The Originals Season 2, Episode 1: "Rebirth" Recap/Review

Welp, if this premiere episode is any indication, I have very high hopes for how The Originals is going to be this season, because "Rebirth" was an absolute delight of an episode. All of the actors did some of their best work yet, and it's set up lots of threads that could lead to some very interesting story lines. Not to mention the fact that I assumed the Guerrera plot would last at least through the first chapter of the season, but it was wrapped up all in one episode, so at this rate, we'll have plenty of exciting stuff to talk about! And that reveal at the end? BEST THING EVER. Basically, there aren't enough nice things to say in the English language to describe how much I loved this episode, so I'm just going to stop dawdling and get started. Settle in, babes, we have a LOT to discuss.

Previously, on The Originals: In lieu of a "Previouslies" this week, we got Rebekah, who has her own home where she lives with Hope, tells a story (that just so happens to correlate with last season) to our Mikaelson princess while the two rock in a rocking chair together. The story sets up a very gothic-fairy-tale vibe that I'm hoping resonates through the season, it is VERY cool. "Once upon a time, there was a majestic king [Klaus] who lived with his noble brother [Elijah] in a kingdom where music and art were celebrated [the French Quarter of New Orleans.] The king did not foresee having a child, but he lived in an enchanted land where all things were possible. In time, he was blessed with a beautiful baby daughter [Hope], for whom he wished only peace. Still, the king had demons who pursued him. There was a ruthless beast [Francesca] who wanted to take the kingdom for her own. Armed with a pack of untamed creatures [the werewolves], she drove the other magical creatures [the vampires] from the land. And, there was a wicked sorceress [Genevieve] with enchanted stones that weakened the king every full moon.

Seeing the shadow his enemies cast upon his home, the king was driven to send his beloved princess away, convincing all who remained that she was forever lost. The king, in his sorrow, turned away from the world. The castle [the Mikaelson compound] closed its doors, and the kingdom fell. Some say that the only light that shines in the castle illuminates the shadow of the one majestic king in the room meant for his child. But, as the ruthless beasts [the Guerrera werewolves] took rule over the fallen king's realm, little did they know that the king and his brother would not rest until their enemies were vanquished. For, they believed that one day, they would heal their kingdom and bring their precious princess home, so that she might live happily ever after." So, now that we're caught up, lets do this!


After that lovely bit of review of last season's events, we begin the episode at the old and derelict Olmstead Foundry Co., where both Elijah and one of the Guerrera's lackeys are being shown the building by a realtor. Elijah slowly wanders around inside and shows that he's no novice to architecture (probably because he's old enough to remember when the concept of architecture was invented). He points out the authentic cast-iron columns, the original Bloomry forge that is powered by a charcoal furnace, and silently takes note of the old-school fire sprinkler system overhead before explaining why he's there-- his foundation has joined forces with the Historical Preservation Society, who have taken a special interest in protecting the building.

Heh, I always forget how Elijah gets himself (and his family's vast amounts of wealth) into these little societies when it's convenient-- remember how he posed as a history student just to have an excuse to pick Jenna's brain and get close to Elena? Good times. Anyway, the Guerrera goon insists that the place is a dump, and that the Guerreras would be doing the city a favor by buying it and remodeling it, so Elijah just smiles at him, noticing that he's wearing a really gaudy gold ring with a familiar-looking black stone set in it, before he verbally cuts him down. "Well, unfortunately, under the Preservation Act of 1966, we cannot allow the Guerreras to demolish one of the city's original foundries... even if it is for something as noble and distinguished as a casino." He really is the best when it comes to throwing shade in known in the most eloquent and polite ways possible. He gestures toward the men to leave, and thanks them before asking the goon to give his best to Francesca. BAHAHAHA.

Back at the compound, Klaus is in his art room, listening to Mozart's "Requiem in D Minor: K 626-3. Sequentia: Dies Irae" on a record player while he frustratedly tries to stretch a canvas over a wooden frame for his next painting. However, his impatience gets the best of him, and he ends up ripping the canvas in the process, which leads him to toss it across the room and yell, just as Elijah enters after returning from his meeting. Elijah picks up the slashed canvas and snarks that they'll have to call this Klaus' "white period" as he takes note of all the unpainted canvases around him. Klaus isn't really amused, and argues that he's missing a crucial color in his palette (the blood of his enemies, natch), but Elijah continues to try to cheer up his brother. "Well, I recommend a Venetian red with a DASH of rust..." Elijah suggests playfully, but this just makes Klaus lose his temper f'realsies. He angrily reminds his brother that he's done exactly as Elijah instructed him to do-- he sat in the house the last four months and did nothing, he sold his grief, he hid Hope away so she could remain hidden from the witches, and now it's the night of a full moon, which means Klaus is gonna be left weakened (and, in his words, "pathetic") once again.

Elijah smiles and admits that he has brought good news, which is that he's finally located the owner of the last of the twelve moonlight rings that were forged from Klaus' blood by Genevieve, which does make Klaus quite happy indeed. He states that it's finally time to act, which Elijah confirms, before making his concern about Hayley known. Klaus argues that she looks well enough to him, but Elijah pretty much straight-up says they both look terrible, and have ever since Hope left. Elijah suggests that things might be better if Hayley and Klaus treated each other like the friends/family they are instead of passing acquaintances, but Klaus isn't really in the mood for this conversation, so he snits that she has Elijah for that sort of thing. Pained, Elijah hesitates before admitting that Hayley, like Klaus himself, prefers to deal with her issues all by her lonesome.

Olafur Arnalds' "This Place is a Shelter" plays as we cut to the Bayou, where Hayley, in wolf form, trots through the woods. She's a very gorgeous wolf, tbh, and I actually don't think we've ever seen her shift into wolf form before, so that's kind of interesting! Not to mention the fact that we've never seen any hybrids who have shifted into wolf form just for the sake of hanging out in wolf form, you know? It's always either because 1) they needed to break their sire bond by turning as many times as possible, or 2) they were compelled to shift (like Tyler in TVD's "After School Special" in season four) Rebekah compelled him to turn and kill Elena, Caroline and Stefan), or 3) they needed to turn to get themselves out of some sort of trouble (like Tyler in last season of TVD in "What Lies Beneath," when he shifted to prevent Maria from calling forth the Passenger who was chilling in his head.) But Hayley just seems to really want to be connect to her wolf side because being a wolf is easier than being a human-shaped hybrid with human emotions regarding the loss of her daughter and the fact that she was changed into a vampire, which she's been conditioned to hate since she was turned and was forced to live on her own.

ANYWAY, she returns to the clothes line where the Crescents used to hang clothes for when they finally got to shift back into human form (back when they were still cursed), where she grabs her clothes and quickly dresses herself. She heads for Dwayne's old cabin near the lake, but stops when she sees a burned and melted baby doll that had ended up in a pile of leaves after the Bayou bombings in "An Unblinking Death." She crouches down to pick it up, and when she looks at it, the sight of the doll and what it represents for nearly makes her cry. HAYLEYYYYY. Phoebe Tonkin seriously knocks it out of the park this week, she was so amazing at communicating Hayley's grief, desire for retribution, and self-loathing.

Meanwhile, across the river, Marcel and Cami are having sex in Marcel's bed at the loft, and it seems like they've been having a pretty fun time the last couple of months. Once their morning wake-up call is over, Marcel heads downstairs for a shirtless drink, and is in the middle of staring out the window that looks out over the river toward the French Quarter when Cami, now fully-dressed, comes back down to join him. He asks her where she's going in such a hurry, so she exposits a little bit about how she has to go back to campus to meet her new adviser, since her original one apparently dropped dead of a heart attack while climbing a flight of stairs, despite the fact that he ran triathlons. Anyone else have a feeling that perhaps Mama Mikaelson and her newly-resurrected progeny had something to do with that? Just saying. Marcel asks her if he'll be seeing her later, and Cami gently reminds him of their arrangement-- no strings, no commitments, etc. Marcel knows the drill, obviously, but he admits he's feeling a little nostalgic as he continues to stare wistfully out the window toward his former home.

