The Originals Season 1, Episode 8: "The River In Reverse"

Once again, I have been swinging so violently between, "Ugh, I hate Klaus," and "Ugh, I love Klaus." How does that work? I do have to say, though, I am really enjoying how this show is more of an ensemble show, in the way that every week, we see the show through one of the Mikaelsons' perspectives. Obviously, they're all featured each week, unless they're daggered, of course, but each week, there is a special focus on one of the siblings, and this week, Rebekah is the star, from the opening voiceover throughout the action of the entire show. That isn't to say that Klaus and Elijah don't get some excellent time in as well, not to mention Hayley and Marcel, but in general, I have appreciated Rebekah's character development more than any other character! Elijah has always been amazing, and Klaus has always repeated his same mistakes, but Rebekah in this series is SO different from the Rebekah we met in Season 3 of The Vampire Diaries, don't you agree?

Anyway, this episode was pretty crazy and full of drama, so let's just dig in, shall we?

Previously, on The Originals: The Mikaelsons, Elijah, Klaus, and Rebekah are all that is left of the Original family of the entire vampire species, from which all vampires were created, and they have walked the earth for literally a thousand years. Three hundred years ago, they settled in New Orleans and pretty much built the city from scratch or some shit. They ran away in the late 1910s, but have returned recently to find that Klaus knocked up the werewolf, Hayley, with his hybrid spawn. The siblings, particularly Elijah, promised to protect her, which became pretty necessary when good old Tyler Lockwood mosied on down from Mystic Falls to ruin Klaus' life (by killing Hayley and/or their baby) in return for Klaus ruining Tyler's (by turning him into a hybrid, ruining his relationship with Caroline, and killing his mom, at the very least). Unfortunately, Tyler's presence caused a nasty fight between the brothers, to the extent that Klaus actually bit Elijah in a fit of temper. Elijah's couldn't be killed by the werewolf venom, of course, but he will have a terrible acid-trip nightmare for a few hours. Also, Marcel talked Rebekah into taking down Klaus with him, and though she was originally opposed to it (and for good reason), once her brother more or less threatened her with a good daggering as soon as she returned home, she became MUCH more inclined to join him in what will inevitably be an epic showdown. And, now we're caught up!

Our cold open this week is in the St. Ann's Church confessional, where Rebekah has stopped by in order to have a little chat with Father Kieran. "I should never have come back here. This is the town where I fell in love, and where love failed us. I assume you know who I'm talking about?" Kieran admits that he and Marcel aren't exactly besties right now, so he probably isn't the best person to ask for advice, but Rebekah isn't particularly bothered by that--all she cares about is the fact that he's an active priest whose job is to listen to her confession. "Usually the word 'willing' falls somewhere in that sentence. Are you even Catholic?" LOL. Really? This girl was born to a Viking family, I doubt that very much. Rebekah agrees with me, and points out that considering she has been on Earth for a millenia, during which she has seen the rise and fall of about a hundred different religions, she's not sure she believes in anything at all. Still, she's feeling guilty and wants absolution from anyone with ears who has the power to give it to her. Kieran seems to feel a little sorry for her, even if it's in a "misery loves company" kind of way, so he finally agrees to hear her confession. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I am a liar, a betrayer. I have conspired against my own blood, and I doubt even your God could save me." Oh dear lord. TITLE CARD!

After the opening credits, we do a little time jump to 24 hours prior, where Klaus is having a very decadent breakfast with his baby sister, complete with a table full of gorgeous-looking fruit and pastries, as well as a wait staff who is all too willing to open up a vein for the hybrid. Oh, Klaus. Rebekah feigns calm and sips at her coffee, but since Klaus is the most paranoid bastard EVER, he automatically gets suspicious by how mild-mannered she's acting, and asks her if she's talked to Marcel that day. Rebekah continues to play dumb, "No, should I have?" Klaus is afraid that he's been avoiding him, and assumed that Marcel had said something about it while they were busy sneaking away, or whatever it is that they do. Rebekah assures him that if she sees him, she'll find out if he and Marcel are still in a fight, junior-high-styles.

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Klaus finally realizes that Rebekah is probably still pissed at him for what happened in the last episode, and starts to mock her, a little. "Let me give a voice to that look in your eyes. 'My saintly, noble brother lies writing in agony in the bayou, victim of my bastard-brother's bite, when just one or two drops of his blood would ease his pain." Rebekah is SO AWESOME during this exchange. "On the contrary, Nik, I am simply enjoying my breaky, waiting for Elijah's return." Klaus calls her out on giving him the stink-eye for the duration of their meal, and demands that she tell him what's going on. Rebekah points out that her behavior could easily be explained to be from her fear that, should she voice her opinion on what happened to Elijah, she might end up with a nasty hybrid bite of her own. Klaus also gets pretty hilarious and AWFUL as he literally exclaims, "Poppycock! I would never bite you. Elijah made some very offensive accusations about my intentions toward me child. He deserves a day or two of discomfort. Besides, you know my preferred method of punishment for your indiscretions is the dagger." Rebekah sneers at him and informs him that there is something fundamentally wrong with him, and leaves Klaus to sulk all by his lonesome.

