The Vampire Diaries Season 5, Episode 5: "Monster's Ball" Recap/Review

The season of the Vampire Diaries is really kicking up, just in time for November sweeps, and I am SO EXCITED ABOUT IT. Not to mention, the 100th episode is coming up in a couple weeks, and it is sure to be absolutely bonkers. This week, we got a lot of information regarding Silas, Tessa, and how the gang plans to get Bonnie back, but it also stirred up a lot more questions that have had me dying for days. Wes/Dr. Maxfield is getting more curious and sinister-seeming by the day, and we met a new character this week who is pretty mysterious, himself. So, I'm going to quit summarizing, and just get to the good stuff, k?

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Stefan came back to Mystic Falls to be with Elena, but now she's with his brother, Damon. Silas is an immortal sociopath who locked Stefan in a safe at the bottom of a quarry in order to steal his identity and accomplish his evil plans. Bonnie died resurrecting Jeremy, and everyone finally knows it. Qetsiyah/Tessa brought herself back somehow, and used magic to link Stefan to Silas in order to disable Silas' psychic abilities. This involved frying Stefan's brain, and a major side effect of the spell was that Stefan lost every single memory of the last 164 years. Nadia has been holding Katherine hostage for a couple episodes, and no one knows what she wants. As it turns out, the cure still exists, only now it's running through Katherine's veins, which is why Silas also wants her. Oh yeah, and there's this creepy professor, Dr. Wes Maxfield, who found out Jesse had vampire blood in his system and killed him in order to turn him into a vampire. Oops!

We begin this evening in Dr. Maxfield's lab, where he has a shirtless Jesse restrained on a gurney. He has this crazy, mad-scientist set up in his lab, which involves using a weird glass bottle with a dropper to siphon a few drops of blood onto a petri dish, which he waves in front of Jesse's face. Jesse appears to have made it through transition already, because he goes straight into full vamp-face and tries to lift himself up close enough to lick the petri dish clean. He's super hungry, as you can tell, and groans that his insides feel like they're burning. Dr. Maxfield immediately pulls the dish away from him and whips out his mini-recorder. "Subject 62547. After his initial transition, 62547 has undergone three days without feeding. Subject is weak but lucid." He pokes around Jesse's mouth with his latex gloved hands and notes that Jesse put his fangs away once the blood was removed from his line of sight.

Next, he whips out a penlight and checks Jesse's eyes, noting that his pupils were fully dilated, and that the light reeeeally bothered him. As he jots down some notes, Jesse fights against his restraints and asks him what the fuck the doctor did to him, which is an excellent question. We've seen some pretty sadistic dudes on this show, but this guy has to be the creepiest, since he seems to be doing it all in the name of science, and possibly in order to become a better vampire hunter. "Subject is confused, yet self-aware. Personality seems intact. Hunger remains primary focus. All in all, appears to be a perfect candidate." Perfect candidate for what? And what kind of characteristics did he find in Jesse that he wouldn't find in say, Elena, or Caroline? (Not that I WANT them to be involved in his creeper experiments, because yikes! But I mean, it's not super unusual for a vampire to retain their personality and ONLY be focused on feeding when they've been starved for days, right? Just sayin'.) He smiles like an evil doctor would smile and shuts off his recorder. TITLE CARD!

Elena is out on campus, writing in her new diary, since the old one got burned up in the fire, remember? Here comes the vampire diary voiceover. "Dear Diary, do you ever get sick of me writing about death? It's been four days since Bonnie died--or, four days since I found out Bonnie died. She wanted me to go back to school, so here I am, back at school. Studying, going to class, trying to move on like everyone else. Stefan had it easiest, he doesn't even REMEMBER Bonnie. Not that anyone has seen him, except for Caroline, who's back with Tyler." 

We cut to the girls' dorm room, where Caroline and Tyler are...making up, on her bed. Elena calls Tyler a "healthy distraction" for Caroline, and then writes about her own distraction: the aforementioned Dr. Maxfield, who covered up Megan's death. He walks past her and asks her if she's going to the costume ball that night. She assures him that she is, and continues writing. "Besides, the more I have to think about, the less time I have to miss Bonnie..." She starts to cry, not knowing that Bonnie is standing right behind her. Bonnie rubs her shoulder supportively and tells her that she misses her, too, but obviously Elena can't feel or hear it. "But in the meantime, I choose to believe that she's watching over me, because that's who Bonnie is." WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, SHOW? You can't be making me be this emotionally vulnerable/sobby this early in the episode! We're only, like, three minutes in, and we still have SO MUCH TO COVER.

(via 1864damon)
She gets a call from Damon, which she instantly ignores. Of course, he got worried after the first few screened calls, and has come to Whitmore to check on her, and totally catches her ignoring him in the flesh. He calls her out on it, although she denies it. Apparently, the only communication between the two since Elena returned to school has been Elena texting him to ask him to accompany her to the Event of the Week. This week, it's the Whitmore College Historical Costume Ball, where everyone dresses up like historical figures. Elena assumes his presence at school means that he's coming with her, to which he responds, "Definitely will maybe consider thinking about it." She informs him that it starts at 08:00 PM and that Caroline has already taken care of their costume before she bails to go to class. Damon acts pretty snubbed, and probably for good reason, because again--since when does Elena go to class?

