Teen Wolf Season 3, Episode 1: "Tattoo" Recap/Review

If you asked me 6 months ago if I thought I would ever like the MTV show Teen Wolf, I probably would have laughed at you. Really, who heard that they were going to reboot the 1980's movie into a TV show and actually thought it would be good? I didn't. When I started to get into Tumblr, TW gifs flooded my dashboard on the regular, so decided to check it out, assuming that it'd be stupid and I'd give up after the pilot. Miraculously, I ended up hanging on until S01E08 "Lunatic," and after that I was hooked, and marathoned the rest of the series one weekend back in April.

Their storylines don't always make a lot of sense, and I'm pretty sure their special effects budget is like, $20 dollars and whatever change is in the cup holders of Jeff Davis' car, but still! The cast is so pretty, and the characters are so endearing, and the drama is just so intense that I just can't quit it. The cast is also super adorable in real life, and have such excellent chemistry with each other that it's not hard to fall in love with them/the show. Needless to say, I was super excited about this new season, especially after watching the premiere last Monday. So, let's get moving, eh? I will try my best to keep my word count to a minimum, but as always, I make no promises.

Warning: I'm going to try to avoid posting spoilers, for the most part, but I will end up discussing theories of mine and/or speculation that I stumble upon online about what could happen that might end up actually happening, so you have been warned. I'll try my best to save that kind of talk for the end of the recap, though, so anyone who isn't interested in that sort of thing can skip it if they want.

Anyway...previously, on Teen Wolf: Scott yelled at Derek that he can't just turn random, maladjusted teenagers into werewolves, but Derek insisted that he can, as long as they're willing and give consent (although it could be argued that they weren't exactly giving informed consent since they had no idea just how much terrible shit Derek was into when they agreed to it). He ended up biting and turning Isaac Lahey, Erica Reyes, and Vernon Boyd III, who all joined his pack afterward, along with Derek's uncle Peter, who was resurrected using the Worm Moon, a blood sacrifice from Derek, and some strange Lydia magic. Allison broke up with Scott shortly after she almost killed him and the rest of Derek's pack, but Scott took it pretty well, and assured her that it was all good, because he knows that they'll eventually get back together. A pack of Alphas, called an Alpha Pack, tagged their symbol (a jagged looking triskele) on the front door of the Hale House to announce that they're coming to Beacon Hills and/or are possibly here already. Erica and Boyd apparently ran into said Alpha Pack while running away at the end of last season's finale, and they were presumably attacked by them. And now that we're all caught up on the details we need to know going forward, let's go!

We open with Isaac, who is probably my favorite wolf-cub of them all. I was SO happy to see him until I realized that he's unconscious and being dragged across what looks the floor of a warehouse. Noo! A mystery woman (who will be referred to as "MW" for the rest of the recap, since we never actually learn her name, and who is played by Meagan Tandy) hooks some jumper cables to a car battery and McGuyver's herself a makeshift defibrillator in order to revive him. This goes about as well as you would expect-- Isaac wakes up screaming and twitching, and his eyes flash gold from the pain of having a ton of volts of electricity running through his nerves. He reaches for his abdomen, and finds that he's bleeding from four pretty deep and painful-looking claw-marks that span the width of his torso. They're more like gouges, really.

Basically, he's in baaaaad shape. MW helps him up and half-carries him to her motorcycle while she explains that the additional claw marks on the back of his neck, which he has just noticed, were from "them" sharing and/or stealing his memories. He doesn't remember anything, so I think it's safe to say the latter happened, at least. Once they're seated on the motorcycle, she wraps his arms around her waist and instructs him to hold on tight, no matter what happens, before she kicks off and twists the throttle.

After several moments, Isaac realizes he hears something, and turns around in his seat to spot a dark figure chasing them. Whoever it is, they're supernaturally fast, considering he was able to nearly catch up with a speeding motorcycle in no time. Werewolf alert!? Isaac yells at MW to go faster, but even after she does, the chaser still manages to claw at the back of the motorcycle a couple times. As they zip around, deftly dodging traffic, Isaac turns around again to find that it's actually two twin werewolves (played by real-life twins Charlie and Max Carver) chasing them, with their red eyes flashing. Ah, they're Alphas. That explains everything.

Isaac and MW barely avoid getting t-boned by a semi-truck and accidentally zip down a dead-end alley, where they're forced to stop and turn around. MW quickly reminds Isaac about the whole "hold on tight" rule, and speeds off towards the Alpha Twins, who are swiftly approaching them. The twins do some weird maneuver where one twin crouches down on the ground and acts as a sort of vault/launch pad for the other so that they can leap high into the air, and that's not even the weirdest thing they'll do this episode. MW and Isaac manage to dodge the airborne twin as he falls, and the twin just barely misses landing on them; instead, he lands just to the side of them, crumbling the pavement beneath his feet with the force of his fall. As they speed away, MW drives straight toward another warehouse with ceiling-to-floor windows. Isaac tries to warn her to stop, but she chooses to ignore him, and instead drives straight through the wall of windows, leaving a humongous hole and tons of shattered glass in their wake.

Poor Isaac made a valiant effort to stay conscious and hold on tight, but busting through that huge pane of glass was kind of the last straw. He promptly passes out, and his head falls forward onto MW's back, which unbalances the bike and knocks them both off onto the ground. He awakens only after he is rolled forcefully into a bunch of wooden pallets. As he pulls himself onto his elbows, he notices the Alpha Twins walking through the hole Isaac and MW busted into the wall, and they strip off their leather jackets as they approach them. Two shirtless, buff dudes in the first five minutes of the episode? Jeff Davis sure does know his audience!