Over at Dwayne's shack in the bayou, Hayley is playing nursemaid to Elijah, who is lying on the bed and looking pretty miserable; he's really pale and peaked-looking, and is covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Hayley brings him a glass of water and urges him to drink it, but he's barely able to swallow a mouthful when he is overcome by a coughing fit. He leans over the bed as he sputters and throws up onto the floor below while Hayley watches him with concern. Of course, this is Elijah we're talking about, so when his stomach finally settles a bit, he groans, "Forgive me, please." Aw, pobrecito, you're poisoned! No one is going to blame you for vomming a bit. Hayley assures him that he's fine, and adds, "Remind me to annihilate your brother, once you're healthy." Elijah rolls onto his back on the bed and moans, "Yes, remind me to remind you to get in line!" Hayley figures the humidity of the swamp probably isn't helping, and goes to open the door to get some air circulation. Before she's even completely opened it, she stops in her tracks when Elijah begins coughing and hacking again.

She runs to his side and asks if he's okay, but he insists that he is. He urges her to go back to her reading, but Hayley's not feeling it right now. "I went through the whole thing. It's just a regular Bible...with an entry in a family tree that may or may not be me. But, you know, I've been a little busy worrying about you." Elijah pleads with her to leave, because the fever and the hallucinations will make him so unstable that he'll start seeing things that aren't there, which could put her in danger. Hayley refuses to leave him there alone, though, and continues to sit at his bedside. Outside, we can see that the blonde werewolf from last week, whose name is Eve, is lurking around the shack.

We cut to what I previously believed to be a nightwalker bar, which I've recently realized isn't a bar at all, but actually one of the million rooms in the Abbatoir compound. Marcel walks in the room where Tyler and Marcel's crew have been waiting around for a meeting. Marcel begins. "Alright, I'm here, let's do this. I'll keep this simple: this kid is an enemy of your favorite person, Klaus. And he's got plenty to say about what that traitorous son-of-a-bitch has been up to behind my back. Now, for those of you faint of heart, there's the door, because those who stick around, you're signing up for battle." He looks around the room, but no one moves a muscle. Feeling satisfied and proud at the sight of his loyal henchvamps, he turns to Tyler and nods at him to start his story. I apologize in advance for all the straight-up quoting of the dialogue, but you never know what will end up being important.

"You all know Klaus wasn't always the hybrid. When he broke the curse that kept his werewolf side dormant, somewhere in all that, certain parts were now able to trump his vampire side. Like, the ability to pass on the werewolf gene. That's where the werewolf girl he's been hiding from you all comes in. She rode through my town, pretended to be my friend, and then ended up hooking up with him. Now, she's pregnant with his kid." Diego seems frustrated and confused, and asks what the fuck Tyler is talking about/why Marcel brought him here, but Marcel calms him down and urges him to keep listening, so Tyler continues. "When Klaus became the hybrid, he figured out a way to turn full-bred werewolves into creatures like him." He raises his hand in the air and adds, "You're looking at one of them. On the plus side, we had all the perks of being vampires. We're stronger, faster. AND, the toxins in our bites could still kill a vampire. But, on the downside, we were loyal to him. Like, supernaturally loyal."

Diego is still skeptical and suspicious of Tyler, not that I blame him, considering what a dick Tyler has been lately, so he brings up a decent point--if he's so loyal to Klaus, why is he here, spilling all of Klaus' secrets? Marcel reveals that Tyler figured out a way to break that bond, which is the point of why he's here. Tyler also informs Diego that he helped the rest of the hybrids break free, as well, but when Klaus found out about it, he killed all of them. Although, that was kind of all orchestrated by Hayley/Professor Shane to do the sacrifice to drop the veil between this side and the Other Side, but that's a LONG story that we will not be getting into right now. Rebekah waltzes in from out of nowhere and chirps, "Because that's what Klaus does." When all of them just stare at her in shock/confusion, she adds, "Don't mind me, I'm fascinated by this story. Hello, Tyler." Tyler acknowledges Rebekah, but he doesn't go on, so Rebekah finishes the story for him.

"What Tyler was about to tell you is that my brother can use his baby's blood to sire more hybrids. What you will all figure out is that vampires don't stand a chance. So, Tyler, I assume you were trying to rally this lot into making sure the baby isn't born." Tyler confirms that is his plan, and snits that if she doesn't like it, she can go on ahead and take Klaus' side. Either way, Tyler insists that he's right. Dude, Tyler, you are literally asking for death at this point, aren't you? Marcel steps in and informs Tyler that he's got Rebekah's intentions all wrong, which causes Diego to be like, "Seriously now, what the fuck is happening right now?" Rebekah concedes to Tyler that he is completely accurate in his description of how shitty Klaus is, and she totally agrees that Klaus should not be allowed to sire more hybrids. Then, she gives Marcel permission to reveal that she's joining their cause, which seems to shock most of the people in the room. However, Hayley is Rebekah's close friend now, PLUS, Rebekah is already quite fond of her future niece, as she's made us well aware. So, she makes her rules quite clear by zooping across the room to snap Tyler's neck--the plan she will be backing is the one where they take down Klaus, and there will be no harming Hayley and her baby in any way, under ANY circumstances. YES! TELL 'EM, GIRL.

Cami is finally back after being absent the last episode or two. She's hanging out in the Mikaelson Mansion, where she's typing away on an old typewriter while Klaus dictates his memoirs to her. "They have all forsaken me," Klaus rants, as he angrily swigs his scotch. "My siblings are as deceitful in disease just as my parents ever were. Accusing me of using my baby for my own gain, trusting others before their own blood." Cami's wrists/fingers are getting tired from having to use the typewriter, so she whines, "Would a laptop kill you?" Apparently, the typewriter was formerly Ernest Hemingway's, which, of course it was fucking Hemingway's typewriter. Cami snits, "I can see the resemblance. Booze, and random acts of violence." Klaus cares little about Cami's observations, and continues to dictate for her. "Elijah and Rebekah have cut to the quick with their vicious lies about me. And all I've done is tried to win this battle of wills over Marcel's control of the Quarter in order to reclaim our home." He notices that she's stopped typing, so he barks at her to get on with it. Cami has had about enough of his whinging, though, thank you very much, as have we all.