(via iansmolderholic)
Tyler and Caroline are still laying on the floor after some, ahem, QUALITY time together, and Caroline stays true to form as she babbles about his college plans while they make out. She's already taken care of everything, as you can recall, so she tells him that his major is sociology, and she waggles her eyebrows as she informs him that she also got him a single room. As you can guess from his behavior so far this season, he is not at all interested in talking about college stuff. "Well, we could talk about the hybrid-sized jerk that you've been for not calling me back, ever." Tyler blames it on helping a pack of werewolves in "the land of no cell phone reception," but I still think that's bullshit. Again, what help could a werewolf pack need other than preparing for the full moons? Even when Tyler was a new wolf, before he was a hybrid, he still only really prepared, like, a day or two in advance. I don't think they'd need that much help unless they were hybrids, which we know they aren't, because Tyler is the only one left, other than Klaus. But I digress! Caroline bullies him into taking her to the costume ball, and reveals that 1) they will be going as Bonnie and Clyde, and 2) even dickhead Stefan is coming, which means Tyler has to as well. Tyler isn't pleased at this news either, so Caroline basically tells him to shut up and put his mouth to better use on her body.

Either Elena ended up skipping class, or we time-warped to afterward, because as she walks around campus, she notices a sullen boy kneeling at Megan's little shrine of flowers, pictures and cards. She stops to say hello and introduce herself, and adds that she was Megan's roommate for all of like, thirty seconds. When she asks if he knew her, he curtly replies that they were friends as children. She apologizes for his loss, but he just ignores her and picks one of the wilted flowers out of one of the bouquets. "Pretty sad memorial, huh? Guess it's not exactly cool to mourn during fall rush." Elena reminds him that everyone mourns differently, and she would definitely know better than anyone, but the guy just rudely spits that what Megan would probably prefer is to still be in the land of the living.

Elena brings up the fact that her death was ruled a suicide, but Rude Guy doesn't seem to be buying it either. Since Elena is still playing Nancy Drew regarding Megan's murder, she asks him what he thinks happened. He doesn't answer the question, he just picks up his bag and snits, "Yeah, if you care about her, get her sunflowers. She liked those." I know this guy is supposed to be all tortured and be part of Damon/Elena's romantic tension, but man, he's kind of a dick. She asks if he has a name, and he says that he does, but doesn't tell her what it is. He just walks away. Rude!

This scene is so unintentionally hilarious, I am going to post tons of gifs about it just so you can see how awesome it is. Nadia and Katherine are still holed up in a motel, and Silas has contacted Nadia again to kindly (or not so kindly) ask her to return her to him. As they talk, Katherine lays flat on the bed, dumps Doritos crumbs straight from the bag into her mouth, and then does a full-body flip off the bed to raid the mini-fridge, where she pouts when it turns out they only have bottled water. Girl, Nadia's a vampire, you're lucky there is even food and water at all!

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Anyway, Nadia reminds Silas that the reason she took Katherine from him is because she has business with her, too. "You can have your brown-eyed bitch of a cure for immortality when I'm done!" Silas whines that she's already had her for a day, but Nadia figures since he's immortal and has already waited 2,000 years to be cured, a couple more hours will LITERALLY not kill him. "Here's the thing, Nadia. I don't really care about what you need. I only care about what I need. I'm a little selfish like that." At least he's honest? Unlike that dumb guy who shares his face.

Nadia decides to rub in the fact that he lost all his psychic abilities, but he helpfully points out that he's still smart, and thus has learned how to track cell phones via their GPS chips. Oops! Nadia immediately hangs up, and Katherine helpfully points out, "Little tip, woman to woman--don't piss off the diabolical ones. And, if you're gonna hold me hostage, the least you can do is feed me properly." Nadia tells her that they'll eat later, but they have to leave PRONTO. Katherine figures she should just let Silas take that the shot of her blood that he needs so they can get back to their regularly scheduled lives, but as predicted, it's not that simple. "A little tip, woman to woman--don't offer to hand yourself over to the diabolical ones when you don't know the real story. [...] Silas needs more than just a sip to cure himself, he needs every last drop of your blood in your body."

This isn't the first time Katherine has been hunted for her blood, if you recall--that's how she got herself turned into a vampire in the first place, so she would no longer be a candidate to break Klaus' hybrid curse. Still, she feels the need to state the obvious: since she's human, that means that Silas curing himself will basically require her death. Nadia doesn't seem too torn up about it, though Katherine does, and Nadia drags Katherine out the door.

This next scene is tricky, because it cuts back and forth between Casa Salvatore with Damon, Jeremy and Bonnie's ghost, and the Grill with Damon and Silas, so bear with me yet again:

For whatever reason, Damon has driven all the way back to Mystic Falls to confab with Jeremy at Casa Salvatore, even though he's just going to go back tonight. I'm not going to comment any more about the crazy travel and time logistics that would require, because it makes my head hurt. Moving on! Damon: "So, as we know, in a psychotic lapse of judgment, Bonnie brought you back to life and died in the process. May she rest in peace." Aw, Damon, don't even play like you don't care about Jeremy, we've all seen those bro hugs! And he obviously cares about Bonnie too, because of what his plan entails, but we're not quite to the details yet. Jeremy points out that Bonnie is actually in the room with them, and she hilariously waves in his direction, which made me laugh SO HARD. God, I love Bonnie. Glad she's still retained a sense of humor in death.