Isaac's face is a mix of confusion and terror as the two alphas stop a few yards away from him. One of the twins crouches down again WHILE THE OTHER ONE FULLY PUNCHES HIM IN/THROUGH THE BACK, which results in the two Alpha Twins FUSING TOGETHER TO MAKE ONE GIANT XXL ALPHA. I don't even know what to say/think about what just happened and the mechanics behind that transformation. They somehow were able to keep their pants through this whole thing, but had to strip off their jackets? I really don't get it. I guess we're working with comic book science/magic, here.

Isaac's face is like, "I so did not sign up for this shit, OMFG!" as he feebly crawls toward MW, who pretends to be passed out. She's not, though, because as the Alphas approach them, she sits up, yells at Isaac to get down, and shoots at the XXL Alpha with some kind of magic assault rifle that shoots bullets that look like they're made out of lightning. XXL Alpha screeches and falls to the ground, and splits back into two individual twin Alphas again. MW and Isaac shield their eyes from all the flashing of the lightning bullets, and when they open them again, the two twins are gone, with only a dense fog left in their wake. Ohhhhh shit. TITLE CARD!

After the new-and-improved title credits, we find ourselves at a tattoo parlor, where a bearded tattoo artist is mocking Scott about the simple design that he took the time to draw for him; two bands, one thicker one over a thinner on. It's actually a real tattoo that the actor, Tyler Posey, already has; apparently, this entire tattoo story line was created purely because Tyler Posey got the tattoo, despite being told not to get more tattoos by the showrunner Jeff Davis, and they decided to save the money/time needed to cover it up, and instead just write it into the story. To be honest, I find it hilarious, but it's also pretty cool, because I love learning more about the mythology of this universe, and I love tattoos (I have two myself, and would probably be covered in them if they weren't so damn expensive).

Anyway, Stiles is concerned about the permanence of tattoos, but he still playfully suggests that Scott get a tattoo that he found in the artist's portfolio of a lizard creature that looks suspiciously like a Kanima. Scott just side-eyes him, so Stiles agrees that it's probably too soon for those kind of jokes. We get a little linguistics lesson from the tattoo artist, who explains that the Tahitian word for "tattoo" means "to mark something," and argues that getting a tattoo is a rite of passage. Before he starts, though, he wants to make sure that Scott doesn't have a needle phobia or anything like that. He doesn't, but Stiles, who, as we well know, can only handle blood and injury in life-or-death situations at best, promptly passes out on the floor before he can finish telling the guy about his needle phobia. That's my boy!

We meet back up with the boys in Stiles' Jeep afterwards, where Stiles is applying an ice pack to the back of his head. Scott complains that his arm is starting to hurt, to which Stiles is like, "Uh, duh, you just got your skin stabbed 100,000 times by a needle." Scott doesn't think it's supposed to hurt this bad, and moans in pain as he pulls the bandage off to reveal his tattoo promptly healing itself as the ink vanishes before his very eyes. Scott looks pretty pissed, as would I, considering that tattoo probably cost him at least $150 of his hard-earned veterinary technician money (actually, I forgot that this is California that we're talking about, so I'm going to say it was probably closer to $250). Stiles just sighs in relief before muttering, "Thank God-- I hated it." He then pauses a beat, takes a look at the hurt expression on his face, and adds, "Sorry." For real, Scott looks like that wife whose husband just informed her that, surprise, he doesn't actually like her meatloaf, and has just responded with, "What do you mean, you don't like my meatloaf? You've been eating it without complaint for twenty years!" Basically, what I'm trying to say is that Scott and Stiles are a seventeen-year-old married couple.

Meanwhile, Lydia and Allison are catching up in Lydia's car as they drive to a "double date"/"group thing" that Lydia has apparently arranged for them. Allison reminds her best gal pal that she's not ready to dip her toes in the dating pool just yet, and Lydia bemoans the fact that her favorite girlfriend just spent the last four months in her fatherland (France) and didn't date one guy while she was there. Allison deflects and changes the topic to Jackson, whose name Lydia does not want to hear, thank you very much. She goes on to exposit about Colton Haynes' jump to The CW to be a petty thief/sidekick on Arrow Jackson's family deciding to move to London. You know, after he was accidentally turned into a giant homicidal lizard with claws that oozed paralytic toxin, who was controlled by two different sociopaths, killed at least a dozen people, died twice, and then was finally reawakened as a werewolf. That'd be stressful for any family, I'd imagine.

Thankfully for him, he did apparently enroll in the Werewolf 101 Crash Course taught by Derek Hale before he left, where he learned the most important lesson: DON'T KILL PEOPLE ON THE FULL MOON OR HUNTERS WILL SHOOT YOUR ASS UP. Lydia tells a predictable but still hilarious American Werewolf in London joke and claims that she's totally over Jackson. I'm not buying it, and Allison doesn't seem to be either. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come back when Arrow inevitably gets cancelled, just like every other CW show that isn't Supernatural.

(Edited to add: It's over three years later that I write this (September 2016) while I go through these posts to revise the many typos I missed, and I just felt compelled to comment that ugh, I really wish Arrow was cancelled, because the level of shittiness it has attained is so depressing I cannot bear it. I would also say the same about Supernatural, but its cancellation  would mean that I would no longer see Jared Padaleck's beautiful face on my television, and that's a fate too terrible to contemplate, so I guess I will suffer through it.)

Wouldn't you know it, Scott and Stiles pull into the lane that is right beside Lydia and Allison, though neither side seems to realize it at first. As Stiles stops at the red light, Scott moons about Allison and how they decided not to talk to each other at all over the summer; no texts, no calls, nada. Scott is sure she won't be coming back to Beacon Hills, especially after everything that happened, but Stiles disagrees, because he's actually being observant and has noticed that she is literally only ten feet away in the next car. When Scott fails to catch Stiles' numerous, not-very-subtle hints and neck twitches toward her location, he finally just points to Lydia's car beside them. Scott looks over at them in awe, and when he and Allison make eye contact, Scott looks like he's just been kicked in the balls, whereas Allison looks stunned speechless. The best part is that in the background, a blurry Stiles is making the most hilarious face that completely clashes with the seriousness of the music. It is amazing!