She tells him that he's basically just repeating himself over and over again, and figures that he's so paranoid that he literally believes EVERYONE, including his siblings, are out to get him. Yeah, I know you're new, Cami, but that's not exactly an original observation. Klaus continues to pretend like she's not even talking to him, and pouts about how he seems to have misplaced his daggers (or, rather, Hayley stole them to protect Rebekah and Elijah from future daggerings, but Klaus doesn't know that), and states that otherwise, he'd punish them to a coffin-nap for a couple of centuries. Cami speaks for all of us when she exclaims, "Look at you! Repeating the same destructive cycles over, and over again. You are the architect of your own unhappiness!" PREACH IT, GIIIIIRL. Klaus actually has the audacity to claim that he never asked for her advice, so she just sighs and is like, "Let me explain you a thing." She reminds him of the fact that he literally could have compelled anyone in the world to do this job, and instead, he chose her, a woman with a master's in psychology of whom he knows loves figuring people out. Plus, he's been alive for a millenia, so it's not like he couldn't just type it up himself.

Her final point is this; "The truth is, you compelled me to come here because you have no one else to talk to, and you want to be understood. Then, you compel me to forget everything as soon as I leave your presence because you're too scared to trust." Klaus maintains that he's afraid of nothing, but LOL, you're not fooling anyone, buddy. He sees a piece of paper on the table with a really neat-looking circle with seemingly random dashes through it at various points. He asks what it is, but Cami just deadpans. "It's an ancient, mystical plot I'm using to destroy you." After getting some major bitchface from Klaus, she admits that it's a tattoo design, and wants to leave it at that. He snits that she should do her doodles on her own time, but surprisingly, she doesn't take that lying down. "This IS my time! You steal it from me!" Overwhelmed with anger/annoyance, she picks up all of her things and angrily stomps out of the Mikaelson Mansion. You can tell that she really grates Klaus' nerves when she voices her opinions like that, but he also loves it, because there are so few humans who will fearlessly stand up to him.

Meanwhile, Rebekah and Marcel have dragged Tyler's still-unconscious body to the Garden, where they're planning on stashing him until after they take Klaus down, so they don't have to worry about him trying anything that could get Hayley or the baby hurt. That's kind of hilarious to me, tbh. What if they just forget about him? As a hybrid, is he strong enough to break himself out? I mean, he's still only like, a year old in vampire years, so I'd say probably not, but hybrids are supposed to be stronger than vampires of a similar age, so who knows?. Anyway, Rebekah is more concerned about her brother, because she knows how he is. For that reason, she doesn't want him to be buried anywhere near anyone when he's put down there, lest Klaus manage to manipulate/compel a guard or something to let him free. Marcel assures her that he's already chosen a spot in the back where he will have no one to talk to but the walls and himself for the next 52 years. Rebekah asks him why he chose 52 years, so Marcel explains that he's punishing Klaus to one year for every year he kept Rebekah daggered in the early-mid 1800s.

Rebekah points out that Marcel let Klaus keep her daggered all those years, but he swears he will spend every year that Klaus is in the Garden apologizing for the way he acted back in the day. I don't know, you guys, I still don't trust him. "Well, I'll settle for long enough to experience just a little bit of happiness. And, ensure that my niece isn't turned into a hybrid-breeding machine. It's gonna be tough to keep him in here. That little witch of yours would put the odds in our favor." Marcel claims that he can't the chance with Davina helping them, because she's slowly losing control of her magic, to the point that she can't even leave the church. Bahaha, that's what YOU think, buddy!

She insists that Marcel needs to round up his best soldiers, because Klaus is strong and intelligent, not to mention a complete sociopath who has been known historically to come up with cruel and sadistic ways of torturing those who have betrayed him. Marcel's afraid Rebekah is getting cold feet. "What we're doing is nothing Klaus hasn't done to both you and your brother for a dozen times over. You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Rebekah admits that she isn't, she's just regretting not doing something like this sooner, because then she could have been happy and in love with Marcel a century ago. Then, they get their smoochies on. OH GOD, this is going to be SUCH A MESS.

Hayley is outside getting some fresh air outside near the pond when she hears Elijah groan in pain. She immediately runs inside and sits on the bed with Elijah, placing his head in her lap. She lays a hand on his forehead to gauge his temperature, and is inadvertantly launched into a flashback/memory of Elijah's from the 1820s. Celeste, that lovely Creole witch from the earlier flashbacks in "House of the Rising Son," with whom Elijah was macking. She's taking a bubble bath when Elijah enters the room, but before anything can happen, we're returned to the present day, where Elijah gasps, "Celeste?" Hayley's facial expression is a tiny bit of jealousy mixed with a whole lot of concern. Elijah realizes that he was just hallucinating, and apologizes. "Hayley, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."

