The Vampire Diaries Season 5, Episode 1: "I Know What You Did Last Summer" Recap/Review

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS. The season premiere of The Vampire Diaries seriously exceeded all of my expectations. Although, to be fair, my expectations weren't thaaaat high to begin with, tbh. It took me a little while to get excited about this season, because 1) Teen Wolf ruled my summer, as you might have noticed, so I kind of forgot all about it, and 2) I wasn't a huge fan of TVD's fourth season; I liked the beginning episodes up until the cure was introduced and they started training Jeremy to hunt vampires, and then I hated it until Elena flipped off her humanity switch, and then I loved the episodes from then to the season finale. So when I thought about season five, I figured it would either be really awesome or really terrible, because the whole college-transition thing is usually a killer for teen dramas, (like Gossip Girl) and especially supernatural teen dramas. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, anyone?)

I had a bit of trouble actually watching the premiere, which was kind of a pain-- my local CW station decided it would be much cooler to air some random high school football game instead of the usual sexy revenants doing sexy things, so I had to scramble around online for a stream link and ended up missing the first twenty minutes. Still, I totally enjoyed every second of "I Know What You Did Last Summer." If this episode was any indication, this season should be pretty badass, and I, for one, cannot wait. Enough about me, though. Let's talk about the hijinks that went down in Mystic Falls (and the adjacent Whitmore College)!

This season has a new "previouslies" opening, which is similar to the new one they introduced in season four, and it's pretty cool! Since it's the premiere, I'll recap it in detail to refresh our memories.

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Stefan's voiceover narrates for us as we review the series' highlights. "Love brought me to Mystic Falls..." Elena introduced herself to Stefan in the graveyard (season 1 premiere), and then proceeded to kiss him a whole bunch (like, every other season they were together). "And love drove me away..." Elena made out with Damon at the hotel (season 3), and then finally confessed that she's not sorry that she's in love with him (season 4 finale). "We've all made sacrifices..." Katherine indirectly killed Jeremy by feeding him to Silas in order to wake him and steal the cure (before Jeremy got his neck snapped in the process.) Bonnie tried to use spirit magic, dark magic, and Expression magic all at the same time to bring Jeremy back from the dead, but ultimately ended up dying herself from overuse of magic. She finally succeeded in bringing Jeremy back while the veil was dropped in last season's finale, but in doing so gave up the chance of bringing herself back, much to Jeremy's dismay.

Katherine and Elena had an epic showdown in the season 4 finale as well. Elena, who was seconds from having her heart ripped out by her own doppelgänger, popped the cure into Katherine's mouth and forced her to take it. Once Katherine ingested it, she passed out and fell to the ground, where Elena snarkily wished her a nice human life. "But our biggest threat is still out there..." Stefan, who was tasked with disposing of Silas' refossilized body out at Stephen's Quarry, learned that not only was Silas freed from Bonnie's spell when she died, but he also learned that he is actually one (of presumably a dozen or so) of Silas' doppelgangers. "And he looks just. like. me." Stefan was so distracted by this reveal that he inadvertently gave Silas the opportunity to stake him in the gut. Silas then shoved him into the human-sized safe that was meant for himself, locked it, and proceeded to throw the safe down to the hill to the bottom of the quarry. From there, the safe quickly filled with water, once it was submerged, leaving Stefan to frantically beat against the door of the safe and gasp for air, unable to break himself out. And that, my dear readers, is where we pick up this week...

I hope you're not sick of voiceovers and exposition, because there is more to come to fill us in on what our favorite Scooby Gang has been up to this summer. Elena's voiceover narrates the email she is composing to Bonnie. She can't believe the summer is almost over, since she doesn't feel like she got anything done in the last three months. You know WHY she didn't get anything done? Because she was too busy having hot, steamy sex with Damon in his bed, in his amazing bathtub, on his couch... you get the idea. I don't blame her a bit, if Damon was MY boyfriend and he lived in a house as fabulous as the Salvatore Manse, I would totally do the same thing. If I'm being honest, I probably wouldn't ever leave his bathtub. Have you seen that thing? It's fabulous.

The shots of their love scenes are super hot, per usual. And borderline softcore porn, per usual. See for yourselves. :) Anyway, Damon and Elena look so happy, in that giggly, post-orgasm way. It's awesome, they deserve some happiness, after the last, ohhhh, four seasons of misery?
                                                                         
(via the lovely arabian @ LJ)
In email, Elena adds that she's glad Bonnie is having a good time traveling with her mom, though she admits she doesn't know how she's going to do the whole "college thing" without her. Wait a minute. I know they don't know Bonnie is dead, but did she "tell" Elena and Caroline she's not going to college anymore? This part was really confusing. Please feel free to enlighten me in the comments if it turned out I missed something (which is likely, my memory sucks!)

Moving on. Elena informs Bonnie that Caroline is in complete agreement with her, because she's spent the entire summer picking out the color palette for their dorm room. We cut over to our Vampire Barbie, who is in her bedroom, packing up boxes and straining to tape an overflowing plastic tub closed while she talks to Tyler on the phone. Apparently, Tyler has been helping a wolf pack in Tennessee, though how or why he's helping them is still a mystery. I'm actually not even sure if they've even seen each other since Klaus decided to let him live without the threat of a violent death. Caro insists that all Tyler has to do is register for classes and show up, because she has already taken care of his application (and probably also compelled the administrators to let him in, since he was on the run for like, half of his senior year. Not to mention his questionable attendance record before he left, which, like Elena, Caroline, Bonnie, Jeremy, etc, was pretty abysmal, considering they were constantly in life-or-death situations that forced them to skip school.)


Jesus, this recap is SO LONG already and I'm only like three minutes in. Time to pick up the pace! Okay, so now we're catching up with Matt and Rebekah, who as you recall, have been traveling the world over the summer. Elena says that they've been sending postcards, and informs us all that they're either in Amsterdam or Prague, although Elena's not really sure she wants to know what they're doing. What they're doing is drinking boatloads of champagne, naked (save for some sheets), and having a super sexy threesome with an Eastern European girl named Nadia. It's pretty amazing. Get it, Matt and Beks! He sips his champagne, and scoots over  so Rebekah and Nadia have more room in which to make out. And, since he's a horny teenage boy traveling the world with an immortal hottie, he can't help but smirk a little while he watches watches them get into it. HOT HOT HOT. Also, this totally confirms my headcanon that the Mikaelson siblings are all bisexual/pansexual and are basically equal-opportunity-lovers regardless of gender or even supernatural species. Marry me, Rebekah Mikaelson? We can have all the Pudding Pop threesomes you want.

                                                                             
(via swedishfishrule)

Elena ends her missive by telling Bonnie how much she misses her, and asking her when she will finally be returning home. We cut to outside the Casa de Salvatore, where Jeremy is sitting on a bench, typing out an email from Bonnie's email account on his phone while Bonnie watches over his shoulder. She sasses him for beginning the email with, "Dear Elena," because apparently no one uses "Dear" as a heading anymore. Jeremy is a little exasperated at the fact that not only will she not let him tell anyone she's dead, but NOW she's getting control freaky about her fake emails to her loved ones, too.


He reluctantly amends the email heading to, "Hey Elena, what's up?" Bonnie takes over the voiceover, beginning with, "You have NO idea how much I miss you." She lies that she's been "emailing" with Jeremy (which, isn't REALLY a lie, I guess-- she IS emailing with Jeremy, it's just that by "emailing" she really means, "standing behind him in ghost form and dictating emails for him to transcribe"), who says it's surreal being alive. As she speaks, Jeremy re-enters the Salvatore house (where he and Elena both live now, since Elena burnt down their own house) to find his vampire older sister straddling her 172 year old vampire boyfriend on the couch, where they making out and practically dry humping each other. Elena sees him and literally has to pull her lips off of Damon, like they're suctioned together. It is HILARIOUS, look!

