitely not convinced.
Over at Duke University Medical Center's oncology center, Caroline has just managed to compel herself into the room of Colin Phelps, the Grade IV glioblastoma patient Dr. Moore mentioned earlier. When Caroline sees that he's asleep, or at least resting with his eyes closed, she quickly goes to close the blinds in the room before setting down her purse and picking up his file as she talks to him. "Colin Phelps. Inoperable tumor," she reads aloud. "They zapped your brain with radiation for months. They still couldn't save you." She sits down next to him on his bed, and he groans a little as he stirs. "Yeah, I'd be groggy too, if I were on this many painkillers," she continues softly. "And the doctor said all they can do is make you comfortable while you wait for the end. I'm really sorry to hear that." She looks back at the file and sees that he has no next of kin, for which she also apologizes, before she scoots closer to him and explains that on her mother's chart, which also states that she has glioblastoma, the spot that reads "Next of Kin" has her name, Caroline Forbes, written in, because she's all her mother has. She then bites her wrists and puts it to Colin's mouth, which causes his heart rate to increase as he drinks the blood, his eyes opening in confusion as he does so. She leans over so she can turn the compulsion eyes on him, and adds, "Hey, I know we just met, but you're not going to remember any of this." His heart monitor's beeping starts to slow as he begins to relax, and he goes back to sleep as Caroline pulls her wrist away and continues to watch him hopefully.
At the high school, Elena is no longer tied to the table, but is instead hog-tied with vervain ropes and is leaning against a row of lockers while Kai sits cross-legged across from her and stares at her. "If the spell that you're going for is to creep me out, it's working," Elena snaps, but Kai just reaches his finger out and writes a "K" in the air, which ends up carving the letter on Elena's cheek. She yelps in pain and asks him what the hell he's doing, but he insists he's just working on his self-control before licking his thumb and wiping the blood from her cheek as it heals.
In the adjacent hallway, Jo and Damon, who are cloaked, are walking down the hall, mostly just bickering at each other. Jo remarks that she gets why Damon doesn't like her, because she's the girl who got between him and his best bro, but Damon insists it's not that, it's the fact that Alaric keeps choosing her over his oldest, dearest friends at the expense of logic and reason, which is pretty much what Bonnie fans have been complaining about all season, so I get it. However, Jo does bring up a valid point, which is that Damon probably has done the same thing for Elena, but instead of replying, he shushes her when he hears footsteps approaching. Kai apparently has heard their whispering and went to investigate, but when he turns around the corner and heads down the hall they're in, he doesn't see them, and simply mutters, "Oh-kayyyyy" before depositing his soda can in the recycling bin and returning to Elena. Jo is super impressed that her cloaking spell actually work, but I'm more surprised by the fact that Kai, who has killed men, women, and probably puppies, actually recycles! Who knew?
Enzo and Stefan are still at the Duke University photography exhibition, where Stefan asks him if he's here to make some demand or what. "I only came to see what you were up to today," Enzo answers with a shrug. "I had unanswered questions, and you've left me with a few." One of those questions is, what secret does Stefan have that's so bad that he'd be willing to let him kill that shady con-artist Monique? To answer those questions, Enzo staked out the boarding house and then followed Stefan and Caroline in Stefan's completely conspicuous red Porsche all the way to North Caroline, which seems a little excessive and creepy, even for Enzo. Stefan is weirded out and asks him what he even cares so much, but as usual, it all comes back to Enzo's intense love affair with Damon. "Well, it seems that Damon is unaware that the branches of his family tree might extend beyond just you," Enzo explains. "Call me old-fashioned, but I disapprove of secrets between brothers." Wait, if Enzo gives a shit about Damon so much, then how come they've had all of five seconds of screen time together since Damon has been back? Sigh. Also, they already know that their family tree extends farther than Stefan, because remember Tom Avery? Yeah, totally in the Salvatore bloodline, because all of Silas' doppelgängers are, so...