She tries to cover for her jealousy, but fails spectacularly. "Celeste? Whoever she was, she was smokin' hot." Elijah is confused, and realizes that he accidentally allowed Hayley to enter his thoughts. "I'm not well, I should go. This is..." Hayley assures him that it's no big deal, and that he's sick, so she's going to take care of him. He sits up, concerned, and informs her that they're being watched. When Hayley looks out the window, she sees Eve, the blonde werewolf, standing near the shack. Hayley shouts after her, but once again, she runs away before they can talk. I need to know EVERYTHING about these werewolves already, omggg.

Josh is looking at a car in the garage of what I assume is the Abbatoir compound, and after a moment, is startled when he realizes that Klaus is standing right behind him. "God! Man, I'll never get used to that. Why do I get the feeling you studied theater?" LOL, very good assumption, dude! Klaus smugs that the world's a stage, and adds that he has a role he'd like Josh to play. We then cut to Josh, who is driving around in a car with tinted windows, since he's yet to be graced with a daylight ring. He stops to talk to Marcel and Rebekah, which seems like a bad idea to me. How do they know that Klaus/one of his minions isn't tailing him to spy on them as they speak? Bah. Marcel asks what Josh has learned for him, but Josh is pretty much freaking out. "What do I got? Klaus wants me to steal some dagger from you. It's a test, okay? He knows I'm working for you, I'm sure of it!" God, I love Josh so much! If he gets killed, I will be SO FUCKING PISSED.

Rebekah is livid that Klaus is intending to dagger her and/or Elijah, and snaps that he deserves everything he's about to get. Marcel tries to comfort Josh by saying, "Relax, if he knew, he would've ripped your spine out through your nose by now." Of course, that's not really comforting at all, and Josh tells Marcel as much. Marcel instructs Josh to tell Klaus that you looked all over the Abbatoir, but couldn't find it until he finally saw that Marcel was wearing it on his person. Josh is to tell Klaus that he will have to come and get it from him, which will be difficult, because Marcel has become paranoid and beefed up his guard-vamp presence. We cut BACK to Josh, meeting up with Klaus yet again, and god, Josh is the best.

"Right, so, not doubting your mad vampire skills of destruction or anything, but Marcel's on red alert, surrounded by, like, an army. You're totally boned! Unless..." When Klaus asks what he's thinking, Josh lies that he overheard Marcel talking to Diego about how he's clearing out the compound for a date, so he'll be all alone at the Abbatoir tonight. Klaus smiles and pats Josh on the shoulder. "When I run New Orleans, there will be a permanent daylight ring in it for you, Joshua, for services rendered onto your true king." Josh smiles awkwardly and proclaims that to be awesome, but of course, per usual, there's a caveat. "But, if you ever betray me, I will make sure you spend the rest of your eternal life in exquisite agony, wishing for a merciful death." Ouch. No touching Josh, Klaus! NO. When Klaus walks away, Josh mutters, "Adios, Klaus."

At St. Ann's, Father Kieran is just chilling in one of the pews, just moping, as he does. He notices Klaus sitting behind him, and asks him what he wants. Klaus hands him a flask from which he's been drinking. "It's Poitin. It'll raise the dead, kill them, and raise it again." Kieran alllllmost smiles, and takes a drink while Klaus makes a little confession of his own. "I'd like to talk to you about your niece, Camille. I'm sure you suspect this already, by the gaps in her memory. I compel her. At first, it was because she was a useful spy, but now, for her own protection." Kieran isn't thrilled, but he assumed as much, although he does concede that he wasn't expecting whoever it was to actually cop to it. Klaus explains that Camille is too smart and clever for her own good--even with the compulsion, she's still trying to figure out what exactly happened to her brother. He's concerned that her inquisitive nature will result in her accidentally involving herself in something that will eventually get her killed. Witches, vampires, werewolves--they're all a threat.

"New Orleans will be the death of her. She needs to leave. And, as ironic as it may seem, I believe it should be her choice." LOL, oh, Klaus. Remember how Damon Salvatore used to joke that Stefan had a humanity dimmer-switch during that little span of time when Klaus compelled him to turn off his humanity? That's how Klaus is too, it seems. Free will is totally something Klaus respects, except when he doesn't. Kieran finds that line to be pretty funny as well, and laughs at the hilarity of discussing the concept of bodily autonomy with a hybrid. Klaus again points out how intelligent and outspoken Cami is, and points out that if she had been anyone else, he probably would have killed her for insubordination. His take-away point is this: Klaus cares about whether Cami lives or dies, and doesn't want her to become collateral damage in the war of supernaturals that has been brewing all season. He begs Kieran to convince Cami to move somewhere far, far, away, and as he walks away, adds that if he can't, he will ultimately compel her to do it himself. Yikes, Klaus. So much for that whole free will thing, eh?

Elijah is still in the haze of his fever dreams, and we cut back to the flashback of Celeste. She's still in the bathtub, and when he enters the door with a smile, she throws a sponge at him and chirps, "Assistance, please, good sir!" in that amazing accent of hers. Elijah would rather oogle her from the doorway, and proclaims the view to be "wondrous" and "perfection." Celeste has some serious news, though. "Your brother is again up to no good. He's challenging the gentry to duels, as though they have any chance of a fair fight." Elijah is the same half-annoyed/half-amused brand of smiley that he usually is with Celeste, and admits that he is a little tired of having to spend all his time cleaning up his brother's messes. He jokes that she should cast a spell to put him in his place, but Celeste laments that it would take a hundred of her to do that. In the end, Klaus only ever listens to Elijah, so he should try to talk to him. Elijah gets a little naughty, all, "Yes, he certainly needs a little discipline. Spanking of some kind is in order, I think I shall need some rehearsal!" He calls on her to come to him, and they start kissing. Oooh, Elijah, I never would have guessed you were into such things!

