Emily Rewatches TVD: Season 5, Episode 11: "500 Years of Solitude"

Welp, this revisiting of the second half of TVD's fifth season has taken me WAY longer to start than I wanted/expected. To be honest with you guys, I pretty much loathed the second chapter or act of this season, (known as "The Augustine Chapter") and even though I have wanted to talk about the third act, which was much better, the thought of having to go through the middle episodes was not very appealing. But, season 6 will be approaching here in the next few months, and it looks AMAZING, so for the sake of my OCD-induced inability to leave things unfinished, no matter how late they may be, I am going to be talking about the rest of the episodes of the season over the two weeks of hiatus we have left

Most of the hold-up for getting this series up and running was just waffling about how I wanted to go about doing these write-ups, because I didn't want them to be full-length recaps like I normally do, because that will take FOREVER and I will never end up catching up, but doing just regular, short recaps with no commentary just seemed boring. SO, I've settled with separating the noteworthy events into "the good" and "the bad," which gives me some leeway with regards to being able to write a lot about the things for which I have much to say, while still allowing me to skim over the stuff that didn't please me as much. It's possible that I could miss important tidbits that'll come into play in season 6, but that's just how it goes sometimes, you know? I'm not gonna dwell on it.

Anyway, like the rest of the episodes up to this point, "500 Years of Solitude" has both some great moments and some not-so-great ones. Katerina Petrova is a pretty legendary woman, so to get an episode that is focused on her is pretty great, especially considering that this was the Vampire Diaries' 100th episode. Honestly, I would love a spin-off that is just flashbacks of all the shit she did between being turned into a vampire and now-- much like with the Mikaelsons, I'm sure Katherine's life has TONS of material to pull from. I can't say that I really enjoyed Damon's part in this episode, though; the one major thing I have disliked thus far in this season is that Damon has had all of this character development and personal growth over the last four seasons, and this season is basically just pretending like none of it happened in favor of Damon doing uncharacteristically dramatic and petulant things. Well, for Season 1 Damon, it would be characteristic, but Season 5 Damon? He should know better than this. On the other hand, we got to see some characters who haven't been in Mystic Falls in a while, namely Klaus, Rebekah, and Tyler, which is always nice. Actually, I should probably just start from the beginning, yeah?

1) Matt & Jeremy cheering up a post-break-up Damon at the Grill
My love of the bromances on this show are well-documented-- Alaric/Damon, Alaric/Jeremy, Jeremy/Matt, Jeremy/Tyler, Jeremy/Damon, Damon/Matt, the list goes on and on and on. So, this cute little scene, where Matt and Jeremy show up for work to find Damon passed out at the bar next to a nearly-empty bottle of bourbon? It's absolutely perfect for me. Especially this little exchange:
JEREMY: [to a confused Matt] "Damon dumped Elena."
MATT: [more confused] "Why?"
JEREMY: [amused] "I have no idea."
MATT: [incredulous] "Who spends two years pining over a girl to dump her?"
DAMON: [groans] "I can hear you, dumbass."

Heeeee! Seriously, it's hilarious. So, of course, Matt and Jeremy just kind of silently mock Damon while he drinks his sorrows away and ignores phone calls from Stefan. Their hilarious banter then continues on to the next awesome scene from this episode, which is...

2) The Katerina-Petrova-Is-Finally-Dying drinking game at Casa di Salvatore
Once Damon and the boys and Elena and the girls have heard about our dear Katherine's quickly-approaching death as a result of the cure causing her 500+ years of life to rapidly catch up to her, they all headed toward the boarding house to experience the drama for themselves. The boys got there first, obviously, since the girls were all the way at Whitmore, so they got things started early after Damon explained the rules.

DAMON: "Rule number one: name the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done to you. Rule number two: toast to her impending death. Rule number three: if you come across something that's worse-- which, you will-- repeat rules one and two."