Allison finally breaks their eye contact with an, "Oh GOD!" after which point both Allison and Scott start freaking out to their respective friends and desperately beg them to drive away and spare themselves any more mortification. Stiles and Lydia each are like, "Uh, red light? Can't really go anywhere?" but the two give no fucks about traffic laws, and need to get as far away from each other as possible, lest they start lusting over each other once again. Stiles decides that the best course of action is to just break the ice by saying hello to the girls, which he does, despite Scott's protests. Lydia takes one look at him and reconsiders her previous stance on leaving, eventually deciding that getting away from those huge dorks is worth the potential ticket for running a red light. Stiles is like, "Rude, TBH," but Scott just looks like he wants the earth to swallow him up forever.

Also, this road seems to run parallel to the woods and it makes me nervous this entire effing scene. These woods are bad news! Anyway, after the light turns green and the boys can finally move, they catch back up with Lydia's car and Scott starts to freak out about how it looks like they're following the girls, which, I mean, they totally are, but what else can they do? Left with no other options, Stiles makes the executive decision to just stop in the middle of the road. Which, as I previously stated, is located right next to the woods. Come on, Stiles, you're smarter than this! Allison changes her mind and wants to talk to Scott, so she gets Lydia to stop in the middle of the road too in order to discuss their course of action. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU GUYS, JFC. THERE ARE PREDATORS IN THOSE WOODS! As usual, no one listens to me.

The two pairs spend a couple pointless, boring moments wondering why the others stopped in the middle of the fucking road. Yawn. Just as Allison and Lydia are trying to decide what to do, a deer with a death wish runs head-on into Lydia's windshield, scaring the shit out of all involved parties. The boys run to comfort the ladies of their affection, who are physically fine but obviously shaken after watching the deer suicide in HD. Scott, who apparently is the Deer Whisperer now, studies the deer, and after touching it, determines that the deer was "terrified" before it died. I forget, is animal empathy a thing with werewolves? If so, that is really cool, in my humble opinion.

We cut to Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital's emergency room, where, of course, Melissa McCall is on duty and running around, as per usual. She's like the only nurse in that entire hospital, right? Maybe she's the only medical employee in general. She sees Isaac being rushed in on a gurney and goes to talk to him, since she's in-the-know now and has been involved in supernatural shenanigans with him in the past. She asks him what happened, but he's more concerned about MW, since she seems to be a civilian with no supernatural healing abilities. Melissa worries about him even more, since he doesn't appear to be healing either, but he assures her he will eventually and insists that she leave to tend to MW's wounds. Alpha wounds take longer to heal, right? That would explain why he hasn't healed yet.

ANYWAY, Melissa passes Isaac off to an orderly and goes to MW, who is fading fast and babbling that she needs to find the Alpha. Since Melissa is totally hip to the supernatural groove these days, she assumes that MW means that she needs to talk to Derek Hale, but instead of sticking around an extra fifteen seconds to hear what she has to say, she hands MW off to another nurse before MW can finish her thought. Given what she says next, I have a feeling Melissa would have really benefited from the information... "No, not Hale. McCall. Scott McCall." I don't know where this is going! Does Scott have the Alpha in him?! PLEASE GOD YES MAKE THIS HAPPEN. He would be such a good Alpha! And Derek already said he's pretty much the Alpha of his own pack anyway, so I am all for this development.

Aaaand now it's 06:45 in the morning the next day, and Scott is getting ready for school by doing one-armed pull-ups as he reads hilariously ironic literature classics such as Call of the Wild and White Fang. Heh. A window on his computer beeps at him, and we see that it is a Word of the Day website. Today's word? "Ephemeral," which means: transient; momentary. Don't worry, if you still don't know the definition now, you will hear this word several more times before this episode is over, to the point that you will be able to use the word correctly in a sentence just like Scott! He rubs his arm where his tattoo was, and mutters "ephemeral" under his breath.

Over at the new Argent Abode, Allison is sitting on her bed, looking sad as hell, surrounded by unpacked boxes. It's clear she's still struggling to deal with her mom's death/suicide, poor bb. Daddy Chris Argent comes in and tells her it's totally cool if she wants to take a day, or even a week off of school, if it'll make her feel better, but Allison says that she promised Lydia she'd take her to school, since there's still a deer-shaped hole in her windshield, so she she should probably just go. Papa Argent holds out a hand to help her up, and the two hug before she leaves. Allison continues to look like a sad panda. :(

Now we're at the Stilinski residence, where the Sheriff and Stiles are bantering as Daddy S. tries to get Stiles to go to school. Our little research whiz is manically searching for deer-related car collision statistics, but since none of them involve deer trying to commit suicide via running into a car windshield, he's not really getting anywhere. The sheriff sighs and resorts to literally pulling his son from his computer, which ends in Stiles falling on the ground, as is his wont.

Lydia is applying lipstick and admiring herself in the mirror in her bedroom when she spots a leather jacket on her bed and puts it on. I automatically was like, "DEREK IS IN LYDIA'S BED?" but I guess that's just in my fanfic dreams, I guess. Instead, it's a random Jackson-lookalike with a weird dragon tattoo on his forearm. He smirks that his jacket looks good on her, but she just frowns and tosses it back to him. She doesn't seem too thrilled when he asks her if they can go on a real date in the near-future, but when he changes tactics and asks if they could at least have sex again, she appears to be much more willing to consider it. He never gets an answer to either question, though, because she just wordlessly grabs her bag and skips off to school. Hey look! A female character who has an active sex life without being called a slut! Isn't that awesome? Please keep that up, show!