Anyway, Enzo offers to go tell Sarah what Stefan's name is, and Stefan groans in annoyance before stopping him, which doesn't surprise Enzo, but it does confuse him. When Enzo wonders why Stefan would come all this way if he has no interest in actually meeting her, Stefan becomes so frustrated that he actually tells the truth. "What do you want me to tell you, Enzo?" Stefan asks in exasperation. "That the girl's my relative? Fine. She is Zach Salvatore's daughter, which makes her my great-niece, four generations removed. I took her mother's body to the ER after Damon killed her. They did a c-section to save Sarah's life, but I kept that little detail from Damon so that she could live a good life in a nice home where she felt safe and loved." Again, Enzo doesn't understand why he's so determined to keep it a secret, so Stefan just points out that he's totally welcome to spill his guts to Damon, as it'll only end in one of two ways-- either Damon will be pissed that Stefan lied to him, or he'll just shrug it off as being the best outcome for all of them. Either way, Enzo will have nothing to obsess about afterward, which essentially means Stefan wins. As you can guess, that isn't what Enzo expected, nor what he wanted to hear, since that pretty much kills the game, so he says he "withdraws his bid" on that piece of art and skedaddles. That's when Caroline calls Stefan up to remind him that he totally said he would come meet up with her before informing him that she's conducting an experiment and instructing him to get his ass over there.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elena's wrists are still bound up with vervain ropes as she continues sitting where Kai left her. She shifts uncomfortably as the vervain sizzles her skin, but after a moment, the ropes vanish, and she looks around in confusion. Suddenly, a hand touches hers, which causes her to be able to see Damon and Jo in front of her. She looks at him in relief and asks him how he's there, so Damon lets her in on the secret that Jo is cloaking them, and that now that she can see them, she's now being cloaked as well. Jo is starting to look woozy, though, which isn't a good sign, and insists that they need to get a move on, so Elena frustratedly informs them that Kai melted her ring into nothing, which means she can't leave til sundown unless they come up with some sort of better plan. Jo points out again that the meter's running on their spell, so Elena suggests they take the tunnels under the school, which Damon proclaims to be an excellent idea as he helps her up so they can leave. Damon turns back to Jo, but since her back is turned to him, he can't see that she's starting to get the tell-tale witch nosebleed that indicates that the witch is using too much of their own energy to cast a spell, meaning either the spell is not as easy as she claims, or she is wayyy worse at magic than anyone ever realized. "You good?" Damon asks, but Jo just wipes her nose quickly and insists that she is before they take off.
Over at Whitmore, Tyler and Liv are in the middle of an argument that started when Liv informed him about the fact that she has to go back to Portland and is probably going to die in the merge. Tyler is mad because she made it sound like it was literally a 50/50 chance either way, but Liv is just like, "Uh, yeah, because I lied. Duh." As you might recall, Tyler vowed that he wasn't going to let Liv die and suggests that they run, but that's not going to work, and they both know it-- their only chance was hiding in Mystic Falls, back when no one could do magic or be supernatural within its borders and the coven couldn't rely on magic to give them the edge. Now that the Traveler's spell is gone, there is literally nowhere they can't find them. I was going to say Liv could do a cloaking spell, like Rebekah had cast on herself and Hope to make sure Esther et al. couldn't find her, but Liv just said that she couldn't fight Luke's cloaking spell, so maybe she's just assuming that hers wouldn't be powerful enough for him or her father to be unable to break?
Tyler goes into dick mode and tells her to just go, then, because that's clearly what she wants him to say, so she basically tells him to go fuck himself before insisting that she knew their relationship was a mistake. OUCH. MY HEART HURTS. When she turns to walk away, Tyler, feeling guilty, reaches out and grabs her arm, pulling it toward him as he states that they weren't a mistake as he leans toward her so they're forehead-to-forehead. Their tender moment is interrupted by Luke, who looks exhausted as he approaches them and tells them that he called their dad and told them that they're not doing the merge. Tyler looks at him in confusion and points out that Luke seemed pretty into ~following his destiny~ before, but Luke states for the record that he wants nothing to do with his destiny if it means he has to kill his sister. As heartwarming as that is, though, Joshua is sooooo not going to let that happen. All it really does is buy them some time to live their life before he inevitably shows up and starts some shit.
Meanwhile, Elena, Jo, and Damon are trying to make their escape from the school as they slowly walk through the halls and try not to make any noise that can out them. If you're wondering why Damon or Elena couldn't just pick up Jo so the vampires could run down into the tunnels before Kai even realized they were there, the answer is most likely "Because the script doesn't say so." Elena turns back to check on Jo, and when she sees her nose bleeding, she asks her if she's okay, but Jo insists that it's just harder to cloak three people than it is two. Damon turns and is alarmed to see her nosebleed, but when he asks her why it's happening, Kai appears behind them. "I have a guess," he replies smugly. "Magic's hard. Isn't it, Jo?" Jo immediately starts apologizing for unintentionally exposing them, but for once, Damon is actually REALLY nice about it. "Don't sweat it!" he exclaims. "I want him to see me while I kick his ass. Now, get out of here, okay?" Jo nods and staggers into the next hallways as Damon flexes his shoulders and neck in preparation for a fight. Of course, Kai wastes no time by throwing him off-guard and cloaking Elena, and when Damon asks her where she is, Kai smirks and retorts, "Oh, are we not cloaking people anymore? I thought that's what this was." God, why is he such a smartass? He is making me so exhausted from going back and forth between loving and loathing him.