Damon's first drink involved the fact that Katherine pretended to be trapped in the tomb under Fell's Church for 145 years while Damon spent a century and a half desperately working toward breaking her out of it. Then, as soon as he takes his shot, he remembers the time in season 2 that Katherine pretended to be Elena and kissed him on the front porch of the former Gilbert house, though Jeremy insists that the first one was worse. When Damon passes the baton to Matt, he brings up the fact that his sister Vicki is dead because of her, which honestly, isn't really fair, because Damon was the person who turned her out of boredom and petty anger towards Stefan, and STEFAN was the one who killed her when she predictably went out of control and tried to hurt/kill Jeremy and Elena. Damon's epic funk could MAYBE be argued to have been because of Katherine, but still, that doesn't make her culpabl. I mean, sure, if you dig hard enough, Katherine Pierce is probably the reason why everything ever has gone wrong in Mystic Falls, but in the end, Damon were in charge of their own actions, you know? So, moving on to stuff that is actually Katherine's fault. "She fed me to Silas, and I died," Jeremy pipes up, before taking his shot. Damon: "Doozy." Jeremy then adds, "Then, she made me crash my car into a pole and left me for dead... again," which earns him a second shot.

Of course, that's when the girls finally show up, and Elena immediately becomes a buzzkill and cuts Jeremy off from the alcohol comsumption. Then, because she's the older sister and a vampire, which means she gets to drink as a result of the vampire-craving-sublimation tactic-thing, she decides she's going to start the list of terrible shit Katherine did to her and her loved ones. "She impersonated me...repeatedly; made Aunt Jenna stab herself in the stomach; AND, she cut off Uncle John's fingers!" Hilariously, Jeremy points out that Uncle Daddy John totally deserved it-- which is 100% accurate, tbh-- before the gang starts listing more things that Katherine did to fuck them all over: Bonnie's Grams died trying to open the tomb so Damon could rescue Katherine when she was never in it in the first place; Katherine compelled Matt and Sarah to bait Tyler into triggering his werewolf curse; Klaus followed Katherine to Mystic Falls, which resulted in the deaths of Jenna and Alaric and Tyler getting turned into a hybrid; and Katherine tried to kill Elena at least twice. Caroline's contribution? "She DID kill me... although, I'm weirdly better off?" Truer words have never been spoken! Once they all take their shots as they talk, they realize that they're going to need WAY more booze to continue playing this game. BAHAHAHA.

3) Stefan's kindness on Katherine's deathbed
Honestly, this kind of goes in both columns, because while I enjoyed that at least ONE person was being nice to Katherine (although, to be fair, Katherine has been horrible to EVERYONE and isn't entitled to anyone's pity or sympathy-- I just don't think it's fair to blame her for EVERYTHING just so they have someone to blame aside from themselves, you know?), I hated that she ended up not being deserving of that kindness by once again doing the selfish thing and leeching onto Elena's body and mind like a parasite so she could live some kind of fantasy life by pretending to be Elena. But, for now, I want to discuss the good parts-- while everyone is playing the Ding-Dong-The-Witch-Is-Dead game downstairs, Stefan is sitting with Katherine, who openly admits that she deserves everything behind said to her before fretting over her worry that she's starting to sag and wrinkle in her old age. Stefan gets a laugh out of how incredibly vain she's being, but Katherine just retorts, "Hey, if a girl's gotta go, it might as well be glamorous, right?" That's the Katherine I would miss, if she were actually going anywhere.

Then, he goes downstairs and reminds everyone that while Katherine did horrible things to him, too (compelling him to love her while seducing his brother, sneaking vampire blood into them at any opportunity so she could have the chance to manipulate the Salvatore brothers for eternity, and started a war between the town and the vampires that got both Stefan and Damon killed), she was also an innocent girl who got disowned for the sin of having a child out of wedlock and was forced to grow up too fast when an egomaniacal hybrid intent on breaking his hybrid curse seduced her just to kill her for her blood, resulting in her killing herself and turning herself into a vampire to have the power to run from him for half a millenia. No, these aren't excuses for her behavior whatsoever, but it does give you a lot of perspective on why she made the choices that she's made-- she had her first child ripped from her arms at birth, and spent the rest of her life having no one to worry about but herself; no child, no parents, no siblings, no family or true friends. Just Katherine Pierce.