                                                                                           
(via arabian)
She's all, "Oh hey Jeremy I didn't see you there what are you doing I thought you left?" all flustered and slightly embarrassed. In the background, Damon is giving Jeremy the stink-eye and gesturing at him to skedaddle pronto. Jeremy deadpans, "I did...five hours ago." Heeeee! Elena informs him that there is pizza in the fridge, but Jeremy just ducks away before he can see any more of his sister's sexy times. I just realized that now that there's an actual human living in the house, Damon's going to have to actually keep real food there, instead of just blood bags and bourbon, like he usually does. Ha! After Jeremy leaves, Elena sighs and gives Damon a small, embarrassed smile.

"If Katherine ingesting the only cure on this earth and having to live as a human isn't justice, I don't know what is," Bonnie continues in her email, just as we spot Katherine walking down a street in a dark sweatshirt with her hood up, a black baseball cap, and an uncharacteristically messy ponytail. A car passes her, and one of the girls in the car screams out the window obnoxiously, which spooks her she visibly jerks in alarm and starts looking around for potential threats. Basically, girlfriend looks ROUGH. It looks like she's been crying, and there are dark circles under her eyes. I kind of feel bad for her, honestly, but really, I do enjoy when characters get the sweet comeuppance that they deserve.


We head back over to the Salvatore Mansion, where Elena has just finished a sexy bath with Damon, although unfortunately, she is alone in the tub right now. Damon is drying himself off as we speak at the sink and admiring himself in the mirror. Bonnie ends her email by reiterating how much she misses Elena, and asking if she's heard from Stefan. Elena's smile dims at that last question, and you can tell that she's still feeling a little guilty about what happened between them. Especially considering the fact that as far as she and everyone else knows, Stefan just took off for God knows where without saying goodbye to anyone or letting anyone know where he was going.

Damon sees her slightly-sad face and asks if she's okay. She assures him that she is, but admits that she has this weird feeling like something bad is going to happen. Dear, that's because something bad is ALWAYS about to happen. The fact that three whole months went by without one major calamity is a goddamned miracle. Damon teases her by saying that the only bad thing that's about to happen is that she's leaving for college the next day. "You're trading all this for a communal shower and a meal plan!" Elena asks if he could just be a good, supportive boyfriend who is happy that she's attempting to have a normal college experience, but he counters that he'd prefer just plying her with champagne until he can convince her to stay here in the boarding house with him forever. I get why Elena wants to go to college, because not only is it a teenage rite of passage, but she's also trying to have a regular, human life after all the supernatural shit that has plagued her for the last two years. But, if I were her--an eternally eighteen year old, hot, immortal vampire with an equally-hot vampire bf who was totally loaded, so money was no option-- I would skip college to stay in that house in a HEARTBEAT. I've been in college in one way or another for the last seven years, though, so maybe that's just my own bitter, burned-out-from-nursing-school brain talking.


Damon leans in to kiss her, which makes her giggle, and looks at her with a smile before he leaves the room. Once he's gone, Elena gets on her phone and goes to her contact list, her thumb hovering over Stefan's name for a moment before she changes her mind and puts her phone down again. I would just like to point out the names in the contact list, or at least the part we got to see; Kol's number is STILL in her phone, even now that she and Jeremy killed him what feels like forever ago, as well as Klaus, Rebekah, and some other randoms. Bonus: "Pay My Bill." HILARIOUS. Anyway, Elena shakes her head, as if to discourage herself from thinking about Stefan, and sighs before fully immersing herself in the bubble-filled water.

We catch of glimpse of her underwater before we transition to Stefan, who is in his own personal bath, so to speak. Although instead of Damon's amazing and humongous bathtub, he's is a human-man-sized steel safe that has sunk to the bottom of the quarry. Suddenly, he wakes up and starts gasping for breath, just as we cut to the TITLE CARD! Man, that has to be the worst. Not only is Stefan drowning to death and then waking back up and doing it all over again, he's ALSO been starving for three months, since he hasn't had any blood since before Lexi and the other ghosts went back to the Other Side. BRUTAL.


Jeremy is practicing the story he's going to tell to his therapist/the school to explain how and why he's still alive, despite the fact that his school totally had a memorial for his death no more than six months ago. "There were issues at home. Ever since I lost my parents, my aunt, I've been acting out. Drugs, drinking... I was looking for attention, so I lit my house on fire and faked my own death." Elena's response to this is HILARIOUS. "Really stress the drug thing. And I'd definitely say the fire was an accident, because there's crazy, and then there's...well, me." Oh Elena, this is why you are and will always be my favorite.

So yeah, as you can imagine, Jeremy's not really big on this whole going-back-to-school thing, and honestly, I don't blame him-- wouldn't it be way easier to compel someone to give him a new identity and have him get his GED or something? That gives him the option to still go to college if he wants, without having to broadcast the fact that Jeremy is no longer dead. Unfortunately for Jeremy, Elena wants Jeremy to have a normal life again, and since Damon loves Elena, he basically wants what she wants, so he is backing her up on this. Their discussion is interrupted by Caroline, who has just arrived to collect Elena and her things so that they can move into their dorm at Whitmore. Elena gets an instant pang of panic at how suddenly real this whole going-to-college thing is, and suggests that she hang around a little longer just to make sure that Jeremy gets settled into school before she leaves town, but Damon assures her that he's got it covered. "You're leaving. You're going to college. You're gonna drink cheap beer and you're gonna protest things you don't care about. And I am going to take care of your little brother. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about!" Famous last words, muchacho. Famous last words.

Elena smiles, and reminds her little bro that Whitmore is only a few hours away, so if anything happens, he's to call her immediately so she can be home ASAP. Jeremy hugs her and they say their goodbyes, and of course Elena and Damon have to gross him out a little more by kissing and being all shmoopy right in front of him before she heads out the door. She asks how their soon-to-be long distance relationship will work out when she's gone, and Damon quips, "Well, I personally plan on forgetting about you the minute you walk out that door." Aw, that makes me so happy, because HE must be super content/happy and more-or-less secure in their relationship to be able to joke about that.

Elena giggles a little more and eventually leaves, but not before popping back in for one more kiss. When she's finally gone f'realsies, Damon gives Jeremy a little smirk at how lucky he is to have such a great girlfriend, before he realizes that he's being all smug to his girlfriend's kid brother, who is basically his own kid brother, and is like, "Nope, we're so not doing this." GOD I LOVE DAMON AND JEREMY'S FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH. Seriously, I have waited for this literal bromance for what feels like 84 years now. Also, Jeremy and his 30 lbs of muscle are even hotter than I remembered, hot damn! Bless Steven R. McQueen's genetics and trainer and self-discipline. I am shallow as hell.

                                                                                            
(via arabian)
Whitmore College's campus is full to the brim with people moving back into school as "Royals" by Lorde (whose new leaked album has been played on repeat on my laptop/mp3 player for like, two weeks now) plays in the background. Elena and Caroline are chatting while they each carry a laundry basket and that same plastic tub that Caroline taped shut earlier, and naturally, it wouldn't be a conversation between the two of them if Caroline weren't stanning for Stefan. Caroline's like, "YOU'VE BEEN DREAMING OF STEFAN?", all scandalized, but Elena insists that they weren't dreams, more like weird feelings. So, she figures it just means her instincts are telling her she should call him and see what's up. Caroline hates that idea, because she thinks it will just rub her relationship with Damon in his face, and reminds her that he'll contact her when he's ready to talk to her. Elena reiterates the nagging pit in her stomach thing, which Caroline shrugs off-- she is sure that the "nagging pit" in her stomach is not actually due to concern about Steffy, but GUILT, since she knows she broke Stefan's heart. She adds that Elena's her brain is trying to tell her that her relationship with Damon is a huge mistake, but an easily reversible mistake, blah blah blah, we've heard this all before.

Elena just shrugs this off, not even at all bothered about Caroline's constant harping about how terrible Damon is, and points out that she and Stefan actually left things on good terms. Caroline actually has a good point here, though-- just because Stefan was supportive of Elena and Damon's relationship doesn't mean that he hasn't been thinking about the fact that Elena has been "shacking up with his brother" all summer. Thankfully, Liz the Sheriff interrupts to remind them that her "Mom-ears" are listening, and asks them to kindly lay off the sexy talk until she leaves, because she's not interested in hearing about the barely-legal girl she's known Elena's whole life having hot intro with a homicidal vampire who is roughly 155 years her senior. Caroline and Elena both giggle and geek out about the fact that they're actually in college, or, more specifically, that they actually lived long enough to make it here. Well, kinda, anyway-- they ARE undead, after all, but semantics, right?