Cami notices how sad he looks and assures him that he's not missing out on anything, especially considering that 1) Francesca's got her minions stationed at every corner, and 2) all the humans who are in the know don't give a fuck as long as the city continues to make money from tourism. "Yeah... Gotta say, never thought I'd see the day the vampires were kicked out of the Quarter," says Marcel, the man who personally kicked out all of the werewolves who are now in charge of things. Cami tries to lighten the mood a little by reminding him that she never thought she'd be sleeping with a vampire, so hey! Surprises for everyone. Marcel does crack a smile and kisses Cami quickly on the cheek before awkwardly pulling away. Judging by the look on both of their faces, I'm gonna say that both of them want more than they're admitting right now. Cuties! Marcel changes the topic to Klaus, and asks how he is, but Cami replies that no one has any idea, including herself, which fits in with Cami and Klaus' last encounter in "From a Cradle to a Grave."

Marcel still doesn't get what's up with him, though. "The wolves attack him in his home, took his town, probably killed his kid. So, why hasn't he struck back?" Cami suggests that he's just grieving, but Marcel hilariously insists that if anyone has the ability to "mourn and murder" at the same time, it's Niklaus Mikaelson. Cami seems to be concerned about just how hard Marcel is taking this, and changes the subject once again in another attempt to lighten the mood. "I saw Davina," Cami confesses. "She's doing well. She's back in high school. She told her whole witch coven to shove it." I LOVE THAT SO MUCH. Girlfriend needs her freedom after being controlled in one way or another for over a year. Marcel chuckles and seems pleased at how plucky Davina has become, just as Cami suggests that perhaps things are better this way-- moving forward with their lives and not holding onto things they can't change. Marcel's clearly not buying it, but he doesn't want to start a fight, either, so he just shrugs and is like, "Yeah, maybe."

Meanwhile, in the Quarter, Davina is at a shop called Second Life Vinyl, where she is picking up an order from the storekeeper, Joe. Villagers' "Occupy Your Mind" plays as Joe ribs her for her fondness for ancient Icelandic folk music, but she insists that it's actually for someone else. I stopped paying attention at some point because DANIEL SHARMAN IS BACK ON OUR TV SCREENS, YOU GUYS!!! ARE YOU EXCITED? Because I am so fucking excited. Davina turns to leave when she bumps into Sharman's character, Kaleb, on the way out. They smile at each other for a brief moment, and then he's gone.

She's about to leave when Oliver strolls into the store, all, "Hey cutie." Davina is not at all impressed by his sleaziness, but Oliver just ignores her when she tells him to fuck off. "So, I heard you ditched your coven," Oliver continues, as he examines a record he's pulled from one of the racks. "That's too bad. That other Harvest girl, Cassie? She has been SUPER helpful to us wolves." Davina points out that the fact that Cassie (who, as you may recall, is still possessed by Esther) is making them more moonlight rings isn't really so much helpfulness as it is an alliance, but Oliver doesn't really give a fuck what she wants to call it, as long as he doesn't have to turn on the full moons anymore. He then leans in toward her and whispers that she might want to take off, since it's about to get pretty ugly in there, before yelling at the rest of the customers to get the fuck out.

Davina keeps herself planted right where she is as Joe gets nervous and asks Oliver what the fuck he's doing. "It's Joe Dalton, right?" Oliver asks in a way that you KNOW nothing good is about to happen. "You see, I've been studying up on this store. It's been a staple of the Quarter for ninety years. It's been run by you, your daddy, and then his daddy before him?" Joe clenches his jaw and confirms that he's correct, just as Oliver pulls an old, black-and-white photograph of Joe out of his pocket and informs him that they've had difficulty finding any old pictures of anyone in his family but him. Davina's eyes widen in alarm when she realizes that Joe's cover has been blown, and she yells at Oliver to not even fucking think about it.

Joe zoops toward the door, officially outing himself as a vampire, WHICH, as you well know, is against Francesca's new rule-- vampires entering the Quarter is now a crime that is punishable by instant death. No wonder Oliver jumped at the opportunity to join her pack instead of sticking with Jackson and the Crescents-- he's just been itching for an excuse to kill some vampires FOREVER, and now he's finally able to kill them indiscriminately. Speaking of, where is Jackson, anyway? I miss his face. Anyway, before Joe is able to zoop his way out of there, two werewolves (both of whom are wearing moonlight rings) block his path through the door so he can't get through. Davina continues to yell at them to stop what they're doing, while one of the wolves whips out his fangs, and before he can bite down on Joe's neck, Davina hits all of the wolves in the store with a mystical migraine powerful enough to bring them all to their knees. She advises Joe to get the fuck out of there, pronto, which he does, leaving Oliver and the other wolves to glare at her for interfering. Naturally, he's PISSED.

...Probably because he knows his boss is gonna be even more pissed. Speaking of Francesca, we cut over to the Guerrera Mansion, where the moonlight-ring-pack, along with Cassie/Esther (who I'm just going to call Casther, k?) have gathered for a meeting. Francesca is about thisclose to a meltdown after being cooped up all this time with nothing to do, and so she's taking it out on Casther because Davina kept them from completing their attempt at killing Joe. "We have a DEAL, Cassie! Witches don't get in our way when it comes to killing vampires who enter the Quarter!" Casther (whose actress, Natalie Dreyfuss, I absolutely LOVE, because she is just so calm and serene all the time, much like Esther herself, plus she does an awesome job of projecting herself as someone who has been around a very long time, despite her young physical age) stands her ground and reminds Francesca that since Davina isn't in their coven anymore, she's not held to their rules. But, as you can imagine, Francesca's not really cool with that, so she insists that Casther MAKE the rules apply to Davina, and then proceeds to freak out about the fact that everyone is constantly in her face. Oliver tries to defend the pack by pointing out that they're just doing their jobs, but Francesca's disagrees about that, too. "Their job is to protect me from Klaus Mikaelson! Who, by the way, has not set foot outside his house in MONTHS. All this waiting... I'm losing my mind!" She then orders everyone who isn't paid to protect her to get out, so Casther takes that opportunity to bounce.

Outside, she meets up with Vincent and straight-up confirms that he is, in fact, possessed by the oldest of the Originals, Finn, who is also best known for being the biggest mama's boy EVER. I'm gonna call him Finncent, 'kay? What I want to know is, is Vincent a witch? Just a random human who happened to be in the cemetery at the right time when Esther managed to mojo herself and her sons into new bodies? Does Esther have the juice to have brought back the dead Original siblings as witches instead of vampires, since it's been speculated that all of the Original children practiced magic before they were turned? You would think she would have allowed Finn SOME sort of power, since sticking them in a human body could result in them getting themselves killed EASILY when Klaus/Elijah/Mikael inevitably figure out they're back. I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING. Anyway, Casther hilariously gossips about how Francesca is unraveling, and Finncent correctly guesses that this was Klaus and Elijah's intent all along in going without attacking this long. "Say what you will, they are impressive strategists," Casther concedes serenely, to which Finncent retorts that they inherited that trait from their dear mother. Has Esther always been this devious? I am so intrigued by her dynamic with Mikael back in the day, tbh. Anyway, Casther maintains that Francesca will be her own undoing, and adds, "Let's see how impressive your brothers are when they finally come up against me!" WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE UP TO?