He groans in pain and returns to the present, reluctantly. When he sees Hayley, he turns in the bed and gasps, "Hayley, please. This fever. My mind is flooded with these torturous memories. You have to leave!" Hayley calls him out on not letting anyone take care of him, but Elijah claims that the people Elijah cares for/who care for him always end up paying for it, and he doesn't want Hayley to succumb to the same fate. Hayley has probably my favorite line of the night: "So, you're having weird retro sex-dreams? Get over it, I'm staying." Elijah asks after Eve the lurker, and wonders what she wants. Hayley is assuming that she left the mystery Bible with the family history for her to find, and snits that she wishes Eve would be kind enough to explain WHY she left it. "You came here to gather information about your family, not to play nursemaid to a vampire with a temperature," Elijah pleads. "Please, find her. Learn what you can." Once again, Hayley insists that she's staying. Come on, Elijah! Get over yourself, buddy.

Klaus walks into the Abbatoir's courtyard-room-thing and seems a little confused when he sees that it's completely empty, save for Marcel, who is standing and waiting for him. He greets his sire, to which Klaus replies by snitting about the fact that Marcel has been avoiding his calls. Marcel blames it on being pissed at him, but Klaus is an impatient fellow, as we all know, and decides to forego the social niceties. "Apologies for my behavior can come later. You have something of mine, I want it back." Marcel just kind of grins and pulls it out from behind his back as he admits that he can't/has no intention of doing so. He holds the dagger out, but it is taken by Rebekah, who dramatically saunters into the room. This gets Klaus' attention, because as we discussed earlier, he never would have guessed that Rebekah would turn against him, despite the fact that he's been abusing her regularly for the last millenia or so and as such has basically asked for some payback. He asks his baby sister what the fuck they're up to, so Rebekah calls him out on his comment toward Marcel. "'Apologies for your behavior?' You don't apologize, Nik. You just act. I've had enough. WE have had enough."

Since this is Niklaus Mikaelson we're talking about, he can't help himself and decides to poke the bear a bit. "Look at you, finally in possession of the one thing that can take you down. How does it feel?" She confesses that it feels great, and Marcel pumps up the drama by whistling for his vampire army. Several dozen vampires come out of various doorways and fill the room, surrounding Klaus, who just laughs. "So, this is it? The evil bastard Klaus has gone too far. Must be punished. And, by his own sibling, nonetheless. How positively biblical!" He turns to Marcel and sneers, "And you, Marcel, is this your idea of a hit? I taught you better than this paltry excuse for a takedown. Do you think you can subdue me with THIS?" Marcel stays calm and admits that no, he doesn't. That's when he whistles again, and another several dozen vampires come out of the woodwork, which actually does seem to unnerve Klaus a little bit.

Back over at the bayou shanty, Elijah continues to pant as he tosses and turns in his bed. Hayley reaches over to check his temperature with her hand, but Elijah, thinking that she's Celeste again, pleads with her to forgive him. We dive back into Elijah's flashback/hallucination. Klaus and a random man are standing back to back, each with a revolver in their hands in the middle of a large field. They start to step away from each other, and Klaus gives the orders in French. "Huit, sept, six, cinq, quatre, trois, deux." On the count of one, the two quickly turn around and shoot. As you could probably guess, Klaus wins, easily, and smirks about how shitty the men of New Orleans are at dueling, while another (presumably compelled) man drags Klaus' dueling partner away to join the other dead cohorts, whose bodies are laying in a pile off to the side.

Elijah appears out of nowhere and storms over to his brother in anger. "Brother! Please, this is high folly! Is it not enough you have slaughtered dozens in just these past several weeks? Word of a city littered with bodies will surely travel the oceans. Do you want to bring our father upon us?" Klaus thoughtlessly assures his eldest brother that he has taken care of that little problem by spreading an untrue rumor that the bodies were actually due to the witches and their human sacrifices to increase their power. Elijah is absolutely livid at this point, and reminds him that Celeste is one of those witches. Klaus is rudely all, "Celeste? Celeste who?" After Elijah throws him the most vicious stink-eye, Klaus finally remembers that Celeste is the lady of Elijah's affection, and scoffs. "Oh! The witch you've been knocking around with! Well, fear not! Harlots are like rats in the Quarter. You trip over one every step you take." Elijah is about 1,000% done now, and snatches away one of the men's revolvers and shoots Klaus in the chest. He groans in pain before pointing out that Elijah clearly cares about Celeste, and takes pleasure in informing him that the town's witches are being rounded up as they speak. Aw, Elijah :(