Damon, now furious, lunges for Kai, who just vanishes and reappears behind him and whistles to get his attention. When he sees Kai waving at him from down the hall, Damon vamp-speeds over to a nearby janitor's closet, grabs a mop and breaks the handle of it before lobbing it at Kai and impaling him in the stomach. He gasps and sputters for breath, and this part is super awesome, just because of Chris Wood's acting-- the way he gasps and gapes at Damon was seriously EERILY SIMILAR to the way Elena does the same thing when she gets stabbed or shot up with vervain, and it's because KAI GLAMOURED ELENA TO LOOK LIKE HIM AND DAMON ACTUALLY STABBED HER INSTEAD. He appears next to his illusion-self before removing the glamour and revealing that it's Elena, which causes Damon to rush over to check on her, leaving him wide open for a major mystic migraine from Kai that disables him for a few moments. While he's groaning in pain, Kai explains that cloaking spells and illusion spells are in the same wheelhouse, which makes sense-- it's literally like the glamours used by Shadowhunters, faeries, and demons in the Shadowhunter Chronicles novel series that essentially put a new skin or something by changing the perceptions of everyone who looks at it.
He then turns back to Jo, who has lost all energy and is literally crawling on the floor, before hoisting her up to her feet. "Now that I've actually got the kinks worked out, we can actually do this!" Kai crows happily. "Is there an upcoming celestial event that interests you? I'm partial to--" Before Kai can finish his statement, he's cut off when an arrow impales itself through his shoulder, causing him to let go of Jo and fall to his knees, revealing Jeremy to be standing behind him with his crossbow. Alaric quickly gets behind Kai and injects him with some heavy sedatives that instantly knock him out, and then heads straight for Jo to check on her, though she insists that she's okay as he lifts her to her feet and hugs her tightly. So, Jo called Alaric and Jeremy for backup after Damon sent her away? Smart cookie! Now, if she can only get the hang of magic.
Over at the oncology center at Duke University, Stefan has finally met up with Caroline, where the two of them are now standing in the hallway and watching as a totally awake and oriented Colin Phelps is gleefully buying ALL THE SNACK FOOD from the vending machine and exclaiming how excited he is to have an appetite for the first time in forever. The nurses seem to be both confused and happy for him as they watch him eat his food, and Caroline happily informs Stefan that an hour ago, Colin was dying of brain cancer, and now he's totally fine, which is good news, because that means her blood can heal her mom, too. Stefan points out that it seems too easy, which is also true, but Caroline's return argument is also valid, as well-- "As opposed to what? Vampire blood heals a stab wound like it was never there? It's always easy, Stefan. It's literally MAGIC."
Stefan insists that he wants it to have worked, but reminds her that none of the vampires they know, who have almost two centuries of age between them, have ever heard of vampire blood curing cancer, but Caroline just argues that vampires also aren't exactly known for spending their time doing charity work in the sick wards, unless their names are Elena Gilbert, anyway. "Stefan, I just... I need you to believe it will work. Or, at the very least, just believe that I believe it will work," Caroline pleads, and Stefan concedes that it's clear she believes it'll work, which satisfies Caroline enough. "Then take me home to my mom," Caroline replies with a smile. Stefan sighs and takes a look back at Colin, who is happily munching on Reese's cups or whatever, before leading her back to the car so they can go home. Ouch, ouch, ouch, this is all going to be so painful when it inevitably goes so, so wrong.
Back at MFHS, Damon is trying to pick out all the splinters from the broom handle he accidentally stabbed Elena with inside her chest cavity. Damon figures he got the last one, but when he sees Elena start gasping and groaning in pain. Damon, horrified, asks her want is wrong, and Elena manages to rasp out that she thinks there's still one left scraping her heart. He desperately starts trying to find it, but Elena's breathing is becoming even more labored, and she weakly tells him in between pants that if there's anything he wants to tell her, he should probably do it now. Damon pleads with her not to die, and looks like he's about to literally have a heart attack himself when suddenly, Elena's panting turns into laughter, and she giggles, "Oldest trick in the book!"