(via idontownemotion)
Anyway, Damon's plan is simple--since its a well-known fact that Silas just wants to die already and be reunited with Amara on the unsupernatural-other-Other Side. "And, in the spirit of nature needing balance and life for a life and all that stuff, I just think it would be a huge waste of a perfectly good death." Yup, he wants to leverage Silas' death to bring Bonnie back to life, a plan that he warns Jeremy not to speak of to Elena until after it works. Naturally, Jeremy isn't too keen to work with Silas, and for good reason! That guy is weaselly, and already killed him once.

We cut briefly to Damon talking to Silas at the Grill, where he explains that he's willing to help Silas cure himself and die, if he will use his temporarily regained-witchy powers to cast a spell to resurrect Bonnie AFTER he cures himself, but BEFORE he kills himself. Silas plays like he doesn't need anyone's help, but Damon's got his number. "Well, for starters, you're still here. As in, why do you suck so badly at killing yourself?" LOLOLOL.

Back at Casa Salvatore, Jeremy points out that Silas also totally failed at bringing down the veil to the Other Side, but Bonnie is brainstorming, and figures that he could have a Plan B that involves destroying the Other Side completely, rather than just combining it with the living world and letting all the dead supernatural beasties run free. Damon notices Jeremy isn't paying attention to him and hilariously reminds him that he can't hear a word Bonnie is saying, so Jeremy translates what Bonnie says: "Powerful spells are bound by something even more powerful; the moon, a comet, a doppelgänger. The Other Side was made 2,000 years ago, and it still exists. That means she must have bound it to something that could exist just as long." OH SHIT, that's crazy! But it makes total sense. Remember all the crazy spells Bonnie had to bind to full moons? And how Emily Bennet's crystal talisman held the spell that sealed the vampires in the tomb, which was bound by the comet? YAY CONTINUITY.

At the Grill, Silas confirms Bonnie's suspicions. "A mystical anchor, that's what binds her spell to the Other Side. I want to destroy it. Qetsiyah, or Tessa, or whatever the hell she's calling herself these days, she wants to protect it. So, she's the only person who knows where the anchor is hidden, but fortunately, she will be at the Whitmore Historical Ball this evening." Damon is shocked that he knows this, considering he can't read minds anymore, but apparently he watched her purchase a Cleopatra costume today and put the pieces together himself.

Casa Salvatore. Damon asks Bonnie if it's magically possible for Silas to do a spell to give his life force to Bonnie once he kills himself, and considering Elena managed to stay alive AND human after Klaus sacrificed her due to a spell Bonnie did on Uncle Daddy John, I'd say we already know the answer to this question, which is: yes, it's possible, assuming Silas is able to destroy the Other Side and did the spell before he killed himself. Bonnie agrees that yes, technically, it is possible, but she doesn't trust Silas at all, nor should she, because he murdered her father, so no, it's a terrible idea. Plus, as Grams told her both times she resurrected Jeremy, there's always a cost to bringing someone back with magic. Although, uh, I beg to differ, considering Jeremy seems to be just fine, other than the seeing-dead-people thing, and Qetsiyah appears to be just as powerful (if not more so) as she was when she was alive in Ancient Greece. Again, Damon can't hear Bonnie, so he asks Jeremy what she said, so he lies and says she's totally in. Yeah, this should work out wonderfully. SIGH.

The Grill. Damon asks Silas if they have a deal, but Silas points out that while they have worked out what Silas will be doing for them (resurrecting the witch he terrorized for months whose father he killed) but they have not agreed on what Damon and the gang will be doing for them. Damon's like, "Name your price, bro," so Silas breaks it down for him. "Oh, it's fairly simple, actually. I want you to kill your brother." Don't tease me, dude!

At some random restaurant, wherever Nadia and Katherine have been hiding out, Katherine pouts as she eats her pancakes, and Nadia just watches her curiously. Can you even pout when you're eating pancakes? I don't think so. Also, how are pancakes nutritionally better for you than Doritos? Anyway, Nadia admits that she has been tracking Katherine for the last 500 years, to the point where she even got herself turned into a vampire to make it easier. Now, she wants some answers. When Katherine points out that she has no reason to spill about anything, Nadia offers to let her go, so long as she indulges her in a couple of questions, which our Katerina deems to be a fair deal. That's when this awesome exchange happened:

NADIA: "In 1864, there was a vampire round-up in Mystic Falls."
KATHERINE: "Was there? I'm bad with dates."
NADIA: "Word on the street is that you sold out many vampires, including your best friend Pearl, and her daughter, Annabelle."
KATHERINE: "I was also running from Klaus. I needed to jet solo, I threw a couple of vampire names on the hit list. Sue me. I also impersonated a teenager to get my ex-boyfriends to make out with me, staged a fake fight to trigger my lover's werewolf curse, ooh, and I chopped off this douchey guy's fingers with a butcher knife, once. That was cool." 