Back in the present day, Elijah wakes with a start and screams at the top of his lungs. Hayley, instantly worried, runs over to check on him. When she asks, "Elijah?", he starts to vamp out (which I'm pretty sure we've never actually seen him do--he can rip out hearts all day without so much as a fang peeking out, so this just goes to show how little control he has right now) and growls "I'll kill you, you bastard!" Hayley's face turns from concerned to frightened in about a nanosecond, and when she calls out for Elijah again, he jumps up and wraps his hand around her neck in a choke hold. She gasps for air as Elijah continues to glare at her, still hallucinating that he's choking Klaus. Then, all of a sudden, Elijah is stabbed in the back by someone, and he falls to the floor. Surprise! It's Eve to the rescue! Hayley tries to catch her breath as she massages her neck, and just gapes at Eve. "Hello to you, too!"
(via vampire-originals)
Meanwhile, Klaus is still all by himself in the middle of a circle of Marcel's pissed vampire soldiers. We all know patience isn't his strong suit, so he decides to just get down to business. He reminds them all that not only is he an Original, which means that he's anywhere from 300 to 1,000 years older than all of them, and thus way stronger, but he is ALSO a hybrid, which means one bite from him and they're toast, unless they manage to get a little sip of his blood. Plus, he's truly immortal, unless you've got an ancient white oak tree somewhere that he doesn't know about. "How long do you think Marcel will stay in power? What if one of you lot were to realize me, knowing I will be eternally in your debt? Oh, I would pity those of you who dared to cross me. I can assure you your ends would be SPECTACULAR." He decides to steal one of Marcel's best tricks, and holds up what I think is a legit dubloon, which is hilarious. He informs them that whoever picks up the coin gets to live, and drops the coin on the ground. "Now, which of you magnificent bastards wants to join me?"

Marcel plays it cool, and adds, "Anyone who wants that coin, pledge allegiance to Klaus, take it now. Go ahead! The choice is yours." He looks tense for a moment as he waits to see what happens. No one moves, and Marcel relaxes when he sees how shocked Klaus is that no one has moved to join him. You can tell just how proud he is about his little crew of misfit vampires. Marcel orders his henchvamps to take him down, and a handful of them descend on Klaus. I kind of loved this scene, because it's been so long since we've really seen just how lethal Klaus is. You'd think a one hybrid versus, like, thirty-six vampires would end up working in their favor, but nope! Klaus turns into a literal beast, and starts biting and heart-ripping and whatnot. Once they're all down for the count, he spreads his arms wide, as if to say, "COME AT ME, BRO!" Unfortunately for him, this gives the vampires the opportunity to secure chains around each of his wrists and pull them tight so that he's restrained.
(via vampire-originals)
Once he's stuck, he starts getting blow after blow to the face from the vampires, and for a second, you almost think that he's actually going to lose. When he finally gets a beat to catch his breath, he's scowling so hard that you know he's about to fuck shit up. His hybrid eyes and fangs come out, and he manages to break himself free, and continues to bite, rip, and behead people with his chains. Seriously, he is just taking vamps out left and right, it's really fucking impressive, no matter what your personal feelings are about Klaus. Rebekah and Marcel are completely stricken with terror at the sight of Klaus straight up massacring the lot of them, and accidentally drops the dagger on the floor. YOU GUYS NEED TO DESTROY THOSE DAMN DAGGERS WHILE KLAUS IS STILL OCCUPIED.

Nobody listens to me, as usual, though. Klaus shouts at Marcel to man up and finish this fight, and Marcel is about to run up and do so when he's stopped by Rebekah. She pleads with him to take the coin and save himself by ending this. Marcel is SO not into this plan one bit, but she has a pretty good point. "He won't stop until everyone is dead. And, he will kill you, too. End this. Pick up the coin!" Marcel grits his teeth, but finally, he yells, "ENOUGH!" and goes to pick up the coin. "Well, well," Klaus begins with a smirk. "The great Marcel, self-proclaimed King of New Orleans, bowing before me." Marcel angrily tosses the coin toward his sire and reluctantly states, "There. I hereby pledge my allegiance to you. You have the keys to my kingdom. It's yours." Klaus smiles wickedly, because finally, his plans have actually worked in his favor. OH SHIT THIS IS GOING TO BE SUCH A HOT MESS.

At the Lafayette Cemetery, Cami is furiously scrubbing the spray painted graffiti off of her brother's grave when her uncle approaches her. "I was on my way home, saw you duck in here. I knew exactly where you'd be." Cami complains that this vandalism is getting old, considering this is the second time this week that she's found it. Kieran confesses it's actually the third time, as he just cleaned it off two days prior. Cami seems defeated as she states how pointless it is to clean it off, but Kieran reminds her that they're not the only ones who need to heal from this. "Sean killed innocent people. No one's getting over that any time soon." Cami is terrified that she's losing her mind like Sean (supposedly) did, and pulls out the sheet of paper with the symbol that we saw when she was transcribing Klaus' memoirs earlier. "The lines--it's a secret code Sean and I used to use when we were kids. I have no memory of drawing this. Something's not right, I just can't figure it out."

Kieran looks pained, because he knows exactly what's up but can't tell her what it is, so he opens his arms wide to give her a hug. After a moment, he suggests that perhaps she should leave town for a while to clear her head. He even offers to talk to her dean so that way she could put her thesis on hold for a while. (I thought she already had a master's degree in psych. Is she working on a doctorate, or has she been retconned to still be in grad school?) Cami rejects that plan and repeats that she knows that this all means something, but she just hasn't figured out what it is, yet. Kieran softens when he sees the tears in his niece's eyes, but he continues to push. "Not everything has meaning. Sometimes, you just have to let go. You should leave New Orleans. This town isn't for everybody. Please."

Out in the bayou, the sun has set, and Hayley sits with Eve in front of a bonfire. Eve correctly guesses that Hayley has a ton of questions, which Hayley confirms. "Only a thousand of them. Like, who are you? Why are you following me? Where they hell is everyone? And if the people in this book really are my family, what happened to them?" Eve, thankfully, gives her straight-up answers. "I'm Eve. I'm following you because you brought an Original to werewolf country, which is pretty much the same reason why everyone else skedaddled." She adds that she can summarize what happened to the people in their family tree in one word: Marcel. When Hayley naturally asks what he did, Eve informs her that he killed the majority of them. Then, he bullied a witch into putting a curse on the descendants of their family that ended up not being killed by him or his cronies.