(via maisodonovan)
Okay guys, seriously now-- Elena Gilbert has the biggest and most serious case of survivor's guilt known to man, has lost nearly all of her loved ones at least once, has died several times herself, and was so wrecked by the death of her brother that she turned off her humanity and BURNED DOWN HER OWN HOUSE WITH HIS BODY INSIDE. Like, she is the absolute last person to joke around about death like that, so I don't know if the compulsion has just fucked with her head, or if this is just bad writing, or what, but it just took me right out of the story because it made no sense whatsoever and was just so out of character. UGH. Anyway, Alaric and Jo walk down the hall and approach them, and when Alaric asks her if she's okay, Elena squeezes Damon's hand affectionately and states that she's never felt more alive, which hits Damon right in the feels.
Enzo proves he's definitely got some long-term mental stability issues from being tortured in Augustine, because he's yammering on and on to this poor photography instructor at the Duke University art exhibition, talking about how he likes that her work has morbid undertones, which he thinks must be genetic, given how extreme her family is. "Her uncle-- great-uncle, actually, fourth-removed-- is a bloody sociopath," Enzo adds, which is hilarious, because while Stefan might be an angel, he's hardly any more of a sociopath than Enzo is. The instructor is understandably wigged out when she hears "fourth-removed," so Enzo just describes him as being very old before listing all of Stefan's sins against him to this poor stranger-- successfully killing him once; attempting to kill him several more times after that, including one time where he set him up to die by handing him over to a hunter who tortured him for days. Apparently, it was during his time in Tripp's captivity that he began plotting his revenge against Stefan, much like his plotted revenge against Augustine before it. The instructor figures he's just drank way too much wine and tries to get away from him, but Enzo blocks her path before solidifying his obsession with getting vengeance against his bro's bro. "The best revenge is patient. Cultivated," he continues, as he takes another look at Sarah's artwork around him. "Only no one sees it coming until it's too late." He then turns to the instructor and compels her to box up all of Sarah's photography, because apparently he's buying the lot of it. Why? Who knows.
We then return to Whitmore, where Jo, Alaric, Elena and Damon have brought a phenobarbital-roofied Kai, who is both hogtied and gagged, to Alaric's apartment, where he will apparently be staying in a medically-induced coma until Jo's ready to do the merge. Jo asks him if he's sure he's okay with having Kai as a houseguest, but Alaric insists that it's fine if it means they have the time to get Jo back in fighting shape. Meanwhile, Elena and Damon are in the next room, where Elena is trying to wash blood out of her shirt. "So, um, assuming that I don't get kidnapped before tomorrow, maybe we can, um, try for that dinner again?" Elena asks shyly, but Damon just adorably and dramatically sighs, and gets all sarcastic on her. "Oooh. You know, I don't know... I mean, every time we try and go on a date, we get kidnapped, I get sent to a prison world, or your feelings get compelled away. I just-I just don't know if it's gonna--" Elena giggles and cuts him off to ask him if he's going to keep pouting, or if he's gonna let her take him to dinner, but Damon plays hard to get and states that they'll have to find out tomorrow. Jo swoops in and informs Elena that she has a patented blood-remover that is made out of one part ammonia and two parts meat tenderizer, so Elena scampers with her into the kitchen to fix her shirt, leaving the boys to talk amongst themselves.
Alaric brings up the fact that he was right when he said Jo was a keeper, and adds that he does think Jo will eventually get a handle on her magic as he sets a bottle of bourbon and two glasses onto the table for them. Damon is back in Debbie Downer-mode, though, and states the obvious by pointing out that she's clearly not strong enough, though Alaric argues to the contrary, since Jo wouldn't lie about it. Damon insists he doesn't mean that she's lying about her skill, he just thinks she's grossly underestimating Kai's power, especially since he just absorbed a spell that is literally the size of Mystic Falls, which completely changed the game. Alaric reminds him that they've basically got Kai on ice at the moment, so they can just wait until all his magic burns up, but Damon still doesn't think that's a guarantee that she'll win. Still, Alaric's got his boo's back, and insists that she'll have to win, because there's no other option. "Well, all right, then," Damon concedes, as he holds his glass up to Alaric. "Here's to women who make crazy, screwed-up decisions and loving them more for it." The two clink their drinks together and drink deep as they both worry about what's to come.