Scott pulls up to school on his new green dirtbike, which is both kind of ugly and also totally Scott. He's also wearing a really cute Top Gun-style jean jacket with a little American flag on the sleeve, too, I'm really digging it. It's giving me major Scott-McCall-as-Captain-America vibes, which would of course make Stiles Bucky Barnes/the Winter Soldier, and once again, my mind is running wild with crossover fic ideas I will never write. Gods, everyone is just so endearing and well-dressed in this episode, I can't deal. Scott looks pretty smug about his new ride until he sees two shiny black motorcycles parked next to him and starts to get an inferiority complex about it.

He meets up with Stiles in the hallway and pitches his idea to ask Derek about his triskele tattoo, since he's clearly figured out how to get around that pesky healing problem, which means he can possibly help Scott finally get his armband ink to stick around longer than five minutes. Stiles is about to begin his usual rant against anything that has to do with Derek whatsoever when they suddenly overhear the old principal (the one played by Teen Wolf director Christian Taylor, who Mommy and Daddy Argent tortured via a taser to the balls last season, if you recall, right before they replaced him with Grandpa Murder.) He complains about the current state of the library before finding Gerard's broadsword by his desk and bellowing "What the hell is this?" The boys look at each other briefly and giggle a little before they scamper away.

Lydia and Allison are at their lockers, where Lydia is oogling at the freshmen. Allison reminds her that they are fourteen years old and thus essentially children, but Lydia will not be deterred from her hunt! She insists that some of them are more mature than others before she assures Allison that she loves her and explains that she wants a distraction, not a boyfriend. So, why can't Lydia just skip the male distraction thing and just date Allison? That would be way better, in my opinion. Anyway, that's when they notice the Alpha Twins walking down the hall in matching leather jackets and black motorcycle helmets. Lydia swoons a little at the thought of twin brothers, but I'm sorry, I just don't get the hype about these dudes. Fortunately, this show already has a surplus of beautiful people, so I'm not complaining.

ANYWAY, as Lydia is drooling over the twins, MW wakes up in her hospital room with a gasp. I wonder what her deal is. Psychic? Druid?

Over in the next room, Melissa is checking Isaac's wounds, which are not fully healed yet, but are definitely much better-looking than they were when he was admitted, and certainly more healed than a regular human's wounds would be only a few hours after being so seriously injured. Isaac tells her to keep his clawed-up abs covered as to not arouse suspicion from the other health care professionals, but Mama McCall explains that since he's scheduled for actual surgery, his miraculous recovery is going to be incredibly confusing for pretty much anyone who isn't the two of them. He asks for her help, but she's not really sure what to do, considering there's a Sheriff's deputy stationed outside the door and she's still getting the hang of all this wolf-business, anyway, so werewolf healing factors and supernatural subterfuge are not her strong suits. She's also apparently tried to call Derek five times with no luck, and asks Isaac if he has any other werewolf contacts. He sighs and instructs her to call Scott. <3 SCISAAC <3

When Melissa leaves to call her son, she's stopped in the hallway by Sheriff Stilinski, who asks for her assistance; since Isaac got his memories yanked out by crazy Alpha werewolves "has amnesia," he needs to ask MW some questions about WTF happened to them. Namely, where she got her modified, military-grade stun gun, and how she's gonna pay for the $10,000 worth of property damage from crashing through that window. Melissa covers for the girl by saying that she's heavily sedated, so she's not exactly in the condition to be interrogated. However, across the hall in her room, we can see MW is awake and listening to them talk, and has already discontinued her IV in preparation to overcome the effects of the sedatives and fly the coop as soon as possible. Sheriff asks Melissa to call him when MW's awake and able to be interviewed, which causes MW to practically be hyperventilating at this point, she's so anxious/scared about it. She looks over at the clock worriedly and finds that it's 09:00AM.

Back at the school, Lydia and Allison walk into their English class. As Lydia sits next to Stiles, Allison realizes in slight horror that there are no other open seats in the classroom except for the one directly in front of Scott. She sighs and asks him if the seat is taken, and Scott, who is clearly embarrassed/nervous/excited all at once, assures her the seat is all hers in a very rambly, Stiles-like manner. Allison looks pretty embarrassed by Scott's genuine dorkiness, but still manages a tiny smile, just so we know she's still totally into him even if she still needs space to process her mom's death and her brief dark arc. Scott looks over to Stiles for support, and Stiles gives him a sarcastic thumbs-up, like, "Nailed it, bro." In the background, we can see that Lydia wasn't quite so impressed.

Suddenly, everyone in the room's phones go off, and they've all received the same text from their new teacher, Ms. Blake. The text is the last line of the book they're about to begin, Heart of Darkness. Apparently, this is supposed to be a lesson about how there will be no more texting in class? Yawn. Anyway, she tells them to turn their phones off, which is pretty inconvenient for Melissa, who is trying to call her son to deal with his werewolf-shenanigans.

At the hospital, Melissa is pacing and cursing her son under her breath, all, "FFS SCOTT ANSWER YOUR PHONE." While she redials Scott's number again, we see a young female nurse in blue scrubs walk in to Isaac's room. (According to Wikipedia, her name is Kali and she is played by the incredibly beautiful Felisha Terrell). Isaac is obviously trying to bounce ASAP, but she stops him with a hand to his shoulder and puts an anesthetic into his IV. "We wouldn't want you to get in the way again," she says sweetly. His eyes start to get droopy immediately, and as his vision blurs, he gets this look on his face like he knows her from somewhere. When he looks down, he notices that the nurse is barefoot and has black talons for toenails. He starts to put the pieces together as she asks him to count down with her black-clawed fingers, and as she says "three," her eyes flash red.

More alphas, joy. Beacon Hills Hospital really needs better security. Barefoot werewolf nurses?! That shit would not fly at the hospitals where I've worked as a nurse. Also, can someone just leave my poor Isaac alone for like, five seconds? This is starting to get painful. "This might hurt" my ass. This definitely hurts.