Bonnie, who showed up in ghost form to make sure her besties are doing okay at their new home-away-from-home, exclaims, "We're all here together!" even though Elena and Caroline have no idea she's there, because they have no idea she's dead. Sigh. Caroline and Elena skip off to move in all their stuff, and Elena looks so carefree and happy that my heart swells like, four whole sizes. See! Look how cute and bubbly she looks!

                                                                              
 (via arabian)
Inside their dorm room, which, as expected, is more impressive looking than any room I've ever been in, ever, dorm or not. When I was a freshman, I lived in a single room roughly the size of a parking space that barely had room for a bed, let alone a fridge, and we weren't allowed to have stuff like panini presses, which Elena reveals Caroline has packed for them, because they were a "fire hazard" or something. Caroline orders Elena to put the small appliances next to the fridge, just as Liz returns with the last box of stuff. She insists that Caroline and Elena give her a hug before she decides to take them both back to Mystic Falls and forces them into, like, the University of Phoenix Online or something. She tells them that they can call her to come home whenever they want, and starts to cry when she tells them just how how proud of them she is for having finally made it to college. Liz also affectionately informs Elena that this is where her father fell in love with medicine, and assures her that Grayson would be really proud of her, too. Aw, Liz! I'm so proud of YOU for getting over the majority of your vampire phobia and embracing your daughter's new lifestyle! You are a model supernatural parent.

 

Once Liz hits the road, Elena and Caroline get all buddy-buddy, adorably referring to each other as"roomies" and deciding that they should drink to something, since this is a huge milestone and all. Caroline breaks out a blood bag for each of them, and they cutely squish them together as a cheers to "us, and to college, and to being functional vampires in this new chapter of our lives." It's a really adorable moment, right up until someone knocks on their door. The girls immediately vamp-run to hide their blood stash just the door opens and a cute girl named Megan (played by Hayley Kiyoko) saunters in, loaded down with boxes and bags, and introduces herself as their new roommate. Caroline and Elena just stare at her slack-jawed, because whaaaaat?


Back in Mystic Falls, Jeremy is sitting all alone in a classroom, or so it appears. In actuality, Bonnie is there talking to him. I'm guessing this probably isn't going to do much to make the kids at school think he's not crazy. Anyway, he reads an SOS email from the girls that Caroline just sent Bonnie, which basically tells her to get her cute ass to school pronto, because they need her help. Bonnie suggests that he lie and tell them that she's at the Grand Canyon, but Jeremy thinks that this whole thing is stupid, because EVENTUALLY, people are going to find out that she's been dead this whole time, and it's going to be even worse than if they had found out right when it happened. Random thought--what happened to her body? Did Jeremy bury her or something? I do like how all the ghosts we've seen, Bonnie included, are wearing the clothes they died in. Nice continuity, show!


Bonnie thinks that her cover is still holding strong, because she's sent (or rather, Jeremy has sent) her dad a ton of postcards, and he hasn't called once, so clearly she's done enough and he doesn't give a fuck anyway. (I mostly agree with Jeremy, but her dad really isn't in the running for Father of the Year or anything, either, so Bonnie does have a tiny point, there)

When Jeremy asks about what Elena will do when she finds out that Bonnie has been dead since before graduation and forced Jeremy to lie about it for 90+days, Bonnie argues that she just hopped over to Whitmore a little while ago, and insists that Elena looked so happy, she can't bear to take that away from her. I do admire Bonnie's loyalty to her friends and their emotional well-being, but JFC Bonnie, this is the stupidest idea you've ever had, and I am one of your very few loyal fans who loves you unconditionally. She reminds Jer that they're lucky, because not many best friends can see each other after they die. Jeremy isn't buying her denial, though, and points out that most best friends can actually feel each other when they touch, which creates such an awkward silence that it pretty much killed both of their moods. Luckily, the bell rings, which gives Jeremy an excuse to take off, because even the "school freak" has to go to class on time. Bonnie looks pretty sad as she watches him walk away, and she doesn't even realize how much worse it's going to get from here.

Megan-the-new-roommate is unpacking in the girls' dorm room, and pulls out a Microsoft Surface tablet product-placement so she can plug it in at her desk. She seems pretty oblivious to the fact that Caroline is scowling at her from her bed at the other side of the room, while Elena updates Damon on the phone about this latest development. Damon doesn't get how this new roommate situation could have happened, but Elena figures that it was just a mix-up at the housing office. "Compulsion--it's the unwanted roommate repellent!" Damon suggests, and while Elena admits that Caroline suggested the exact same thing, she's not game for that plan at all. "Damon, what's the point of going to college if we're just going to recreate what happens in Mystic Falls?"

She changes the subject to Jeremy, and asks if he got to school okay, so Damon assures her that he did, and even adds that he cut the crusts off of his PB&J himself. Hee! Elena likes the sound of this, because it means that this whole LDR they have could actually work. Damon is about to reply when he sees an extremely bedraggled Katherine standing in his parlor. Unnerved, he assures her that they will totally work out, and stammers out a "gotta go, bye!" and hangs up before he says anything that can worry her. Katherine rasps, "It's been a long summer, Damon," but all Damon can do is gawk at her, bug-eyed.


The Event-Of-The-Week in Mystic Falls this week is some kind of end-of-summer party in the town square, complete with paper lanterns, kegs, hoola-hooping children, and tents full of cook-out food. Matt, who must be working, because he's wearing his Mystic Grill uniform, is pouring beers for people when Rebekah approaches him. "Five-star restaurants in Paris to tapping kegs in a park. Tragic," she snarks. They both look super hot--Zach Roerig must have lost weight or something, because his cheekbones are even more chiseled than normal, and Claire Holt's hair is extra blonde and wavy, with a braid through the front. She's also wearing a really pretty white sundress. UNF.


It takes no time at all for them to start making out against a tree. They remind each other of their "no-strings" deal, and Matt is like, "Aren't you supposed to be leaving town for your new show in New Orleans?" She admits that she is, but she wanted to give him one more chance to come with her. He reminds her that he's back in the real world now, so he's gotta work and make some money so he can pay his no-doubt exorbitant taxes on the Lockwood Mansion. She sasses him that he could use the money he makes to replace the earrings that "that street-rat Nadia" pilfered from her in Prague, but Matt is more worried about the fact that he's going to have to tell Jeremy that he accidentally got his Gilbert ring stolen. YIKES! That is BAD. NEW. BEARS. There's only one of those rings left as it is!

She suggests that he just tell Jeremy that it was because he had a threesome, since all dudes can understand the need to take that opportunity when it arises. They make out a little more, and Rebecca coos, "Don't call, don't write, and whatever you do, DON'T miss me," in between kisses. Aw, I'm kind of sad she's leaving, I really do like them together. She shoves him away and takes her leave, and watches her walk away with a soft smile. In the background, we see "Stefan" (ie: Silas), who I will be referring to as Stilas whenever people are interacting with him under the impression that he's Stefan, skulking around the crowd.

                                                                                       
(via arabian)
Stilas saunters over to Liz, who is sitting at a picnic table, eating some delicious looking french fries. She seems happy to see that Stefan is back, and Stilas rudely observes aloud that she's eating her feelings. As he sits down across from her, she informs him that she just moved the girls into Whitmore, and invites him to join her in eating her fries. Instead, he takes her styrofoam cup, flips the lid off, and whips out a knife. He grabs her arm and cuts it open, and holds it over the cup to fill it with her blood. As you can imagine, Liz is like, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" He explains that he's outing himself as "not-Stefan," and once he gives her a hint by admitting that they've met before (when she was posing as Caroline, and then beat her head in), she finally realizes that he's Silas. He orders her to not be afraid, and his mind control totally does its' job, though she's still weary. Whenever he does this trick, you can hear a faint whispering, kind of like how the witches whispered in the Witch House, just so we know he's mind-whammying them.