The nicest part came right before she came close to death, although, as I'll talk about later, it's almost completely negated by what Katherine chose to do at the end of the episode. Still, Katherine is super wasted on sedatives when Damon finally decides he's had his fill of torturing Katherine with visions of Aunt Jenna stabbing her (after which he informed Katherine that he was the one who compelled her to believe she walked into the knife that time that Katherine compelled her to stab herself, which is kind of hilarious), Uncle John cutting her fingers off, and--worst of all-- a vision of Elijah comforting her and telling Damon to leave her alone, only to be hit with the reality check that that was only an illusion as well. That's when Stefan comes in to say is goodbyes, and after some coaxing, Katherine finally lets Stefan in so he can transport her into the memory of returning to her home in Bulgaria to find her entire family slaughtered. Naturally, Katherine wasn't thrilled with this change of events. "Damon's already had his fun with this on. This was the worst day of my life. He said it was my fault, that I deserve everything bad that's ever happened to me. He's right... he was right, Stefan. I don't deserve to be loved." See? Wouldn't you feel so much worse if she hadn't fucked Elena over? GOD. So, to make Katherine feel better, Stefan starts to make the bodies of her family disappear in front of her eyes, and reminds her that she was only a seventeen-year-old girl, and that none of this could have been her fault. That's when Katherine turns at the sound of a crying baby-- specifically, Nadia, who is laying in a bassinet that fills the room with a golden light, before Stefan kisses her on the forehead and says goodbye. AND NOW I'M CRYING. Moving on!

4) Damon and Elena's reactions to finding out that Stefan and Katherine had hot doppelgänger sex a couple episodes ago
Really, their faces speak for themselves, no explanation necessary:

(via domesticdelena)
5) Caroline being scandalized by all the scandalous sex happening
I love Caroline (when she's not shitting on Damon and Elena, anyway) and you guys know this. But Caroline freaking out over Stefan and Katherine hooking up in "The Cell," and Bonnie and Jeremy having sex for the first time FINALLY in "Dead Man On Campus" was seriously the most adorable thing. Not to mention, of course, that Caroline freaking out about everyone having scandalous sex except her was the most hilarious foreshadowing to her getting to know Klaus biblically was seriously hysterical. Especially Jeremy's response, "Why don't we split up and think about that?", clearly wanting to get away from Caroline and possibly have more scandalous sex with his girlfriend.

(via meetcrazypants)
6) Caroline's own scandalous sex WITH THE ORIGINAL HYBRID HIMSELF
I really wasn't expecting Klaus to show up, and as much as I will rail on Klaus here in a bit, I actually really did enjoy his banter with Caroline, and the sex scene, just because it's nice to see Caroline let go of her control-freak-y instincts for once. Sure, she's about to totally fuck things up with Tyler in a big way, and that has its own issues in itself, but on its own, it was a pretty great interaction. Caroline was out searching for where Matt was buried when she first ran into Klaus, so, naturally, she turns heel and vamp-speeds away from him as soon as she sees him. Of course, Klaus isn't one to leave things alone, so he chases after her and asks, "Aren't you the least bit curious why I'm here?" Caroline, hilariously, deadpans, "I just wooshed at the sight of your face, so, no." BAHAHAHA. Still, Klaus points out that Katherine is about to move onto greener pastures, so Caroline correctly assumes that he's come to rub it in her face/maybe even kill her early just for funsies, since he never did get to finish that whole eternity of revenge and whatnot. Believe it or not, that's when they both get considerably awesome.

Caroline is about to split, not wanting to get into yet another of their endless fights about Klaus' lack of a moral compass, but he once again stops her and blocks her, and brings up Tyler, a topic he figures she'll be more amenable to discussing. Caroline stops in her tracks, afraid that Klaus actually killed him like we all figured he would, but surprisingly, he didn't! "Nah," Klaus admits with a smile. "I sent him off with a little more than a bruised ego. He really does hate me! Poor lad. Revenge, it eats at him." Well, yeah, that kind of happens when you kill someone's entire wolf pack AND their mother in one fell swoop, tbh. Klaus brings up the fact that he heard she and Tyler broke up, so Caroline gets serious with him. "Because I made him choose: me, or his stupid revenge fantasy. He chose wrong. I suggest that you learn from his mistake and let Katherine die in peace. Dying sucks enough as it is... no need to rub anyone's nose in it." YES CAROLINE, YOU TELL HIM, GIRL! And, since she is one of two, maybe three people who have the power to dissuade Klaus from what he wants to do, he actually listens to what she has to say! SHOCKER NUMBER TWO.