Cami has just grabbed a coffee from a nearby coffee shop in the French Quarter and is walking down the sidewalk when two scary looking mooks (who are quickly identified as Guerreras by their tacky moonlight rings) start following her. Cami IS a black-belt in some form of martial arts, so she's no vulnerable damsel, and she quickly senses them following her and wastes no time in confronting them. "It never gets old for you guys, does it? Like a couple of dogs with a bone. Tell Francesca I'm just trying to live a normal life. See if you can get that through her thick, canine skull." Dammmmmn, girl! I am so proud of you and your sassiness. Of course, Francesca's goons don't say anything, so Cami just hands the one her extra-sugared coffee and takes off in a huff. However, once she's a safe distance away, her mask falls, and it becomes clear that she is seriously intimidated by these dudes. I know we don't have any humans except for Cami anymore, so she's probably gonna end up being the Matt, but I would love to see what she was like as a vampire, tbh! She'd kick ass, I'm sure.

Anyway, Cami decides to make a pit-stop at the boarded up Mikaelson Compound. She starts calling out for Klaus when she hears the gentle *whoosh* that accompanies vamp-speeding around, but she can't find him anywhere. She starts walking up the stairs, but stops when she senses someone staring at her-- Klaus is totally standing behind her, looking strung-out and skuzzy, but when she turns to look at him, he's gone. Oh, vampires, and their predatory tendencies. As she continues to ascend the stairs, we can see that Klaus is at one of the balconies, watching her wander around his home, but once again, he's gone before she can even look in his direction.

She finally gets annoyed and calls out, "Klaus, I know you're there!" which is when Elijah makes his presence known and informs her that Klaus doesn't want guests. Cami is startled so badly that she reflexively asks him where the hell he came from, to which Elijah hilariously is like, "Beg pardon? You're the one who broke into my house, girl." He sighs, and adds that Klaus isn't one for pleasant conversation these days, plus he'd likely be pissed that Cami put herself in danger by coming to see him. Again, Cami plucks up all her nerve and argues that, hey, she's already in danger since she's constantly being tailed by Guerrera lackeys. "The city's being run by gangsters, and you guys aren't doing anything about it. Marcel took them out a hundred years ago without any of you, don't you think he might be up for lending a hand?" Cami insists, but Elijah just does that thing where you can tell he thinks it's a good idea, but he doesn't want to encourage her to keep pulling these stunts, so he just pushes her toward the door and replies, "Thank you for coming, Camille." Cami knows a dismissal when she hears one, so she lets Elijah show her out, but before she leaves, she gives him one last parting word of advice.

"I know your family is grieving. But, I KNOW you don't believe those rumors that Marcel killed the baby. So, if you want help taking down the Guerreras, you have a weapon across the river just waiting to be fired. Use it." Elijah just stares silently as she walks out the door, and once she's gone, Klaus finally comes out of the woodwork and joins him. "I like her spirit," Elijah says with a smile, and though Klaus replies, "So do I," he doesn't look happy. This confirms my belief that 1) the Mikaelsons so infrequently run into people who both respect them and are willing to tell them what to do that they typically take a liking to them simply for their spunk, and 2) Klaus is actually a social creature who totally misses Cami's company. Aw, boys! My first point will be demonstrated more in a bit with Mikael and Davina, which is equally great.

Back across the river, Marcel is waiting around for Josh (JOSH! Where have you been all my life?), who has just brought a group of at least a dozen humans so Marcel can look for potential vampire recruits. Marcel is giving him some side-eye, so Josh exasperatedly exclaims, "Dude, come on! This is like the twentieth group I've brought you. There's gotta be a keeper in there somewhere!" Marcel just continues staring at them and insists that he'll be the judge of that before he gestures to Josh to head up to the top of the building next door and goes to address the group to give them one of those moving speeches of which he's so fond. "I know you're all wondering how you got here," Marcel begins. "Don't worry about that for now. Instead, I want you to think about your lives." Okay, now I'M wondering how Josh got them there! Did he compel them? Kidnap them? Both? I'm intrigued! Anyway, Marcel compels a scared man into not being afraid before he picks up where he left off.

"Remember when you were a kid, and you felt like anything was possible? Then, you grew up, things didn't turn out like you planned. But still, there was that part inside of you that would dream. Maybe you wanted strength. Maybe you wanted to be a part of something, something bigger than yourselves." He stops to look at this young, gorgeous, tough-looking girl (whose name is Gia, by the by) who seems to be very intrigued by what he has to say. "Maybe you wanted to be a fighter. Have something worth fighting for. Maybe some of you even wanted to live forever. Well, you can have it! All of it. Because that's what being a vampire is about."

Gia seems like she's ready to sign up, but a guy nearby still looks unnerved, so Marcel goes over to him and compels him, too. "Oh, don't be afraid. What do you have to fear, when you can do this?" Marcel lifts the dude up with one hand and throws him up against the wall of the nearby building, where Josh is waiting at the top to catch him. He smiles a huge smile and helps the man to his feet, and chirps, "I know! Pretty cool, right?" Marcel finishes off his spiel before he lets the group go. "When you leave here, you'll forget this. But somewhere, deep down, you'll know that the offer still exists to join me. To be like me. And, only then, will you find your way back here. Because you want it. Because you NEED it."

That's kind of clever, don't you think? I've wondered how Marcel has chosen his vampire soldiers ever since Josh and his friend (whose name I can no longer remember) accidentally got turned into vampires and he decided that Josh's friend wasn't worth it. Anyway, after their vamp rally, Josh and Marcel return to Marcel's loft, where they discuss their progress over a drink. I'm SO GLAD Marcel and Josh are working together, and I'm hoping that means Josh will be sticking around forever, because he's my FAVORITE. Josh's money is on the "rocker chick," but Marcel isn't convinced, and claims they'll be lucky to get one recruit from that ground. Josh is still pretty exasperated about Marcel's unflappable observations, and points out that they all seem tough, so what is Marcel even looking for, anyway? Marcel takes a sip of the drink he just poured for himself and insists that he's not looking for tough guys, he's looking for WARRIORS. Are you surprised? Because I'm not. Josh still doesn't get the difference, which is when a still-bedraggled Klaus appears in Marcel's doorway and calls out. "A WARRIOR fights for what they believe in. A warrior fights for his FAMILY." Klaus smirks at his former friend-turned-enemies-turned-friends, and after a moment, Marcel and Josh smile back (though, Josh is understandably nervous, obviously.)

Over at the Mikaelson compound, Elijah looks somber as he folds up baby blankets and puts them in a box with the stuffed animals they got for hope before he starts taking apart the bassinet. I absolutely understand why this is about to become a problem, but I honestly think that Elijah thought he was doing something nice for his brother and the mother of his niece (for whom he may or may not still be harboring love) by taking down the room so they wouldn't have to go through the pain of doing it themselves. That's when Hayley arrives and immediately demands to know what he's doing. He first makes a comment about how it's nice of her to return home for the third time this week, but Hayley angrily reminds him that she's an invincible hybrids now, so it's not like she needs a caretaker. When Hayley asks him once again what he's doing, Elijah sighs and reminds her that they've talked about how their illusion needs to be flawless, so it's the appropriate time to take the nursery down. Of course, Elijah DEFINITELY could have picked a better way to phrase that, because it does NOTHING to make Hayley feel any better.

"What's next on the 'appropriate' list? Klaus and I hold our heads up high and say we're ready to try again?" Elijah immediately regrets bringing it up and insists that he knows this has been a difficult time for her, but Hayley points out that the real difficulty is that Francesca Guerrera is still breathing after she's the reason behind EVERYTHING shitty that happened to them-- the attack on the compound, Hayley becoming a hybrid (since Francesca handed her over to the witches), and the fact that Hope had to have her death faked before she was sent away. Elijah promises her that she'll be given the opportunity to have her vengeance (because come ON, if anyone was gonna greenlight a mass murder of their enemies, it would be the Mikaelsons), but Hayley just glares at him. "Well, until then, this is my room, and I'll tell you when it's APPROPRIATE to clean it out." She steps out of the path to the door, and Elijah, realizing he's been kicked out, gives Hayley a sympathetic look before he leaves.