That's it, PETROVA WOMEN STAN FOR LIFE. God, that was perfect in every way. Nadia doesn't agree though, and brings up how Katherine ripped a mother away from her daughter, whom she killed for her own benefit. I KNEW IT. Katherine is confused, so Nadia goes on. "Now, a little about me: I had myself turned into a vampire to hunt you, to even the playing field. To track your every move for however long it took me until I found you, and I did this because you killed my mother. It happened in Paris, 1645." 

Katherine snits that she only goes to Paris for designer footwear, and asks for some extra details to jog her memory. Nadia claims her mother was named Lily Atoma, who took Katherine in while she was on the run. When Katherine was found by Klaus' lackeys, she told them that Lily was actually Katherine Pierce, and then they took her and killed her. Katherine quickly realizes that Nadia had no intention of letting her go, which she confirms, and is informed that it's time for them to leave. Nadia drags her away by the arm, but she's Katherine Pierce: Survivor, so her eyes dart around the room until she sees a wooden cane hanging on the back of a booth. She must have started lifting weights or something, because she's able to impale Nadia with it in the chest, break it off, and run away as Nadia falls to the floor. Badass move, Katerina! I am always so impressed by her self-preservation mode.

Bonnie is chewing out Jeremy for lying to Damon about what she said, and Jeremy calls her out on her hypocrisy. "So, I can lie for you all summer as your witch translator, but when it's something I want--" Bonnie cuts him off and reminds him of how dangerous Silas is, which, HELLO, Jeremy already knows, as Silas totally killed him. Jeremy brings up a legitimate point, which is that bringing Jeremy back to life was also dangerous, and she still did it, which resulted in her death. "I brought you back because Elena needed you." Jeremy: "And now she needs you." Bonnie is worried about the consequences of magic, which I'm still not understanding, but Jeremy claims that nothing can be worse than the fact that he and Bonnie are still totally in luuuuurve and they can't touch each other. He urges her to allow Damon to give it a try, and tbh, she seems to be warming up to the idea.

It appears the ball has just started, where Caroline and Tyler walk down the stairs to the party. Caroline is wearing a short blonde wig, a white beret, and a yellow cardigan. Tyler's in gangster get-up that is similar to his 20's Decade Dance costume. He teases her on not being involved in the committee that planned the party, but she, of course, emailed them suggestions. They notice Stefan drinking at the bar, and we learn that Caroline went easy on him, after all the shit that's happened to him recently, and had him dress as James Dean. All that required was a white tshirt and Stefan's usual leather jacket, so it wasn't hard for him at all. Stefan swaggers over to Caroline and slurs, "Hey, dance with me. I'm buzzed, and I'm on the verge of having a good time." Charming. Tyler takes notice of Stefan's interest in Caroline, but says nothing; he leaves to get them drinks.

Behind them, Damon texts Silas that Stefan is there at the ball. Elena walks in behind him, wearing a goooooorgeous costume. She's Anne Boleyn, and her King Henry, Damon, comments on her gorgessity. "Now, who in their right mind would cut off a head so gorgeous?" Elena hilariously deadpans, "Uh, you, my king." Damon wants to "dance his way out of the doghouse," which is probably a good plan, since their dances are always super hot. Elena isn't really into it, and goes to walk away, but Damon stops her and pleads with her to just tell him what she's feeling. "Bonnie died three months ago, and what was I doing? I was having the summer of my life with you." Ouch. Damon's like, "Ah, guilt then." It's true--Elena blames herself for not realizing Bonnie was dead sooner. Damon reminds her that she's allowed to be happy every now and again, which is totally true. Still, Elena believes she should have figured it out sooner, and that's why she's not going to let Megan's death slip between the cracks, too.

She spots Rude Kid from earlier, decked out in a tuxedo tshirt, which definitely does not go unnoticed by Damon. When asked who the fuck he is, she identifies him as Megan's childhood bud, and leaves Damon to approach him. "Hey, whatever your name is. Nice tshirt, understated." They chit-chat about her costume and wanting to know his name, but when he tries to walk away, she grabs his arm and compels him to tell her if he killed Megan. He states that he didn't, so next, she asks him why he's acting so shady and rude. "Because everyone around me dies! It's like a curse. My friends, my family--one by one. I've lost every single person in my life. So, if you have any idea what survivor's guilt feels like, you'd leave me alone." Well, Elena can definitely empathize with that, so she compels him to forget her questions before he storms away. As he leaves, he tells her his name is Aaron, and says maybe he'll see her around.

Tessa walks into the ball, dressed as Cleopatra, just as Silas predicted. She walks up to Stefan, kind of flirty, all, "Where I come from, open bar meant ceramic jugs of Phoenician wine." Stefan can't remember her, of course, and just rolls his eyes, which reminds Tessa that, hello, she's the one who accidentally wiped his memories. "Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah. [...] Nothing personal, little ex-boyfriend drama. Let me make it up to you. Buy you an 'I'm sorry' drink?" I knew it! She really is kind of attracted to Stefan solely because he shares Silas' face, though he's a different brand of asshole than Silas is. Damon comes up behind them and is all, "More like an 'I'm sorry' keg!" 