He reminds her that he's a 2,000 year old immortal that her daughter and her friends THOUGHT they got rid of, but didn't really. Liz figures he's just using Stefan's face, so he reveals to her that Stefan is actually his doppelgänger, which means he's finally showing his true face, for once. He does seem to be using some sort of illusion to make him seem more Stefan-y, though-- he's wearing Stefan's daylight ring (which Silas himself doesn't seem to need) and Stefan-style clothing, not to mentioned his coiffed hero-hair. Silas states the obvious (which is basically Silas' default-setting in his episode) by pointing out that she's understandably confused, which he knows because he's psychic and totally sifting through her brain pan right now. Liz's confusion seems to be due to the fact that he's using a knife to cut her instead of just lunging for her carotid artery, like most vampires, which seems to offend Silas.

"Ugh, please, Liz. I came first. Vampires are nothing more than a disgusting perversion of me. I'm unkillable, I'm immortal, and I'm psychic, and to function, I need human blood, but don't EVER call me a vampire." He sets her wrist down on the table and drinks from the cup. He cleans her wounds, and seems to heal the cut on her wrist, although that might just be a makeup continuity error, and then admits that it appears that Liz doesn't have the information he needs anyway. He informs her that all she really needs to remember from this conversation is that Stefan stopped by to say hello and stares into her eyes. Liz looks a little pissed for a minute, but then the super-compulsion kicks in and her face softens. She says kindly, "Call your friends, Stefan? Let 'em know you're okay?" Stylus nods and takes his leave. So, I'm guessing by this exchange that his psychic abilities aren't at all affected by vervain, because we all know she's probably chugging that shit like it's her job. Or, at the very least, she's wearing it in several pieces of jewelry.Maybe she's worried about having to give Caroline a transfusion in emergencies or something, so she's not ingesting it anymore? I don't know.


Back in whatever town Whitmore College is in, Megan, Caroline and Elena are walking around campus and getting to know each other.

MEGAN: "So, your current boyfriend, Damien--" 
ELENA: "Damon." 
MEGAN: "--is your ex-boyfriend's brother..." 
ELENA: "Stefan." 
MEGAN: "You and Stefan are friends, but three months ago Stefan left without saying goodbye?" 
ELENA: "Do you think that I should call them?" 
MEGAN & CAROLINE: [simultaneously] "No way!" "Absolutely not!"

Bahahaha. Megan asks Caroline if she has a boyfriend, and she responds in the affirmative, and adds that Tyler had to miss move-in day but should be here in time for the first day of class. Elena gets in a bit of snark as payback for the Damon bashing from earlier, "Assuming he registers. And picks a dorm. And buys books." Caroline overlooks this subtle dig and changes the subject to roommate ground rules; she begins by saying that privacy is extremely important to her, with which Megan agrees. Caro goes on to say that her diet is "finicky" and lies that she has low blood sugar, and insists that Megan not touch her food.

Megan is surprisingly accommodating despite the kind of rude (though understandable) demands Caroline is making to avoid being outed as a vampire. Especially considering this last one: "And if I suddenly get up and leave, or disappear for a while, DON'T follow me. Or look for me." Megan's like, "Uh, okay...?" so Elena quickly tries to cover for her friend by kindly pointing out that it seems that they all agree on everything. Thankfully, this awkward conversation is interrupted by a good-looking dude who is passing out flyers for a party at Whitmore House, who also seems to have taken quite a shining for our very own Vampire Barbie. Elena assures him that they'll be there, and as he leaves, she throws a shoulder around her bestie's shoulders and giddily exclaims that she loves college. Yay!


Jeremy is walking down the hallway at school when he gets a phone call from Elena. Not even a second after he ignores the call, a douchey bro at school shoves him pretty aggressively and sneers, "Look who rose from the dead!" Jeremy just rolls his eyes, but Douchey Bro smacks his phone out of his hand. Understandabley pissed, Jer crouches down to grab the phone, only to have it kicked across the hallway by Douchey Bro. Douchey Bro's equally douchey friend shoves Jeremy in the shoulder, which is the last straw for our little hunter.







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Jeremy shoves the Douchey-Bro 1 against the lockers and knees him in the gut/balls. When that guy drops like a rock, Douchey-Bro 2 pulls Jeremy away from DB1 by the back of his shirt, but Jer is well-trained and super strong, as you can recall, so he's able to dodge his punch. He gets in a couple good punches in the guys face, too. When that guy falls to the floor, the first bro comes back for seconds, but all Jeremy has to do is flip the guy over his shoulder and slam him onto the ground, which ends the fight for good. Panting and enraged, Little Gilbert's eyes dart around, and he finally notices the group of students who have gathered to watch the fight. He realizes that he just made a pretty big scene, so he silently picks up his backpack and phone of the floor and walks away. Nice hand-to-hand, buddy! Alaric and Damon would be so fucking proud.



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See what I mean about those muscles? DAMNNNN. Meanwhile, the now slightly-less-bedraggled Katerina downs a glass of Damon's bourbon in the Salvatore Manse's parlor, and snits, "You're going to have to cut me off soon. My tolerance is a joke now. It's all so...glorious." Damon sounds almost gleeful when he points out that she's obviously miserable, though she denies it. "Please. I'm Katherine Pierce--I'm a survivor!" He wastes no time pointing out the state of her hair, her chipped nails, and the fact that she looks like she hasn't slept since she took the cure. He repeats that she's miserable because she's human again and deduces that she wants him to turn her, so he bites his wrist and offers it to her.


"Go ahead, drink up! I'll kill you, you'll bite the mailman, you'll be a vampire again. Go ahead, come on!" You can tell Katherine really wants to, because she starts to hover her mouth over his bloody wound, but then forces herself to pull back; she explains that since no one has ever taken a cure for vampirism before, no one has any idea if you can be turned again after it, and thus, even if she dies with vampire blood in her system, it's possible that she might just stay dead. Damon deadpans, "That would be tragic," but Katherine's got his number, and reminds him that there is a part of him in his "mushy-gushy, Elena-loving heart" that would be sad if she died. Damon's getting a little sick of her antics, so he asks her what she wants, but is interrupted by the phone ringing.


Damon lunges for it, but somehow Katherine is too quick for him, and answers before he can grab it. "Salvatore residence! Hello, Principal Webber. This is Elena. [beat] Oh dear. We'll find him!" When she hangs up, she informs him that Jeremy got expelled. "Elena will be cool with that, right?" Damon is PISSED, because he knows Elena will be pissed, and takes off to leave, but not before demanding that Katherine be gone from his home before he gets back. That's when Katherine finally cracks and frantically admits why she REALLY showed up at Casa di Salvatore--someone is after her. Naturally, Damon cares not, so he simply suggests that she run, really fast, since skillfully evading her enemies is her area of expertise, considering she ran from Klaus for 500+ years. Unfortunately for Kiki, things are different now, so she can't rely on her old tricks anymore, like compelling herself friends and allies.


"Damon, you don't understand! I have enemies EVERYWHERE. What happens when word gets out that I'm a human? I can't protect myself! I'm weak, and I'm slow--do you have any idea what it's like to run in heels? I have BLISTERS. Damon, please! Just help me!" Katherine pleads, the panic in her voice rising with every word. Bahahahahaha, ohhhhh sweet justice. I really do love Katherine, even if it doesn't seem like it, but like I said earlier, I really do love it when there are actually consequences for these characters' shitty actions. Damon is my absolute favorite, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy seeing him get his sweet comeuppance, too, just like I'm enjoying Katherine getting the same. In fact, I'm pretty sure the main reason why I have come to dislike Stefan over the years is because he never seems to face consequences for the shitty things he does-- they're always just handwaved away because he was the Ripper then, or he had his humanity turned off, or he was doing it to get the cure for Elena, even when she initially didn't even want it. But, I digress! Again.