It's been a while since we checked up on our favorite baby witch, hasn't it? She's just arrived to the attic of St. Anne's Church, where I'm guessing she's been hiding out, since she's technically a homeless orphan at this point. Mikael has been pacing around the attic in her absence, listening to that ancient Icelandic folk that Davina's been giving him, and when Davina makes it to the doorway, he throws the indestructible white oak stake at the door frame, where it lodges into the wood. Davina just rolls her eyes and points out that she ha no idea why he keeps "showing off," since he knows he can't hurt her, but Mikael just sneers. "Oh, but the desire I have to do so." Davina sighs and holds her wrist out in front of his face so he can feed, but he's not really thrilled about the prospect. "I am Mikael, the vampire who HUNTS vampires. Your young-thing blood does little to sustain me." Davina just stares at him and orders him to feed on her, so his face involuntarily vamps-out before he bites down on her wrist and does what he's told. She lets him have a few gulps before she orders him to stop, and he looks SO ANNOYED to be forced to do so.

He spots the bracelet around her wrist, which, if you recall, Davina commandeered from Father Kieran's/Cami's secret hide-out that was full of objects cursed with dark magic. She actually took a bunch of them to help fuel the spell that brought Mikael back, but the bracelet is what binds him to her will. "Oh, I wish I could rip this from you," Mikael spits. "Break that which binds me to you, and complete the task for which you resurrected me-- kill the bastard who calls himself my son." Davina just sighs and reminds him that, no, he can't take off the bracelet, but more importantly, he can't kill Klaus. At least, not yet, anyway. "Not until I figure out how to save my friends, too," Davina insists, as she kneels in front of her chest, where Esther's grimoire (or, one of them, anyway) is behind held.

"I've studied their mother's spellbook for weeks. I'm getting close. Once I unlink my friends from Klaus' sire line, I will unleash you to be the monster that you are SO eager to be." Mikael just smiles the widest, evilest smile, and replies, "Music to my ears, my little witch." See what I mean? Mikael is annoyed that Davina is controlling him, obviously, but at the same time, he also has quite a bit of respect for her because she's not cowering at his feet-- she doesn't give one fuck about anything that he says, and so she's constantly just bickering with him. I do have one other note, though-- if Davina DOES in fact unlink Marcel and Josh from their Klaus' sire line, and unleashes Mikael to go kill him (and probably Elijah, too, let's be real) what does that mean for all the vampires sired from his line in the Vampire Diaries? Stefan, Damon (though, that might not matter for now, for obvious reasons), Caroline, Elena... all of them would be dunzo. Just something to think about! I highly doubt they'll be killing Klaus, especially for that reason, but honestly, you never really know with Julie Plec-- she's the biggest troll of them all and she just loves fucking with us. ;)

Meanwhile, Klaus and Marcel are having a drink and discussing their options while they play a game of Go, which, OF COURSE Klaus and Marcel are fans of old, complicated strategy games that are metaphors for war. Marcel admits that today, the werewolves have the numbers, obviously, since their vampire community has been pretty much decimated, and explains how he and his vampire army took out the Guerrera pack in 1925. Back then, the Guerrera werewolf pack had around a hundred members, so the vampires decided to go with guerrilla warfare and took them all out over the course of four days. However, now, Francesca has had lone werewolves from around the country to come join her, especially now that it sounds like Cassie/Esther are making more moonlight rings for them, so it's going to be way tougher. Klaus points out that it's not necessary to take them all out (probably because he eventually wants to take them as his own army when this is all said and done) and argues that really, they only need to go after the twelve who wear the moonlight rings made from his blood that weaken him every full moon.

Marcel is understandably confused, because this is Klaus we're talking about, and he knows Klaus better than everyone-- if it's all just about the twelve rings, why doesn't he just go off and chop off the hands of every moonlight-ring-wearing werewolf he comes across? Klaus hesitates for a moment, clearly ashamed that he allowed this to happen, and admits that it's quite possible that the Guerreras have come into possession of something that is VERY dangerous to them. It takes no time at all for Marcel to realize that he's talking about the stake Klaus was planning on using on Rebekah back in "Farewell to Storyville," so Klaus sighs and confirms it. "It went missing, the night I lost my child. So, it's in play, and the thought of that makes me very nervous. Especially on nights like tonight." He looks out the window, where the full moon is slowly but surely rising in the sky, and Marcel frowns, confused about this admission on Klaus' part. He asks Klaus why he would tell him that, and Klaus looks almost suspicious when he replies, "Depends. Do you have it?" Marcel insists that he doesn't have it, because, as you know, that kind of weapon is of no use to him, because if Klaus dies, Marcel dies, as well as every single vampire they've ever sired, which has got to be in the thousands at LEAST.

Klaus breathes a quiet sigh of relief and smiles a bit before stating, "Well, then, perhaps you'd like to help me get it back? [beat] We attack the wolves, tonight, when the moon hits its apex. They won't expect it while I'm weak." Before Marcel can remark on this impulsive plan, Joe, from the record shop, waltzes into the loft and asks Marcel if he'd prefer the bad news or the good news first. Marcel laughs and rises to his feet to give Joe a brotherly slap on the back and introduces him to Klaus. "Now, you wanna talk Guerreras? Nobody fought harder in 1925 than Joe, here. Fought so hard he retired into retail. Been keeping the peace ever since, and living right under their noses."

Joe sits next to him on the couch and admits that while the good news is, he managed to get the record Marcel ordered (which we'll learn more about later), but the bad news is that his cover is blown. He confesses that while Davina saved his ass before he could get bitten, his secret's still out. "So, pour me a drink, and play me a song, because it's gonna be my last," Joe states grimly, but Marcel insists that he'll be fine if he just gets out of town for a few days. Joe stands his ground, though, because he refuses to run from Guerreras, even when Marcel reminds him that if he DOESN'T leave, he won't have to run, because Francesca and her goons will sniff him out in a day. Joe just shrugs, all, "Hey, let them hunt me down! 'Cause I've had a good ride."

Klaus seems impressed with his warrior spirit, and smiles before asking Joe if he'd be interested in getting back in the fight. Joe seems very into it, and asks him what he has in mind, so Klaus brings up an excellent point that he's just realized. "I've been thinking about this the wrong way," he explains. "The Guerrera pack loves to hunt. They're primal, alphas. I gave you my reason for not making a move these past few months-- what, pray tell, is theirs?" Marcel immediately picks up what he's putting down, and smirks when he realizes that it means that Francesca doesn't have the stake. When he wonders aloud who the hell DOES have it, Klaus just shrugs and claims it doesn't matter, because they're going on a wolf hunt. AWWWW YEAH! My favorite thing on this show is when a combination of the main characters (Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah (when she was still on it regularly), Hayley, Marcel, Davina) scheme together and end up launching AMAZING attacks, and this one is no exception. Seriously, it gives me chills. EVERYONE IS SO AWESOME THIS WEEK AND IT IS THE BEST.

Back at the compound, Klaus has arrived home to read Elijah in on his plan, but, understandably, Elijah is a liiiittle hesitant. "We have the Guerrera where we want them," Klaus argues. "We have them waiting, we have them worried, and now, we know they're an army with no defenses against an Original." Elijah points out that they don't know that for certain, but Klaus is ridiculously restless, so he's more than willing to risk it. Elijah thinks they should spend some more time figuring this out to be sure, since the stake isn't just missing, someone TOOK it, but Klaus just reminds him that they should handle one enemy at a time. "In the end, we'll slay them all," Klaus adds, as he sits down at the table. His face flashes in that golden-orange trippy way that indicates that magic is underway, and Klaus closes his eyes and gasps a little as he feels one of the moonlight rings activate when one of the wolves uses it to keep from turning. Elijah looks at him in concern, but Klaus is insistent on moving forward with the plan. "Tonight, we just have to plant the right seeds, and for that, we need help."