He pulls his brother away into a conveniently empty room as Stefan whines that Damon is a terrible wingman. "Trust me, last guy to hit on her is still paying for it." BAHAHAHAHA. Stefan asks what he's doing there, which is when Silas pops up in a white tshirt. Damon goes up behind Stefan and snaps his neck. I knew when Silas said "kill," that he meant something less permanent, because there was no way Damon would actually kill Stefan. Now, Damon wants an explanation for why he just "killed" his brother.

SILAS: "Well, Tessa's spell mentally linked us. I lost my psychic abilities, Stefan lost his memories."
DAMON: "And this severed the link?"
SILAS: "Yes, Damon, I can read your mind again. No, I'm not lying, and maybe you enjoyed breaking your brother's neck a LITTLE too much."
DAMON: "Sold."
SILAS: "I'll cozy up to the witch and sift through her mind, figure out where she's hiding the anchor, and you? All you gotta do is keep him dead."

Damon wonders how Tessa won't get suspicious when Stefan, the guy who now has retrograde amnesia because of her, suddenly is interested in her, but Silas as also picked up on Tessa's interest in Stefan, of all people, and insists that since his face has won her heart before, she'll be totally into it, because a woman never forgets her first love, blah blah blah.

Silas, who has stolen Stefan's leather jacket, walks back over to Tessa at the bar. She asks if she's in trouble, since he managed to come back even after Damon presumably tried to talk him out of it, but Stilas has decided to take her up on that drink. They do some tequila shots, and Stilas is relieved to see that she enjoys the liquor of bad decisions. "Yes, but not as much as bacon. In my day, it was all about lamb. No one thought to cure pig fat." Stilas smarms over her beautiful smile, and it's true, Tessa is super beautiful, so she teases him into dancing with her.

Meanwhile, Caroline is all recharged and ready to get back to round 1,000 of their makeup sex reunion. "Hey, you want to get out of here? These costumes come with handcuffs, and you have a single!" Tyler reminds her that he didn't just come back to get laid, although I'm sure that was probably a perk, and Caroline says as much. He starts to say something, and gets that serious look on his face that precedes uncomfortable conversations, but loses his nerve and simply says, "I'm just really glad to be here." UH OHHHHHH.

The two continue to dance, and we move back to Tessa and Stilas, who are also still dancing. He asks her why she would come to the Whitmore College Historical Ball, of all places, and she makes a joke about how the last time she looked this fabulous, she couldn't enjoy it, because she got stood up at the altar. Stilas brings that up, stupidly, which Tessa immediately finds suspicious. "You shouldn't know that, I told you that BEFORE I fried your memories." Stilas is like, "OH SHIT," and lies that he asked around about her after she did that spell on him. For whatever reason, Tessa totally buys it, and apologizes for being paranoid as a result of her "lying, manipulative bastard" former fiance. Stilas just can't help himself, "Oh, come on, the guy must've had SOME redeeming qualities. I mean, we know he was obviously extremely good-looking...but, I men, was the guy at least funny?" Tessa is offended that Stefan would defend him, so Stilas suggests that maybe her whole revenge shtick is an excuse to keep him around, and that there's still a part of her that loves him.

"Now, I really hope he thinks that. I want to see his face when he realizes just how wrong he is." Stilas grins evilly and quips that part of him just wanted to hear that she still loves him, and rubs in how much glee he gets from her denial as she realizes that she's been talking to Silas this whole time. Before she can interfere magically, he mind-whammies her into telling him where the anchor to the Other Side is hidden. Problem is, she has no answers. "I don't know, I'm looking for it, too." Silas calls bullshit, considering she created it, but since he's compelling her, it's not like she can lie to him. "Yes, I created it, but the Travelers hid it after they killed me. They move it constantly." OH SHIT, I knew something crazy must have happened to Tessa when she died, because she looks the same age as she was when she was going to marry Silas/kill Amara. I NEED TO KNOW MORE. Why would the Travelers want to keep the Other Side going?

Silas asks what she's doing here, then, and she explains that her talisman is in one of the displays, which she needs as an additional power source to locate the anchor. Remember Tessa's talisman? Professor Creepy 1.0 gave it to Bonnie when he taught her Expression, it's made of human bone or something. I don't know how they got it back, but it would make sense how they'd have it in the first place, since they had Silas' tombstone, too. One last question, though--I thought that locator spells were supposed to be easy, and didn't require a lot of power. Why would Tessa need her talisman, if she had the power to fry Stefan's brain to fry Silas'? Weird. ANYWAY, Silas tells her to get hopping, then, and compels her to forget what they talked about. She thanks him for the dance, and he cheesily kisses her hand. Once she has left, Silas starts to get a headache, and gropes at his head in agony.

The headache seems to be because Stefan has woken up, which has removed his powers again. Stefan gives Damon a shit-load of crap for snapping his neck and dosing him with vervain. "All we need is a Damon-sized rationalization." How would he know? HE HAS NO MEMORIES. I can't believe his amnesia actually made him a MORE self-obsessed person than he was before, JFC. Damon correctly spits, "Oh, the new you SUCKS." Stefan asks him how the old him would have dealt with this situation, and Damon reminds him that he would know that it had nothing to do with him. "Oh, who's it about, Damon, huh? About you? Your desperation to prove to Elena that you're a worthy boyfriend?" EW. Says the guy who forced his former girlfriend's brother to start hunting vampires, even though he didn't want to, in order to find the cure so that way he would could have his perfect, human girlfriend who never questioned his shady motives back. GOD I HATE NEW STEFAN SO MUCH. I'm sorry, Stefan fans, I'm trying to remain unbiased, here, but this is super gross behavior. Anyway, Damon snaps that he's going to get Elena's best friend back for her, and snaps his neck to get him to shut up again.