Damon seems pretty torn about whether or not to help her. He may be completely over Katherine, romantically-speaking, but still, they're too connected by history and by blood for him to 100% cut her loose-- he was madly in love with her before she faked her death, it was her blood that turned him into vampire, and he spent 145 years pining over her and plotting his way to free her from the tomb that she turned out not to even be trapped. Also, part of me thinks that Elena is probably pretty lucky to be away at college right now, because Katherine is so miserable right now because of Elena, and how she forced the cure down her throat. But, at the same time, Katherine was trying to kill Elena at the time, and Elena is such a good fighter now, thanks to all that training from Alaric and the vampire speed, agility, and strength, so she could probably snap Katherine's scrawny neck without even blinking if it came to it. I'm sure we'll see soon enough-- you know eventually Elena will be coming home to deal with whatever supernatural shenanigans are about to go down.

Time to check in with Stefan, who is still in his drowning/dying cycle at the bottom of the quarry. He wakes up after being "dead" and starts exhaling bubbles and banging against the door of the safe, to no avail. When he fades back into unconsciousness, he starts to hallucinate that he's back at the Salvatore House, staring out those lovely windows they have. Damon is behind him, and hands him a glass of blood. "Wish I could say it gets better," Damon begins, but Stefan cuts him off and tells him that the answer is no. Damon: "Why? So you can keep dying and coming back to life? You've felt nothing but sheer agony for three months. You hallucinate conversations with ME just to have something to do! Just turn off that pesky humanity switch!"


Stefan shakes his head, and argues that it won't take the pain away. Damon reasons that it will turn off his misery, fear, hopelessness, etc, which should at least make it a little less agonizing. Stefan isn't game for that plan, though, because in the case that Damon and everyone else actually figures out where he is and gets him out of that safe, it isn't going to do anyone any good if he's Ripper 4.0. Damon doesn't really have any response to that, so he stays silent. When we return to the bottom of the quarry, Stefan is dead in the water again, completely motionless. Yikes, that is so brutal! These scenes pretty much convince me that I was correct in guessing that Stefan will be a hot mess, a la Season 3, again, when he gets out. Hopefully it's soon!

Back to Whitmore College. Megan is in the shower, as Elena gets ready for the evening and Caroline snoops through all of Megan's stuff. Caro doesn't seem to be any more fond of their third roommate than she was when she was first introduced, and complains about Megan's huge juicer and drawer full of organic linen. Elena brings up that whole "privacy" rule they just made, but Caroline snits that it's Megan's fault for taking such long showers and giving her so much opportunity to snoop. She can't believe Elena is so cool with them having this new stranger living with them. It's true, Elena is pretty zen about it--she shrugs it off and says that they're trying to be functional vampires, which means they need real, human friends.

"We also need personal space! I mean, what if we suddenly get a craving, and I want to eat her? Or our blood bags go bad because we can't store them in the mini-fridge?" Caroline stops talking for a moment while she rifles through said mini-fridge, and frowns as she pulls out a bottle. "Ugh, and what the hell is protein water?" Caroline rants, as she pulls out a bottle of water from said mini-fridge. Elena shrugs, so Caroline unscrews the cap and takes a sip, figuring that if she drinks all of it, Megan will want to move out. Unfortunately, said water is revealed to be full of vervain when she swallows a mouthful of the water and promptly burns the hell out of her throat, leaving Caroline coughing and sputtering on the floor.


Of course, Megan heard all the commotion in the shower and runs in, wrapped in a towel, to see what happened. Caroline quickly hops to her feet, panicked and trying to figure out how to best play this off, so Elena helpfully does Caro a solid and jumps in to assure Megan that Caroline is just fine when Megan hands her a towel to help clean up. Naturally, Megan is curious as to what the fuck just happened, so Caroline lies and says she drank some of her water and it "went down the wrong pipe," which made her choke. She admits she shouldn't have messed with her stuff and kindly apologizes for drinking her water. "It's fine, it just sounded like someone was dying out here!" Megan insists. "Well, I'm glad you're okay!" Megan adds, before she returns to her shower and shuts the door, leaving the two baby vampires to freak the fuuuuuck out in the interim.


Caroline is convinced that Megan is onto them, but Elena doesn't think that that means she knows about them specifically. However, Caroline's overactive imagination is already spinning, per usual. "Seriously? We share a bathroom with this girl! What if she's a hunter, and she stakes us in the shower? Or she steals our daylight rings while we're asleep and then we burst into flames when the sun comes up?!" Oh Caroline, NEVER change. Elena, the voice of reason, figures that if Megan were a hunter, they'd already be dead, but Caroline thinks the best course of action is to lock Megan up until the vervain is out of her system, and then compel her to forget about them. Elena hates this plan, as you can imagine, and insists that the best way to convince her that they're normal is to act normal, and do normal things, such as going to the party that they were invited to earlier by that cute guy. Elena does this adorable little dance to help convince her, and it's adorable. I just love her so much this season, omg. Elena, I've missed your spunk! Make sure it sticks around!

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Elena and Caroline make their way to the party at Whitmore House, which is literally a huge house. I don't know if it's a frat house, or just some rich person's awesome on-campus house, or what, but it's not a dorm, that's for sure. They're outside the house when they run into the guy who gave them the flyer, who Elena calls "Flyer Guy," though he eventually tells them his name is Jesse. Elena introduces them both to their newest college friend, but Jesse only has eyes for Caroline when he replies by telling them how nice it is to meet them. Unfortunately for him, our Caroline is still hanging clinging onto the thought of Tyler, even though they're pretty much in relationship limbo right now, so she can only muster up a "Hi" and a brief smile before she turns to head toward the party.


Elena gives Jesse an apologetic smile and runs after her roomie, and once she catches up to her, she wastes no time chastising Caroline for being so rude to Jesse. Caroline reminds her that she's in a relationship with Tyler, but Elena isn't so sure. "Are you? Because he hasn't called." Caroline argues that he's currently in the mountains of Appalachia, which isn't exactly known for its excellent cell service, but Elena is just concerned for her, and doesn't want her to get her hopes up for something in which Tyler hasn't really shown a lot of interest. Caroline brings up the fact that she didn't exactly tell Damon that she was having dreams about Stefan, to which Elena has no response. "See? No relationship is perfect," Caroline insists defensively.

The two are about to head into the entrance when they run smack into an invisible barrier at the threshold, and realize that someone must own the house. So, unless they can quickly figure out who it is out of the hundreds of people currently partying it up and get a personal, verbal invite from them, they're not going to be able to get in. AWKWARD. Jesse comes up behind them and asks if they're going in, so the girls nervously tell him to go ahead. Of course, to make matters worse, Megan is there at the party, too, sees them hanging out in the doorway, and immediately wanders over to ask why they're just standing there and not coming in. Not exactly a great way to convince their new roommate who may or may not know about vampires that they're not vampires, you know? Caroline stammers that they're just waiting for a friend who is running late, and Megan is either super oblivious or an excellent actor, because she's just like, "Right. Welp, I'm gonna go hang!" and leaves to go wherever inside the house. Caroline drops her fake smile as soon as she's out of earshot and mutters, "Like I said, she knows!"


Jeremy's hanging out alone at a table at the Grill, where Damon proceeds to find him and lecture him about his little scene at school. Jeremy just wants to be left alone, of course, because he's had a shitty day, but Damon doesn't care, and reminds him that he's lucky he didn't land Douchey Bro 1 & 2 in the hospital. Jeremy's like, "Says the guy who once killed me by snapping my neck," but Damon argues that was a totally different situation. "Yes, in the privacy of your own home! Away from prying eyes, unlike you, who went all hunter in the middle of a hallway. You got expelled, genius!"

Jeremy proclaims this to be excellent news, because now he doesn't have to go back to school, but unfortunately, that isn't the case-- it turns out, Damon compelled Principal Webber into a "very generous" three-day suspension instead, which is kind of hilarious, tbh. Damon COULD have compelled her not to punish him at all, but he seems to be annoyed enough that he wanted Jeremy to have SOME kind of punishment; although, I'm guessing three days out of school will end up being a treat for Jeremy, so who knows. He informs Jeremy that Elena does NOT need to know that this happened, and orders him to meet him outside when he's done eating. Aw, look at Damon being all dad-like! Once Jeremy leaves, Stilas approaches Damon and says hello. Damon is taken aback at the sudden presence of what he thinks is the brother he hasn't spoken to all summer, but he recovers quickly, and welcomes "his brother" home from wherever the hell he's been. Stilas thanks him and gives him a hug, and Damon looks suuuuuuper uncomfortable.