So, Caroline bolts to go continue to look for Matt by screaming his name and listening carefully to see if she can hear him replying, but she can't hear him. Damn, I would be terrified if I were in Matt's shoes, JFC. Being buried alive is a huuuuge irrational fear of mine, I'm getting lightheaded just thinking about it, to be honest. ANYWAY, Klaus gives her a minute before he chases after her again, and asks her if she would give him the same choice. Understandably, she's like, "What are you rambling about?" so he asks her if she would give him the same choice that she gave Tyler-- if Klaus gave up his revenge mission against Katherine, would Caroline be with Klaus? Caroline quite rightly tells him off for pulling a stunt like this when he knows that her close, very mortal friend is in danger, but Klaus just smirks and replies, "You know, while you've been vamping off in all the wrong directions, I heard Matt's distant and desperate screams." Caroline demands to know where he is, but he assures her that Matt will not only be fine, but he will also be thrilled to see his rescuer.

Once Matt is confirmed to be safe and sound, Klaus and Caroline have themselves an adorable conversation, too. I've always shipped everyone with everyone on this show, but Klaus and Caroline has never been one of my hardcore favorites, but even I have to admit that it was both endearing and super hot.

KLAUS: "So, the quarterback has been saved. What now?"
CAROLINE: "Don't you have a dying girl you need to go punish for her sins?"
KLAUS: "I do, but I won't. For you."
CAROLINE: [skeptical] "So, you came all the way to Mystic Falls to back off when I tell you to?"
KLAUS: [chuckles] "No. I came all the way to Mystic Falls to 'gloat over a corpse-to-be,' as you so poetically put it. But, I will leave-- minus the gloating-- in return for one, small thing."
CAROLINE: "And what is that?"
KLAUS: "I want your confession."
CAROLINE: "My confession? I didn't do anything! Confession about what?"
KLAUS: "Me. As soon as we're done here, I'm going to walk away, and I'm never coming back. You'll never again have to look me in the eye and cover our connection with hostility or revulsion. And you'll never have to loathe the darkest parts of yourself that care for me, in spite of all I've done. I will be gone, and you will be free. I just want you to be honest with me."
CAROLINE: "I'm in college. I'm building a life for myself. I have plans, and a future, and things that I want. And none of those things involve you, okay? None of them."
KLAUS: [hesitates] "I see."
CAROLINE: "No, you don't. Yes, I do cover our connection with hostility... because yes, I hate myself for the truth. So, if you promise to walk away like you said, and never come back... then yes, I will be honest with you. I will be honest with you about what I want."
KLAUS: [stares her in the eyes] "I will walk away, and I will never come back. I promise."
CAROLINE: [slowly approaches Klaus and comes within inches of his face] "Good."

(via intheheartofklaroline)
That was really long, sorry guys! The point is that the show figured out an excellent way to kind of settle things with the Klaroline shippers while still making it clear that since Caroline doesn't seem to be leaving Whitmore anytime soon, and Klaus is way preoccupied with all the shit happening to his family and his baby mama in New Orleans, a relationship between the two of them is just not in the cards for them, at least not right now. Maybe in the future, when The Vampire Diaries is over, Caroline will decide she wants to see Klaus' world and show up on his doorstep, but for now, all they have is this day. It actually kind of reminds me a lot of the first time that Chuck and Blair had sex in season 1 of Gossip Girl, after Blair had just done a burlesque show at Victrola. It was as though Chuck had seen the real Blair for the first time, and he loved it, and the film fell off the roll as they both looked at each other, vulnerable, and finally understood each other. And that's kind of what happened with Klaus and Caroline-- they admitted that they have something, an understanding, but it's just not going to work, at least not for a while. Luckily, they're immortal, so they have a long time to wait, if they so choose.

7) Rebekah rescuing Matt from being buried alive
I went from tolerating Nadia's presence to hating her guts for what she did to our precious Pudding Pop, but there is one good thing that came out of it-- Matt and Rebekah's first reunion since Rebekah left Mystic Falls! Wooooooo! So, Matt finally sees that someone has dug up his safe, and he crawls out of his hastily-dug grave to find none other than the Original Vampress herself, Rebekah Mikaelson! And boy, is he happy to see her, and not even just because she just saved his life. "I'm gone three months, and look at the trouble you're in!" Rebekah quips when she sees him. GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I wish we had seen more of their interactions, but I'll take what I can get.