In the alley behind the restaurant, Nadia is sitting on the ground, leaning against a wall, the wooden stake still in her heart. She groans in pain as Katherine approaches her. "There you are. Having trouble getting that out? I grazed your heart on purpose." Nadia correctly assumes that means that Katherine didn't actually want to kill her, and asks her what she wants. Katherine informs her that she wants to know why Nadia made up that fake story earlier. Nadia replies that it was a test that she totally failed. Katherine knows that already, though. "I knew it was a fake story. By 1645, I'd been running from Klaus for a century and a half. There was no way any of his minions would have mistaken anyone for me. But, you know how my brain works, right? So, you must have known that I wouldn't have fallen for that sob story."

Nadia claims that she wanted to get under Katherine's skin, and since she's standing there now, she figures it must have worked. Kat asks her what game she's playing, but Nadia swears it isn't a game, not a bit. "You did kill my mother, but it wasn't in Paris. It was in a little cottage in England, and it wasn't 1645." Katherine goes to twist the cane in her chest, so she gasps out the rest of the story. "It was April 6th, 1492, and she was all alone, exiled by her family two years earlier. You stuck her head in a noose, pushed her off the chair, and snapped her neck." OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT. Katherine lets go of the cane, backs up, and asks her who the fuck she is. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT I briefly considered that possibility and then abandoned it, I can't believe it actually happened OH SHIIIT.

"My Nadia Petrova...and you are my mother." Katherine automatically says no, but I bet it's true! They look SO MUCH alike, it's pretty awesome casting. I just have a few questions, which will hopefully be answered soon. First, what was Nadia's game plan, then? Something tells me she has no interest in killing Katherine, if she really is her mother. Second, how did she end up in the Czech Republic (or what was formerly Czechoslovakia, I suppose. My Eastern European history skills are terrible, so if you have a better theory as to how this could have worked, please share it!)

(via delenastwinflames)
Back at the ball, Elena runs into Dr. Maxfield, who quips, "You look like a woman on her way to the guillotine!" Elena corrects him, and says Anne Boleyn was actually beheaded with a sword, and he blames his ignorance on the fact that he's a science guy, not a history guy. She sees his top hat and assumes he's Abe Lincoln, but he's actually Dr. Jekyll, naturally. When she asks him where Dr. Hyde is, he smugs that he's not responsible for his darker half. Excuses, excuses. She asks him if it would be inappropriate to ask him for a dance, and he assures her that it won't, because she will never be one of his students. They begin to dance, and Elena continues to tease him. "Major points for the dance moves, but zero points for lying on my roommate's death certificate." He claims he couldn't just say tell Megan's parents that she was killed by a rogue mountain lion who somehow got into a frat party.

He explains his theory, which is that a vampire hunted her down, fed on her to death, and threw her off the roof. Elena is stunned at how blunt he was, and asks what he knows about vampires. He tells her what he knows isn't really the issue, and says they will never see each other again after tonight. She's understandably confused and a little shaken, so he leans in and whispers, "Because there are people at this school watching you and your friends, and asking questions you don't want them to ask." He advises her to leave, pack up her shit, drop out of Whitmore, and go back to Mystic Falls before he walks away. OMG! You know, after we saw what he did to Jesse, I wondered if maybe he wasn't continuing Grayson Gilbert's work. And then, I wondered if maybe he didn't have other records of Grayson's, like notes of the fact that Stefan and Damon were turned into vampires in 1864, etc. It wouldn't be hard for people to recognize them, if they had those records, like John Gilbert recognized Damon back in season 1! THIS IS GONNA GET SO CRAZY.

Tyler is hanging out on the steps at the ball, where Caroline finds him and settles in next to him. She asks what he's doing, and he admits that he doesn't really have it in him to do the college thing at the moment. Caroline claims to understand, and acknowledges that she pushed him too hard. She's just happy to have him back, and to be back together with him. That's when the truth starts to come out. "Do you know the reason we're together? It's because Klaus GRANTED US PERMISSION to be together. I'm sorry, but I can't live like that." Caroline is a little confused as to why this suddenly became about Klaus, but it's not. It's about Tyler. "He killed my mom, and got away with it. I can't just start caring about sociology and frat parties." 

Caroline points out that he hasn't even given it a chance yet, and Tyler confesses that he didn't come back to give it a chance. He came back to say goodbye. And get laid before I assume he will be skipping on down to New Orleans to get involved in the shenanigans going on it the Quarter. CROSSOVER TIME. He tells her he has to go after Klaus and ruin his life like he ruined his. I have a feeling once he realizes Hayley is involved, he'll probably change his tune out of loyalty to her. Caroline states that he sounds an awful lot like Klaus, for a guy who claims to hate him, and stomps off. Dude, Caroline is so awesome, like, 90% of the time. Why is Tyler such a fucking dick to her?