Before we get to see the rest of that sure-to-be-awkward exchange (if last season's "Pictures of You," where Silas pretended to be everyone, including Stefan, and proceeded to be a huge dick to EVERYONE, is any indication), we're off to Whitmore again, where Elena is leaving Megan a voicemail to lie about why they had to leave the party. Caroline is like, "So it's settled-- when she leaves, we grab her," but Elena was thinking more along the lines of just telling her that Caroline wasn't feeling well. Caroline reminds her that Megan saw them stuck at the threshold, and adds, "We might as well have flashed her our fangs!" Elena is having a hard time believing that out of ALL the possible freshman who could have been assigned as their roommate, they got paired with someone who actually knows about vampires, but Caro wonders if maybe it wasn't random.

Their discussion is cut short by Elena's phone ringing, and she informs Caroline that it's Megan. When she answers it, Megan screams, "Elena! You have to help me! He's chasing me!" Elena puts the phone on speaker (although that's totally unnecessary, considering Caroline has super-hearing) Elena asks who is chasing her, but Megan just repeats that she has to help her RIGHT NOW. They look up toward the upper story of the house, but nothing seems out of the ordinary. Elena, unsure of what to do and a little worried, blurts, "We can't come inside--" and then, realizing she's about to out herself, adds, "--the line's too long. If you come out-- where are you?" Megan doesn't respond, she  just screams, so Caroline grabs the phone and tells Megan to come outside so they can help her. The two are startled by the sound of broken glass and hear a thump behind them. When they turn around, they see a body crumpled on the ground, and as you can probably guess, it's Megan. Upon closer inspection, Elena notices blood, and turns Megan's head to show Caroline that her neck has been ripped open. They state the obvious-- a vampire did this to her, and since it wasn't either of them, that means that there is an unknown vamp running around campus.


Small nitpick-- wasn't Megan on vervain? So, how could she have her blood drained to the point of her death by a vampire if her blood would have poisoned and disabled him? Did the vampire know that she knew about vampires and was just trying to kill her to prevent exposure? Is this a continuity fail, or is this something that we're going to learn more about later? Guh, I always have so many questions and no answers.

Moving on-- Damon and Stilas are sitting at the bar at the Mystic Grill, where Damon is pouring them drinks. He explains that he gets why Stefan hasn't called him back in the last three months, and admits that he wouldn't have called himself back either, if he was Stefan. Stilas is like, "You mean, because you stole my girlfriend? I'm over it. Cheers." He drinks, and then reads Damon's mind, complete with weird whispery background noise, and deduces that Katherine is chilling at the Salvatore House. Damon surprised that Stefan would already know that, but Stilas covers and says that Katherine called him first. "Remember? It's always been me first." Ouch. I have a looooot to say about the Damon & Stilas dynamic at the end of the recap, if you can hang in there that long.


Jeremy, who has been waiting for Damon outside, comes back in to see what's up and is also surprised to see Stefan there. Stilas pats Jeremy in the arm and tells him he's looking good, which causes Jeremy's face to go cold, but he recovers pretty quickly and welcomes "Stefan" home. I think Stilas realizes that the jig is up, because he awkwardly tells Damon that he'll see him at home and takes his leave. Once he's gone, Jeremy leans in and whispers, "Something's wrong. When he touched me, I felt a chill where my tattoo was." Damon has no idea what he's talking about, so Jer explains that he felt the same thing right before he died, when Silas wrapped his arm around his neck to drain him of blood and snap his neck.

Damon reminds him that Silas is gone, since Bonnie turned him into a huge hunk of rock, but Bonnie, who must have gotten Jeremy's bat-signal, has just showed up, and realizes that since the spell she used was bound to her life, he must have been freed when she died. Jer can't exactly explain to him that he knows that Silas is free because Bonne's ghost told him so. Instead, he insists that since he's a hunter, a member of the Brotherhood of the Five, which was created solely to kill Silas, he knows what he's talking about. He asks Damon what "Stefan" wanted, and Damon gets a "OH SHIT" look on his face when he realizes that "Stefan" being a huge dick to him would make way more sense if it were actually Silas.


Meanwhile, at the Salvatore House, Katherine is taking a bubble bath in Damon's amazing bathtub in his amazing bathroom, using his straight razor to shave her legs. They're both so old-fashioned! Stilas swaggers in and asks her what she's doing in his brother's bathtub. She may be human now, but she's still Katherine, so of course she's all, "Why aren't YOU?" He admits it's a tempting offer, so Katherine counters that she likes this new, flirty, Elena-less Stefan. Stilas turns on the charm, "You know, human looks better on you than I would've guessed, Katherine." She informs him that she's pretty sure he accidentally just complimented her, but he assures her that he's being honest. "I mean it. You, sitting here all weak and vulnerable. It works."


He nuzzles his hand up against her cheek, and she realizes what's about to happen a split second too late, because Stilas attacks her and grabs her by the throat, and growls, "Time to take a field trip!" I can't tell if he's trying to choke her or drown her or somehow otherwise make her do something that we ended up not getting the chance to see, but Katherine is able to grab the straight razor and whip it across Silas' cheek, throwing him off-guard just long enough for her to grab a robe and skedaddle.


Here's where I get confused. Last season, I could have sworn that Silas had all the Original-style attributes-- super speed, strength, healing, endurance, etc, plus psychic abilities, but when Katherine bolts from the bathroom, he only follows her at human speed. Damon and Jeremy have just arrived home, so Damon pushes Katherine towards his surrogate little bro and tells him to take her somewhere safe and to not tell him where it is, lest Silas just mind-whammy it out of him. He then quips to Silas, "God, you're slow. Guess vamp-speed came with the upgrade." So, are they retconning his super-speed/strength/etc, and making his abilities purely mental (mind-reading, mind-control, the ability to make people see/hear/feel whatever he wants)? Or did he never have them in the first place, and he was just creating illusions that LOOKED as though he had them? If getting Katherine is THAT important to him, and it appears that it is, wouldn't he have chased her down with super-speed if he had it? I'm guessing it was probably just that Silas just made it SEEM like he was super fast when he wasn't last season, since he can make you see whatever he wants. He had the ability to make Klaus believe he got staked in the back when he didn't, so making people think he had vamp-run away can't be out of the realm of possibility. Anyway, Silas orders Damon to get out of his way and to give him Katherine, but Damon retorts with an order to drop Stefan's appearance first, which makes Silas chuckle.

Cut back to Whitmore, where Elena and Caroline watch police officers cover up Megan's body nearby. Elena wants to know wtf is happening, considering their roommate of a whole three hours is already dead and there just happened to be a vampire at the party to which they were invited. Caroline figures they need to split ASAP, because they have no idea what Megan knew, or what she told to whom. Elena remembers that she left that message on her voicemail, but no worries, Caroline already pocketed it. This shocks Elena, but she's unable to comment further, because they're approached by a woman called Dianne Freeman, who is apparently the head of Campus Security. She asks if they're okay, and when they assure her that they are, she apologizes that they had to find their roommate like this.


Caroline asks if they know what happened, and Officer Freeman informs them that they found a suicide note, and that they just learned that Megan was suffering from severe depression. Elena's like, "The fuck you say?" so the officer reiterates that Megan killed herself. "You think THIS was a suicide?" Caroline asks incredulously, and Officer Freedman responds that yes, they're convinced it was a suicide, but also mentions that they can't find her cell phone, and ask the girls if they've seen it. They awkwardly lie that they haven't, so the officer wraps the interview up, and only requests that they let her know if they find it before she walks away. It seems like she was either compelled to believe that it was suicide, or she knows what really happened and is trying to cover it up. Elena seems to agree, because she pulls Carebear aside and is like, "What the fuuuuck is going on in this damn school?"