Cut to Second Life Vinyl shop in the Quarter, where Joe has returned to his store, only to find that Oliver and a handful of his moonlight-ringed pals have been waiting around for him. Oliver laughs when he sees him and snarks that he's starting to get the impression that Joe has a death wish, but Joe insists that all he wanted to do was pick up his stuff, and then he'll be gone for good. Oliver, really loving the power trip that comes from having those rings, asks Joe why they would ever let him do that instead of just killing him right there, but Joe just smirks. "'Cause I've got information that could be very useful to Francesca Guerrera," Joe replies, and watches as the arrogant smile wipes right off of Oliver's face. UGH, HATE THAT GUY.

Alright, the next couple of scenes cut back and forth between the Mikaelson Compound and the Guerrera Mansion, so bear with me! At the compound, Hayley has joined Elijah and Klaus in the dining room (I think? There are so many rooms, I can't tell them apart) so that they can hammer out a plan off attack for the evening, since Joe has been getting their foot in the door. "We're taking the twelve original rings," Elijah explains, relishing a little in the drama of it all. "Now, four of them sit on the hands of the Guerrera brothers. One on Oliver, one on Francesca, three with the home security detail, and the rest scattered amongst her lackeys. Now, each ring is distinguishable by it's setting-- gauche, like those that wear them." BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That last line seriously kills me every time, it's all in Daniel Gillies' impeccable delivery.

Over at the Guerreras' home, the werewolf lackeys, led by Oliver, has brought Joe to give Francesca the information that he claimed to have. The rest of the moonlight-ring-pack is there, as well as Casther. Joe hesitantly informs them that word is that Klaus and Elijah think that they have the white oak stake. Francesca stupidly reveals that she doesn't, which just confirms exactly what Joe, Klaus, and Marcel suspected, but Casther points out that if the Mikaelson brothers think she has it, then they clearly have no idea where it is. Francesca decides to take advantage of this opportunity and orders Casther to do a locator spell to find it so they can use it TONIGHT.

SIDEBAR: Just in case you don't watch the Vampire Diaries or can't remember the events of Season 3, Esther was the witch who made the stake indestructible in the first place. The Mystic Falls Gang found some white oak wood used to make a wooden sign for Wickery Bridge and used the wood to make twelve stakes to use to try to kill all five of the Original siblings. Then, they learned that the siblings were linked by Esther in her own attempt to kill her children, and figured they could do it quicker by staking one of them themselves. Unfortunately for their plan, Klaus ended up blackmailing Bonnie into unlinking them before they could get the chance to do so. Matt still ended up killing Finn anyway, using one of Alaric's stake-shooting crossbows, but it was his death (followed by the deaths of fellow vampires Sage and Troy who were sired from Finn's line) that caused the revelation that killing an Original will result in the deaths of everyone from their sire line as well. As you can imagine, that kind of put a damper on their plans while they tried to figure out who their Original sire was so they could kill the rest (spoiler alert: it was Klaus.)

Long story short, Klaus managed to get his hands on all of the stakes except for one and destroyed them, so Esther, knowing it was the only thing left on earth that could kill her children, melted down Alaric's Gilbert ring and coated the stake in the metal so the protective magic in the ring would keep the stake from ever being destroyed. And, since Klaus couldn't destroy it, he figured keeping it in his possession and hiding it away from everyone was the best way to keep it from being used against him, but since he was stupid enough to take it out of hiding to use on Rebekah and got too distracted by other drama to put it in a proper hiding place, he basically allowed whoever wandered into the compound the opportunity to take it. And, we all know that Mikael has the stake now, and since nobody knows that he's back yet, shit is going to get VERY interesting!

ANYWAY, so, we return to the Mikaelson Compound, where Klaus is getting to the crux of the plan-- if Joe can convince them into thinking that they can somehow get their hands on the stake, then they'll try to come for him that night, while he's weakened by the full moon. Every ring that Elijah, Hayley, and Marcel can take back will strengthen him, but he'll still be at a disadvantage since his strength DEPENDS on them getting the rings back in the first place. Elijah uses this fact to drive home to both Klaus and Hayley that the only way this plan will work is if they work together, which means Klaus and Hayley have to actually act like the team that they are instead of avoiding each other. Klaus sighs and looks at Hayley, who reluctantly returns his gaze. "This is our fight. Are you ready for battle, Hayley?" 

Hayley, who I think is feeling restless herself, not to mention bloodthirsty, thanks to her new vampiric nature, insists that she is, as long as she knows that Francesca won't come out of it alive. Klaus smiles a tiny smile at her thirst for vengeance and assures her that Francesca's head will be delivered to her on a silver platter, and calls her "little wolf," which made my heart hurt. My love for Hayley and Elijah is well known on this blog, but as a dedicated multishipper, I can't deny that I have been getting MAJOR Klaus and Hayley feels lately. Anyway, Elijah, seeing that nearly all the pieces have be moved into place, leaves to work on the last part.

Guerrera Mansion. Francesca paces around anxiously as Casther works on a locator spell for the stake. Isn't anyone there curious as to how she would know how to look for something that "Cassie" has never seen? Or how she's chanting in some language that is DEFINITELY not French or French Creole like all the other New Orleans witches? Hmm. "Learm filium akenbe exoculus. Vindi--" She stops chanting and frowns before admitting that the spell isn't working because the stake must be cloaked, though she admits she'd love to know who's hiding it. Francesca is PISSED though, and turns to Joe with murder in her eyes and insists that he's going to have to tell them the whole story, rather than just enough to keep himself alive. Joe starts to protest, but Francesca makes it clear for him that he has two choices-- he can spill and leave with his life, or he can stay quiet and die right then and there. Joe, who I'm pretty sure knows that there is no way he's getting out of there without a fight at the VERY least, gulps nervously before finally giving her what she wants to know. Or, rather, what she THINKS she wants to know. "Rumor has it... it landed in the hands of the priest." OH SHIT.

Predictably, the two werewolf goons that were following Cami earlier were sent to Cami's apartment to shake her up by destroying her apartment. Cami is PISSED, as you can probably guess, and starts yelling at them, but Goon #1 tells her that she knows how she can end this, so Cami finally caves. "Fine! Whatever. Why do I care? This isn't even my fight." She pulls a pad of paper and a pen out of a nearby desk and scribbles an address on it before handing it to Goon #1 and stating that they will find what they're looking for there-- all they need is Father Kieran's key. When the goon asks her where that would be, Cami sighs and stomps over to the key rack by the door, grabbing a key that is most certainly NOT the key that Kieran wore around his neck. "Hiding in plain sight, GENIUS," Cami snits in annoyance before opening her the door to the apartment and gesturing for them to get the fuck out. Once they leave, Cami shuts the door and lets out the nervous breath she's been holding the entire time. She looks over to the window, where Elijah is standing watch to make sure Cami wasn't hurt during her part of the plan. Cami nods at him, and he nods back before taking off to take care of his role in this amazing scheme of theirs.

Klaus is kneeling on the floor of his art room, empty canvases strew around him, clearly feeling weak and shitty because of the rings draining his strength. Over at the Guerrera Mansion, Francesca is outlining their own plan in detail to Casther and the moonlight-ring contingent of the Guerrera pack. She reminds them that Klaus will be at his weakest for the next few hours, and emphasizes that whoever finds the stake should be prepared to use it as soon as it's in their possession. She instructs Oliver to take a group of them over to the compound to subdue him while he's still weak in case it takes longer than expected to retrieve the stake. Oliver, as stupid as he is, isn't a TOTAL idiot, though, and brings up the fact that there's no way Hayley or Elijah will be leaving Klaus' side tonight. "Elijah can be weakened by our bites," Francesca replies as she nervously paces around. "As for Hayley? Whoever rips out her heart gets a bonus."