Tessa has been ransacking the various rooms in the building where the ball is being held, and finally finds her talisman. She grabs it and smiles, and starts the locator spell. Silas, whom Tessa believes to be Stefan, walks in, and she asks him if he's ready for the show. He asks her what she's doing, and she tells him she found something that she was looking for. Stilas is all, "GOOD!" and starts to dig into her mind again, but it seems that Stefan has awoken again, because Silas starts to grab his head in pain and groans. Tessa seems concerned as she watches Silas fall to his knees.

In the other room, Stefan's finger twitches, so Damon starts to ask if he's awake. Stefan doesn't answer, so Damon stupidly gets closer to him and asks again. He pats Stefan on the face, all, "You alive again?" Of course, he totally is, and takes advantage of Damon's proximity to headbutt him in the face, and snap his neck. "How does it feel, brother?" Probably like the last time you snapped his neck, when Stefan was working with Klaus to get the cure? They're both dicks to each other on the regular.

Tessa has approaches Stilas, and asks if he's okay as he gropes his head in pain. Stefan walks in, and immediately informs her that Stilas is actually SILAS. He punches Silas in the face, and takes his daylight ring off Silas' finger as he reveals that Silas was working with Damon and lied to her about everything. "That's all he knows how to do--lie. You know where the anchor is. Too bad you won't be around to find it." She starts to chant in a way that is different from the Latin-y spells Bonnie used to do. Maybe it's Aramaic, like the Brotherhood of the Five swords? Silas smiles and tells her she can't kill him, but now that she has her talisman back, she can desiccate him for a third time until she can. Silas, at a loss for options, tries to convince her that she loves him, but nope. "I did love you...and then you broke my heart, and now I'm going to break yours." She shoves her hand into his chest and grips his heart as she does a spell that stops his heart from beating, so his blood stops flowing and he dries up.  Once he's back into stone, she removes her hand from his chest cavity and sighs.

At the stairs in the ballroom, Dr. Maxfield catches up with Aaron, who is waaaasted. Dr. Maxfield (who I'm just going to call Wes from now on, because it's way easier) demands Aaron's keys, due to his blatant drunkenness, and after a little pouting, he hands them over. As they talk, we learn that Wes is Aaron's legal guardian, since his parents are presumably dead. Aaron asks for money for a cab, since Wes apparently controls his trust fund, so he hands the kid some money. Wes brings up the fact that he saw Aaron with Elena Gilbert, and warns him to stay away from her. When he asks why, he snits, "Because, behind my very uncool exterior, I do care about you, Aaron." Okay, yeah, Elena is kind of a danger magnet, but I doubt Elena herself would actually hurt Aaron. Does Wes think Elena killed Megan? That's stupid. Plus, Aaron seems like he's the type of kid who hates being bossed around, so this warning will most likely just result in Aaron liking Elena more than he did before Wes said anything. Aaron leaves to find his cab, and Wes calls after him to be safe.

Elena and Damon find Silas, completely desiccated and laying on the couch in the room where Tessa found her talisman. Elena thinks it's Stefan at first, but Damon assures her it's actually Silas. He figures that Tessa was behind what happened to him, which Elena thinks is a good thing, but that's because she doesn't know Damon's plan to resurrect Bonnie with Silas' death. "Actually, no. It's a very, very bad thing."

Apparently, at some point after their mother-daughter bonding, Nadia passed out. When she wakes up, she's laying on a bed in a motel room, and the cane has been removed. Don't even ask how weak-ass Katherine managed to carry Nadia all the way to a motel without being questioned, because I have no idea. Nadia calls Katherine a fool for not running off, since Silas is after her, but she's not worried--she figures after 500 hundred years of running, she's gotten pretty good at it, plus he doesn't need the cure until after he's destroyed the Other Side. If he cures himself before then, there's a greater chance that he could be killed before the Other Side can be destroyed, and then he'll be stuck over there. As she makes some tea, she asks Nadia the one question that has been bugging her ever since their revelation.

"Where were you in 1498?" Nadia cant remember, because it was like 500 years ago, and she was only eight years old then. "Because by 1498, I'd escaped, ditched the people that were chasing me, and found my way back to Bulgaria. I searched every village, every cottage, but I couldn't find you." Nadia is shocked that Katherine came back for her, and Katherine promises that it's true. She hands Nadia the mug of tea, and smiles. "It's nice to meet you." Nadia smiles back, and starts to cry. OMG WARM, MATERNAL, KATHERINE. I CAN'T DEAL. All the fucking awards for Nina Dobrev, please and thank you. I always forget that Katherine and Elena are played by the same actress, and during this scene, you get this feeling of age and experience from Katherine that you would never get from Elena, which is why Nina Dobrev is one of the most underrated actresses in television.