Over at the Salvatore Manse, Silas must have filled Damon in on the particulars of his connection to Stefan, because Damon sneers, "If I have to hear the word 'doppelgänger" one more time, I'm going to have to learn how to spell it." Silas, whose role on this show now is apparently to just repeat everything he reads from everyone's mind, comments on the fact that Damon claims he doesn't believe him, but still, his brain is churning in its attempt to process it. Damon snaps at him to get out of his head, and adds that he would know if his little brother had an "evil twin." So, Silas has to explain the situation again; they're not twins, Stefan is his "shadow-self," because when he became truly immortal, nature fought back by creating a version of him that could actually be killed.

Damon figures that his plan to die and reunite with his ~one true love~ failed, since the cure is off the table now, but is still curious what he wants with Katherine. Silas is all, "Well, I could tell you, but wouldn't it be way more fun if it was a surprise?" My guess is either he's going to use Katherine's doppelgänger blood to make a new cure, or somehow the cure is now in her blood, so he could just drink her blood to be cured. If you recall, when Mama Original was trying to murder her children, she used Elena's blood to link them and bind the new spell to reverse the old spell that she cast to turn them into vampires in the first place. I'm assuming that the spell she used to make them Originals is just a variation of the spell that Silas used on himself, and since he's made it clear that he wants to die, he's probably going to try to make a new cure. I'm calling it now.

Anyway, Damon swears that Silas isn't getting Katherine, but Silas has leverage, which he has probably planned from the start. "How well do you know your brother? Do you really think he would leave town for three months without so much as a phone call, just so you could live happily ever after with the love of his life? Or did you just delude yourself into thinking it would be that easy?" Damon looks like he just got kicked in the balls, and asks him where Stefan is. It's more of a growl, really. Silas assures him that Stefan is suffering, just like he suffered for 2,000 years, but offers to make a deal. "Call the hunter, bring me Katherine, and then I will tell you where your brother is."

UH OH. For Damon, his priority list is Elena>people he and/or Elena care about (namely: Stefan, Jeremy, Alaric, Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler)>himself>everyone else. Since nobody gives a fuck about Katherine, because she has literally fucked over EVERYONE on numerous occasions, there's no way that Damon isn't going to hand her over, especially when the alternative is Stefan's continued suffering. So, we cut to the road, where Jeremy is driving Katherine to an unknown location in what I assume is Alaric's old SUV. He's asked by Miss Kat where they're going, and since he's a little grumpy today, he doesn't answer, even after she insults him a bit. After a moment, Damon calls him up and asks him where he is. After some sassing, he finds out that they're not yet out of town, which seems to relieve him, because he then instructs Jeremy to turn back and return home.

Katherine HATES this plan, because she refuses to believe that Damon would just hand her over, and assumes that Silas has gotten in his head with his psychic abilities and forced him do this. Think again, Kitty Kat! Your ass just got sold out. Jer doesn't give a fuck about Katherine either, for good reason (she did indirectly kill him on Silas Island, after all) and tells her to shut up. After panicking for several moments and considering her options, she decides the best course of action is to tug on Jeremy's arm and cause him to lose control of the car, which then runs head-on into a utility pole. I don't know if you've ever run head-on into a utility pole at 55mph+, but I have, and man, that shit HURTS. My arms and legs were bruised for days, and my back hasn't been the same since, and I wasn't even nearly as injured as Jer and Kat are, though. Silas watches Damon text nervously on his phone, and states the obvious: Damon is worried, because Jeremy isn't answering his phone, and he should be back by now, so something is probably very wrong. Damon gives him the stink-eye.


The end-of-summer festival/block-party/whatever is still going on, and Matt is still handing out beers, this time to Mayor Hopkins, aka Bonnie's clueless deadbeat daddy and the newest mayor of Mystic Falls. Matt asks the Mayor when Bonnie's going to be home, and of course he has no idea, because he gives zero shits about his daughter, so Matt adds that if he talks to her, he should tell her he said hi. Mayor Deadbeat thanks Matt for the beer and walks away. Then, several yards away from him, Matt spots Nadia, aka the thief from the threesome in Prague. He's like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" and follows her into a dark alley. NO MATT! Go somewhere else! Dark alleys are not for precious, human pudding pops such as yourself! He doesn't listen to me, because they never do, and calls out her name anyway. She's surprised he remembers her, but of course he's going to remember the girl who robbed him of a priceless magical artifact. He wants to know how she found him, but she starts speaking in riddles. "Let's skip the 'how' and get to the 'why.'"


She holds out her hand, which holds the Gilbert ring, and admits that it wasn't hers to take. He's a little skeptical that she traveled 4,000 miles just to give him back his ring, but she's all, "Well, if you don't want it..." Of course he wants it, both because 1) it doesn't belong to him and will be in serious trouble if it comes out that he lost it, and 2) it's saved his life before and will probably do so again. She slips it onto his finger sexily and remarks that it looks better on him anyway, and he gets so dazzled by her charm that he doesn't even notice the scary Eastern European dude who grabs both sides of his head from behind him.


Matt's like, "What the FUCK," but stops short when the man starts incanting in a language that sounds like either Czech or Polish or maybe Russian/another Slavic language or something. GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF MY PUDDING POP. Matt blinks once and his eyes turn completely black, Supernatural demon-styles, and when he blinks a second time, his eyes go back to normal right before he collapses on the ground. NOOOOO. If you put some kind of demon into Matt's meatsuit, I s2g I will end you, Nadia!


Elena and Caroline are walking to their dorm room while Caroline deletes the voicemail Elena left Megan from her phone. When they get to their room, the door is cracked open and the lock looks like it's been busted. Elena cautiously opens the door and peers in and observes that someone has obviously been in their. They notice they Megan's tablet is gone, as well as the supposed "suicide note" that Megan was said to have left. Well, duh, if there actually WAS a suicide note, the police would have taken it in as evidence, even if it was fake. Elena asks Caroline if she can look at Megan's phone, and Caroline starts ranting again as she hands it over. "It just doesn't make any sense! First, the roommate we're NOT supposed to have might know about vampires, and then happens to be KILLED by a vampire, and now the school's covering it up? Seriously, who is this girl?" Elena's face goes slack, and she's kind of gapes for words for a moment before she explains what she's found; whatever just happened, it's not just about Megan, it's about Elena too. Or at least, it's about her family, because as she was flipping through Megan's photos, she stumbled upon a picture of Megan sitting next to Elena's dad. Grayson Gilbert, that is, not Uncle Daddy John Gilbert.


At the site of Jeremy and Katherine's car crash, somehow Jeremy has made it out of the car, and is lying prone on the pavement a couple yards away from the SUV. Katherine manages to stumble out of the vehicle, and scowls at Jer, whose entire body is completely bloodied. He rasps a plea for help towards her, but she's Katherine Fucking Pierce, Survivor. Remember when I was talking about Damon's priority list a few paragraphs up? With Katherine, it's literally herself>everyone else. Always. No question. She never helps ANYONE else unless she can leverage it into something that benefits her, even if it's just having someone owe her a favor that she can cash in when she gets in trouble. So, it surprises absolutely no one when she hobbles away from the crash without a second glance.


When we come back from the break, Bonnie is kneeling over Jeremy, and is desperately pleading for him to hang in there. This is the beginning of Bonnie's realization that while still being able to talk to Jeremy while she's dead is nice, she is now absolutely powerless to stop anything that is happening in the world of the living. Jeremy stops breathing, and for a moment I actually thought the show was going to go there and kill him again, despite the fact that they JUST brought him back like one episode ago.