8) Damon's hilarious comment to Nadia about Katherine
I will be the first to tell you that Damon was a pretty huge dick this entire episode, but he did have one snarky line in his Katherine-hate-fest that had me absolutely cracking up. When Nadia showed up and admitted that she was there for their help in saving Katherine, Damon replies, "No. Way. Even my biased brother knows I will kick his ass from here to Kentucky if he helps Katherine Pierce live one more day on this earth. No volunteers." HEE! I love Katherine, but that was fucking hilarious, you guys. It's all in Ian's delivery, as usual.

9) Sheriff Forbes telling Damon to stop being a fucking asshole
Damon was just about to smother Katherine with a pillow in her sleep, much in the same way that Katherine killed Caroline back in season 2, when Liz walked in and stopped him, reminding him that killing a human is still murder in Mystic Falls, despite how many people get away with it, and if he DOES kill her, then she's gonna have to arrest him, and blah blah blah. That's when Damon finally admits why he's REALLY being such a dick to her: "Every awful thing I've ever done is linked to her. She taught me how to kill. I don't enjoy it-- She ruined me, and I can't take any of that back." Which, that's totally legit to feel, you know? He's feeling guilty because he wants to be the kind of person that Elena deserves, but he can't, because he's been this way for too long to forsake it completely. Liz, though, proves that she's way smarter than she's given credit, and points out just how much power Katherine still has over him to this day, even now, when he's a 100% different person than he was when we first met him in the pilot. "Prove her wrong," Liz insists, but of course, he just can't quite obey this request, much to my displeasure.

10) Learning a teensy-tiny bit about the Travelers and what the fuck they're about
It became clear in this episode that the Travelers were going to be a significant part of the plot going forward, and it seems that they have an obsession with our fair doppelgängers, Stefan and Elena, as evidenced by the fact that their presence was required before the Traveler Nadia contacted, Mia, before she would consent to teaching Katherine the Passenger spell. Of course, their methods were kind of weird-- they tricked Stefan and Elena into walking into an abandoned house (which Nadia says is a regular thing for Travelers, because they're always on the move), and then a group of them used collective magic to disable their daylight rings so they couldn't run away. All they could do was back into a darkened corner and hope to god that they weren't going to get themselves killed for Katherine's sake, while Nadia grabbed Mia and high-tailed it out of there so she could teach Katherine the Passenger spell.

So, the Travelers circle around Stefan and Elena and chant their weirdo Czech spells, while Stefan and Elena joke around about how awkward this is, especially considering that they're "in a fight." Elena admits that she's sorry for judging him for sleeping with Katherine, since she's hardly in a place to judge, not to mention the fact that Stefan has been through a lot and deserves his shot at happiness. Of course, that's when a Traveler sets two buckets at their feet, which leads Elena to desperately ask Stefan if he speaks Czech, which-- nope. Then, the Traveler slits each of their wrists, which alarms them at first, but fades when they realize that they just want doppelgänger blood. That's kind of hilarious, isn't it? That they've arrived at the point where they're like, "Oh, you want a bucket of my blood? Oh, okay, I guess, if we must." Unfortunately, once they start bleeding for a while without healing, that's when they start to get a little concerned again. Luckily for them, after they've filled up their buckets, the Travelers stop messing with their daylight rings and allow their wounds to finally heal. Of course, that's all the information we get, but it's something, you know? Their plot is one of the few interesting things about the Augustine Chapter, tbh.

11) Damon and Stefan's bro-talk on the roof of the boarding house
Damon is still in his post-break-up funk, made even worse by the fact that he knows full well that he was a huge asshole all day to Katherine, no matter how much or little she may have deserved it, when Stefan joins him and points out the fact that Damon isn't the only one who has been in a dark place recently. Damon brings up the irony of the fact that KATHERINE of all people was the one who brought him out of it, but that's actually not Stefan's point, believe it or not. In yet another surprise that shocks me once again (mostly because I'm just so confused about the fact that I actually really liked Stefan this week, and hated Damon, which hardly ever happens? I frequently love them both, or get pissed at Stefan while loving Damon, but rarely ever is it the other way around. ANYWAY, Stefan sighs and admits, "You know, whatever's going on with you and Elena... you need to fix it. She's the best thing that ever happened to you." Of course, Damon totally knows that, but he figures that he is to Elena what Katherine was to him, and wholeheartedly believes that Elena is much better off without him. Stefan is completely confused and shock to hear those words coming out of Damon's mouth, and almost doesn't believe it at first. Damon tells him off for giving him a look, and then drunkenly rambles, "Katherine-freaking-Pierce has a selfless moment, but I'm not allowed to have one? Fine! Fine...When I get Elena back, and the whole universe FREAKS OUT because the ~fated doppelgängers are torn apart, just remember you...you're the one who pep-talked me out of doing the right thing for the universe and mankind." Stefan just laughs and laughs and insists he will keep that in mind, because Damon is his brother and he both loves and hates the shit out of him in equal measure, and yet he still just wants him to be happy. And in the end, Damon feels the same way about him.