Back in English class, Allison writes Scott a note, junior high-styles, that reads, "Can we talk?" in really neat-looking, all-capital-lettered print. Before he can respond, he gets called out of class-- I'm assuming that Melissa called the school when she couldn't get him on his cell, since the teacher made everyone shut their phones off. He packs up his books and heads out the door, where he's stopped in the hallway by Ms. Blake. She kindly informs him that she's aware of his poor attendance record that started last year, and remarks that she would hate for him to fall back into bad habits so early in the school yea. He swears it's different this fall semester, adding, "I promise it won't be ephemeral!" He's such a dork that it's kind of adorable, and even Ms. Blake agrees, because she giggles as he runs off.

Kali, fresh from slipping roofies into Isaac's IV tubing, walks into MW's hospital room, and growls in rage when she sees that MW has, as predicted, flown the coop, and managed to take out the Sheriff's deputy who was guarding her in the process, judging by the fact that he is laying passed out on the floor with his wrists handcuffed to the foot of the bed. You go, badass MW! You are a flawless being, which means you're totally dying by the end of this episode, aren't you? God damn you, Jeff Davis!

While Ms. Blake is writing the class' assignment on the chalkboard, Stiles notices that Lydia has a big bandage on her ankle and asks her about it, like the huge nibshit that he is. Lydia admits that Prada (her dog, not her designer handbag) bit her, and since Stiles seems to be aware that Prada, being a tiny little yippy dog, is not usually vicious, which leads him to guess that it must be connected to the deer situation from last night. "Maybe it means something's coming," Stiles adds dramatically. "Something bad." Lydia considers this theory for a moment, before asking, "What's that thing you say about threes? Once, twice..." She's interrupted by a crow/raven/blackbird, who has just taken it upon himself to finish her thought by flying straight into the classroom window, leaving a big bloody smudge and a couple stray feathers behind.

The class is confused and bewildered, and Ms. Blake slowly approaches the window to realize that hundreds and hundreds of (CGI) birds are flying towards the school. The crows all begin to fly into the windows at once, and eventually the glass shatters, allowing the birds to enter the room and descend upon the class. Stiles, who is bleeding near his scalp from getting hit by the broken glass, crawls over to shield Lydia with his body while the crows start pecking at peoples' heads. When it's all over, the class gets out of their hiding spots to see broken glass and black feathers everywhere, many with similar cuts and nicks from all the commotion.

Scott finally arrives at the hospital, where he is a little annoyed that his mom didn't call him immediately after Isaac was admitted. She explains that she didn't want to mess up his routine, since he worked really hard this summer by reading, going to summer school, saving up money to buy his bike (which also apparently scares her to death, even though he has the magical power to heal from 90%+ of injuries), etc. He assures her that this year is his year to be a better student, son, friend, and everything else, and once she's been assured to a satisfying level by his genuine attitude, she finally gives him Isaac's room number, warning him that he may already be in surgery. He kisses his mom's cheek and skips away in search of his soon-to-be BFF. He ends up in the elevator with a blind guy wearing sunglasses and a teeny-tiny cowl-neck sweater, who asks Scott to push the button for him. Scott seems nervous and uncomfortable around him, which, while not something that should be done as a general practice in real life, is probably a good thing, in this case, to be honest, because just like in the Vampire Diaries, all new people are assumed to be shady until proven otherwise in Teen Wolf. And even then, you still don't trust them unless absolutely necessary, because they could just be villains secretly biding their time, or could be your allies until something happens and their allegiances change.

So, meanwhile, Isaac is prepped and ready for surgery, and is even hooked up to a ventilator! Serious business stuff. The doctor pulls off the bandage to begin the surgery, revealing Isaac's abdomen, while, while golden and muscular, are otherwise completely healed with no visible injuries at all. Dr. Vandenburg is just, like, "Why do you people keep giving me completely healthy, uninjured patients who look like real-life Adonises? Get him out of here and give me someone who actually needs to be cut open while I go fill my lung with a hundred different carcinogens outside!" A male nurse in green scrubs, whose claws poke out of his surgical gloves, grabs his gurney and goes to push him away. Another Alpha, I presume? Damn, they all really worked hard to infiltrate this town! The nurse in question (whose name is apparently Ennis, played by Brian Patrick Wade. Thanks Wikipedia!) wheels him into the hallway and puts the still-unconscious Isaac in a wheelchair. In the background, we can see MW sneak away in her little hospital gown, barefoot. That's totally inconspicuous.

Back in the elevator, Scott and the blind gentleman have just arrived on their floor, where the man stops Scott as he quickly tries to leave and asks him for his help. Before Scott can get out his polite, "No, sorry, gotta find my friend," the man places his hand on Scott's shoulder and uses him to guide him out of the elevator. Scott's head drops weirdly after a few steps, but it's never explained why. Is he just annoyed at being slowed down? Did the man do a weird Vulcan death grip? Did Scott's memories just get scanned and/or removed like Isaac's? I guess we'll never know.

Scott must have eventually gotten away from him, though, because now he's wandering around the halls a bit until he notices Ennis wheeling Isaac into the elevator. They both seem to sense each other's presence/werewolfiness, and each get their game-faces on pretty quickly. Scott manages to dive into the elevator before the doors close, and puts up a decent fight, all things considered, but Ennis is an another Alpha, as you could have guessed. So, he gets thrashed around quite a bit in the moving elevator, as Isaac, who is still completely passed out from the anesthetic, gets bumped around the tiny space in his wheelchair. It is both adorable and hilarious.