                                                                                                
(via arabian)
After a few moments of freaking out on my end, Damon's car finally shows up and Bonnie breaths a sigh of relief. Damon vamp-runs towards Jeremy and immediately opens a vein and tries to feed his blood to him, although he doesn't seem to be drinking it. Damon really breaks my heart here. "Open your eyes, Jer! You do NOT get to die on me, you hear me? I'm supposed to be taking care of you, you little punk! Wake up, or I'll kill you myself!" Does that sound familiar? It should, because it's almost exactly what he said to Elena at the end of season 2 after Klaus sacrificed her on an altar of blood to break his hybrid curse. Anyway, Jeremy finally wakes up, and manages to gasp that Katherine is gone, but Damon doesn't care, because Jeremy is alive! He even lifts Jeremy's head up so he can hug him. Watch it, dude! He could have spinal injuries! (Though if he ingested any blood, he should be healing, so I'll let it slide for now. I swear, being a nurse is both a blessing and a curse, especially when it comes to tv shows, because I always end up nitpicking)

 
                                                                                              
(via arabian)
It's dark in Caro and Elena's dorm room, and Caroline is curled up in bed as she listens to a voicemail from Tyler and cries. "Hey Caroline. I've put a lot of thought into this, and decided to defer school for now. This werewolf pack I'm helping...they need me. I know it's lame to do this over the phone, but I figure this way it's harder for you to kill me. I'm really, really sorry, Care...but this is important." That's it. No goodbye, no I love you. No nothing. I like Tyler, and I even like Tyler and Caroline together, but this is kind of shitty. They kind of need to make up their mind about whether Michael Trevino is staying or going, because he takes these extended absences like every season and it's getting a little old. I like Tyler just fine, (in fact, in season 2, he became one of my favorite characters) but I don't have an emotional connection to him like I do the other characters, and I think his constantly leaving is partially why.

Also, werewolves in the TVD universe only turn on the full moon, right? So once a month. What kind of stuff could he possibly be helping them with, other than preparation? This excuse just seems a little dumb, imo, unless he's lying about what he's doing. It's one of my few complaints about this episode. ANYWAY, Elena asks Carebear if she's okay, and she lies and says she is. Elena turns towards her in bed and tells her she's sorry about what happened. Caroline confesses that she's really glad that Elena is there with her, and Elena echos the sentiment. Aw, I'm so glad these girls are close again! The end of last season was hard to watch because they were fighting so much.


We're making another visit to Stefan in the safe at the bottom of the quarry. He's hallucinating again. Damon tells him that he knows Stefan's considering flipping the switch, and urges him to do it and put himself out of his misery. Stefan reminds him of how long it took him to come back last time, and how much he lost during that time, but Damon doesn't care, because he doesn't think Stefan deserves the torment. "You did the right thing--you walked away. You let us be happy, and this is what you get in return? How is that fair? [beat] Hey...Just turn it off. Turn it off." In real life, he's stopped thrashing around, but back in the hallucination, Damon has been replaced by Elena, who grabs his face with her hands. She encourages him to stay with her, and adds that while she knows that this is torture for him, she also knows that his humanity is what makes him who he is. "Don't let go. Please, Stefan. For me." Stefan nods, but in the water, he's still motionless.


Jeremy is waiting by his wrecked SUV as Damon talks to Elena on the phone again. He lies that the reason why it took so long to call her back was because he had "car trouble," and then changes the subject to her shitty evening. He asks her if she wants to come home for a bit, but she admits that she can't, especially if all of this is connected to her dad. She needs to figure out what's up. Damon breathes a sigh of relief at the fact that now he has some time to try to fix everything before she can figure out everything that's gone wrong, and suggests it's better this way, since it will give him more bonding time with Jeremy. They say their goodnights and I love yous and hang up. Jeremy totally calls him out for neglecting to mention the whole Silas thing. "Nor did I tell her Stefan's missing, Katherine's in town, and you got expelled." Jeremy calls this lying, but Damon considers it withholding the truth so he can try to figure it out without Elena dropping everything to come home and help. I'm sure that he'll spill next week, because Damon just can't keep secrets from Elena very long.


In the town square, Mayor Hopkins is talking about end-of-summer traditions and the importance of family to a huge crowd, which includes his ghostly daughter, although he doesn't know it. He mentions that Bonnie's end-of-summer tradition is "overindulging in cotton candy," which makes her smile the saddest smile. Stilas walks up on stage and asks if he could say a few words, and Mayor's like, "Uh, maybe later." Unfortunately, the mind-control whispers kick in, and the mayor steps aside, much to Bonnie's shock and dismay. I'm just going to transcribe the rest of this dialogue.


STILAS: "You're probably wonder how I did that. Well, it's pretty basic mind control. But, until now, it's been fairly limited to one person at a time. But, this summer, I have consumed an immeasurable amount of blood, and I've felt myself getting stronger and stronger every day. And I started to wonder--what are the limits to my powers? How many people can I influence? Two? Ten? An entire town square?"

Everyone starts to chatter nervously, so he decides to test it out by saying "Everyone stop talking," and wouldn't you know it, everyone stops talking. He tries again. "Well, that worked. Now, let's try this: 'No one make a sound or move a muscle.'" Everyone stops moving immediately. To test it's staying power, he whips out his knife and nonchalantly slits Mayor Hopkins' throat. No one makes a sound or moves at all except for Bonnie, who screams in despair and runs up to her dad's body. As Bonnie sobs, Stilas takes the mic again.


"Well, now that I have your attention, I need a favor. I need you to find someone. You all know Elena Gilbert. Well, the girl I'm looking for looks exactly like her." OH SHIT KATERINA. Better cut/dye your hair and get some plastic surgery, stat, girl, 'cause you in danger!. I'm sure Damon could compel someone to do it for her.

Next week, according to the promo: Stefan somehow reaches out via dreams to Elena/Katherine/both, and they vow to find him while Damon feels super guilty for banging Elena all summer while his brother has been in a drown/die/reawaken cycle for the last three months.

[screencaps from this KissThemGoodbye album]

CLICK HERE to move on to the next TVD recap!

NOTES/SPECULATION:
-I actually feel really bad for Stefan, which is unusual for me. Not that I dislike Stefan, because I really don't. I mostly just dislike him with Elena, because their relationship has always seemed really codependent and unhealthy to me. Elena's relationship with Damon has seemed to make them each more awesome, and I think if Stefan dated Caroline, the same would happen to them. (Although Caroline is already one of my faves as it is, so that wouldn't change much.) So, something that really bothered me in this episode was the fact that Stefan is still seeing Damon as the devil, someone who trying to "corrupt" him by talking him into something that he sees as bad, even though Damon has his best interests at heart. And if Damon is the devil on his shoulder, then Elena is the angel on his shoulder, which I find equally troubling, because he's always put her on this impossibly high pedestal, and used his relationship with her and Elena's innate goodness to make himself feel like a good person instead of the Ripper he's been in the past. Doing that made him hold her to ridiculous standards that she couldn't maintain (see: her diet, her relationship with Damon, etc) and then he would get mad at her when she couldn't meet his expectations.

-On the flipside, you can tell by Silas' comments to Damon at the bar that Damon is still feeling a ton of guilt and insecurity regarding his relationship with Elena and Stefan's feelings as a result of that. He's also clearly still afraid that Elena is/has always been totally in love with Stefan, and that her relationship with Damon is just a phase for her. So, eventually he believes he's going to screw it up, and she's going to leave and rush right back into Stefan's arms. I love Damon, and I just want him to be happy, I guess, and it makes me sad that he's still doubting himself.

-I love Elena's attitude so far. I've missed her spunk and playfulness, it's been a while since we've really seen it in action where she was genuinely happy and not just blocking or repressing her negative feelings. I also love her friendship with Caroline, it seems like the two got much closer over the summer and it makes me so happy that they've finally moved on from the catty fighting from the end of last season that hung around after Elena turned her humanity back on.

-What I love most is DAMON AND JEREMY FRIENDSHIP WOO! Jeremy could use an older male figure in his life, now that his dad, his uncle, AND Alaric are all gone. Plus, I think Jeremy being in Damon's care is good for Damon too, because it lets his caring and compassionate side come out more. MORE GILBERT-SALVATORE FAMILY FEELS PLS & THX

-We all know that Katherine is going to be coming back eventually, and now that she has indirectly killed or almost killed Jeremy at least like, 3-4 different times now, I don't think it'll be endearing him much to her. I don't really see Damon taking it lightly either. Exciting!

-WHAT IS UP WITH MATT? I NEED TO KNOW NOW. Does he have a demon in him? Is he going to go all crazy serial-killer-y like Alaric now?

-I also reeeeeeally want to know what Megan's deal is. Again, I figure she's either a REALLY good actress, or she is somehow oblivious to the supernatural world but has been ingesting vervain without really knowing what it's for. I'm really interested to see how this storyline plays out, especially the Gilbert family involvement. And same with the Salvatore doppelganger thing. Sigh.

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