RUDE! She's the one who created this problem by going after the Mikaelsons and Hayley (who, let's be real, is totally a Mikaelson at this point, whether she's romantically involved with either of the brothers or not) and so she has only herself to blame for what follows. ANYWAY, the wolves all leave to prepare for their mission, but Oliver hangs back and asks her what she'll be doing. She smugly replies that she'll be staying there, where it's safe, since vampires and/or hybrids can't come in without an invitation, which doesn't please Oliver a bit. He's a little appalled that she'd be hiding while the rest of her pack risks their lives, but Francesca just sneers, "I'm the top dog! Your job is to ensure that the battle doesn't come to me!" Ohhhhh, Oliver. I bet you're really missing Jackson's brand of leadership right now, aren't you? He would have died for anyone in his pack, but then Oliver ruined it, so he, like Francesca, pretty much asked for whatever punishment he'll be getting.

Over at Olmstead Foundry, the two goons from Cami's apartment have joined up with another couple of werewolves and have arrived to look for the stake, as per the address Cami gave them. Goon #1 instructs them to split up and look from the outside of the perimeter to the middle, just as they hear the gentle whooshing of a zooping vampire. The vampires look above them just in time to see Marcel jump down onto a platform near the ceiling, which distracts them from the fact that Josh has just vamp-sped outside and locked them inside the building. The head goon is all, "Huh, look what we have here!" but Marcel just puts his hands up in a non-threatening manner and retorts, "I know your boss wanted to buy this place, but... I've been stockpiling wolfsbane for months, and I just really needed a place to store it!"

He smiles and pulls a lighter out of his pocket, which he lights and holds right under the fire sprinkler system. Once the system is activated by the flame, the werewolves below get soaked by the sprinklers, whose water system has been infused with wolfsbane. The werewolves all cower and scream in pain as the wolfsbane extract burns their skin, giving Marcel the opportunity to shove the head goon against the wall. With one hand, he pins the werewolf's moonlight-ring hand against the door as he pulls out a knife with the other, quipping, "I'm gonna need that!" before chopping the guy's hand clean off! BAD.ASS.

Meanwhile, at the compound, "Noir State Beach" by Xu Xu Fang plays as Klaus gasps in relief once Marcel has begun taking the rings back, and grins. While he's upstairs, many of the Guerrera wolves, led by Oliver, invade the courtyard and split up once he's given them instructions. Two of them head for this one staircase we've never seen before (there are seriously like a dozen staircases in this place), but before they can make it up the steps, Hayley zoops towards them and snaps both of their necks at the same time. YOU GO GIRL. She slips the rings off of each of their fingers, which causes Klaus to regain even more of his strength, and he full-on smiles as he grabs a canvas and his easel and prepares for some violence-induced inspiration.

At the Guerreras', Francesca is in her office doing paperwork, while two of her brothers sit across the desk from her and watch in boredom. She catches them staring at her and rolls her eyes before she returns to her work, but she's quickly interrupted when all three of them see one of their security guards fly past the window outside. They immediately stand to their feet to look to see what's happening, just as a huuuuuuuuuge spurt of blood splatters all over the window. Outside, Elijah has taken out the security detail outside, and breaks one of their moonlight-ring-clad fingers off before wrapping it in a pocket square. Oh, Elijah. Klaus, growing ever stronger, grabs a handful of paintbrushes from a nearby easel and looks through them.

Across town at the foundry, Marcel is still fighting off the other werewolves, and despite the fact that many of them still have moonlight rings, they're weakened with wolfsbane, and he's a 180+ year-old-vampire, so he's easily got the upper-hand. (Plus, he still has Klaus' blood in stock, right? So, a little werewolf bite won't be fatal for him.) He spots a moonlight ring on the other lackey who trashed Cami's apartment and literally rips the entire arm on which he wears his ring off of the guy. HOLY SHIT. That is both super gross and impressive. He slips the ring off, which gives Klaus yet another trickle of his strength back. He picks up two paintbrushes and holds one in each hand, still kneeling on the floor of the art room.

Over at the Guerrera Mansion, the security detail that was keeping watch inside has filed out to see who had taken out the external security, and they find Elijah standing primly in the front yard. "Good evening!" Elijah calls out amiably. Meanwhile, Hayley has just pulled a ring off of yet another werewolf in the Mikaelson compound when she turns to find another three or four werewolves have crept up behind her. She looks nervous for a moment, but just growls, "Have I mentioned that I've had a ROTTEN couple of months?" and breaks out her hybrid face before she lunges for them. Upstairs, two of the wolves that came with Oliver have made their way to the art room, where they find Klaus pretending to be all weak and helpless and crouched on the ground. He can totally hear them approaching, though, and flips the paintbrushes in his hands so the pointy end is facing outward. As soon as Hayley pulls another ring off of one of the now-dead werewolves' bloody hand, Klaus smirks with the rush of power and rapidly spins while throwing the paintbrushes, which impale both of the approaching werewolves through the throat, killing them instantly.

Oliver is all by his lonesome as he looks around for his allies, and has the misfortune of having been found by Hayley, who wastes not a millisecond before thoroughly kicking his ass. It's clear that her friendship with Jackson is still a factor, though, because she doesn't kill him, she just batters him a bit before pinning him face-first against the wall. "You think you're strong because of that ring you wear?" Hayley spits furiously. "You're NOTHING. We were strong. We were part of a pack, and you ruined it." We cut upstairs, where Klaus is dragging both of the bodies across the room toward the canvas he has prepared on the floor. Back downstairs, Hayley yanks the ring off of Oliver's finger and warns him that if she ever sees one of those on his hand again, she'll kill him herself. Back upstairs, Klaus is practically gleeful as he hilariously dips his paintbrush in the neck wound of one of the dead wolves and starts painting on his canvas. That is probably my favorite weirdo-Klaus thing he's ever done, to be honest. It's just AMAZING.

Francesca and her brothers are walking toward their front door, just as yet another huge squirt of arterial blood hits the windows as they pass them. Then, their front door opens of its own accord, right before a severed head is tossed in the foyer like a bowling ball. When Francesca finally makes it to the doorway, she finds Elijah waiting for them on the front porch, daintily wiping his bloody hands on a fresh pocket square. Francesca looks momentarily horrified, but puts on her best game face, as though she actually stands a chance of winning. I've talked about this before, but it's pretty difficult to pull one over on the Mikaelsons-- the only way to really do it is to take advantage of an already emotional situation, like when Genevieve got the Mikaelsons' trust by saving Hayley in "A Closer Walk With Thee," or to do it when they're too distracted with other negative turn of events to have time to consider that they're about to be screwed over, like in "The Battle of New Orleans." Unless you're someone like Celeste, who spends centuries plotting your revenge, anyway. The thing is, though, that if you DO manage to fuck over the Mikaelsons somehow, you better either have a damn good way of putting them down, or you better have a damn good plan of escape, because otherwise, shit like this happens:

FRANCESCA: [fake smiles and turns to her brothers] "Hmm. It's fine, he can't come in."

ELIJAH: [amused] "Can't I?"

FRANCESCA: [laughs] "Don't bluff me! You can't win."

ELIJAH: [continues smiling] "You mobsters all suffer from such hubris. Did you know Al Capone thought himself invincible back in his day? And, in the end, he was sentenced to the retched filth of Alcatraz for which of his atrocities?" [waits for them to answer, but they remain silent] "A failure to pay his taxes! I suppose the devil's in the details, isn't it?" [looks around the inside of her home] "My, my, you have a beautiful home, here. I was so pleased when the city took my suggested to protect its heritage status and invoke imminent domain. I suppose  that means THIS house now belongs to the public! And, as such, anyone can enter without invitation."

OH MY GOD, THIS SCENE WAS SO FLAWLESS. As usual, Daniel Gillies' delivery was next-level, and Francesca went from arrogantly smirking away to literally about to pee her pants in fright, especially when Elijah dramatically lifts his expensive-loafer-clad foot and takes a large step over the threshold. Her brothers tense defensively and move to surround their baby sister, but Elijah doesn't seem to be the least bit threatened, and for good reason-- they took him off-guard when they attacked him at his home, but this time he's ready for them.