Just as Scott's about to be choked to death, the burly werewolf bellows, "Don't you know who you're dealing with? I'm an Alpha!" The doors open and-- FINALLY!-- Derek arrives, fifteen minutes late with Starbucks, per usual, and stabs his claws into Ennis' back. Derek's obviously pissed that this loser stole his line about being the big, bad Alpha, so instead, he spits, "So am I!" and throws the dude out of the elevator and wayyy down the hall. Derek Hale has no time to waste on subtlety, you guys. As the elevator doors close, Derek throws his head over his shoulder and pauses dramatically before he smugs, "Shouldn't you be at school?" God, I love him so much. And deep down, so does Scott, who is both relieved that he's here and just saved his ass, and annoyed because once again, he's eyeball-deep in werewolf drama without even trying to look for it. I guess three-ish months are the maximum amount of supernatural-free time you can expect in Beacon Hills. (And, really, that's not even true either, because as we'll soon learn, Derek, Isaac, and Peter have purposely left Scott and Stiles out of the supernatural drama on Derek's orders because he wanted Scott to have the ~normal life~ that Scott has wanted since before he was even bitten.)

In the aftermath of the bird attack, Ms. Blake looks pretty shell-shocked, which, in my opinion, is a pretty reasonable reaction. Stiles asks her if she's okay, and for a moment I forget I'm watching Teen Wolf and not The OC because the combination of the pitch of his voice, the face he made, and his body language was so Seth Cohen-y, I think Dylan O'Brien actually morphed into Adam Brody for a few seconds. That was creepy and awesome.

He gently pulls a feather out of Ms. Blake's hair, but she's not at all comforted by the gesture and instead just twitches anxiously. Nearby, Daddy Argent is bandaging Allison up and tells her she should have stayed home from school, as though either of them could have predicted that the Beacon Hills wildlife would just suddenly start getting suicidal all at once. Allison doesn't care about her minor injury, though, and brings up that this has to be connected to the deer situation. Though Argent, who is clearly trying to maintain a low profile, quickly shushes her, Stiles and the Sheriff still overhear them talking, which leads the latter to ask Chris if he's ever seen anything like this before.

Daddy Argent is like, "Who, me? You're asking me? Why would you ask such a thing? Why would you think I know anything about werewol-, I mean, wild animals?" and gets all flustered. Sheriff just gets awkward, and mumbles that he thought he overheard Stiles mention that Chris was "an experienced hunter," so Argent, still a little twitchy about the non-accusation, tells the Sheriff he isn't a hunter anymore, as though that somehow negates all of his knowledge and experience, and walks away. Right afterward, Stiles shoots his dad the stink-eye and gives him a look that clearly indicates that what Sheriff overheard him talking about was privileged information.

Derek carries still-knocked out Isaac into the burnt-out shell of the Hale House and plops him on a table, while Scott, who is on the phone with Stiles, follows behind him. Stiles is trying to tell him about the bird mass-suicide, but Scott's a little preoccupied at the moment, having just been beat up by a random Alpha and having to save Isaac. He asks if they can talk about it later, but when Stiles is like, "Um, no? This is supernatural shit that needs to be discussed pronto," he instructs Stiles to just come to Derek's house and join them. Stiles is not happy about that, nor is he a fan of that plan, since nothing good ever happens when Derek's involved, especially at his house, but he ultimately agrees, given the magnitude of the shit they're all in at the moment. After they hang up, Scott asks Derek if he still lives there in the Hale House, but thankfully, Derek has given up his hobby of squatting in abandoned buildings and explains that the county has since taken over the Hale property. As it turns out, the reason why they're there is because he needs something from the house to help Isaac heal from the wounds of an Alpha. As he speaks, he pulls some bundles of purple flowers out of a displaced floorboard. The flowers look suspiciously like fresh wolfsbane flowers, tbh.

(Sidebar: Can I just thank whoever does costuming on this show for the jeans he or she picked for Tyler Hoechlin to wear? Damn, just look at this guy. Bless him, his genetics, and his ass. Do he gotta booty? HE DOOOOO.)

Anyway, what was I saying? I got a bit distracted. Oh yes, Scott tells Derek that Isaac's wounds are already healed, but Derek corrects him, "Not on the inside." Isaac :( I'm still not sure if he's talking psychological wounds or literally like, the inside of his guts or whatever, and we're never really told either way. Scott looks a little concerned when asks Derek who that Alpha at the hospital was, and you can tell Derek doesn't want Scott involved if he doesn't have to be, because he half-lies and tells him he's just from a rival pack. He thanks Scott for helping, and tells him he owes him one, but insists that it's his problem and that Scott should go back to being a normal teenager and forget about it. Scott remembers his little tattoo problem, and suggests to Derek that he knows a way he could pay him back.

Sidebar #2: Okay, so I've seen some people complain about Scott interrupting the Alpha Pack drama with his stupid tattoo desires or whatever, but I'm choosing to believe that Derek did what he could for Isaac off-screen and then decided to do Scott's tattoo because there was nothing more he could do about the Isaac/Erica/Boyd situation until Isaac woke up, anyway. As shitty of an Alpha as Derek can be, I don't think he'd just drop what he was doing if Isaac was really in danger, you know? He's not that negligent. Plus, Peter was nowhere in sight, and Derek had no idea what Isaac had just endured yet, so it's not like any of them are going to go anywhere to do some more investigating anytime soon until they know what kind of shit Isaac got into first. Plus, Scott didn't even really know the full extent of what was happening with the Alphas/Boyd/Erica until the end of this episode, anyway, so it's not like he knew what he was interrupting! So yeah, this is my story and I'm sticking to it. Headcanons make for a happy TV watcher, you guys should try it!