(via clarkegirffin)
12) The pre-ending, including Caroline's walk-of-shame and the parade of ghosts from episodes past
Hilariously, I think I forgot to mention earlier that Klaus totally RIPPED CAROLINE'S SHIRT OFF, so she comes into the boarding house with her blue zip-up hoodie zipped all the way to the throat so no one can tell that she's not wearing anything underneath it because they're currently laying in tatters somewhere in the woods. LOLOLOL. Anyway, Caroline is asked by Matt where she's been, but Caroline just shrugs and lies that she "got lost in the woods" and quickly changes the subject to what everyone's doing. Jeremy informs them that they're waiting for Katherine to finally kick it f'reals, which gives Matt the opportunity to ask Bonnie some questions about being the anchor; namely, 1) will Bonnie feel Katherine going through her when she dies? and 2) Who else does Bonnie see over there? Bonnie assumes she will have to feel Katherine's death, because while she is a human, now, she's still a doppelgänger, not to mention the fact that they also just recently learned that Katherine was born a Traveler and just never cared to learn magic up until the point when she became a vampire and it didn't matter anymore. Secondly, Bonnie confesses that she actually sees a lot of people over on the Other Side, including Grams and the witches, as well as Vicki and Alaric, but she just doesn't say anything because it's weird. Sure enough, Vicki shows up, still decked out in that denim vest she died in, and agrees that it's depressing as hell before insisting that Bonnie tell "Matty" she loves him; she then adds that she watches over him, and orders him to stop "knocking boots" with that "blonde Original who almost got him killed." 

Their ghostly reunion gets briefly interrupted when Tyler shows up, in the flesh, and not at all a ghost, which seems to thrill Matt to no end, though Caroline is predictably awkward when she sees him. "Rebekah says to tell you that I'm her parting gift," Tyler admits to Matt, before shyly saying hey to Caroline. Stefan finally comes downstairs to join them and hilariously asks, "Have we really gone through four bottles of bourbon today?" Uh, isn't that like a regular day for them? Alaric seems to agree with me, because he pops up out of nowhere at yells to Jeremy, "Will somebody tel all of these idiots to lay off the booze?" Like Alaric is one to talk! The only reason why he's not drunk right now is because they don't have bourbon on the Other Side. Jeremy is unabashedly gleeful to see his favorite guardian, and asks Alaric where the hell he's been. "I thought you bailed on us to go find peace or something?" Alaric just grins and quips, "Did you honestly think I'd leave Damon in charge and never look back?" NOPE, BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST BIDING YOUR TIME UNTIL THEY FINALLY FIGURE OUT HOW TO BRING YOU BACK FOR GOOD. Damon can tell Alaric is talking shit, so Jeremy just tells him that Ric says he's a dick, to which Damon raises his glass of booze and says "Cheers, buddy."

1) Caroline's reaction to Elena and Damon's break-up
I mean, I have to admit, a break-up breakfast in bed made by your best friends is a pretty good way to wake up after the love of your life has dumped you, you know? But then Caroline just had to spoil the mood by acting all cheery that Elena and Damon were finally over, and even going so far as to recite Damon's break-up speech verbatim to back up her argument that Elena was right to give up on him. Considering the extracurricular activities that she engaged in with Klaus, who has done unspeakably horrible things to all of her friends AND herself (killing Elena, killing Jenna, ordering the killing and turning of Bonnie's mother, mind-controlling Stefan into his slave for months, ordering Tyler to bite Caroline, biting Caroline, killing Tyler's mother... do I need to go on?), Caroline has absolutely no room to talk whatsoever about with whom Elena chooses to be in a relationship, because it would take a lot for Damon to reach the level of horrible things Klaus has done, you know?