Caroline returns to her dorm room to find Tyler packing up his things to leave once again. Jesus, he doesn't usually stay long when he comes back, but this time he was literally only here for one episode! He starts to apologize, but Caroline cuts him off. "Wait, I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that...I'm not going to have this conversation again. I can't just sit here while I'm waiting for you to come back." Tyler swears he doesn't want that either, so Caroline urges him to stay. "Just be the love of my life! Just love me more than you hate him!" Tyler apologizes, but says that he just can't do it. He starts to walk away, and though Caroline starts to cry, they're way more tears of anger than tears of sadness. "No. No! NO! Don't you DARE walk away from me! I swear to God, Tyler, if you take one more step, we are DONE, okay? No more surprises, no more excuses, no more chances. We are done." He starts to tear up too, and he looks like he feels a tiny bit bad, but he continues to walk away, and once he's out of sight, Caroline starts to sob. CAROLIIIIIIINE. Go rescue Jesse and hop on that dick, like, immediately!

Somehow, Damon and Elena managed to get Stone-Silas out of the party unseen AND back to Casa Salvatore, where they are confabbing about the night's events in the parlor. Silas is laying on the couch as Damon questions Elena about what "Professor Blondie" told her at the ball. "He said that if I don't drop out of school, the wrong people are gonna start asking the right questions." Actually, I'm pretty sure he actually said that they were ALREADY asking the right questions, but whatever. Damon proclaims this to be no bueno, and hands her a bourbon as he asks what she's going to do next. Elena concedes that solving Megan's murder isn't going to bring Bonnie back. Damon reminds her that a desiccated Silas isn't exactly the answer to their problems either, which Elena recaps for us. "So, the only way for Silas to trade in his life for Bonnie's is if he's a witch, but the only way to become a witch is to have the cure." Damon confirms this summation just as they hear a knock at the door.

When Elena asks him what is going on, Damon smiles, and says, "Now, who could that be?" He answers the door to find Katherine, who reminds him that since she's still on the run, she doesn't really have time for a visit. She sees Silas laying all dried up on the couch, and suddenly changes her tune. "Or, maybe I do! Maybe I have all the time in the world. Katherine Pierce alludes death once again--HAHA--and you two finally did something right for once! How does it feel?" Damon tells her it's thrilling, and there's something about the glint in his eyes that sets off her hinkiness radar. Katherine backs up, knowing what's coming, but Damon zoops over and grabs her firmly by the shoulders as he reminds her that Silas needs the cure to become a witch.

He bites into her neck, and Katherine screams. "Agh! No! No, no, no, Damon, no, please!" She reminds him that he needs all of her blood, which will kill her, and pleads over and over that she doesn't want to die. To Damon's credit, he really does seem pained to do this, and even Elena feels a little bad, even though Katherine is responsible for the majority of her family's deaths. Damon grabs Katherine by the hair and shoves her bleeding neck wound into Silas' mouth. She gets weaker and weaker, though she continues to fight back.

Finally, Silas has returned to his normal complexion, and throws Katherine onto the ground. She looks pretty dead, but after a moment, Damon and Elena start to hear a heartbeat. Damon: "Do you hear that?" Elena: "You've got to be kidding me." Damon: "Takes a licking, keeps on ticking." PETROVAS CHEAT DEATH TIME AND TIME AGAIN. Katherine opens her eyes and starts to take some shallow breaths as she gasps, "Am I in Hell?" LOL FOREVERRRRR. Goodbye, dear friends, I AM GONE.

Next week: Silas finally gets to die (or, so he says) Bonnie is concerned about the consequences of trusting Silas to help them, and presumably, Tessa has some plans that will cause some trouble.

[screencaps from]

Click HERE to read my recap of the next episode of The Vampire Diaries!


-While I am kind of intrigued by Tyler's crossover potential on The Originals, I have a few concerns about his storyline. First, as my dearest friend, with whom I have a standing Tuesday/Thursday TV date, Kathleen, has pointed out that he's still on the Vampire Diaries' roster until 2014, which is how long the show's contract lasts. This seems to indicate his presence on The Originals will be short. Also, we already know that he can't kill Klaus without killing himself, Caroline, Elena, Stefan, Damon, and any other vampire who is descended from their bloodline. And, like I mentioned, Klaus is having a kid with Hayley, who is Tyler's close friend, who taught him how to break the sire bond. He may be pissed at her for indirectly getting him in trouble with Klaus to begin with, but I don't think he has the heart to kill her or a baby to get back at him either. So, what can really come from his involvement? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

-I really cannot wait to learn more about Wes' motives. He seems to not really trust vampires, at the very least, and since he appears to be following in Dr. Grayson Gilbert's footsteps, he likely has an anti-vampire agenda. It also seems like he knows that Elena is at least involved with vampires, if not that Elena is a vampire herself, and I even got the impression that he thinks Elena killed Megan, so why is he protecting her by warning her to get out of town? Is it because of his idolization of Grayson, and he just wants to do him a solid by protecting her? I also wonder how many of her friends set off his/this secret society's radar. Is it just Stefan and Damon? Would Caroline and Tyler be a target too? Tyler would be difficult to kill, and Caroline is literally as perfect a vampire as they come. GAH I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

-I AM SO GLAD KATHERINE DIDN'T DIE. Especially now that she's reunited with her daughter! Do you think it was just the Petrova luck that kept her alive, or did the cure have something to do with it? I have a hard time believing that a cure for immortality would keep you from dying, but stranger things have happened on this show.

-Can we learn more about the Travelers already? Why would they kill Tessa? HOW could they kill Tessa? Isn't she one of the two most powerful witches in the group?


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