Hayley asks what kind of curse was put on them, so Eve starts to explain the deets. "Swap nature around, inside out. Made it so their natural state is wolves. They only turn back human on the full moon. We're hunted by the marks we carry." She gestures to the nasty scar on her own shoulder blade, right where Hayley's birthmark is on her shoulder. "That crescent moon birthmark--that's why I got rid of mine. I didn't wanna get found up." Unfortunately for Hayley, and for us, Royal Werewolf Story-Time gets interrupted by Elijah, who has woken up from his stake-induced nap. "Good evening. Think I might have something which belongs to you." He holds up the stake Eve stabbed into his back and returns it to her. Hayley assures him that everything is cool with her, and asks if he's okay.

He replies, "My wound is healed, the fever is broken, but for some strange reason, I have this sharp and lingering pain in my back." Bahahaha, oh Eli! Hayley turns to Eve and informs her that while she has to take him home, she will be back for more answers. Eve nods, and reminds her to keep her birthmark hidden before she takes off. Elijah asks what happened while he was unconscious, and she admits that she met some of her family. Aw, I need to know more about these werewolves, you guys! I'm guessing the wolf that has been following her is one of the ones who are pretty much always wolves except on the full moon?

Marcel is standing on a balcony overlooking the Abbatoir's courtyard, where Diego and some other vampires have covered their dead with sheets and are soaking them in alcohol. Diego takes a swig from the bottle of liquor he's using to douse his fallen friends. Klaus finds Marcel and joins him on the balcony. Of course, he can't leave well enough alone, and just has to pick at Marcel's emotional scabs. "Looking at what you've wrought?" Marcel snits that if Klaus has come to kill him for his betrayal, he needs to just get on with it, but Klaus can't believe he'd think such a thing. "Why would I kill you? You picked up the coin. There are rules of engagement in battle, Marcel. Without them, you'd have anarchy. I would, however, like to talk about accommodations. Your living quarters, for example. I believe it used to be mine."

Klaus is pretty gleeful in pushing Marcel's buttons, but Marcel is more weary and depressed than angry about what happened, and decides that it's time to drop some truth bombs on his new king. "You own this, fine. It's yours. You can put me back on the street for all I care. But, let's make one thing clear. You will never have this--loyalty. You can't buy it, you can't own it, you can't force it. It comes only out of love and respect for the people who believe in you. You taught me many things, Niklaus Mikelson, but this I learned on my own. And it is something that you will never know." After a beat, Marcel tells Klaus to enjoy his new kingdom, and leaves him all alone on the balcony, feeling as close to a supreme asshole as Klaus is capable of feeling. Down below, Diego lights a lighter and drops it onto the alcohol-soaked corpses, which begin to rapidly catch fire.

Over at the Mikaelson Mansion, Elijah and Hayley have just pulled into the driveway, where Hayley awkwardly thanks him for the ride. Elijah points out the awkwardness of their last day or so, and sincerely apologizes for trying to hurt her. He promises that hurting her is the last thing he would ever want. Hayley asks him to tell her what happened to Celeste, but Elijah, who obviously doesn't want to think or talk about it, simply states that it's not important. "It is important," Hayley insists. "Thousands of years of memories, and that's what breaks through your fever brain? I wanna know. Show me." Elijah sighs and places his hand on the back of Hayley's head as he closes his eyes. We jump into where we left off in the flashback: Elijah runs into Celeste's bathroom, where she was taking a bath before he had left, and finds her dead and still in the tub. He pulls her out of the water and lifts her up toward him, and when he realizes that she's truly dead, he lays his forehead against hers and screams an agonizing scream.

Back in the present day, Elijah explains that it was already a pretty terrible time to be a witch as it was, without his awful brother making it worse. Hayley is for some reason shocked that she would die because of Klaus, but Elijah maintains that it wasn't because of Klaus. "It was because of me. Because I cared too deeply for her. I had allowed my brother to slip through my grasp. I loosened the reigns while Celeste consumed my every moment. I had abandoned him in the name of my own happiness. Celeste paid the price." God, this makes me SO FUCKING SAD, because why shouldn't Elijah have happiness? Why shouldn't Rebekah? Why should they have to sacrifice having lives of their own so Klaus' wittle feewings don't get hurt? They've been emotionally and physically abused by their brother for so long that they genuinely believe that it's their own fault for their loved ones getting killed at his hands. :(
HAYLEY: [shakes head] "Why are we here? Why are you trying to put together your family when it's so clear that one part of it is broken?"
ELIJAH: "The very definition of the word 'broken' suggests that something can be fixed. I have a whole eternity to accomplish one single task: my brother's salvation. If I surrender this, then tell me--what value would I be to my family? To myself? your child?"

OH MY GOD, my heart has been squeezed into depressed mush, this is the most heartbreaking thing. Hayley reaches over and puts her hand near Elijah's, which rests on the gear shift, but while Elijah takes her hand in his and savors the touch for a moment, he doesn't allow it to last any longer than that. "You've seen what happens." He continues to hold her hand for a minute more before leaving the car and heading toward the house.