Elijah returns back to the compound, where Klaus is still happily painting with the blood of his slain enemies in his art room. He informs his brother that he's not at full strength yet, and asks which of the rings didn't end up getting snatched. Elijah hesitates for a moment before admitting, "Only one. I must say, the brothers fought valiantly before Ms. Guerrera escaped." LOL, of course she fled to save her own ass at the expense of her brothers. I am not at all surprised. Klaus is absolutely incredulous as he turns to face his brother, and is like, "Did you seriously fucking let her get away?" However, Elijah just shrugs and replies, "...Not exactly."

Cut to the back roads of New Orleans, where Francesca is frantically speeding her way out of town. She turns around in her seat to make sure she isn't being followed, but in doing so, she puts herself in a position where she doesn't realize that there's someone standing in the street until it's too late. Hayley is pulling a Rebekah, just standing in the middle of the road and daring Francesca to hit her. Francesca stops just in the nick of time, but when she looks up again, Hayley is gone. Before Francesca has enough time to process what just happened, Hayley rips the driver's side door open and rips her right out of her seat. AW YEAH HAYLEY. God, this show (and Teen Wolf, and the Vampire Diaries, and Supernatural, etc etc etc) have really fucked with my moral compass.

Over across the river, Marcel is listening to the jazz album that Joe brought him earlier and having yet another tumbler of scotch when Josh comes in with bad news-- the Guerrera's killed Joe. Marcel sighs in disappointment, clearly sad about it, but does remind Josh that Joe knew what he was signing up for when he agreed to join them. Understandably, Josh isn't very happy. "So, what? 'Hey, come on, join our team! Your reward will be your death?''' Josh argues, but Marcel just kind of rolled his eyes at his naiveté and sits him down for a little pep talk on vampirism and the French Quarter.

MARCEL: "Here's what you gotta understand. Vamps like Joe? They know what it feels like in the battle, and what it feels like to sit on the sidelines. Joe sat it out for a long time, but when the fight came to him, he got back in. Because he'd rather die on his feet than live on his knees. That's a WARRIOR."

JOSH: [hesitates] "Wh-what are we fighting for?"

MARCEL: "Me? I'm fighting for my home. For the dignity of the vampires who were run out of there. [stands to look Josh in the eyes] The question is, what are YOU fighting for?"

JOSH: [sighs] "That's the problem! I have no idea! The wolves took over the Quarter. We beat them back today, they'll fight us back tomorrow. It's nuts! And all for a few measly blocks of real estate?"

MARCEL: [hands Josh a drink] "I was born here in a time FAR more shameful than now. And, even THEN, this city was worth fighting for. My blood runs through the gutters of this city, along with the blood of my closest friends. And yeah, Klaus and I fought side-by-side against the Guerreras, but, you know, before long, he's gonna want to be king of the wolves. His blood runs deep, here, too."

Josh, to his credit, looks like he feels super guilty, and seems to be coming around to Marcel's point of view. Marcel gestures toward the record player, and informs him that the album they're listening to is the first, last, and only album Thierry ever made of his trumpet music. (The song that is playing is Clifford Brown's "Easy Living," by the by!) Marcel insists that the album only could have been made in New Orleans, and emphasizes that it's not the real estate they're fighting over, it's the soul of the city. Suddenly, the lovely Gia wanders into Marcel's loft, looking very confused. "Hi!" she begins nervously, before ultimately deciding to just come on out with it. "I'm sorry! Uh, this is weird. I just kind of found my way here?" Josh looks over at Marcel and grins at him, because he totally called it. After a moment, Marcel smiles back. YES GIA THE VAMPIRE IS HAPPENING. I am sooo excited.

Hayley has returned home a little later, and is so overwhelmed with all of the emotions she's been feeling about her new hybrid nature, the loss of her child, and what she just did out of a desire for payback that she starts furiously trashing the nursery. Elijah instantly hears the commotion and heads upstairs, where he manages to pull Hayley away from the bassinet before she can rip it apart. Hayley flinches away from his touch as if he physically burned her and just stares at him, wide-eyed and borderline hysterical, before admitting that she killed Francesca. We flash back to, like, an hour earlier, where Hayley has just pulled Francesca out of her car. Francesca yells in fear as Hayley hybrids-out and chomps down on her neck and drinks deep. "Francesca looked me in the eye and begged me for her life as I tore her apart," Hayley continues numbly. "But, I don't FEEL better," she yells, slamming her open palm against her chest for emphasis. "I don't FEEL peace! I don't feel ANYTHING." Elijah is super alarmed at this display of self-loathing and tries to tell her that it's totally natural to be feeling what she's feeling after everything that has happened, but Hayley just screams, "Nothing about what I am, Elijah, is NATURAL." 

(via maliahales)
Elijah tries again to calm her down by reminding her that has a hybrid, she will be going through what all new vampires do after they're turned-- dealing with the intensified emotions and mood swings-- but insists that in time, she WILL learn how to control it, but the thought of having to feel like this forever is just too much for her. "I don't want to live like this, Elijah!" Hayley cries. "I hate it! When I was living with the Crescents in the Bayou, I finally understood the...PURITY of being a wolf. The nobility. I killed EIGHT wolves tonight before I got to Francesca. Eight of my OWN people! What's noble about that? I acted no better than a..." Elijah's heart breaks as he finishes her sentence for her-- "...than a vampire?" Ouch ouch ouch! Coming to terms with being a vampire is hard enough as it is, but since Hayley was a werewolf first who has spent her entire life as a lycanthrope that vampires are their mortal enemies, so she's got way more of the self-loathing than your average newbie vamp would have. Ugh, Hayley, let me hug you!

Hayley is just breaking apart by this point, and she finally whispers, "Everything has changed. And not just for me. I saw the way you looked at me before. And, I see the way you look at me now. I was a mother, and now I'm a MONSTER." Elijah looks at her with so much sympathy and concern, and it absolutely kills me how many Stefan/Elena vibes I'm getting off of the two of them, because it seems JUST like when Elena had just turned, and she was all self-loathing because Stefan was so self-loathing, and he had put Elena on such a high pedestal that there was no way she could live up to his expectations. MAKE IT STOP, I LOVE THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER TOO MUCH FOR THIS. "Things are different now," Hayley finishes quietly. "You can't tell me that they're not." She then leaves the room without another word, and although Elijah calls after her and tries to stop her, she continues walking away as though he hadn't spoken. NOOOOO.

Davina has just arrived to Second Life Vinyl, only to find that it's been closed permanently due to Joe's death. She seems both sad and disappointed as she stares at the "closed" sign, just as a charming British accent that belongs to an even more charming, angel-faced puppy of a person. "This sucks," Kaleb mutters, and have I mentioned how excited I am that they let Daniel Sharman keep his real accent? It's wonderful. "No trades today," he continues. "I mean, it's worse for you, of course. Guy really had the market cornered on the ancient Icelandic folk scene." Davina just laughs and insists that she wasn't buying the music for herself, as Kaleb extends his hand and introduces himself by name. When she introduces herself in return, he smirks and replies, "Wow, cool name! Terrible taste in music. You obviously need me." Hmmm, he's really starting to remind me of someone, but I can't put my finger on it... what other snarky, arrogant, womanizing supernatural creatures do we know? ;) (Just kidding, that basically describes every man on this show except for Josh, let's be real) Anyway, Davina just smiles awkwardly, simultaneously charmed and annoyed by him.

(via maliahales)
Over at the compound, Klaus and Elijah are in the bar room, where they are about to destroy the stones from the rings they stole back. Klaus doesn't understand why they couldn't just take a sledgehammer to them, but Elijah reminds him that as objects enchanted by a witch, they can only be fully destroyed with fire and water. As he explains the process, he has procured a metal pitcher of water and what looks almost like a cauldron that is full of burning charcoal. As Elijah scoops up the stones, drops them over the hot coals, and pours water over them, unbinding Klaus' blood from the stones themselves, the two discuss their current predicament.