2) Damon's entire reaction to his break-up with Elena and Katherine's death
It's clear from the very beginning that the fact that Damon dumped Elena (mostly as a preemptive strike, both because he felt Elena was too good for him and because he was sure that if she didn't break up with him then, he would eventually fuck up so badly that she would and it was just easier if he did it himself and saved everyone the trouble) was weighing on him heavily. So, of course, he needed to find a new outlet for his pent-up emotions that didn't involve wallowing over the break-up or beating himself up over his shortcomings. So, what's the next best thing? Torturing Katherine on her death bed, apparently. He started off by using his vampire-dream-invasion powers to make Katherine relieve the time in 1492 when she returned to Bulgaria and found her parents and siblings all slaughtered by Klaus, and then even went so far as to say that he MISSED THE WAY KLAUS USED TO TORTURE HER, and blaming her for her entire family being killed by a revenge-driven Klaus. Like, what the fuck? This is like, season 1-dick-Damon material, not the Damon who we've watched become a better person over the last five seasons. Sure, everyone relapses sometimes, but this is a pretty serious backslide, and not one that I'm that fond of, tbh.

3) Nadia's plan to blackmail the Mystic Falls Gang into helping her keep Katherine alive
Look, you know that I am quite willing to excuse away poor behavior if it was done to save someone's loved ones. I shudder to think of the horrific things I would do if I were a supernatural creature/supernatural creature magnet and my friends and family were constantly having their lives threatened by big bads all the time like these people constantly have to deal with. BUT, NO ONE TOUCHES A HAIR ON MY PUDDING POP'S HEAD, OKAY? Like, seriously now. So, when Nadia showed up at the boarding house, snuck up on Matt, knocked him out, took off his Gilbert ring, locked him in the safe that Stefan was trapped in all summer, and buried it on the Salvatore property to ensure that Stefan and Elena would come willingly with her? SHITTY AS HELL. Like, must the villains ALWAYS go with harming loved ones? Jesus. The only good thing that came from this situation was the reunion between Matt and Rebekah, to be completely honest.

4) Katherine putting Passenger-ing herself into Elena's body, and Elena being stupid enough to be alone with Katherine in the first place
For one stupid moment, I thought Katherine was being totally serious when Nadia and Mis came into Katherine's room to teach her the spell. They snapped Damon's neck so he wouldn't interfere, but he just happened to wake up just as Katherine and her long-lost daughter started having the sweetest conversation.

KATHERINE: [to Mia] "Can I have a moment with my daughter, please?"
[Mia leaves]
NADIA: "I know what you're going to say."
KATHERINE: "We don't have time for this. Nadia, letting my father rip you out of my arms... it was the biggest regret of my life. I should have fought harder to keep you, but I didn't. So, I spent the next 500 years making sure I didn't make that mistake again. I fought for everything, and in the process, I had a long, full life. And I got to know my beautiful daughter. You spent the last centuries searching for me. [takes syringe of sedative from the table] Don't waste another minute on me. It's your turn to live."
NADIA: "I can't let you do this."
KATHERINE: "I've made selfish decisions all my life. Let me do the right thing for once."
NADIA: [angry] "Fine. Then go. Leave me. Drift off into oblivion. But, I will not sit by your side and watch you die."
[Katherine watches Nadia leave and injects herself with the syringe and drifts off to sleep]

Pretty conversation, right? Emotional, loving, the first time ever we've really seen a selfless Katherine Pierce. It would have made an excellent send-off-- if Katherine had really died, I think we all would have missed her forever, and would have been really sad to see her go. But, of course, this was all a super-elaborate ruse to play on the emotions of both Damon AND Elena, which is exactly what they wanted. Nadia tried to play like she was going to let Katherine Passenger into her body the entire day, but that was just a front-- Katherine's goal was always to take over Elena's body, because in Katherine's mind, Elena had the life that she should have had: a loving family, a string of boys who would die for her, friends who had been there for her for her entire life. Plus, since Elena had the same body as Katherine, with the added benefit of being a vampire and not the weakling human Katherine became post-cure, the choice was obvious. And man, do I HATE IT, because like Elena hasn't suffered enough in life, you know? Her body already wasn't her own from birth, because everyone was seeking the doppelgänger and her magical blood for whatever end they hand in mind, whether it was breaking curses or reversing the vampire spells on the Originals or, SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT-- undoing spirit magic entirely--END SPOILER ALERT. And THEN, she had to turn into a vampire against her will and adapt so she could continue to be alive for Jeremy, only to finally acclimate and have Katherine, this woman who has made Elena's life absolutely miserable for the last three years, take over her body without her consent, after Elena put aside her differences with Katherine so she could have someone being nice to her before she died? It just really changed my perception of Katherine for the worst.