Inside the mansion, Rebekah stands with Klaus inside the parlor. Rebekah reminds him that Elijah has returned, but he only has one dagger, so which one of them will be getting a coffin nap this time? Klaus: "I contemplated a game of eenie-meenie-miney-moe. You betrayed me! My own sister!" Elijah quite rightly tells him not to even start on HER betraying HIM, but Klaus is just getting started. He points the dagger petulantly toward his siblings and bellows, "Maybe it should be you, brother! Stealing my child away with every fawning moment of tenderness you show to Hayley!" Elijah growls that this has nothing to do with Hayley, but Klaus disagrees--basically, Hayley likes Elijah better than Klaus, because Elijah actually treats her like a person and not a baby machine, so Klaus has just assumed that his kid will grow up to love Elijah as a father instead of him.

"Is that what it is?", Rebekah asks. "You are once again worried that you will be left behind. Has history taught you nothing? We don't abandon you, Nik, you drive us away!" Klaus starts to cry as he gets into the heart of his rant, which is: He listened to Elijah and took his lead as a way to repent for daggering him in the name of gaining Marcel's trust and regaining their home. He pretended not to notice that Rebekah was sneaking around with Marcel, even though in Klaus' eyes, Marcel isn't good enough for her, not to mention the fact that he has taken control of THEIR empire. "I make no excuses for past sins, but in the one moment when you two could have chosen to believe in me, to believe my intentions for my own child were pure, you chose to stand against me, to side with my enemies!" He informs them that he wanted their home back, and now he has done just that, so he's taking his ball and going home and Elijah and Rebekah can go eat worms for all he cares. Totally mature, Klaus! As he leaves, he hands the dagger off to Elijah and Rebekah and goes off to pout by his lonesome. Stay tuned for the end for my thoughts on Klaus and his actions this week in the notes at the end.

Hayley apparently decided to just stand around outside, and Klaus runs into her once he's stomped his away out the door. He sneers, "You're coming with me, little wolf." Hayley is understandably like, "Uh, the fuck you say? I'm not doing shit with you," but Klaus is still in the throes of his tantrum, so he doesn't give a fuck about her and her wants and needs. "Hayley, that child that you carry is the only thing on this earth that matters to me. Now, you can fight me on this, but you will lose." He opens the car door for her and gestures for her to get inside, and adds (I assume, for Rebekah and Elijah's benefit) that anyone who tries to stop Hayley from getting into his car will lose as well. Hayley sighs and reluctantly gets into the car, and Klaus eventually joins her. Damn, Klaus in charge is going to be such a shitshow.

Finally, at St. Anne's, Cami rushes in and finds Father Kieran to point out that she's figured out her puzzle. "The note! I was thinking about it, my lost time, my foggy brain. I thought I must be going crazy, like Sean." You can just see the internal panic in Kieran's eyes as she explains what she's found. "But then I thought: 'What if somewhere in my subconscious, I was trying to send myself a message?' [beat] I was." She shows him the note, which she has decoded. It reads: "KLAUS M PICAYUNE 1919." She tells him that she looked in the Picayune newspaper archives from 1919, and found a photo. When she shows it to Kieran, we can plainly see both Klaus and Marcel standing in a group photo in tuxedos. Kieran looks at her with feigned confusion as Cami exclaims, "Those men, I know them! I know both of them!" OH SHIT. Cami is so fucking smart, I am loving it. More smart Cami, please!

[screencaps from KissThemGoodbye]

Click HERE to move on to my next recap of The Originals!

-GOD, Cami could not be more right when she said that Klaus is the architect of his own unhappiness. It's just a vicious cycle of being a tyrant, and then having the people he has been controlling/bullying/abusing rise up to fight back, which only serves to make him more angry and controlling, and then HE fights back, and it never ends. I am both terribly nervous and super excited to see how big of a failure his new job as king will be, because like Marcel said, he's incapable of caring for or respecting people (with a few notable exceptions like Caroline and Cami), and took his role with force, which means he may get reluctant allegiance from Marcel and his crew, but he'll never get loyalty. They'll just follow him and bide their time to save their own asses until they can figure out a better plan, and it'll be DELICIOUS.

-I want to know more about the werewolves/Hayley's family. Is Eve a sister, or a cousin? From the looks of the dates in the Bible, Hayley should have some older siblings at the very least. I also want to know more about Marcel's beef with her family in particular. I can understand why vampires wouldn't be overly fond of werewolves, considering the millenia-long rivalry that began with Elijah and Rebekah's dad and Klaus' biological dad, and the fact that werewolves' bites can KILL vampires, but why would Marcel seek out a specific bloodline to try to wipe out/curse? I really hope we learn more about it soon!

-I am super thrilled that Cami has been clever enough to actually find ways around her compulsion to figure out what Klaus has been doing to her. Although, I'm sure Klaus will be totally right when he says that her involvement in these supernatural shenanigans will end up getting her hurt or killed, although I would like to think that both Klaus and Marcel are fond enough of her (or at least value their tentative relationships with Kieran enough) to where they wouldn't hurt her. That said, I could totally see someone like Diego, or Thierry, if he ever gets out of the Garden, hurting her or kidnapping her to get to Klaus.

-So, did they just leave Tyler in the Garden? That is kind of hilarious, I wonder where they're going to go with that storyline? He's got to go back to TVD eventually, right? Maybe he'll make some friends while he's down there?

-I am so glad that Klaus didn't dagger Rebekah or Elijah, I would have been seriously pissed if he reverted to that yet again. Someone seriously needs to give those daggers to Davina so she can de-spell them, or make them work on Klaus, or destroy them with magic fire or something.


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