This next scene cuts back and forth between Caroline's house and Duke Medical Center, so keep that in mind. Stefan has just walked Caroline up to the door, where they have a discussion about Sarah Salvatore, indicating that Stefan spilled the beans on the way home. Caroline insists that it's really noble that he's been looking out for his niece all these years, and reminds him that she's lucky to have him, even if she doesn't know it, before assuring him that she'll keep his secret for him. When he thanks her, Caroline turns it back on him. "No, thank you," Caroline maintains. "Thank you for coming with me today, and for rewiring my mom's speaker system, and for not treating me like a crazy person, because that's how I've felt these last few days." Stefan takes her hand and squeezes it affectionately, which surprises both of them more than either of them expected. They stare into each other's eyes for a long moment before Caroline thanks him again and tells him to wish her luck. When she walks inside, Stefan watches her for a moment through the window before he leaves.
(via ssteroline)
When she gets inside, she finds Matt sitting on the couch, while Liz reclines in the chair. Liz asks her how Duke went, and Caroline smiles widely as she replies that it went really well. She thanks Matt for staying with her, and Matt, knowing when he's been dismissed, stands to his feet and wishes Sheriff well before he takes off, leaving Caroline to sit down on the coffee table so she can take Liz's hand in her own and talk to her face-to-face. She explains that she met with the glioblastoma expert today, and they told her pretty much what the doctors here did-- that they're doing all that they can do, and that there's nothing they can do to cure her or put her in remission. Even though Liz expected this reaction, she's still visibly disappointed, but assures Caroline that it's just one doctor's opinion. "Waiting for more medical opinions isn't going to change this," Caroline argues gently. "You're dying, Mom. And we're out of options. Which is why I gave my blood to a cancer patient today... and I healed him." Liz looks absolutely shocked to hear this, almost as though she's almost considering using it as a treatment option.
At Duke, Colin Phelps lays asleep in his bed, looking peaceful and content.
CAROLINE: "He was dying, and my blood healed him. Look, I'm immortal, and you're not. And I always knew that I would lose you one day, but I am not ready to lose you now. You're supposed to be here for my college graduation. We're supposed to argue over flower arrangements for my wedding. We're supposed to have years and years worth of holiday dinners and Christmases and white-water rafting trips." [Caroline starts to cry] "I want all of that. I want you to live for me. And, I know that that's selfish, but that's the truth."
(via maliahales)
And now I'm crying, and so is Liz. Liz assures her that she wants that, too, just as Colin's eyes snap open at DUMC as he is overcome by an intense coughing fit. Caroline bites her hand and bleeds her blood into Liz's tea, just as Colin starts to cough even harder and stands to his feet, staggering over to the window as he suddenly begins to cough up blood. Liz takes the cup of vampire-blood tea and looks at it hesitantly before she reluctantly takes a sip, grimacing at the taste. At Duke, Colin coughs up more blood with so much force that he falls to the ground and shouts, "Somebody, please! Help me!" Caroline smiles happily at her mother and assures her that everything is going to be okay, just as Colin dies on the floor. NOOOOOO! I knew this was coming, but NOOOO!
Next episode: The MFG learns what happens when a cancer patient ends up getting turned into a vampire, Joshua Parker comes to town to celebrate Liv and Luke's twenty-second birthday, and Damon comes up with a seriously nutso Damon-plan to try to buy Liz some more time that doesn't exactly end well for everyone.
NOTES/COMMENTS:
-Here's the music from this episode!
"I'm Shakin'" by Jack White
--- Stefan wakes up to find Jeremy making coffee in a towel and Liv and Jo destroying the house while the former gives the latter magic lessons.
"Waves That Rolled You Under" by Young Summer
--- Stefan and Caroline arrive at the Duke photography exhibit before Caroline goes to meet with the oncologist.
"Lost Track Of Time" by MTNS
--- Stefan and Enzo talk about Sarah (Salvatore) Nelson at the exhibit and Caroline calls Stefan to tell him to come find her after she feeds Colin vampire blood.
"The Other Side" by French for Rabbits
--- Caroline and Stefan watch as Colin happily eats snacks from the vending machine, and Damon pulls wooden splinters out of Elena's chest.
"Don't Go Now" by Philip Selway
--- Caroline thanks Stefan for supporting her. Colin wakes up in the hospital, starts coughing up blood, and dies. Caroline feeds Liz her blood.
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