ANYWAY. Back at school, Lydia and Allison are at their lockers, where Lydia is ruminating on the supernatural drama that constantly plagues Beacon Hills. I'm so glad that she's in-the-know now, it's going to be so helpful to the pack! Before Allison can respond to her, MW approaches them, no longer in her hospital robe, thankfully, but is instead wearing a pair of sweats and a tshirt. She asks the girls where Scott McCall is, and seems to recognize Allison from somewhere, because she asks, "You're Allison, right?" Allison is visibly confused, and explains that Scott had to leave, but was supposed to come back afterward. When Allison doesn't know the specifics about when he'll return, MW grabs her forearm in a tight grip. Lydia literally sasses, "Ease up on the physicality, sweetheart!" but MW just grabs her forearm too and squeezes hard with all her might. The Alpha Twins turn down the end of the hall and see her with the girls, and when MW spots them, she scampers without a word.

Lydia turns around to see what spooked her, and notices the twins leaving to follow her. Daddy Argent returns from talking to a teacher or someone and grabs the girls to take them home. On the way out, they both notice that the girl left bruises on their forearms from her death-grip. Before they leave, though, Allison lets Lydia walk in front of them so she can bring up the supernatural weirdness again with her dad again, but he just reminds her that they made a deal; they can continue to live in Beacon Hills, but there will be no more werewolf/Kanima/creature of the night hunting, even though it's like their family's birthright or something that the Argents have done for centuries. He insists that its not their problem anymore, and hurries both girls out of the school so he can take them home.

Sheriff Stilinski is desperate to figure out what the fuck is going on in his town, so he stops by Dr. Deaton's office to see everyone's favorite neighborhood veterinarian/supernatural creature expert. Sheriff lists off all the various instances of bizarre/suicidal animal behavior lately, and asks for his advice. Deaton confesses that he has his own situation, actually. He first thought that some psychopath had broken into the clinic to "satisfy some kind of violent impulse," but upon further examination, realized that all the pets who were boarded there actually killed themselves. Yikes! I would share a picture but I already had nightmares of the bloody kitten paws, so spare yourselves the horror and take my word for it-- it's creepy, sad and gross.

Over at the Hale House, Stiles has joined his werewolf amigos in the same room where Isaac is still passed the fuck out. Derek is using his red-eyed werewolf-vision to examine the faint scar where Scott's tattoo used to be, and asks him what the tattoo means. Scott replies that he traces it a lot with his fingers, and traces two circles in the thick layer of dust on the table to demonstrate. He goes on to say he has always wanted to get a tattoo when he turned eighteen, but he decided to get it early as a reward for not talking to Allison all summer, even when he really wanted to.

I figured Derek would be really snarky about that, because that is totally something a dumbass teenager would do/say, but Derek actually looked pretty sad as he listened to Scott talk, which seems to indicate he has a past history of similar heartbreak. Kate, maybe? Or someone more significant? Scott asks Derek if he knows what the word "tattoo" means; Derek says nothing, so Stiles answers for him, "To mark something," and then winks at Derek. Hear that sound? That's the noise of thousands of Sterek shippers simultaneously squealing. I'm not one, but it's still pretty cute. Scott gives us all a rudimentary Polynesian linguistics lesson and is like, "That's in Tahitian, but in Samoan, it means 'open wound.'" He continues to say that even four months later, the fact that he and Allison are broken up is still like an open wound to him. I'm thinking maybe Derek is so quiet and sad because it wasn't that long ago that he was a mostly-carefree sixteen year old who was in love with an Argent woman, or maybe he was thinking about how his family's death is still like an open wound, too. Who knows.

Derek snaps out of his reverie when Scott says he's ready, and we watch as he whips out a blowtorch (and possibly the wolfsbane from earlier, according to theories floating around) to burn the tattoo into his skin. Yeeowch! Super-squeamish Stiles is fully ready to take his leave before the third-degree burns start happening, but Derek forces him to stay and hold Scott down. When he gets started, the pain of the fire makes Scott wolf-out a bit, and Derek seems to enjoy himself a little, as he always does when he's causing someone physical pain or discomfort. (Example: all the times he's thrown Stiles around, that time he screwed that medieval torture thing into Erica's head that one full-moon, and the glee he got when he was force-feeding Jackson the Kanima venom before we knew he was the Kanima)

Apparently Scott passed out from the pain at some point, because he wakes up covered in sweat, with his tattoo fully visible, minutes/hours later, as Derek and Stiles stand and stare at him. Sterek shippers everywhere wonder what they talked about while Scott was passed out, and thousands of fanfics about it are born. Literally.

We cut back to the school, where MW walks into the locker room. Has she just been wandering around all this time? She finds an abandoned broom and snaps the handle off of it to use as a makeshift weapon before she flattens her back against a row of lockers and prepares herself for whatever is coming.

Hale House. Stiles cracks that Scott's tattoo looks pretty permanent now, and Scott responds that he needs something permanent, because everything around them changes so quickly. "Everything's just so...ephemeral." Yup, there he goes again. Stiles compliments him on studying for the PSATs as the boys get ready to leave. When Scott wrenches the door open, he notices that it's painted red, but only on one side, which makes him suspicious. He asks Derek about it, but the Sourwolf acts pretty shady as he simply instructs Scott to go home. Scott (correctly) assumes that Derek is hiding something from him, because Derek is literally always hiding something from them, so he furiously uses his claws to peel off the paint, despite Derek's weak protests, revealing the Alpha Pack's symbol underneath. Scott asks what the symbol means, and Derek just sighs and rolls his eyes, like, "God fucking damnit, Scott."

Locker room. You can hear MW panting in fear a bit as she waits, while several pairs of feet slowly enter the locker room, including Kali's shoe-less, black-clawed feet. MW takes a deep breath, ditches her hiding spot, and whips around her broom handle like the badass warrior princess that she is.

Hale House. Scott is putting the pieces together; the deer (that hit Lydia's car the night before) and the birds at the school that day are acting the same way that the deer did the night he was bitten by Peter. You know, back when Peter was an Alpha, before he got dead and then haunted Lydia until she resurrected him. Finally realizing what's going on, he coldly asks, "How many are there?" Derek sighs, and confesses him there's a pack of them, which form an Alpha Pack, a fact that everyone but Scott and Stiles already knew from last season. Stiles is like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" and glares at Derek.