Anyway, after everyone has said their goodbyes to Katherine and have gathered downstairs to drink until she finally kicks the bucket, the gang is all preoccupied with all the ghosts who have come out to play that Bonnie almost doesn't notice Katherine's spirit, in her little black nightie, standing in the middle of the room. "Katherine..." Bonnie whispers under her breath, and Damon starts to get excited. "Ding, dong, does that mean the witch is dead?" However, she is Katherine Pierce, Survivor, so she starts to predictably freak out. "No! Uh uh! It's too soon, I can't!" Then, in true Katerina Petrova style, she forces her spirit BACK INTO HER BODY and gasps out a breath. Elena, who was sitting at Katherine's bedside, can't help but be impressed. "Wow, you really don't want to die, do you? I swear, I just heard your heart stop." Katherine demands to know where she is, so Elena reluctantly admits that Katherine is alive, unfortunately, which relieves Katherine, as she claims she has unfinished business. Elena confesses that she does, too, and that she was planning on giving a speech to her unconscious body. Naturally, Kat assumes that Elena was going to talk at length and in detail about how much she loathed her, with lots of "die, bitch" sprinkled in there for color, but, of course, it's Elena, so it's actually much kinder and sweeter than that.

ELENA: "Yes. Uhh, plus one more thing... I forgive you."
KATHERINE: [shocked] "You WHAT?"
ELENA: "I forgive you. You weren't born evil, your life made you that way. You lost everyone that you loved way too young, and you didn't have a family that looked after you. Sound familiar?"
KATHERINE: "Is this the, 'We're not so different, you and I' doppelgänger speech? Because I'd be happy to skip it."
ELENA: "I'll save it for the funeral we probably won't have for you..."
KATHERINE: "Perfect."

Still, Elena points out that she wanted to get the forgiveness part out in the open, because forgiveness is one of those pesky parts of humanity that she never wants to lose, no matter how long she stays a vampire. Katherine is predictably over this speech at this point, and asks Elena if she could help a doppel out by shooting her up with one more syringe of sedative, because if anyone should put Katherine out of her misery, it's Elena, blah blah blah, symmetry, blah blah blah. So, Elena stupidly buys Katherine's kindly-dying-woman act and grabs the syringe to inject into Katherine's arm. Before she does, Katherine admits, "Elena? Thank you for your forgiveness," which may or may not be a legit thank you. Who knows? Still, Elena smiles and tells her she's welcome, just as Katherine uses the last bit of strength she can muster to say the Passenger spell before the sedatives kill her frealsies. "Jaryakat a zem, daryeet acza," Katherine chants in perfect Czech, as Elena's eyes flash black and she falls to the floor.

Suddenly, Katherine's body dies, without Katherine's fighter-spirit to keep her alive. I'm not sure whose phone starts to ring after that-- it might be Elena's, it might be Katherine's, I have no idea-- but whomever it belongs to, it rings loud enough to make Elena come-to. She answers the phone, only to hear Mia's voice on the other line say "Vyjdi," which causes Elena's eyes to flash black again before returning to their usual brown. Wait, why couldn't Nadia say the trigger word? We've seen her call Gregor forth before, so it's not like you have to be a Traveler to summon a Passenger, but whatever. Mia hands the phone over to Nadia, who desperately asks her if it worked. Katherine, in Elena's body, walks over to her own corpse to make sure that it's fully dead before replying, "Of course it worked! I'm Katherine Piece. I survive! I'll see you soon." She hangs up on her daughter and takes a peek at her new body in the mirror before putting on a chipper smile and smugging, "Hi, I'm Elena Gilbert." FUCK THIS TBH. FUCK IT TO HELL.

Alright guys, that's all for this edition! I should *hopefully* be doing a separate post for the remaining episodes, but I might have to combine a couple into one post to make it on time, especially if I want to get through the episodes where Katherine is in Elena's body. I have a lot to say especially about the last two or three episodes of the season, so those ones will DEFINITELY be solo posts. Anyway, thanks for hanging in there, and let me know what you think about the new recap style for these posts, what your speculation about season 6 is gonna be, anything TVD-related, really! I want to hear allllll about it. :)


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