ELIJAH: "I'd have thought this would have brought you greater pleasure."

KLAUS: [depressed] "As would I. This was my fault. All of it. If I had just accepted Hayley's pregnancy instead of playing king... I should have listened to you. Instead, my greed and my envy have robbed me of my daughter. My actions led to the release of the weapon that can kill not only me, but you."

ELIJAH: "In a thousand years, I've survived your attempts to destroy me, brother. I imagine I can survive this."

KLAUS: [confused] "You chase my redemption, like a man rolling a stone up an endless mountain."

ELIJAH: [shrugs] "Well, no mountain is endless, brother. Some are just steeper than others. [beat] As much as I would like to be the one to comfort Hayley in this moment... I believe that only you can truly understand her grief."

KLAUS: [afraid] "We lost our child... I mean, what could I POSSIBLY say to ease her pain?"

ELIJAH: [grips Klaus' shoulder comfortingly] "Whatever she needs to hear."

THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING. Klaus actually talking about his feelings without violence or threats? Elijah actually admitting that while he cares for Hayley deeply, it's really Klaus who should be able to get through to her, both because of their shared loss as well as the species they now share, as well. The Haylijah shipper in me is like NOOOOOO but the Klayley shipper in me is, like, [Stefon voice] YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.

Over at Marcel's loft, Marcel and Cami are in their underwear and snuggling post-sexy times in Marcel's bed. Cami asks him if she thinks things in the Quarter will be better now that they took out the Guerreras, but Marcel doubts it. "No. But, it was nice fighting WITH Klaus for a change." Cami looks at him for a moment before telling him that she's sorry about Joe. She adds that he was really brave to do what he did for them, but Marcel just smiles and points out that she was brave, too. Which, is totally true! I know Cami isn't exactly a fan favorite (although I've come to love her and her strength a lot over the last season) but I don't think she gets enough credit for being the lone human standing up against a bunch of supernaturals. Cami starts to look uncomfortable, and eventually brings up the fact that her bravery ultimately doesn't matter, because she needs to hit the brakes when it comes to their relationship. "The deeper I'm in it with you, the deeper I'm into everything. And, I have to get my certification, I have to help human people with their human problems. And I can't do that if I keep letting myself get pulled back in." She apologizes one last time before she skuttles out of bed to get dressed, leaving Marcel alone in his bed as Lykke Li's "Sleeping Alone" begins to play.

The song continues into the next scene at the Mikaelson compound, where Hayley and Klaus are sitting on opposite couches in the living room. Klaus promises her that it will all get better in time, but Hayley isn't really convinced. "When? I'm immortal now," she argues exhaustedly. "If I can't get through today, how am I supposed to get through forever?" Klaus sighs, and likely remembers what Elijah told him earlier about telling her what she needs to hear, because instead of freezing up and finding any excuse possible to run the hell out of there, he bites the bullet and does something we see Klaus do very, very rarely-- open up to someone. "You know, over the years, I've had my share of friendships, enemies, lovers, losses, and triumphs. With time, they all begin to run together. But, you will find that the real moments are VIBRANT. [beat] The rest just fades away. YOUR pain will fade." Hayley sighs and reminds him that she won't be able to let go until she can hold her baby in her arms again, but Klaus insists that she WILL do so eventually. Unfortunately, in order to do that, they need to regain control of the city again, now that the Guerreras are taken care of.

"Now, we worked separately to unite those wolves," Klaus points out. "We can work together to do it again. They don't need to be our enemies." OH MY GOD, is Klaus seriously suggesting a diplomatic approach to dealing with the wolves instead of threats and torture and death of loved ones? He really HAS changed! Hayley, however, isn't optimistic, especially considering the fact that they just ambushed them last night, so they're probably not going to want anything to do with them. Klaus, however, argues that she was completely justified in waging war against the ones responsible for the loss of their child, and he wholeheartedly believes that what she did will garner both respect from the wolves, and will also convince them that she's fit to lead. Hayley still doesn't get why they would want to do that, but Klaus just smiles and looks at her sweetly before replying, "Because you're their queen."

(via maliahales)
Hayley turns the topic to the witches, who she says "don't stop even after they're dead," which is both hilarious and completely accurate, but Klaus is finally ready to make themselves a family-- Klaus, Elijah, AND Hayley (and the baby and Rebekah from afar). "We defeated my mother and her witches because we stood united," Klaus maintains, as he stands up and joins Hayley on the couch. "That is how we will face ALL our enemies. As a family." He takes Hayley's hand his his own and squeezes it affectionately, which makes Hayley smile a tiny smile that Klaus returns. That seriously has to be the sweetest thing Klaus has ever said to ANYONE, isn't it? Like, I am seriously dead. It is amazing what having a child has done to Hayley and Klaus, even if they don't get to live with her right now. They're so much closer, and I think Hayley has finally accepted that, regardless of what she may have thought before, she's a Mikaelson now, for better or for worse.

In the Quarter, Finncent is is sitting at a table outside a café, where a waitress brings him a powdered-sugared pastry. Just then, Cami crosses the street and smiles when she sees him. "Mr. Griffith?" she asks before he returns her smile and greets her. As they shake hands, Cami thanks him profusely for agreeing to sponsor her supervised residency at school. He insists that she call him Finncent, and gestures for her to sit down.

Over at the Coven House (I think?), Finncent and Casther are sitting at a table, where Finn is informing his mother that his act with Cami worked completely. In the middle of their conversation, Kaleb strolls on into the room, and my brain literally explodes when I hear

FINN: "The humans are weak. Their bodies are so strange. I'd forgotten what it feels like to be this vulnerable."

ESTHER: "At least you're not stuck in the body of a teenager."

KALEB: "Well, I love my body, Mother. I'm pretty sure Davina Claire does, too."

ESTHER: [rolls her eyes] "Don't be puerile. We have work to do. Your brothers did me a favor by killing Francesca. Now, I will control the witches AND the werewolves. With the vampires in exile, we can begin to take root in our new home. [turns to the boys] Finn, Kol, let's get to work. We have a family reunion to plan."

OH MY GOD, KOL'S SPIRIT IS IN KALEB'S BODY, THIS IS THE BEST. THIS IS THE BESTTTTTTTTTT.

Next episode: Hayley and Klaus go to extend an olive branch to the Crescents before Esther recruits them, Davina gets to know Koleb better, and both Klaus and Elijah each have their own confrontation with one of their parents.

[screencaps via Screencapped]

NOTES/QUESTIONS/SPECULATION:
-So, where are the Crescent wolves? It seems like Oliver is the only one who joined up when Francesca offered to let him into her pack, so what have the rest been up to all this time? I'm hoping we find out in the next episode, since it seems like Hayley and Klaus are going to try to ally themselves with the werewolves against the witches.

-Hayley and her difficulty dealing with Hope's absence and her transition into a hybrid is just killing me! I am so impressed with Phoebe's acting, she has gotten SO GOOD and her speech to Elijah just broke my heart.

-I WANT MORE REBEKAH. I know she has to be far away to keep Hope out of harm's way, but ugh, I just miss her so fucking much.

-MY HEART IS SO HAPPY TO SEE DANIEL SHARMAN ON MY SCREEN. And he does a really good Kol, too. A bunch of people I follow on Tumblr called this reveal last season when the fact that he was joining the cast as a recurring character and I am kind of bummed that I didn't catch it earlier, though it just made the revelation that much more mind-blowing. Part of me figures that he won't be around for very long, since I imagine Kol is going to be trying to figure out a way to get his original body back, but the other part of me is hoping that Kaleb himself sticks around after Kol gets out of his meatsuit.