Locker room. MW is putting up a hell of a fight, way better than Scott's fight against Ennis, and she's fighting the entire pack at once. She is obviously well-trained, but I don't think she's actually a werewolf. She's manages to fend them all off except for Kali, who jumps into the air and roundhouse kicks MW in the face with her clawed feet. Blood splatters everywhere, and she drops her broomstick. Kali growls fiercely.

Hale House. Stiles' brain can't wrap around the concept of a pack of Alphas. Derek doesn't seem to know much about it either, or if he does, he's not spilling yet; however, he does reveal that he thinks there's some sort of leader who is named Deucalion.

Locker room. We see Deucalion wiping his bloody hands off in a handkerchief from behind him, so we don't see his face at first. He approaches MW, who is sprawled on the ground and leaning against a locker, and oh shit, he's the blind guy from the elevator earlier! Wait, he wasn't fighting, why are his hands bloody? GDI SHOW I NEED ANSWERS. He puts his sunglasses on, so we catch a glimpse of his irises, which are permanently red, but whose pupils are silver. I still don't get how he can be blind if he's a werewolf, but okay. Maybe wolf-healing has its limits? I don't know. Maybe he's not a born wolf and was blind before he was bitten? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Hale House. Derek finally gives the boys the deets, or at least the deets he knows: the Alpha Pack has had Boyd and Erica since last season's finale (almost four months ago), and Derek, Peter and Isaac have been looking for them ever since. Scott's like, "Okay, so even if we do manage to find them, how the fuck do you take on a fucking pack of Alphas?" Derek squirms and tells them that he'll need all the help they can get, which seems to indicate that while he was content to keep Scott out of it for the time being, now that things seem to be getting serious, he doesn't see much point in asking him to stay on the sidelines any longer. Derek and Scott glance at Stiles, who gives this sad and sort of hilarious look, like he's pissed but resigned to the fact that both of them are inevitably going to get involved in this mess and at least one of them will likely be hurt or killed in the process.

Isaac finally decides to join the party, having finally awakened from his drug-induced slumber. He asks them where MW is, looking all cherubic and sleepy in the golden light streaming in through the burnt-out windows. "Where is she? Where's the girl?" The boys all look at each other and then back to Isaac, and are all like "Uh, who?" Oh Gods.

Locker room. Deucalion approaches MW, with the aid of his cane, and declares her "beautiful, yet defiant." She's obviously repulsed by him, and tells him she's defiant because she knows that he is scared of "him." Deucalion scoffs at the idea of being afraid of a "teenage boy," and she says he's afraid of "the man he'll become." OH MY GOD THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT SCOTT AREN'T THEY? YESSSSSS. What is his deal?! I need to know!

Deucalion admits that he is aware of a potential threat, but that someone told him the best way to deal with threats is to have someone else do it for you. She assumes he means Derek, and I laugh, because Derek is Scott's biggest fanboy, after Stiles and Isaac, so how does he expect Derek to turn on him? Anyway, Deucalion rewards her badassery by taking a huge clawed swipe to her face, and while I'm assuming she's dead, we never see a body, so it's possible that she survived. And man, do I hope she did.

Next week, according to the promo: more psychological and physical torture for Isaac; lots of Alpha danger for Scott and probably Derek; Allison and/or the rest of Team Human stumbles into Ms. Morrell's shady business; and Stiles' gets his bones jumped by a childhood friend.

Read on for more notes, commentary and speculation about this episode and what is coming up. If you want to move onto the next episode of Teen Wolf, click here!

[screencaps are from www.screencapped.net/tv/teenwolf, gifs are from www.tylerhoechlinski.tumblr.com]

Random notes/speculation (because I haven't written enough words already):
-Love everyone's new attitudes, love Derek actually treating Scott and Stiles like equals (mostly), love the abundance of Isaac and his puppy dog eyes, love Allison and Lydia's friendship, love all of the Stilinski family feels. I love all of it, basically.

-I'm developing a theory that MW is in with Deaton and Morrell, because she knows WAY too much for not being visibly supernatural. I am wondering if maybe she isn't psychic or clairvoyant in some way. I need to know NOW what her deal is!

-I'm all for Scott becoming an Alpha, although that kind of puts a wrench in my plan/desire for Scott to be in Derek's pack. Maybe they can still be like co-alphas, where Derek has the experience and knowledge of supernatural shit, and Scott has the strategy/voice of reason? OR, maybe Derek will somehow get demoted to Beta or something? That seems unlikely, although I don't think Derek was ever meant to be an Alpha, nor does he particularly enjoy being one, so there's that, I guess.

-I'm really nervous about Deucalion's plans, because his whole "have someone else eliminate a threat for you" speech is like, word for word what Gerard said last season, and I was so hoping that Grandpa Murder had just crawled in a hole somewhere and died. Now, it seems like way too much to just be a coincidence. There's a theory on Tumblr that Deucalion was Chris Argent's friend who became a werewolf that Chris ended up having to shoot, but instead of dying, he just got blinded instead. That would be insane and amazing! Regardless, I have a feeling that Deucalion is connected to the Argents somehow and it's making me really anxious.

-Premieres are usually hit or miss, since they have to set up at least the first act of the season, if not storylines that will linger for half or all of the season, but if this episode is any indication, I am so not prepared for what's to come, especially since this season is double the episodes of the previous seasons, 24 episodes total. SO. EXCITED.

What do you think?


  1. what kind of dirt bike does scott ride?

    1. Honestly, I'm not positive-- I've tried to look it up online and have yet to find anything definitive about the make or model, but some people have said it's a KX85? I am not a car or motorcycle person, so that means nothing to me, and I'm hoping it makes more sense to you than it does to me, lol. :)

      Thanks for the comment!


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